Okay Sup Forums I've always been a lurker, laughing, crying and watching all of you shitpost...

Okay Sup Forums I've always been a lurker, laughing, crying and watching all of you shitpost, but tonight is my first post, and it's a tough one for me.

I'm lonely, Sup Forums. I have been for ten years. My family was abusive, they didn't want me, accept me, try to get to know me, or even bother with me. I was alone for the better part of my childhood, I'm 19 now. My mother, my father, they hate each other and they take their anger out on each other and me as well. I suffer with depression, constant plagues of suicide and five unsuccessful attempts, the earliest at the age of 9. I've been molested twice by the only man that was like a father to me, whom is now dead from lung cancer.

When I was 16 I met a girl, a beautiful girl that made the stars alight and the whispers of happiness grace my ears and possess my soul. We'll call her Lyssa. Lyssa was everything to me. She built me up, made me better, pulled me from the pit that I lived for my memorable life. Her family treated me with respect, they helped me get a job, find a college for me, explore my options for careers and even allowed me to stay with them for awhile. They bought me shoes, clothes, food, glasses, everything I needed but was never provided by those who didn't care.

Lyssa left me, shortly before we were set to leave for college and begin our new lives together. She said it felt like we were settling down, married without the ring, and she wasn't ready. At the time I hated her, and I fell back down into the pit with no crevices in which to crawl out of. However, I left my home, went to college and now here I am. Sophomore year and I'm lonely. No one looks at me, no one sees me, no one talks to me, no one asks about me. I think it's time to leave, maybe whatever next is better than this. There's no one for me, and I've accepted that.

You guys...
Just. You're the best Sup Forumsros, and I love each and every one of you, and I do hope that you all find happiness in this life.

im not actually from here. i come from Sup Forums

nigger

Do you have any hobbys

where are you from OP?

Wait until you're older and you realize vaginas don't matter. Like, literally. Women are a waste of your time. It doesn't matter how well intentioned they seem to be. Just say no.

>when the feels is just right

I'll be your friend user

maybe quit college and do something you actually enjoy
i get depressed too when im trapped in a room

Broh dont even worry about it dawg. My best advice is find something you LIKE doing at college (not something youre good at necessarily) and do the shit out of it. just become good at something you enjoy and that little bit of satisfaction can boost a man into feeling alright. once you feel alright friends can be made and beers chugged.

tl;dr focus on your studies

I agree with Go out and explore the city. You may not be able to drink but doesn't mean there's nothing in the city. Even if it's just a walk at night for the most part the city (depending on where you live) is a great place to meet people and generally feel better about yourself.

you said no one talks to you or asks about you.

do you talk to people? attempt socialization?
you lurk Sup Forums but do you engage anyone in conversation or debate. its an anonymous imageboard. probably the most comfortable place you could talk to people.

youre in college man, nows the time to come out the shell. parties are everywhere, just go get drunk and talk to people.

OP here. I appreciate all the advice, but I've tried everything from counseling, meds, socialization, frats, parties, everything. Nothing works. The rope is tied. No I won't livestream or timestamp.

>haha if i try to convince other people that sex isn't worth it then i wont feel so alone because im a virgin

soooo
have you killed yourself yet?

Don't do it dude

Well I'm glad you at least said goodbye. You seem like a good person, it's a shame you were dealt a shitty hand.

Hey faggot, we love you too(find the Republican club on campus)

no, i'm not a virgin and i can confirm what he's saying, unless you find a unicorn, the bulk of western women are intolerable.

Seriously Ill be your friend and we can talk.

Slow down, slow down. Is this really what you want user? You've got a good amount of time to turn things around make friends find a lover. And you just wanna throw that all away? I understand shit may be hard but don't waste a chance to have a good life. Give it a few more good years. You may be 19 but your life has really only just begun.

You made it this far, man. Just a bit of a stretch left and you'll discover someone or a ton of others.

>im gonna judge all western women because the two I've met laughed in my face at my small penis

Wew lad.

Hey man, if you're gonna do it, wait til 404. Also, where you from? Some of the anons here may be nearby, and god knows we're all lonely faggots.

Underrated post

Why don't you just take control of your life in a different way. Go for a drive, never come back, make up new rules for your life that don't revolve tethering your emotions on others feelings and opinions of you.

Exactly, I'm 19 and I've been through the exact situations you've been through. Shit sucks now, but coming from someone who thought the pain would never end, surprisingly.. it does, and it will.

ITT newfags who don't know what copypasta is

Who gives a fuck, you're just another faggot on the internet that made us read a wall of text just so you can off yourself and give us no reward.

There is nothing worse than a suicidal fuckwit that cries about his suicide and tortures others with the burden of dealing with mental illness as an observer only to kill themselves in private without counsel.

