Sup Forums

Sup Forums.
My first date ever is tomorrow. Please give me the do-s and do-nots

Other urls found in this thread:

strawpoll.me/11010653/r
youtube.com/watch?v=jEY0w7k8Kss
thepiratebay.org/torrent/11436091/Real_Social_Dynamics_(RSD)_Blueprint_Decoded_-_Tyler_[20_DVDs]
youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZYhVpdXbQ
youtube.com/watch?v=DKAusMNTNnk
youtube.com/watch?v=zBXwfmUpHOA
youtube.com/watch?v=WCSZfmbFJyQ
youtube.com/watch?v=fOG-JGtdAGI
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Do: put it in her butthole

Finger her asshole before u finger her pussy

Do's:
>suck his dick
Dont's:
>talk all day
>do anything else than sucking his dick

It's pretty easy. Look her in the eyes, ask questions about her, initiate some form of physical contact during, and don't let it end without at least trying to kiss her. Not kissing on the first date is for grandparents and children, if this is a real date and you want another one you need to kiss the girl
>SHALALALA LA LA LALALA

Do: sex on first date

Don't: watch movie and tards stuff

Just read the common charscteristics of an aspie online and try not to do anything on there.

Recognize that you can't fill every second with conversation. Awkward silences only exist because people make them awkward. Better to talk less with more thought than a constant stream of trivial bullshit.

Try to get your date to talk about themselves, and let them ask you about yourself.

Talk to them as a person, not as a date. The whole thing goes much more smoothly if you do something you're used to, such as talking to a friend. The more intimate questions don't need to swamp your date.

Also, chances are, your date is just as nervous as you are.

Best of luck.

sounds real corny on so many levels but just be yourself. she said yes for a reason. just dont act too buddy buddy

Come on cutie, Vote about It.
Is he a Spider or A Drider?

find the clitoris

I only kissed a girl once, drunk. I'm afraid I'll fuck it up.

strawpoll.me/11010653/r

...

THIS. People love to talk about themselves, it makes them actually like you more psychologically. Make sure to listen and really take an interest in what is said.

Do's:
Self confidence
If won't show any you're fucked
Dont:
Be beta

go dressed like this guy

Just fucking do it, the worst thing that happens is that you mess it up so badly you won't get another date, which will most likely happen if you /don't/ kiss. You can't win if you don't play.

The more you get her talking about herself, the more she will feel connected to you. Yeah, that makes no sense, but neither does the female psyche.

And don't be self-depricating. Be humble, but be confident.

Worse case, ask her what her big dreams for life are, like what motivates her.

True that

Alright you autistic fuck. Married man here. Here's how your first kiss should go down.

No tongue. Just get close, look her in the eyes with your face next to hers, and with your lips slightly puckered but not butt-hole puckered, plant your bottom lip between her two lips. At that point, give one simple soft kiss (slight pucker. Make sure your lips arent dry or really wet, so bring carmex and apply it 5ish minutes beforehand. Then step back, look her in the eyes again and tell her that you really like her, you want to see her again if that's ok with her, and let her go in the door.

Word.

The fuck? hyper analyzing a kiss is going to make his like 100x harder

This nigga gets it.

h-hey i want to see you again
only if youre okay with it
t-thanks

DON'T FART

If its a girl. Get drunk and flash her your cock. Then go in for a kiss but puke all over her.

If its a guy bend over and let him fuck your virgin ass.

Sameshit

>plant your bottom lip between her two lips. No tongue.

oh. thanks that sounds rather nice actually.

Do: shower beforehand
Ask questions about her
Be confident

Do not: douse yourself in cologne
Ask questions that are just a prelude to you talking about yourself
Be a cocky cock

practice it multiple times with the side of your finger until it becomes natural and easy. Go in at a 35 degree angle so you don't mash noses. Surely you can do it 100 times until it happens without thinking and you won't be completely stuck trying to remember what to do or go awkward stiff when the moment comes.

don't listen to this guy. A real gentleman would ask her how much tongue she prefers before locking lips. Repeat after me:

"On a scale of church to porno, how much tongue should I use?"

