Itt:we work at a office

itt:we work at a office

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godinez

Hey guys there was complent about a guy about in a balaclava spying a lady peeing and saying about repeting digits

What's the WiFi password?

mike i already told you yesterday refill the fucking printer, make me tell you again and youre fucking fired bitch

someone clogged the toilet with hot dogs

stop call me SEMEN! It's SEAMAN!

Mark is giving his two weeks does anybody want to take the lead in setting up some kind of goodbye party? I can bring homemade popcorn balls!

Can anyone pass me the Licor 43?

sure I just give him some shit in a box

Steve, I'm allergic to nuts. If you were eating almonds on your lunchbreak again go wash your hands before you touch anything. One atom of almond and my body will freak out and kill itself.

It was probably Edward

I thought that you eat nuts because your a fag

Whoever keeps moving the staplers needs to calm the fuck down. We have a system and everybody is accountable. Leave the Goddamn staplers on the counter

Fuck you Dan, whoever needs to print can just walk two steps to the supply cubby and get their own Goddamn paper you twat nigger

Semen can you help put in some money for Marks ice-cream cake?

Mike you're totally in the wrong here. I'm siding with Dan. You say anyone can walk 2 steps for paper yet you obviously rarely walk so you aren't really one to talk

[mumbling]God I hate you all.
I hate this fucking job
I hate my goddamned desk
I hate this coffee
I hate that fucking plant
I swear if they ask one more time about my weekend I'll kill them all.[/mumbling]

SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND MIKE?

Alright you motherfuckers, who stole my post-its again? I swear to god that I'm gonna find you, and when I do... May god have mercy on your soul, cause I will not.

Seriously though, I've spent 25$ in post-its this week, and I don't even use them. All you have to do is ask

George! Good morning! Looks like you had a rough time getting out of bed today. Did you spend a little too much time on the ol' Internet last night? Hyuk Hyuk!

Don't come to work tomorrow Mike, always liked you

I ate my activated almonds.
You should be OK.

ok I will just call 911

Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Did you get your coffee champ?

Who did this to my car?

Who the FUCK keeps closing the bathroom door when no one is in there?!

youtube.com/watch?v=sTJcBHA9bhM

Fucking pop ups wont stop coming! Last time i let fucking MIKE use my computer!

MIKE DID I SAW THE FAT FUCK DOING IT INSTEAD OF REFILLING THE PRINTER WITH PAPER

I removed myself again from the company chat, can someone add me again please?
Also Paula from HR brought some cake but it's not even enough for everyone

Tom you always side with Mike because you're a fucking sycophant. You think your going to get that big promotion because you're gargling mikes marbles. Just because I'm insisting on using this rascal to get around I get shat on. I AM DIFFERENT ABLED I AM BEIN DISCRIMINATION OPPRESSED UNHAPPY WORK ENVIRONMENT

FUCK YOU STEVE YOU FUCKING CUNT

Goddamn it that Paula is such a fucking air-head. I'll put you back on the company chat but this is the last time stop clicking on shit you don't understand

That fucking kike, I knew it. Ever since you wrote your name with a fucking circle...

LETS FUCKING DO THIS THIBNHG HURR DURRRRRBKWIYXIE9383HS92J,HFJS

Who the fuck took my mug?! It was at the break counter it's the one that says Coexist on it in a bunch of different religious symbols.

You'll never find it

Patnala's lunch made the whole office smell like dogshit again. Now I have to smell her sweat it out for the rest of the day

it was carl the atheist

It's clogged with hotdogs

...

tasty dogushiitu , desu desu desuuuuuu

DESU

Well done, that mug was shit. I don't blame him, was getting through my nerves with all those jihad symbols. Coexists my ass

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME YOU FAGGOT
I'LL STUFF THAT GODDAMNED PLANT SO FAR UP YOUR GAY ASS THE BLOOM'LL COME OUTTA YOUR MOUTH & I'LL RAM MY COCK IN IT

YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDN'T YOU YOU FUCKING QUEER

>goddamned Mondays

H- Hello hr? Yeah it's me. Yeah its happening again.

ohhhhhhh

hey guys got anything fresh from that funny 9gag site?
I saw some preeetty funny stuff yesterday, hehe...

Hey guys im the new intern my nam is Aaron also I was charged for 24 counts of arson

I'm going to have to let you go. We don't tolerate homophobia in this workplace.

get that man a coexist in harmony mug

ROIGHT LISTEN HERE YOU CUNT I'VE ALREADY FUCKED YOUR WIFE AND TAKEN CUSTODY OF YOUR KID WITH HER YOU SHIT GET OUT MY FACE OR I'LL FUCKING STAPLE YOUR FUCKING FOREHEAD IN

Sorry, we're gonna have to start sharing threads.
If nobody sows intrest within the first 3 min you can't get the fucking thing to bump.
Plus side maybe less cancer threads.
Downside nobody reads my cancer.

