Feels thread, check the first reply

Feels thread, check the first reply

Okay guys, I don't know what do to, I don't want to be here anymore, I just want out. I want to be dead, but I can't bring myself to do it because I've got people who still care and say that they'd honestly do it if I do it, and I don't want blood on my hands, I feel trapped /b, what do I do? Also general feels thread

I am in the same spot user. Thinking I may as well just do it. Life for everyone will continue whether my existence is present or not.

Maybe you're right, but could you deal with it if you knew 1-3 people would die with you?

...

31/m here, recently broke up with my bf and I've been feeling very alone since. I'm up for a chat so tell me your story.

I wouldn't know where to start, it could go back to the start of highschool honestly, but long story short I've been suicidal for a very long time, but lately literally everything has fallen apart around me, my friends all abandoned me for unknown reasons, all the people I talk to online stopped responding, and I haven't been able to talk to my best friend in 4 months because his internet's been out and his phone's broken, so I've just felt like I've lost so many people, along with the will to live. I've got a story that starts from a few months back though

...

>be me, haven't spoken to best (and pretty much only) friend in over a month so I go on Omegle to meet new people
>Meet a lot of creeps, weirdos, 30 year old men who are just horny, but then after a few hours I met a girl, and she was amazing, funny, kind, she cared, she was everything I could of asked for
>talk for a few days and I start to really like her, but she's the only real friend I made, so I go back on to find more people
>same thing happens again, few hours of shit, and I meet another girl, and so by this point I'm stuck stringing two girls along and I have to make a choice
>choose girl 2, thinking I'd made the right choice, she just seemed like more of a person to me, more alive and vibrant
>have to break it to girl 1, she's super hurt, we drift apart for a bit
>fast forward a few weeks, things are still good with the girl, but I message the old girl because I miss her as a friend
>start talking to girl 1 again, immediately we're flirting and it gets out of hand
>have to put a stop to it again because I don't want to fuck things up with girl 2
>she gets hurt again, understandable since I seemed to have lead her on
Will continue story

>what do I do?
Depression comes and go bro. If you have people who honestly care about you other then your mom you probably aren't in that bad position

>fast forward a few more weeks
>message old girl again, I once again miss her as a friend
>She's got a new guy, she still likes me but is trying to move on
>we start flirting all over again, I tell her things aren't going too well with girl 2 (which they aren't at this point because she turned out to be a bipolar bitch)
>tell her I plan to break up wit her at some point soon
>can't tell if it makes her happy or not
>we fall out of touch again for a few more weeks
>message her again, looking for advice on breaking up with gf, she gives it to me, helps me through it over the next day and then we don't talk again for about a month
>Message her again, at this point I realize how much of a mistake I'd made when I made my choice
will continue

Damn, that must of been kinda traumatizing for ya, you still never gotten back to him?

>At this point she has completely moved on
>I start freaking out, wanting to bash my head against a wall for being so stupid
>trytostaycalm.jpg
>Engage in casual conversation
>She starts talking about this new guy she knows
>ohfucknothiscantbegood.webm
>Turns out she really likes him, more than she's ever had feelings for anyone
>Start to almost laugh from how fucking stupid I had been
>It's been 5 months since then and they're only even more crazy for each other, I don't know what to do, jealousy is the only emotion I've felt for the past 4 years, I really feel dead inside

I'm a 28 year old virgin NEET and I've just been diagnosed with depression and Avoidant Personality disorder.

The paralyzing fear of rejection and criticism have prevented me from having a life and I know I'm just a massive drain on my family. I really do want to kill myself to make things better for everyone.

Can you think of anyone at all who'd actually miss you? Do you think you'll ever get better?

The sad moment when you bump your own thread

Obviously my family cares for me to have supported me for this long, but I still think it would be better to off myself in the long run.

They'd be sad for a while, but probably relieved in the end.

its a vicious road we are on honestly if it wasn't for my family and my christian upbrining I would done a hero years ago. All I can recommend is that you keep on trucking some days its bad real bad and on those days you eat some ice cream

I know I'm the one who started of saying I want to kill myself, and that I should take my own advice, but if they care then you should stick it out for them, although that's what I'm doing, and I feel trapped

let me post a few more

You sir are a hero, that short little message you wrote actually put a smile on my face, I don't have ice cream, but I'll be back with cheesecake

...