She will then politely inform you, and the kiss may proceed.

I'm under 21 but I've always fantasized about flashing the bartender and sticking my dick in the tip cup.

you're a freak.

great, now he's gonna knock her teeth out with a chin thrust. WAY TO GO user, YA BLEW IT

OP is too beta to pull this off subtitle and smooth, He's either gonna stutter saying that shit or give her a fucking headbutt while going in for the kiss

he's an eminem fan. does your rock have a nice ceiling?

Dude take my word for it.

Be confident and have a good sense of humor. Girls love that shit. Remember, if you can't respect yourself, Why should she?

Don't talk about yourself too much. Ask her questions. It would lead to more conversation. then awkward silence,

Most important lead and take charge (on subtle level). She'll love you for it and respect you. And remember the most important thing, whatever doubt and insecurity you have, so does she. Furthermore, she's going out on a date with you means she interested, So your foot is in the door.

everyone has an inner slim shady

Actually now I have it all in my mind's eye. We walk out. It's beautiful out. The birds are singing. We sit on a nearby bench, I look at her lips and she looks at me, and I lean in at a 35 degree angle and gently plant my bottom lip between her two lips.

ok but what if a homeless man asks you for change when you get to the bench?

Fuck.

Fucking straight up user. Best of luck.

Protip man
Dont overthink that shit, I used to do it and it's really unnecessary
Just fucking go with it and see how it'll work it. If you fuck up it won't be the end of the world and if it works out, Good for you

You give him 3 dollars and tell him you hope he has a good life because Bitches love confident men who are also kind.

Thanks!

ok but now it's starting to rain

And you suddenly have the urge to take a huge shit, an urge so big you cant hold it back

What's more blissfull than a kiss in the rain? youtube.com/watch?v=jEY0w7k8Kss
Though it would ruin my suede leather shoes :(

dont: ask Sup Forums for fucking dating tips are you retarded

the date's at 2 I regimentally take a shit at noon and in the evening.

Watch an hour of this OP.
Any video. It will blow your mind and crumble your reality. If you get through the whole thing your whole identity will change and you will become a pimp motherfucker in every social situation.
>Trust me

> thepiratebay.org/torrent/11436091/Real_Social_Dynamics_(RSD)_Blueprint_Decoded_-_Tyler_[20_DVDs]

DO NOT tell her you watch whatever the fuck this is

so kiss her in the rain you virgin faggot.

Good point. I'll head over to /r/askwomenadvice.

...

oh it's an afternoon date? what do you have planned?

So take the huge shit in the restaurant before you go, or you fucking stab your prostate with a pencil. Surely you can hold it in for the final 10 minutes. If you have explosive diarrhea than ask to user her toilet, and make sure you do a multi-stage flush for fucks sake because she will not kiss you if you have to ask her dad for the plunger.

Are there more of these? Where are they from?

>do: fuck her
>don't: not fuck her

I'm OP, that wasn't me.
But I just checked the forecast, it's raining at 2 tomorrow, so a kiss in the rain it is. It sounds like it'd be blissful, surreal even.
And if all else fail, I can break into song. youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZYhVpdXbQ

Art museum. lol. We both want to see a certain exhibition.

Do not show up on time. It reeks of desperation.
Do show up at least 15 minutes late. Make her need you.

Do not drive there in your car like some fat fuck American.
Ride your bicycle and make sure to wear tight fitting cycling pants so she can check out your junk.

Be an improved version of yourself. Meaning don't do most of the stupid shit you know that are your flaws unless you can poke fun at your own flaw. Again only do that once or twice as a safety net for your flaws. Be genuine otherwise the chemistry will be awkward or fake. Best advice I can give is take a shot or 2 before you go because this will loosen you up and make you more comfortable with yourself and modest CONFIDENCE IS KEY

Ask her if she likes the taste of penis, then offer her some.

