Hey Sup Forums. Feeling rather depressed tonight.. could we get a feels thread going?

Hey Sup Forums. Feeling rather depressed tonight.. could we get a feels thread going?

im on morphine

I'm on hydrocodone

Im on my bed.

u better check dem feelings bwoi

Just found out my friend died last night, feel like shit

...

I was raped several times by a neighbor when I was younger.

My friends, why don't we just commit mass suicide and film it in HD? It think it would give a decent meaning to our deaths.

sounds gucci

The walls of my room are Red, Green and Blue
I couldn’t decide when they asked me so I got them all
The ceiling is brilliantly white
Video game characters form like constellations upon its roughness
The carpet is white and a two-toned blue rug is stamped into the middle of the room
Above, a light-fan unit hangs
A frosted glass shell encases the lightbulb
Softening the glow
A few worn clothes are strewn about
My bed lies parallel to a window that takes all my strength to open
When they put me to bed I can’t ever sleep
If I don’t play battle arena with my plush toys
I like to open the blinds and gaze into the starry sky
Every night an orange light struggles through a fog
It seems like the dark mountain is being set ablaze
Lights twinkle on the mountain and I try to look closer
I giggle into my blanky when I realize I’m watching someone watch tv
With a huge grin, lay down in my bed made with fresh sheets and fall asleep

Wake up on my bed with a fuzzy blanket draped over my legs
The fitted sheet is peeling off a corner from repeated use
A headboard and drawn shades block the Sun’s rays from coming through the window
I turn over and glance at the ceiling
Marred by a brown rectangular stain
A poster was there a few years ago
Getting out of bed I step on a mass of clothing and bedding
Another step takes me over a pile of take-out garbage
Stacks of chew tins litter every surface
The scent of wintergreen is offensive and thick like spoiled milk
I don’t even notice the fading of the red wall’s color above me
The other walls have long since been painted over
Tan-beige, blends with the ceiling
I didn’t care to pick a color so they picked for me
Accolades of minor achievement are proudly huddled behind miscellaneous junk
The frosted glass casing has been lost for years
Harsh shadows are cast in all directions

>cont

On the dark mountain
A dying light struggles through a fog
Sitting alone at the peak
Yearning to clear that fog
But unable to do so
That fading light reflects back towards the source
Blinding all else from view
Lonely and discouraged
Fog swarms that light
Until condensation drips to the ground

What's on your mind user?

Suicide i pressume

What lies in the future. Might have to drop out of school. A bunch of shit really, but I'm high as fuck on hydrocodone right now so I'm sorry if my responses are rather delayed. Ask me anything really.

And why is that?

No he and two other people were in a car the driver was aparently drunk, they hit a tree, my friend was the only one who died

I'm just going to go to sleep and forget who I am for the next 8 hours.

I hate that I require regular contact with humans to maintain a healthy state of mind.

Well, I'll try and explain. Don't really know where to begin.

Take your time and start as far back as possible
That sucks man, how are you coping with it?

Alright Sup Forums.. Old thread died.

>Be freshie in highschool
>Never be that social, not many friends
>always wear hoodie, not talk much
>be walking around campus during lunch with a few friends one day
>see 8.5/10, medium blonde hair, wearing anime shirts constantly, almost a weeb but to the cute point
>her friend recognizes me, points me out and walks up to me
>cute girl walks up to me with group, her face turns bright red as she gently grabs the strings of my hoodie
>holyshit.jpg
>completely freeze and almost spill spaghetti
>friend tells her to hurry up, she quickly hugs me and runs off
>stand still like dumbass
>go home shortly after
>frantically try to get ahold of her once I get home

Cont?

