I have been contemplating suicide for over 14 years. I have tried medicines/doctors/therapy/exercise...

I have been contemplating suicide for over 14 years. I have tried medicines/doctors/therapy/exercise. I don't really care to talk about it so much as I'd like to just hear some funny/fucked up/angry/sad/epic suicide notes, fake or not. Just amuse me Sup Forums. Get creative.

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"do not cry, because now I am."

i don't get it. you can't cry if you are dead?

I think he means that trippy existential oneness with the universe

oooooh

Obligatory

don't do it
you are loved

get a girlfriend man it'll cheer you up

Why kill yourself when you can take some people out with ya, google Nitroglycerin and make some, Drive your car to a populated place and DO IT.

I wake up every 12 hours to crippling anxiety, alcohol withdrawl and depression. My liver is failing, I have poor memory and i'm only 25. go fuck off you pussy

>"Hi Mom- say this because Dad has undoubtedly ignored my body- don't freak out or anything, but I'm dead. Just keep it quiet and who knows, you might even avoid inheritance tax, love, OP"

But seriously fuck off and don't kill yourself

lol. I'm not really planning on it I just hear it all the time in my head. It's been getting quite repetitive recently. I'm just trying to confront the issue in a manner that is humorous...

"Dear Family,

By the time you read this, I will be with my lover once more. He was taken from me too soon, killed over a matter that was only trivial at best. I can't take it anymore, this world is too horrible without my sweet lover. I miss him so much, and I can't bear to live anymore without him. Know that my death wasn't all in vain though, because I will finally, finally, be reunited with my sweet, sweet, Harambe.

*Your name here*"

Ah I get your drift. Tell ya what I'll find some suicide jokes that you really couldn't post anywhere else

Dank harambe meme is dank

I told you that I was depressed!

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

yessssss. more of this....it lets me escape my head. thank you bros

>web.archive.org/web/20141010213832/http://www.suicidenote.info/ebook/suicide_note.pdf#pagemode=bookmarks&page=1

By far, my favorite chapter title is "The Seditious Genius of the Spiritual Penis of Jesus."

I didn't leave a note but tried to hang myself on a bridge but the rope would chasten the fall. First thing that came to mind inside the ambulance was: "I can donate blood when I get to the hospital."

There are two ways to deal with any suffering. You can laugh about it, or you can cry about it. Just don't let the people crying about it hear you laughing about it.

August 24, 2016

Dear Fellow Pawns;

Since November 1st, 1993 I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 8332 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day.

Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness. Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 827 limited times in the last 22 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, congratulations, you win. McDonald's 1, Jeff 0. You have killed my will, spirit and soul; now my body will follow.

Luckily, I will be going to a better place. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of fry cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U.

Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.

Sincerely,

Jeff

P.S. Tell the insurance company I was killed by 2 black men. They'll buy that with no further questions.

...

To my first love:

dude, i want to fucking strangle you. this shit is so annoying. what the fuck are we even arguing about? im drunk, im watching parks and rec, and monitoring ops jackassery. get the fuck off my case

You're a cheery sort. What's your blood type?

There are two ways to deal with any suffering. You can laugh about it, or you can cry about it. Just don't let the people crying about it hear you laughing about it.

fucking lol

I'm quite proud to have witnessed the creation of this copypasta

Dearest, I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that–everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.

Whoops wrong copy

man i sometimes wish my brother would have left a note as a final fuck you
oh well

In 1954 Doyle, a 49-year-old chap decided to end it by lobbing himself off the Golden Gate Bridge. What was his reason? — Toothache. Well, it was a bit more serious than that, it was trigeminal neuralgia, also lovingly called “suicide disease”. This disorder gives intense pain from even very small movements of the face. If your face felt like it was constantly burning you might consider the easy option too. His note read…

>Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache.

Bad luck user, care to talk about it?

I'm sorry for your loss.

What the fuck dude, i want to fucking strangle you. this shit is so annoying. what the fuck are we even arguing about? im drunk, im watching parks and rec, and monitoring ops jackassery. get the fuck off my case

Every word, every thought, and every emotion come back to one core problem: life is meaningless. The experiment in nihilism is to seek out and expose every illusion and every myth, wherever it may lead, no matter what, even if it kills us.

Topkek

nigga, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow


...did it feel like a fuck you?

I'd find a new hobby if I were you dude. 14 years without a single success means you should probably try new things. Death just doesn't suit you

meh- ive been writing musaks and shit to try and deal.

gorram i hate that phrase.

Deeper than the slits in my...uh...wrists? Can I say that here?

>14 years without a single success
OP here. I didn't say this...but maybe you're right...oh fuck I think you're right. fuck
>Death just doesn't suit you
given my rate of success i question being able to pull off suicide...fuck fuck fuck

and its shit like this that fucks with me man.
like- seeing him in dreams.
and yeah, there was definitely a moment in my imagination where he flipped off everyone at his funeral from in the coffin

Pinned to a teenage boy who hung himself behind a Christmas tree:

>Merry Christmas

"0/10 would not live again"

>contemplating for 14 years
You really aren't much of a decision maker, are you honey? Bet you're terrible at committing, ha ha, get it?

Seriously though, hope you've enjoyed all the attention in the past decade and a half. Keep trolling the normalfags ;)

"Did it work?"

I really don't think you can comprehend another persons mind. I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of dying. Heroin seems like a pleasant method to leave...

dont do it op she loves u just talk to her u dont want to do it to her suicide is the most selfish thing ever she wants u to fuck her everyday for ever 5 times a day and impress her family and friends u dont want to give up ur precious life op ur mom paid a lot for you you need to value urlife and build up good karma and credit and do good things and learn learn leanr all you can and be a good person and man and help epople and be faithfl and honest and spiritual and smart and kind

my mom wants me to fuck her everyday for ever 5 times a day?
>goodbye cruel Sup Forums

Right we get that OP is into her and everything but 5 times a day?
I don't even jerk off that much

"I'm gonna make Columbine look like a fucking joke."

Time to derail this gay thread...

oh shit nigga

D-rail? rail the D? into what?

post more suicide notes you fucking faggots

...

Holy shit. Moar.

no hes not

it's true

That's a weird suicide note...

i didn't mean to fuck with you, I'm the failed suicide in her. It's what I felt when I left. Didn't think too much about just others.
Just this: Gotta wake up.

don`t do it.

I like this one :)