Story time

Story time

>Be me.
>18yo. White. Puffy blond hair. 158lb/72kg. 6 foot.
>Mom fucks off to Chicago because manic depression.
>Says she'll be there for 2 weeks.
>Go job searching while she's gone. Internet and water cut off in the process.
>Been like a week now.
>Go to a local pizza joint for their wifi, so I can message mom about getting a job.
>Sitting in a booth by my self, plug in headphones and start listening to 21st century schizoid man, live at Province edition.
>Visibly jamming out and air guitaring. (I hadn't listened to music all week)
>Song ends and I pull out my copy of 'The Politics of Aristotle'.
>Out of nowhere a black gurl appears.

Hey, can a I sit here?
>S-sure thing amigo-hombre-compadre.

Cont?

Of you're going to act a bitch why don't you just fuck off already

sure

No. Your done.

I'll take that as a yes.

>Visibly nervous cuz virgin.
>She's staring at me and won't stop, so I start striking up conversation to relieve the awkwardness.
>She's not bad looking in the slightest. Yoga pants. Belly dancer top. Weeby as fuck. Ass 4 days. 5'9".
>Makes talking a bit easier.
>Offers me some of her Mimosa.
>Never drank before. Take a sip. Tastes nice. Take a gulp.
>She buys me 2 more.
>Visibly tipsy.

Hey.
>Yeah*~
Shut up and kiss me.
>H'okay*~

When'd you lose your virginity?
>Nnnever bcuz I never loses*~

>Eventually takes me under a bridge somewhere to fug.
>Didn't even get to cum.
>She said muh dick was big tho so eh. Less insecure now I guess.
>Vcard:lost. Feeling:Confused and Uneasy.
>Take/Bike with that bitch back home.
>Week of fugging.
>Confused because I've never even been a relationship with a gurl before, she's telling me how great I am, and I still haven't cum yet.
>Thoughts of "Am I gay" and "Is she going to rob me"

Cont?

You should be euthanized immediately. No one can even suspend disbelief for this.

Btw, you're "straight letter" is you af.

Sure

Cont

Another 'yes' it is then.

>Get word of mom coming back and she leaves.
>That was nice, I guess. Wish we had a bit more in common. Ah well. One week stand is better than a one night stand, I guess.
>She comes back to my house in like 3 days.
>VisiblyConfused.png
>Long story short is fug for about a month with on and off random visits.
>Finally cum. Apparently had Death Grips syndrome. (Kinda funny, considering I'd introduced here to 'Get got' that same month.)
>Relationship starts to go downhill because she doesn't get why I act different and don't show her as much attention when my guy friends are around.
>She walks out on me once.
>Always stood by the Bros before Hoes mentality. I deal.

>She comes back a week later just after I fully got over it.
>Long story short I think it was somehow my fault and try yo make it up to her.
>She's been feeding me sob stories about how she lives with her sister and how she hates her and horrible person yadda yadda.
>Bite the b8

>You can totes sleep over any time you want
Thanks~

Cont? Eventually cops show up.

Retard

OP bin fukin a child

Are you autistic?

cuntinue i guess

Nice trips, faggot.

I was just gonna call the dude a toy. But the fact you point out his straight letter is whack is even better

I say this as seriously as is possible on Sup Forums but are you genuinely retarded? I haven't seen grammar or humor as horrible as this in decades.

cont for fuck sake

Another 'Yes' from the peanut gallery.

>Starting to wish it had just been a one time thing.
>She gets less interesting and more bland the longer time I spend with her.
>Tells me how hard her life is while also pulling in over $500 a week from being a masseuse. I get that every 4 weeks MAYBE.
>Starts getting weird.
>Starts saying we should date.
>Already have trouble with paranoia. Thank God I did. I might have fallen for the trap.
>Tell her 'No.' multiple times. Reiterate multiple times she's just staying here until she can afford a down payment on an apartment. She spends all her money on shit weed, shit clothes, and shit 40's.
>Pretty fed up at this point.

>She invites me to some sort of internet cat fest thing.
>Cringe at how beta and normie it is.
>Say no at first, eventually pressured into going.
>Go. Take a taxi. Arrive.
>I'm carrying her marvel school bag full of her shit, and just trying to not slump back into how depressing the whole idea of this thing is.
>She gets SUPER bitchy all of a sudden. Like, she'd never said anything NEAR this.