Sure user

yep

Ye cuh

I moved in high school during my sophomore year. Moved across the state to a different town because my father lost his job. At my old school I had plenty of friends. Still talk to some of them today. I was excited about moving but uneasy I guess. Starting at a new school I made some friends but they weren't really true friends like the ones that I had left behind. I'd ask them if they wanted to maybe hang out and go do some shit on the weekend but they always had an excuse. I found this to happen over and over again. I had one over once and he never wanted to hang out again. Probably because the house that we had bought was in pretty bad shape since it was a foreclosure. I felt kinda bad about this ya know. Didn't really have very much control over my family's financial situation. We weren't necessarily poor, but we weren't doing well either. Anyways, this basically went on for the rest of high school. Probably had friends over maybe 3 or 4 times total in 3 years. Kinda lonely seeing other kids go out and do stuff but nobody really wanted to do anything with me. I'll post more just hang on. Also if it sounds like I'm rambling it's probably the opioids I'm on right now.

I recently started having feelings for this girl at work, but despite the occasional talk I don't think she knows that I exists.

Cont

>Shyly end up finding her on facebook
>spend next 2 hours figuring out how to message her
>close eyes, friend her and send her a message "Hey ^^"
>Instantly get a reply back
>we end up talking back and fourth
>starting to feel the best I ever have
>start hanging out with her group, my friends follow along
>we all become one group
>she keeps leaning on my shoulder during lunch
>always talking on skype late at night
>call her cute one night, her face flashes bright red as she stutters the same
>try to not be pussy one day
>go to school dance together
>her friends keep making jokes that I should kiss her
>fuckit.png
>grab her and kiss her
>end up making out whole dance
>be dating next day
>best friend's roomate is friends with her, end up spending night at same house and cuddle all night
>sleeping best I ever have
>one night she grabs my dick
>horryshit.jpg
>end up getting first handie
>feel like top tier shit compared to all friends
>things going amazing
>shortly after things start going to shit
>she starts getting distant
>her friend starts touching her and saying how she wants to fuck her
>ohhellno.png
>get pissed off and tell her friend off
>friend is complete feminist, lies that she talks to famous people
>barley has any friends, 17 year old sister tells her off without me even saying anything
>Does nothing
>tell her one morning I think we should breakup
>FuckedUp.mp4

I dont know im sad and in shock i still cant believe it it will probably feel even worse later when it really sinks in idk it just feels like shit

Rip user feel for you my dude

I know the feel user most of my friends avoided coming to my house and hanging out in general
Better off take it slow, also losing a loved one is hard try a letter addressing your feelings towards and what you wanted to tell him. It will help you a lot to get over it.

Anyways, fast forward to the summer before college. Worked my ass off for the summer which was alright. Just glad high school was over. I met my new roommate that I had been assigned. Hung out with him a bit and went hiking. Tall, blonde and rather douchey looking surfer guy. We got along alright. Then one day I was playing some video games with a friend of mine from my chem lecture. My roommate walks in obviously high on something and proceeds to whip out his dick and beat off in his chair in front of us. Then he tries putting it in my roommate's face which was a line. I snitched on him and told the hall director. I just didn't feel comfortable living with him after having to witness that. Anyways, I found a new roommate and moved in with him on the weekend when my first roommate was home for the weekend. I hadn't told him that I was moving out. New roommate was a really nice guy, shared allot of the same qualities with me so we really understood each other really well. My old roommate started sending me a bunch of text messages threatening me and shit because he had gotten in quite a bit of trouble with the university after they found out what he did. Fast forward to right before thanksgiving and I was sitting on the toilet taking a shit just minding my own business checking through the campus yik yak feed.

A compact room was lit by candlelight
Music oozed through the walls
Many people chatted merrily inside
It was warm and cozy

The talking stopped and people left
Music pushed through the walls
The compact room was softly lit
It was warm and cozy

Music reached through the walls
Voices were heard but not seen
Candlelight covered the vacuum
It was warm and cozy

The candles die out
The music is paused
Voices smile crookedly and argue
I sit on a stone floor
Clutching my knees in a dark cavern
With a cold blank stare into oblivion

I smile and laugh
It is warm and cozy
It is warm and cozy
It is warm and cozy

I will write a letter to him i dont know if he can see it from heaven or whatever but i will write my feelings down and I hope that he will know of it wherever he might be

go on user

Then I saw a one of my graduation pictures on yik yak and the school's snap feed as well. It was a picture of me that had been printed out and then somebody had taken a pencil and drawn horns and a bunch of other shit on it along with comments from all of the guys on my old floor that were just mocking me because I'm not as talkative or outgoing as they are, or just saying that i needed to be hunted down and brought back to my old roommate's room to "pay up". After seeing that I knew that almost half of my school of 15,000 had seen that picture since almost everybody uses either snapchat and has our school's unofficial acct added or uses yik yak. I mean the picture wasn't that bad and I could care less, but the fact that basically everybody at my school had seen it just cut me to pieces. I honestly thought about killing myself that day.