...

It sucks when you're in that universe but you're just too late

Suicide has some times been a nice thought for me, too.

I have friends that I met on-line that I miss, too. They just drift away (Victor, the guy I was going to meet in Spain, just disapeared. That hurt a bit).

You have your user friends in the bawww threads like this so you aren't completely alone. And I don't mind if you lean on me, at least for a little while.

If your friend can't get on-line, could you drive over to his place or is it much to far.

freind let me tell you a story of mine

...

It's about a good 900 miles, and thanks, I've always come to feels threads to feel accepted, like some gets me, to have a good cry, it's always the thing that works the best for me. It's really beautiful that no matter how much child porn, murder, and sex is on this website, we're still here for each other when we need it

...

I went to a small Christian school during the 11th grade a new girl came to the school and she was pretty tall, perfect skin, long brown hair, and she was quiet in a nice shy way

I loved her, but I was fat and never confessed she was only there for that one year, but she made an impression on me.

...

We drifted apart and 2 years later I began to think about her more and more and more

I was becoming near obsessive about her and I couldn't find her on facebook

Here, (1/2) of a great screencap. It was so heartwarming to read...

Oh boy, hold on, let me get my ticket for the feels train

And, part two. I wish I had a caring loli best friend too...

so I txted a friend about asking about her and then he told me what happened to her

I'm in MN, north of the twin cities. I have an user I'm meeting for coffee and cards on Tuesday (I'm kind of excited). I'd hang out with you, I think; maybe going out would be good for us.

I hope he's cute so I can get my mind off my ex. It's the first time I've been terrified about being alone; even if it's just a short term infatuation, I think it would be helpful. And so you're not confused: are you cute?

There's actually this German that I think would be fun to hang with & I might go to Europe, if I can find to hang out with along my way, next summer. I wish he was on-line more.

Poor guy.

She had gotten married to an air force cadet and had 2 kids and then it dawned thats why I couldn't find her on Facebook it was because she changed her last name and I broke I broke hard

...

Fuck... The end of the opening picture's story made me cry. I hope he was able to find some kind of happiness.

There's two ways you can deal with it, you'll be dead so it won't matter, or you can slowly push them away lose all contact and just go do it if you push someone away long enough things become awkward and people want to give up on it

Pushing them away sounds like the better plan, I just need to figure out how without hurting them too much in the process

I remember holding my shotgun in my hands with a box of shells next to me I was angry not at her but at me angry I let her go, that I was so fat, that I became so obsessive about her getting my hopes so high. It was only due to my family and my upbringing that I still breathe and I make a note that whenever I pray I pray that her family is happy.

user you may never get the girl or any girl, but at the very least you can be happy that she is happy.

The whole thing is going to hurt, you can either be cold hearted or just do it slowly where they won't really notice

Oh god, I'm so sorry bud, I can only imagine what that must be like, the soul crushing feeling it must of been, how long ago did all this happen?

Slowly sounds best, if I'm dead at then end of it it doesn't matter how much it hurts I suppose

I get what you're saying user, and I am happy that the girl I lost is happy, happier than she would of been with me for sure, but I know that I'm not a big part of her life, so I can't find all the happiness I need in her happiness

I'm kinda in the same boat dude, suicide isn't the answer but shit happens I get that, but try talking to them about at first ask for help don't just give up right away. You got this user! :)

3 years since then and I still pray to God for them

>Be me, 18, senior year
>love a girl who is a junior
>she's my best friend
>slowly drift apart during summer after she breaks up w/ trans boyfriend
>she knows well that I love her a lot
>barely talk to her
>Every time I see her, I feel like she has a look of disgust on her face as she leaves the school, which is the only time I see her
>probably just anxiety
>feels bad man
>look to people for support, to build confidence
>plenty of people support me in my endeavor
>"go for it user! I've known (grill) for such a long time, and you are literally the best possible thing"
>one single person is very against me tho
>tbh this is all I want to do with her
>hang out sometimes
>watch the clouds on a windy, cloudy day while listening to Echoes by Pink Floyd (especially the funky groovy part in the middle), possibly with flowers in our hair
>listen to cool music
>play vidya together
>hug her sometimes
>maybe kiss her? i dunno
>Tell her I love her
>Hear the words "I love you"
No anons, I don't want to have sex with her, honestly. I literally just want love. If she asked, would I say no? Possibly.
Her voice is so soothing.
Her hair is so wavy and brown.
Her face is cute and her glasses help with that too.
She's so damn short.
She's great.
Honestly, If she said she loved me as a friend, I would love that.