Why didn't you hold my hand?
Don't you realize how IMPORTANT I am to you?
I'm better than your friends. I'm not even your friend and I'm better than them.
>At this point my ship has sailed. My love and my lady is the sea of good food and good friends.

I'm tired of buying all your shit.

>I've never asked her to buy me anything, and anytime she's offered I'd refuse at least 20 times.
>Hand her the bag and start walking home.
>Borrow someone's phone and get a ride home from Mom.

Cont? Cops next text box.

cont and hurry up about it you retarded shitbag of an autist

cont, ive got shit to do

bumpo

this is actually a good story, continue please

Bump

Bumpin for nudes

hurry the fuck up u cuck

bump

Faster Fatboy! Faster!

Bunp

There better be nudes with the next post with how long you're taking

RIP OP, lets just hope the eugenisists got to him before he produced any spawn

K

>Get home.
>Hit up a friend (Let's call him Izzy)

>Remember I helped you get over that French cunt by burning some of her paintings?
Yeah
>Help me get over this black cunt.

>Have all her shit out on the lawn before Izzy shows up.
>He sits there with me and we have a therapy session. We compliment each others deficiencies.
>Talk about ordering a pizza and watching "The Last Unicorn" on VHS.
>Enter stage left, Loose Cunt.
>She walks right by her stuff.

>Where do you think you're going?
Huh?

>Point at her stuff.
>It's like she forgot she had no other place to go before she talked all that shit to me.
>Start yelling at her to leave.
B-but wait, user, listen, I, wait-
>Refuse. Yell louder. Include explicatives.
>Threaten to call the cops for some homeless lady standing on my lawn.
WAIT
>Tell Izzy to call the PoPo. He punches in the number and hands me the phone.
>I show her the screen.
>She wont leave.
>Lead her off the property to the end of the driveway. Don't feel like calling the cops because the only other times I've delt with them were negative.
>She forces her way back to the porch, past Izzy (He's like 120lb and you can see his ribcage. Irish/Jewish mix.), and into the house.
>Starts breaking shit.
>Throw her (I've taken Judo. I know how to throw someone without hurting them)
>Scream literally as loud as I can ( Trombone lungs. 7 years, baby.)

>GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

>She starts sniffling and walking to the door
>PLOT TWIST. She says

You know what, no!

>and starts back into my house.
>I black out
>When I wake up Izzy is handing me the phone with the cops on the other end, and I'm standing in my house with a bat.

>No signs of bitch.
>Start having a breakdown. Blackouts scare me because they usually mean I did something. Only ever had 3 before.
>Tell the operator everything. Start making parts up because I didn't remember what had just happened.
>Tell her I had just defended my property, and that I'm not violent, I have a bat,I hit someone. etc.
>Go outside when the cops show up and set down the bat.
>Apparently I hit her 3 times in the leg, and admitted to it on the phone with police.
>Turns out you don't have a right to protect your property,even though I know I would only pull out a bat if someone was coming at me, but since I blacked out, couldn't remember her attacking me.
>I later found an abrasion on my arm that looked like it was from her scratching at me.
>I'm arrested for admitting to Domestic Abuse (despite her not actually living there) and Assault and Battery with a Dangerous Weapon.
>She's let go because no evidence her actually doing anything.
>I spend a week in a 9x6 cell, in one pair of clothes (no underoos) with 2 other guys sleeping on the floor with my face next to a pile of trash and dirty underoos with no shower or phone call. Also, food came whenever the fuck it felt like. Also, 24 hour lockdown because my county jail is one of the worst in the whole USA. Also, severe depression and thoughts of hanging myself with my blanket. Also, I look Irish and like a Nazi so both gangs almost tried to stab me at one point.
>On the upside, I got to practice my German AND my Irish.
>Oh, and now I'm out on bond and haven't even been able to plea innocent yet.
>And also turns out my judge was kicked out of Kansas for having a severe gender bias.

Weeeee

his black girlfriend showed up with her black bbc boyrfriend and hes now being cucked by jaqwan and joleisha any minute now hes going to post in a cuck thread about his time sucking the bbc jizz out of her big black pussy.

If someone could screen cap this for me, I'd appreciate it.

sounds like you "blacked out" alright
serves you right for fucking a nigger

SHIT, I STAYED UP TILL DAWN FOR THIS!

See the Subject of this entire thread.

Großmutter Westfall always told me not to mess with them colored folk

Where do you think we are.png

Keep posting the comic

That's all I have. All I know is the normal guy is Tony Stark.

Yeah, but i cant find more than those 5 pintures