You will feel better afterwards trust me
Not worth it bro, some people are just retarded best thing you can do is ignore them.

Cont


>feel like im free, not having to worry about bitchy lesbian friend
>Instantregret.png
>get home, instantly realize what I have done
>frantically try to get ahold of her
>start crying and going autist mode
>spend next 2 weeks trying to get her back
>she shoves me away, tells me to fuck off
>everything starts getting harder
>she dirty looks me, nothing I can do even though I keep trying
>start getting panic attacks
>sleeping gets harder
>start wearing a hood in class
>keep trying to get her back
>she laughs in my face
>know mildly cool friend we will call Austin
>start trying drugs
>get hooked on oxycottin
>ex finds out, blames it's all her fault
>she gets all unstable, starts cutting, friend forced a photo out of her and sent it to me, her whole arm covered in blood
>try to hang self with tie that night
>shortly notice her start talking to Austin
>they start cuddling

>Skip ahead a year (nothing to miss but edgy shit)

>ex gets with Senior, be sophomores
>be in relationship with girl a bit younger than me for a while
>he's cheating on her, screaming at her over guys checking her out
>she gets better, then worse again
>stops cutting,
>start talking to her again
>one night she breaks down and cries to me saying she isn't happy
>he cheats again shortly after
>she breaks down crying on me in class, end up being person she cries to and trusts more than him
>confesses one night she still feels for me, non stop her apologizing
>we end up getting closer, girlfriend and I start fighting
>girlfriend breaks up with me because I end up getting too distant
>not care much about girlfriend, just wanted ex back
>shortly after her boyfriend pulls the last straw

Cont?

Anyways, I reported it to the campus police department and there wasn't really anything that they could do in terms of what he had posted on there. Finished my first semester with pretty good grades. Winter break lasted about 5 weeks and I spent most of that time by myself just reflecting on everything. Now, this is where I discovered opioids. I thought, heck why no just try some, maybe it can help me forget about shit. Kinda worked but then I moved from codeine to hydrocodone, which eventually turned into oxycodone.

yes

Life was going just swell being hopped up on opioids 24/7 for like 2 months straight. Once school was back in session late January, things were going great for me socially. I actually had friends for once who actually wanted to hang out with me and enjoyed being in my company. Then on February 26th, things just got really bad for me. Long time friend of mine and I had gotten into a fight. I still haven't talked with her at all. Anyways, that night I decided to drink a half liter of smirnoff sour vodka because that s all that I had.

What was the fight about?

I don't really remember much from that night other than one of my friends was really worried about me and came down to my room crying with her roommate and argued with me while I was drunk. Proceeded to neck the bottle a little more and then pass out on my bed. Miraculously I woke up the next morning. Must've been the fact that I am an extremely heavy drinker, which I forgot to mention. After that I decided to take 300mg of ritalin. I normally take 10mg's. I also forgot to mention it but I was put on an antidepressant in early january. Anyways after that I just curled up in my bed and waited to die. I didn't want to live, because who the fuck would even care? I was in a really bad spot emotionally.

Yeah it was over some drunk text that I had sent her saying that I didn't know what the heck was happening after I told her I had drank a half liter. She was freaking the fuck out because before that she knew how depressed I was.

Thank you for talking to me about it user thank you for the idea about the letter i love you user

And...that's it, she freaked out over you having a drink? If that was the case maybe it's better this way
I know how it feels user and i don't want you guys to feel the same, also just remember that someone out there cares about you.