You over her yet? You ever manage to find a new girl for yourself?

Truth is if you off yourself, that's about the most selfish thing you could ever do. Then the ppl who love you most have to cleanup your sorry mess. I love you all.

This. don't kill yourself, anons.

I know user, that's what I've always told people whenever they're close, that if they're do it then they're selfish bastards, I'm just truly running out of things to live for, that's why I want to push people away first

...

Yo ice cream man, you still here?

Are you me? My best friend failed, and is stuck as a junior. That's the only similarity, though. She thinks I'm disgusted by what she does.
Her life's a wreck, and she feels bad about everything she does. I'm trying to get her to change, and I want to support her in studies and such. I even confessed to her earlier this week, to get it off my back. She just felt guilty at not realizing it sooner, since she had a few boyfriends who used her and flaunted it, and thought that was painful to me. I kept it under wraps for the longest time.

yes no sorta it still hurts a bit I shant lie no grill depression lately been bad lately and I have come to accept that I will never have good grill. The Bible has stated that this is preferable to marriage, but it never said this road is without tears.

Find a reason to live I do every day. I make myself get up and spit at death and tell him fuck you bitch not today!

I get that buddy, I still miss my first ever gf, was only 13 at the time, she broke my heart, first thing that ever really made me numb inside

I had that mentality for a long time, wish I could find it again

keep on trucking user

I love you, user. I feel you.

Damn I think I finally found my ppl here. I want to live, and refuse to die. My mom's is sick and I'm her only caregiver. It sucks, but I won't quit voluntarily.

...

I feel like we're a special kind of feels thread, y'know?

>1488

fuck

First time poster here. Haven't even figured out how to quote or nothing. I hate my life but I know I can damn well change it for the better. And so can yall.

I'd like to think that's true, and maybe it will be someday, I'm gonna try to stick it out, at least for a month or two. This is my first thread, never expected it to go so well, gonna be sad when it 404s, I wonder how big it is now

To quote
Click on the post number

The saddest parts about these threads is when they 404. A giant cry for help, then the screams vanish in an instant and they scatter.

Why, though? I don't deserve anything. Everything I do just makes her feel guiltier, yet she's my best friend. I don't know if I'm capable of helping her, and if I fail, she'll be crushed. I feel like I put her in a worse situation by letting her know me.

The song "Candour" by Neck deep always fucking gets me.
I'd check the lyrics first because I know the band's sound my not appeal to everyone.

Boy, if you've got that girl, or anyone, and you're their rock, you stay there for them, you got it? They need you, even if they don't say it every day

OK I'm a try this. I hope you find a reason. Anything. Adopt a stray, I did. That dog helped me more than anything.

I'll take a listen now

Used to fuck hard with neck deep that song got to me. As well as Navy Blue by the story so far.

Sup Forumsros, is it even worth trying anymore? Today, my mother told me she can't stand to be near me. My own mother. She kicked my dad out of the house and won't ever let me see him and he was always and has always been my favorite parent. What could I have done to deserve this? I'm going into high school, it should be a fresh start and the beginning of some great years for me.. Instead of drinking with friends, my nights are spent in these threads. Help me, Sup Forums. I don't know how to go on like this.
Is it even worth trying?
>Pic related

This.
You're good, user. We're good. The future's uncertain and the end is always near. Let it roll, baby, roll.