Get the fuck out of life already, you're clearly wasting yours.

Cmon OP, don't throw away a life this quickly!
This! If you really are so depressed that you wanna take your own life, then why don't you take out some other shit heads while you're at it? Ex:Look up local sex offenders/nshit, take them out then take yourself!

Hell yeah man.

OP: I can wait until 404, I guess.

Not OP.
18 and my last attempt was in May. Trust me OP, whatever it feels like now, you can get through it. One of the faggots on this site is the reason I'm still breathing. Let us be that faggot for you.

Sharpie in pooper as a thank you gift nigger

Cool man. Where you from? I'm in Nebraska

You just want attention. If you were intent on killing yourself you wouldn't wait until 404.

Please read

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>attempted to suicide
Goddamn, you faggots are worthless pieces of shit. You can't even do that properly.

Missouri.

Nah, talking to people before I go is okay, I would imagine.

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for 95% sex is mostly a disappointment, it is hugely overrated. why identify with the idiot robot program that runs your penis? do you want to be an idiot robot?

fap once a day and forget about sex and females. unless you want kids. if you want a friend, get a dog.

otoh if you are in the 5%, go for it.

Faggot

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So, you join any clubs on campus last year?

*tips fedora*
*checks your get*
M'Sir

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A vidya club, but I stopped going after awhile.

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Well, school year is just starting. I'm sure you could get into any of the clubs you want right now. Why not give some a shot and see if your life gets better. Worst case scenario, you can hang yourself later.

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brother, wait for another 15 or twenty years - and you'll realize the rest of your life will be spent WISHING people would leave you alone. They're incredibly self-centered and only want you for your time and shekels, or to use you as an emotional tampon. Being left alone, to do your own thing, is a gift from above. It truly is a dream life to be free to move around unnoticed, to evade the wet blanket of obligations you despise - to be an untethered man, released from the shackles that turn everybody else into hand-rubbing assholes. Sorry all that fucked up bullshit happened to you when you were a kid though. That's really rough.

>inb4 be resentful / forever alone / furious

quite the opposite - you'll find that dudes in your position (once they reach their 30s and beyond) are the happiest of all the guys you'll meet. They can do whatever the fuck they want whenever they want - nobody telling them what to do and when. Nobody chastising them for holding certain opinions. Nobody projecting their inane bullshit onto you. In this day and age, where everything we say and do is heavily monitored and scrutinized by hordes of online social circles, anonymity is the one pathway to true happiness. Enjoy it - and HOPE that it lasts.

Also, your college has a vidya club? Fucking wish mine did. All I've been doing so far is playing CS on my own.

>783172

greentext me your story

You sound like my kinda guy. Seems like no one even notices my existence either, been looking for a friend as lonely as me for a long time now. Do you even like going out to parties? Or are you more the quiet type?

OP you better respond to me you faggot.

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OP: It's not that I desire to end my life, however at this point I don't want to spend another 10 years "getting better". I've spent 10 trying, I don't see the point in wasting another decade.
Pic-my cat.

Quiet type. I don't like drinking or partying, but I tried it, just to try SOMEthing.

Just do you my man. Dropping out is the last thing you should do, and who cares if you're invisible? This girl you speak of, don't hate her because she left, love her because she showed you a better you, and now it's time you show her that you can be that better you without her.

Not asking for a decade. Not even close man. Last time I did something like this, I gave myself a year. I set a date and said 'if I cant think of 1 reason to keep going by that time, I'm done.' Give yourself some time and really try for that time. If it doesnt work, you didnt really lose anything.

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I second this. Jadyn fucked me up for some time, but now I'm just glad she showed me true happiness for a time.

Generally I don't question people about their life choices, I actually do believe that suicide can be justified, and in your case that might be so, but listen here.

The interesting thing you'll learn about life is that even when the chips are down and everything feels like shit there's still a way to survive. Even if you have to scrape by at least you're still alive, you'll have a chance to find love, friends, happiness. When you kill yourself there are no guarantees you even get that chance. I believe in an afterlife but even so there's no tangible guarantee it's there, so you'd be giving up all of your chances before you've likely lived half of your life.

There's a lot more to this world than what we usually see by the time we're 19, there are places, situations, and people out there unexplored, unexperienced, and unmet. You never know what the future holds, pain, suffering, light, happiness, what have you, but that's what should make it interesting. Go out and live your future day to day and try to find something that means something to you. Something that makes you happy or grants you fulfillment.

And also, if you've tried meeting new people and it never seems to work out, recall that you met and fell in love with "Lyssa", I can't imagine that happened in a day. There is more than likely someone out there that you can at least call a friend, even if there isn't a lover. But when you're dead you're dead, your circle isn't going to grow anymore. Don't throw away that chance just yet.