After like a half hour I was having the worst drug-induced panic attack of my life. Heart was racing, cold, sweating profusely, disoriented, tunnel vision. Ended up in the hospital. After saving me from having a heart attack, the doctor gave me the option of either voluntarily checking myself into behavioral health, or having them chapter me which basically happens when a judge signs an order that basically strips you of most rights and forces you into their care. I chose to go voluntarily because then I could discharge myself.

were you, by chance, on a feels thread last night?

Yes

talk to an user for a while about female best friend troubles?

If it makes you feel better you'll eventually settle down with a fat/undesirable person and you will come on here to observe the children and no you won't kill yourself but think about it a lot k bye

No they were two feel threads

shit, sorry for being identifag

Honestly the whole hospital stay was one of the most degrading things I've ever experienced. No privacy. I had to be supervised when taking a shit or taking a shower, which was humiliating to say the least, but eh it couldn't really get any worse after that. The next day I discharged myself at around noon and returned to my room. Everything had been cleaned. My dirty laundry had been washed and folded. Bed had been made. All of this had been done by my roommate. Nice guy honestly. I spent the rest of that day laying on my bed just thinking about everything. For the next couple of months I still struggled, kept having to switch antidepressants and eventually got put on xanax for anxiety. Only taken it a couple of times because I know I couldn't handle it because of my experiences with opioids. I basically just put on a happy smile until like 3 weeks ago. Cover up everything you are feeling, just suppress those god damned sad emotions you're feeling because thats how you survive. Then a couple days ago I got back into hydrocodone. Not proud of it but eh it is what it is.

But yeah, has my story been making sense so far? I'm starting to come down from my high so I can comprehend things better, but I'm still not 100%

>Not proud of it but eh it is what it is
Pretty much what you have to do also not a healthy thing. I suppressed my feelings for almost 19 years and i'm starting to feel like i'm ready to explode. Find a way to express them before you end up hurting yourself.

Honestly I think that antidepressants just exacerbate everything and just make it worse.

How do I express them though?

>How do I express them though?
Have you been listening to what i said?I don't know find a hobby drawing helps me vent off but sports also do the trick find something that helps you vent off and think clearly.

Sorry. I think I may buy myself a DSLR camera and get into photography.

That might work, it works user

Yeah I actually chatted with Kylie Turley on snapchat, who is my favorite photographer (pretty cute gal too), earlier today and she said I should get a canon but nothing too fancy. Also she said I should just pirate photoshop. I'm not exactly an 'artistic' person to be honest. My brain is very linear and straightforward which probably factors into why I am a chemistry major. Anyways, I think photography would be a good outlet and provide me something to be proud of.

That's awesome user, maybe she can even teach you a think or two.

Yeah I bet she probably could. Also I feel a lot better now that I've got all of this off my chest. I was initially going to just give some half-assed story that would've taken 5 or 10 minutes to type up, but instead I decided that just doing it until I feel better was what I needed to do. Thanks user

Here's the last of it.

>Austin starts getting brushed off, no longer an issue
>ex cries to me one night, breaks up with her boyfriend, he ends up breaking down, playing victim
>she ends up getting the most level headed ive seen her yet.
>we get closer, we start talking about dating again
>I stop smoking and doing drugs
>we start cuddling again, things are great for the first month
>she says she isn't sure who she wants to be with
>all the sudden her ex starts screaming at her
>start slowly losing her no matter what I do, he yells at her every time she talks to me
>try to intervene yet she claims all is well
>try to keep calm, starts getting harder
>he starts getting rough with her if she gets near me, actually yanks her back from me and nearly hits her once
>lose it, walk up and talk to him, calling him an abusive piece of shit
>he claims he never did, she yells at him saying he did
>yesyesyes.png
>all the sudden she sides with him
>shortly after he storms off, she follows with him
>plsno.png
>absolute lose it at them
>"You know what? Fuck both of you! Fucking done with your shit!"
>find out she was crying her eyes out, feel bad but after class see her laughing and smiling
>say fuck it, start smoking again
>he starts getting aggressive toward me, dirty looks, threatening to jump me
>be too weak and beta to stand up for myself because he's 18 and im 16
>they start getting closer, she keeps hiding it from me
>find out a few months later after her not being sure she just got back with him
>tell her to stay away as long as she's with him
>she tries to convince me otherwise, flip out and tell her to leave
>be 2 years later
>be 18, she's still on and off with same douchebag
>she walks up to me, hugs me and says how sorry she is, keeps trying to get my attention
>writes me apology notes but ignore
Senior year starts soon Sup Forums, wish me luck.