>going into highschool
You sound like a youngfag, but sorry mate, that sucks.

just some stupid story i need to spill out. probably need some toughts

>ever since i was a kid people acted like I am the class clown
>never thought much of it really, just always acting like nothing matters, never thinking of important matters in depth
>it made me look like the cool guy in school, and it encouraged me to keep acting like this
>even had some false rumors about me smoking weed with a girl at school
>used to be very popular with girls since I have a baby face and because I hang out with girls all the time
>then my parents broke up, dad moved, I changed school 3-4times
>mother jumped from guy to guy, father never got any other girlfriend
>never thought much of it back then, but my mind was starting to get fucked up
>I now realize that I never actually cared about anything that is important in my life
>I now realize that my father probably felt guilty, he saw the difference it did to me, and I didn't
>I just recently realized about all this
>I use to keep acting like nothing mattered to me, as if I had no emotions, telling myself I'm having a punk ideology, which is normal
>actually still had a pretty decent kid life, even tough it was senseless
>I went out with almost all the girls in primary school, even tough I wasn't trying to figure out what was happening
>In my mind girlfriends were trophies, to show the other guys I was desirable.
>I heard later the girls were just doing a competition to go out with the most guys
>I used to think everything was so easy, very good at school without studying, getting girls, there's really no reason to care about anything
>spent almost all of my nights playing hockey outside aimlessly, empty-minded
>started highshcool
>still the school clown but with bad acne now (not much red dots, more like black dots and oily skin)

sry slow start... cont?

Of course, we're always happy to here more

Why do I continue guys?

I grew up with abuse but I could handle it.

I still had skills. I was good at catering, culinary, and other things. I could get money easily.

By now I should live alone and have a job, be halfway through college.
But on the way to an interview,
For my first job that wasn't off the cuff (I usually did catering, which net $40 or so an hour), my abusive mother let me know my green card was invalid. I couldn't work legally, yet I was a legal resident.

I had no money because it all "disappeared."

For context, I moved here to the US from the UK, at just over a year old, because my mothers ex husband (I don't know if he or the guy I live with is my father), beat her and tried to force her to get me aborted. So she moved here illegally, and I was illegal until I was 8-9. She always blamed her issues on me. Her smoking, everything. My "father", the one I live with, always gave me shit for not being normal, or having all A's in school and being good at sports like he was.

The fact I have a few physical issues due to having a shitty family, and her substance use when pregnant. (Mainly my sternum is fucked and I'm blind in my left eye.)

But I had a chance


Now? I've been here about a year. The catd replacement would be $450. I had nearly enough until he smashed my tv, and took the few hundred i had gotten. Now I sit here. I'm now out of shape, very underweight. I can't get out of bed most days. I wake up, feed their animals, clean their home and go back into bed. And sleep.

I don't have any drive anymore

And I simply haven't offed myself because I can't get the motivation to get out of bed

I have a partner but he basically cucks me, taking me to dinner occasionally when family will allow, and talking about other guys or bringing one he has been infatuated with with us and third wheeling me


Why can't I just stop being a pussy and off myself

Ha, nice digits, I like that artist. And, I know I help her, but I don't know if what I do is enough to cover that. I have a bad habit of talking a lot, even if it's by myself, and when she can't respond and it piles up, she basically grovels. I can't handle that kind of response, I just can't. I shrink away from compliments, and everything.

I am a youngfag, I'll admit that, but I'm no newfag, trust me. Been here for a while.
I've never talked about this to anyone but people on Sup Forums.
There was a girl I have been talking to for about a month. She told me she's depressed and shit so I told her a little about my situation and she ended up being a cunt.
I used to drink before my brother went off to college but now since we have no reason to have liquor I can't get drunk to forget about everything.
I'm fat as fuck, really awkward and don't get enjoyment out of shit I used to love (writing, vidya, reading)
I don't even know if it's worth living this fucking live anymore, ja feel me, Sup Forumsro?
>Pic related

It sounds to me like this girl is the little sister you never had, which means that she's family to you, even if you don't admit it to yourself, so you have to stick it out and be there for her, trust me