Again, sorry about the hijack. I'm white and don't usually do this sort of thing.
Lets just hope this is a medical office not in the twin towers and not 15 years ago.

Have we got any Med/Phsyc/Drugfags on the office today?
I could do with a bit of a chat.
>I keep overdoing it on speed.
>Then not sleeping for days on end.
>Currently 3rd day.
>Just Paranoia meltdown.
>People are constantly stood outside talking about me.
>People I know full well are not there.
>Friends and family.
>I've just seen one and knew as soon as I saw them, everything is cool.
>Try telling me that when they're stood outside my window.
>That's the worst part.
>It's all doom and gloom.
>A bit of trippy eye bobbing action.
>Mostly just invisible people with malicious contempt for me.
InB4 Scitso.
AMA
Thoughts?

Ok guys, I'm going thorugh the office passing this around, It's just a piece of paper requesting the boss to extend our budget on post-its. Please fill it out, I'm wasting so much money it's ruining my life

Perfect counter:

>I'm sorry but we're going to have to let you go. You see, we don't tolerate masculophobic gender bigotry in this workspace.

OK WHO THE FUCK DRANK MY BUD LITE I WILL KILL EVERYOBE IN THIS BUILDING!

>*EVERYOBE

>kek.

look! i can do the helicopter with my pants on you guys!

Go whine to HR with Brad.

suuuup, chill bro, have some HR BOOB milk to calm yer nerves

>everyobe
I think it was yourself

Fuck Brad I need help now Ray.
I can still hear them chittering away out there.

OKAY WHO THE FUCK HIRED A MUSLIM? THEY BLOW THINGS UP YOU IDIOTS!

hey if you guys need me ill be in the bathroom cutting myself.

So we got this mandatory sexual harassment meeting today with this sweet piece of ass.

I might have to bail.

yeah. they blow this joint up

And can someone tell IT to sort the fucking bump system out.
I.E. You Ray.

who would even need you? just go

ok, who do we sexually harass today?

fuck that shit im hiding in the bathroom with that emo guy who always fucking cuts himself.

Did you try talking to Steve in HR?

RIGHT
Who didn't see this coming?
"Diversified Workplace" my ass!
Fire the guy with a little anger issues -FUCKWADS

*bites left eyeball on the way out*

*counts pixels on computer screen, hoping no one will come over and micromanage me*

Joe i swear to god if you use my fucking scissors again, i will cut your fucking cock off

Her I think.
Yeah but there's always that black guy in there smoking pot.
Why haven't we drug tested him yet?

just use a plastic bag over your head it would be a hassle for the janitor already cleaning up hotdogs from edward

No, is he about?
Did you speak to IT.

cause he has some good weed bro

Hey man I need those reports done by time your shift if off in 7 and a half hours.
You working on that?
Do you need me to show you again how to do them?

the niggers always get away with this shit. you could call steve but he will probably pull that "diversification" bullshit.

Yeah but I want to be able to take a dump without coming out smelling like Kingston town.

The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club,

Nobody touches that nigga, last time I changed supplier I was dry for three months.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS GUY IS GOING PLACES

can someone get Joe out of the fucking stalls. i think he passed out from cutting too deep

To whoever keeps eating my sandwich: hope my cum tasted good.
To whoever keeps drinking my soda: hope my piss tasted good.

Sincerely,
Chad (the guy that hangs out by the watercooler)

Steve is over here telling me I can't drug test him Should we just drug test steve?

fuck you chad. skinny pale faggot

Well I looked over your claim, and from what im hearing it just seems like your a bit stressed. We cant really dismiss you for medical leave for something like that. I can try and schedule you with our occupational therapist.

Be sure to cover up that forehead tattoo before the meeting.
>2edgy4corporateamerica

TOP KEK

someone should kill steve

I hate my job so everyday I lurk here and try to find trap and gore threads but so far so no one in IT has said anything

Stop doing speed
Im going to request to HR that you get a drug test. For your own good, Chad

How do I get promoted?

It's so cool working on the 93rd floor in wtc1

Dear chad,

Nobody ate your sandwich we threw it out because you put a can full of piss and a sandwich full of cum in our communal fridge. I don't know what you were looking to accomplish but this is unacceptable. Janie nearly puked throwing it in the trash.

See me in my office,
Your boss (aka that kid you bullied in high school)
P.S.-I ate the first sandwich. What are you gonna do about it?

Oh of course the white guy gets tested but that nigger doesnt.

Hey you fucking jackbois. If I hear one more of you piss ass shits talk about offing me I swear to god I will come to this office guns blazing. I work too hard to put up with this nonsense.

who the fuck let vlad listen to hard bass