Understandable no one really wants to talk about their problems also you're welcome.

Good luck you magnificent bastard

Thanks man, i have friends that are equally sad so i can just be with them and share our emotions

I have to be at work at 5 hours, and the girl who played games with me, but everybody loved is finally gone. I don't know what to expect. I don't know if I will see her again in other parts of the job again. All she did was mess with my head. She never gave me a straight answer, and figured she didn't know what she wanted with me, and I got shit from other people because of her. I did like her, and I always focused on her when I sat in the lunch room when another girl I didn't like gave me the google eyes.

>ever since i was a kid people acted like I am the class clown
>never thought much of it really, just always acting like nothing matters, never thinking of important matters in depth
>it made me look like the cool guy in school, and it encouraged me to keep acting like this
>even had some false rumors about me smoking weed with a girl at school
>used to be very popular with girls since I have a baby face and because I hang out with girls all the time
>then my parents broke up, dad moved, I changed school 3-4times
>mother jumped from guy to guy, father never got any other girlfriend
>never thought much of it back then, but my mind was starting to get fucked up
>I now realize that I never actually cared about anything that is important in my life
>I now realize that my father probably felt guilty, he saw the difference it did to me, and I didn't
>I just recently realized about all this
>I use to keep acting like nothing mattered to me, as if I had no emotions, telling myself I'm having a punk ideology, which is normal
>actually still had a pretty decent kid life, even tough it was senseless
>I went out with almost all the girls in primary school, even tough I wasn't trying to figure out what was happening
>In my mind girlfriends were trophies, to show the other guys I was desirable.
>I heard later the girls were just doing a competition to go out with the most guys
>I used to think everything was so easy, very good at school without studying, getting girls, there's really no reason to care about anything
>spent almost all of my nights playing hockey outside aimlessly, always empty-minded, avoiding emotions
>started highshcool
>still the school clown but with bad acne now (not much red dots, more like black dots and oily skin)

Like a group session also don't mention it
If she played with you, you're better off with out her there are a lot of fishes in the sea.

good luck m8
don't give in to that bitch
women love having control of men's emotions its how they play the game

fuck didnt mean to respond to that, getting drunk i guess.

>everyone was telling me it's ok, that it's gonna leave by itself when I grow up so I never cared about it and never done anything about it
>now I kind of feel bad that my friends and family never tried to help me with my acne problems, since now I still have acne and its harder to get rid of
>everybody was saying I'm doing drugs all the time but I wasn't
>everybody was saying i looked confused or high, looked down on me, laughed at me (just kidding tough)
>fuck it, I'll just do drugs then, since that’s what everybody expects me to do
>I really start getting confused about all my relationships, always high as fuck on strong weed
>I could have gone out with plenty of girls but I was too stupid and insecure to act
>used to jerk off with male friends so I'm a bit confused about my sexuality
>start feeling very unmanly, not virile at all but people are expecting me to act like the cool punk guy who doesn’t afraid of anything so I keep fulfilling my role
>started to feel depressed so I failed at school and had to start a year over, even tough I was pretty smart and in advanced class
>fuck that society shit I'm gonna do some hardcore drugs instead
>start tripping randomly with new friends for 2 years, leaving behind all my past friends
>got tired of the friends I was tripping with, so I left them behind too, finished high school and studied to become a welder
>when I started college, I understood it was way harder to fulfill my role with adults around. Was not fooling anyone.
>I felt like everyone knew I was not the tough guy I pretended to be.
>some false rumors again about me smoking weed before class made the professor despise me
>ended up not getting my diploma and feeling too depressed to finish it, still have to pay the huge debt tough

cont.