>tfw my mother pretends things are fine when they aren't
>tries to defuse house hold arguments without actually addressing any issues
>pretends we are a unit and love and care for each other
>will ignore or hurt us when we damage such a fantasy
>"is it hard for you to see I want my family happy and loving?"
>tell her she's neglecting me for a fantasy that doesn't exist
>"I can still dream"
>ignoring the damages and pretends their not there
>Doesn't actually care about me
>just cares about having a happy loving family on the surface and doesn't care that were all destroying each other
>she really doesn't care about us and wants all the satisfaction of having a loving caring family but doesn't care about my feelings
>try to confront her and she gives up and walks away

>everyone was telling me it's ok, that it's gonna leave by itself when I grow up so I never cared about it and never done anything about it
>now I kind of feel bad that my friends and family never tried to help me with my acne problems, since now the scars will stay forever
>everybody was saying I'm doing drugs all the time but I wasn't
>everybody was saying i looked confused or high, looked down on me, laughed at me (just kidding tough)
>fuck it, I'll just do drugs then, since that’s what everybody expects me to do
>I really start getting confused about all my relationships, always high as fuck on strong weed
>I could have gone out with plenty of girls but I was too stupid and insecure to act
>used to jerk off with male friends so I'm a bit confused about my sexuality
>start feeling very unmanly, not virile at all but people are expecting me to act like the cool punk guy who doesn’t afraid of anything so I keep fulfilling my role
>started to feel depressed so I failed at school and had to start a year over, even tough I was pretty smart and in advanced class
>fuck that society shit I'm gonna do some hardcore drugs instead
>start tripping randomly with new friends for 2 years, leaving behind all my past friends
>got tired of the friends I was tripping with, so I left them behind too, finished high school and studied to become a welder
>when I started college, I understood it was way harder to fulfill my role with adults around. Was not fooling anyone.
>I felt like everyone knew I was not the tough guy I pretended to be.
>some false rumors again about me smoking weed before class made the professor despise me
>ended up not getting my diploma and feeling too depressed to finish it, still have to pay the huge debt tough

Caleb?

>mfw the only people that will ever care about me in any capacity are strangers on the internet

Also, It's okay mate. It's alright. But, how young?
Goddamn. Are you 15 or something?

See

Doesn't mean we aren't all still there for you

that's what made me realize it. at least i have something, right?

>fast forward to today, I'm 23yrs old, still got acne, even worst
>a bit more muscles but I feel like my acned baby face makes me looks fucking creepy now
>not a virgin thought, went out with like 2-3 girls for 1-3 months
>sex was bad, always awkward, didn't feel like i was satisfying the girls, felt unmanly
>smoke weed everyday, almost as soon as I'm up. hard drugs occasionally(never got hooked), trying to get out of this reality.
>used to have that one best friend who used to be just like me, some fucking clown
>people calling us cheech and chong, laughing loudly
>now his new friends don't like me and tell him I'm probably gay, useless and miserable
>I can see how he's looking at me, disgusted, my best friend. He doesn't talk to me anymore
>I used to think it was cool being the stoned idiot, but now having random shitbags laugh at my miserable life is driving me crazy
>been working in a metal shop as welder for 5 years now
>still fulfilling the careless punk role, starting to feel depressed but meh weed makes me happy
>no one respects me, even tough i do some of the best welds, everybody looks down on me
>I'm never serious about anything and people think it's because I'm high
>I feel like they're making fun of my mental illness, of my mental weakness
>been too depressed to complete my driver license so i never got it and I have to go to work on foot most of the time
>for 5 years now every time I arrive at job on foot people pity me
>and just like before, everybody assumes right off the bat that I'm a no good retarded drug addict even thought I'm trying real hard to act professional, do a decent job and never get high on job
>all of my friends dropped me, probably because of my dirty ass face, or maybe because I'm so unmanly and pitiful
>it seems like no one notices I'm severely depressed, not even my parents. no one ever talked to me about depression.

not much mental abuse from others .. only myself fucking myself up with my blind stupidity

cont?

SeriousIfly? This one user I know is a hardcore junkie who struggles like fuck to pay the rent even though he splits it with his qt3.14 gf who works her ass off all day to. Can't even afford to buy her a ring and marry her. Was late to work because he had to pick up before work today because he didn't have enough for tmrw because he did too much yesterday and has to work early tmrw morning. It was rough for me as a little kid too when my rents split. It will be OK user just man up don't quit