You're an idiot on all accounts.

Good idea user, solid pick. That lets you talk, and it gives you something to talk about. Try to hold hands with her at some point, don't be too bashful. She'll know what you're up to, and that's ok.

Don't be this guy.

Yeah, I'm not taking that advice.

This user has no idea how real life works. What you need to do is show up early to secure a good hiding spot. Wait patiently for her to arrive and then WHAM! Throw her in a burlap sack and take her back to your love dungeon. She is yours now and you have won the date. CONFIDENCE IS KEY

Are you an idiot? You can't nab someone on a date and location that was digitally recorded to take place with you. Fucking kids these days..

Yeah, just trust your instincts. Trust the same instincts that have kept you from getting laid before, dipshit.

>follow the advice of someone who really believes it's a good idea to were tight cycling pants at an art gallery so she can check out my junk
>Follow the advice of everyone else

decisions, decisions, decisions

Good advice.
youtube.com/watch?v=DKAusMNTNnk

no it's fine, because you'll also be wearing a burlap sack. Y'know, like Scarecrow from Batman. It gives you the sense of mystery that all women crave. But then she goes in the sack like 120 pounds of sexy potatoes. Bystanders will probably applaud your romantic prowess.

>ask Sup Forums for advice
>don't be a fucking autismal retard who can't even talk to women

decisions, decisions, decisions

Are you George Costanza by any chance?
youtube.com/watch?v=zBXwfmUpHOA

my god what wit you have.

yeah right, user's first date ever? No way you're getting that sack of potatoes out of here without a forklift... Even a fucking blind autistic nigger could follow those tracks back to your mother's basement.

Well the girl should be pretty docile once in the sack, as OP will have put an apron and tea kettle in their beforehand for her to play house with. From there he can just sling her on his back like Santa Claus, or if he is too weak, roll her along the ground like a dung beetle until he's back at his warren. Then he'll release the girl and begin the mating dance. OP, you remember the mating dance right?

Also, bystanders will only be applauding because they know that the economic outlook is outstanding once she's off the grid and the taxpayers no longer have to sustain her giant whale of a fat ass with that welfare check...

why would he go dressed as antimage?

What do you mean his warren? I thought we established that OP would be doing this shit in your mother's basement, since that's where he spends all of his time anyway?

Okay, op.
After the date and she's is preparing to leave, tell her " I'm going to kiss you now" if she doesn't say no then just give her a peck. You can't possibly fuck up a small kiss. For the love of God... do not stick your tongue down her throat

(I just said that yur mother's a whore, Trebek. Ah ha ha ha ha haa.)

Don't show any want for her. And when you leave shake her hand. But be the classiest motherfucker of them all.

Do get a knife and cut your wrists fag

He said warren not warden dipshit.

it normally takes a crane to get her out

I'll take the penis mighter for 400 please

warren, burrow, lair, whatever. His stank hole. Oh that reminds me OP, since this is your first date you'll want to cover every square inch of your bedroom with tin foil. This will dazzle her senses and make her think you are a wizard or millionaire.

well played oldfag... and good night...

She's a dermatologist dude. She's into younger guys.

When on date, refer to yourself only in the third person, as "the penis master"
say things like "Oh, an italian restaurant? The Penis Master loves italian!"

Oh I guess I should put away the bondage equipment then.

Im going to bed to rest I don't want to be falling asleep while listening to her. So good night everyone and thank you for your advice it was very helpful.

That changes things a little. You're gonna want to wear a diaper and bonnet (under the burlap sack). Once you're back at your place, roughly chew on her nipples. If she resists, scream and shit yourself.

This is how I envision my first date to end.
youtube.com/watch?v=WCSZfmbFJyQ

and call yourself the penis master

Is this the mating dance I have to do?
youtube.com/watch?v=fOG-JGtdAGI