>fast forward to today, I'm 23yrs old, still got acne, even worst
>a bit more muscles but I feel like my acned baby face makes me looks fucking creepy now, feeling like a disfigured person
>not a virgin thought, went out with like 2-3 girls for 1-3 months
>sex was bad, always awkward, didn't feel like i was satisfying the girls, felt unmanly
>smoke weed everyday, almost as soon as I'm up. hard drugs occasionally(never got hooked), trying to get out of this reality.
>used to have that one best friend who used to be just like me, some fucking clown
>people calling us cheech and chong, laughing loudly
>now his new friends don't like me and tell him I'm probably gay, useless and miserable
>I can see how he's looking at me, disgusted, my best friend. He doesn't talk to me anymore
>I used to think it was cool being the stoned idiot, but now having random shitbags laugh at my miserable life is driving me crazy
>been working in a metal shop as welder for 5 years now
>still fulfilling the careless punk role, starting to feel depressed but meh weed makes me happy
>no one respects me, even tough i do some of the best welds, everybody looks down on me
>I'm never serious about anything and people think it's because I'm high
>I feel like they're making fun of my mental illness, of my mental weakness
>been too depressed to complete my driver license so i never got it and I have to go to work on foot most of the time
>for 5 years now every time I arrive at job on foot people pity me
>and just like before, everybody assumes right off the bat that I'm a no good retarded drug addict even thought I'm trying real hard to act professional, do a decent job and never get high on job
>all of my friends dropped me, probably because of my dirty ass face, or maybe because I'm so unmanly and pitiful
>it seems like no one notices I'm severely depressed, not even my parents

Thanks. Yeah, I know. But this one was a big one. Trust me. This one made people angry with resentment and jealousy.

I have to now deal with other females I ignored so I could always show I still liked the girl out of respect.

>haven't talk to my mother for a long time since I feel like she hates me
>not shaving my manlet beard everyday because it's cutting my sensible girly skin all over the place making it look like I got even more acne
>looking like some Goddamn highshcool boy at 23
>haven't had a girlfriend in over 4years because I feel like I disgust everyone
>live alone, almost never going out of my app in the weekend, no one passing by to see me but my father
>my job is fucking hell, getting yelled at everyday but I'm too depressed to try starting a life somewhere else
>bosses probably thinks it's because I'm too drugged up to work anywhere else
>I'm scared of what people will think of me all the time, even tough I'm acting like I don't give a shit
>Now at night I lay down in my bed eyes wide opened, thinking about the stuff I should've cared about
>at first I saw being depressed as a spiritual journey, making me enjoy and understand depressive music, books and movies.
>Now I have no motivation for anything at all

Then man up all of your post was about how pitful you are, yet you don't show any willingness to change. Start with the little things and start improving yourself user.

-->
i would love to man up, but i lack the will to do anything. how do you get the will to change?

-->

Fuck that it's time to score now, if she played with you she wasn't a big one. I would happily marry a six with a good heart rather than a shitty ten. Trust me most tens are shitty people that would make your life miserable.
You need to come in terms with the fact that only you can change your life and actually want to change your life. Try thinking of all the great things other people have and start putting goals and you will achieve great thing user.

Yeah man, now I have my head clear. This place has nice good people walking through all the time, and I am around creeps and assholes.

This girl wasn't a ten. She was cute, giddy, and a girly girl that you bring home to your family. You know what I mean. That one just hurts me being a nice guy. You don't do that to a guy who is just looking for somebody nice like them.

White faced girl, nipple ring clunking through teeth

My pain isn't real. Not rational. Nothing is real. I don't live in the real.


My feelings aren't real. Masks.
I can't tell people how I feel. Communicate.
I sometimes like the pain. It must linger. Make it.
*?--*perfume*?--*
|EXPERIENCING GIRLS|
What is it like to sleep next to one???
What makes me different?
What makes me need this