When the world is hitting you down, don't give up. Allow yourself the satisfaction of standing up and hitting it back.

OP im on a lot of drugs at the moment but there is only one thing i can say is there's always going to be another sunrise so hang tight it will get better

Bumping cause OP said he'd wait for 404.

Hey man, you using to survive too? I'm scared it's gonna turn me into an alchoholic at this rate.

8/30/2017. One reason.
Just keep going, yeah?
I love you user.

yeah in a way going into first scared as shit

OP don't do it. Most of the people that came to this thread did it because we care about you. You'll always be our Sup Forumsro. And that may not mean anything to some but you've been here with us. And that means something to me.

Me too. Hey, you know, you're the first person ive ever encountered that's just like me. I also tried for years to get better, failing every time, feeling even more hopeless each time, thinking that things will never change. But that's just it Sup Forumsro, the things that happened to you will never change, the sadness, hurt, and pain will always be there. But it's up to take control, of how much you want that to consume you, at your own pace of course, some people are faster than others, and yeah it helps to go out and find some friend who can be there for you along the way. Im here though, I'd love to be friends with you, if you want.

One reason man. I'll set something on my calandar to look for a thread. What time should I look?

I fucked my English up a bit but I mean we came to this thread because we care

I have a typewriter

feel better bro, and have a pepe. We care about you.

If you're new to it, my biggest advice is to find some other ways to cope with stuff as well. Try running and shit like that. It'll cut down the likelihood of you becoming an addict.

I'd like that, friends are nice.
8/30/2017 @ 10:00 PM CST.
I honestly didn't expect this much of a reaction, I thought I was just going to get "livestream faggot" or "timestamp bitch", but I didn't get that for the majority, and that's enlightening for me.

I don't really have an addictive personality so I'm not too worried but ill take your advice

No worries OP we here for you

Setting a reminder on my calandar. I expect good news user. Have a good year.

Yeah. You got off to a bad start and most of it wasn't your fault. But why does that have to mean you have to have a shitty end? Instead of killing yourself because no one cares, I'd strive to make sure that someone shows up at your funeral, that someone's going to remember you. Because you know what's interesting? I can't guarantee you there will be an after life, that your soul will exist or what you were will exist after death.

But one thing that can is your memory, that someone will have a passing thought about you or cry when the day that you died passes by. If you leave a memory here it might eventually fade, yes, but the key to real immortality on this Earth after death in our time is our memory passing on. And after all, so long as your memory carries with the people you love until they pass away, isn't that a fulfilling thought?

If you need a reason to live, user, let that reason be not to be forgotten, to not pass into the sands of time unnoticed.

Well some of us know what it's like to be on the breaking point. Whether it be from something more extreme or just a shitty day that broke them. And they don't want anyone else to get to that point. I was there. I made it past. Don't go user.

Alright awesome. You should email me, i have some advice id like to give you. [email protected]

Please, dont kill yourself user. Just by listening to your story I can tell you are an awesome individual. You have to do anything to keep having the will to live. Hobbies, Goals, something. I know that life can be shitty. But life can also be amazing and full of happiness. For all you know, lyssa might come back,in a few years. But you will never know if you give up tonight. Don't throw in the towel,when things get tough. You are tougher then life. When life gives you a shit hand, just give it a middle finger and say fuck you and keep going.

Thank you. You too.

i too am a failed suicide, depressed in college, they dont tell you about that but its common, im surprised colleges dont watch out more for it in but they dont seem to give a shit if you drop . get a dog and watch some old bob ross videos, you'll feel better.

I set that date on my calendar user. I'ma check and I only want good things m'kay?

Lel'd heavily

boy come here n ill show u a raping that will really make you an hero

Alright OP, I have class in the morning so I gotta go. If you need us, join a thread. Someone's always lurking.

OP: Last update from me.

I untied the rope, turned on some BlueOctober and I'm just going to try and relax. The support I just received was amazing to me--that someone actually cares. I made a promise to wait a year, and I'm going to do my best to keep that promise. I love you guys, with everything I have, and I hope that I can update you in a year, you guys really are my Sup Forumsros, and I love all of you. Have a great year, guys-and don't stop saving lives.
Yes sir.
Sleep well.

Goodnight guys.

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We love you too user. Now kick back and relax. Have yourself a good night and remember Sup Forums is filled with cynical assholes. But they're cynical assholes that care for eachother. And we'll be here when you return.

But for real, we love you OP were all faggots in a lonely world together and we have your back Sup Forumsro

I think this is the first time il leave Sup Forums without feeling like a bad person