Cont from >>702187000

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>rubber ducky

Still waiting for my Sup Forumsro

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I put my story out earlier, wanting someone to ask about it. Ignored, just like the rest of my life. I'll never be anyone's interest or priority, but I've known that for a long time. It's ok, it's a bit cathartic knowing I could talk about it with strangers and know that someone out there had to have seen it. I'm not religious anymore, but what I saw and did will haunt me forever. Thanks for coming out people, maybe I'll grow a set some day.

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What story was that? I think i replied. Every one of you shit posters matter to me, because if you guys die then i'll be alone on this site.

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Fuck dude where are you at?

"The mind is so afraid of seeing that nothing is wrong, that it'll think: 'Oh god if nothing is wrong then.... there's no hope... because if there's nothing wrong then there's no hope for me to make it right; if my mental chaos isn't wrong then there's no absolutely hope of ever making it right, ever.' All of the mental chaos is based on wrongness... which itself is just based on fear... fear of it not being wrong, fearing that there isn't a problem. Your ego is out of a job, if there isn't a problem. What's it going to do? All it does is go around fixing non existent dilemmas. But of course, creating many more than it ever fixes"

"Ultimately the Ego is nothing but a resistance against what is. It's the various ways that a body and a mind can resist life as it is. And so Ego isn't a "thing", it's more of a verb. It's the resistance of what is, it's the pushing away or pulling towards, and this momentum and this action of pushing away and pulling towards, grasping and rejecting, is what forms a sense of separate self. And from that sense of a separate self, we perceive the world as separate from ourselves, as something distinct and of it's own."

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Do you write these poems?

"What are you afraid of?" the man asked his heart. The heart didn't reply.

"There is no one out there that will hurt you, I'll protect you. I have grown strong, I'm a warrior now, you have nothing to fear." Still the heart did not reply.

"Tell me, heart. Was it our father? Was it our brothers? Was it one of our lovers? None of that matters now, I am a grown man, no one can do anything to us." The heart remained quiet...closed.

The man grew frustrated. "Heart, you are a coward. Maybe you are defective. Maybe I just don't have a heart that works properly. No wonder I can't feel love." The heart closed even tighter.

For months the man walked around, falling ever deeper into despair about his defective heart. Then one day the man grew very quiet. Quiet enough that he thought he could almost hear a whisper coming from his heart. He asked with all the compassion he was capable of, "Heart, what are you afraid of?"

The heart whispered back, "You. I'm afraid of you."

The man cried. He had protected his heart from everyone but the one person that could hurt it the most-- the tyrant inside.

I hate how I can't listen to my favorite music anymore. It reminds me of her, and music makes me feel the shit I've been stuffing down.

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They're quotes from a spiritual teacher named Adyashanti.

Haven't been able to sleep since classes started back up

>Don't want family to go through my death

I'm here, but I wish I wasn't.

lol

This is the first feels thread that has ever made me genuinely cry and feel something. Way to go.

Music has been linked to memories, after a break up make a playlist of songs that make you sad, listen to it for a month, when there is new music out discover new music and listen to that instead. Youre mind won't be son tormented in that music.

It wasn't much of a story I guess. I'm always hesitant to give out tooany details because it was a very distinct case in our area. Worked at a murder scene where some asshat tried to kill his wife and murdered his 3 year old. It was bad. I spent a week there, and heard from other people what happened there before/during/after I was there, so I could put together what happened where, washing blood off a baby's toys, cleaning up what he had for dinner (captain crunch with table syrup, but he was sick that night either from bug or the fact that daddy was strangling mommy in front of him and threw her through the front door)...tl;dr I have some unresolved issues from that week. It's affecting my marriage and I almost an hero'd with a 9 mil a few months after.

I still need to do some calc homework now that you mention it. Fuck

Glad you're here with me buddy

I hate knowing that some people are so alone that the few they can call friends treat them like shit.

I think I could survive anything if I had my best friend by my side. I wouls be fine being told i only had another year to live if i had my other half through it all.

But I fear to think of going through life without another soul to be close to. What does that do to a person?

See the thing is folks, the psychological self doesn't exist. It's a fiction. Realizing that and truly knowing it, feeling it throughout your entire being is known as Enlightenment.

All of your problems are a fiction... an illusion created by the mind, (which isn't actually yours).

You identify yourself with who you think you are, but you aren't actually anything. You are nothing, and yet everything at the same time.
We aren't the masks(human personality) we have on, instead we're the light shining through them (infinite consciousness). It's like, you can't plug a blender into the wall without there being some electricity right? Same concept applied with awareness, or conscious spirit.
It's the ultimate Truth, and is what all religions are trying to represent, but of course never will be able to, they've become so confused and distorted over time and nobody actually understood what people like Jesus were saying - The kingdom of heaven is within you.

It's like trying to explain to someone what an orange is, who's never seen an orange, and of course they will blab on about this orange to their friends... thus how most of it began.

Hey.
It's okay to post twice. It's okay to ask for what you need. We're here. We get distracted easily, but we're still here for you.

Thank you for your work officer, i know it's rough. On a similar boat, buddy owns a funeral home. I occasionally help him pick up bodies. Mostly hospis and county morgue stuff, but we also have to cremate a lot of people, and some of these people are just mangled and beat. Had to burn a guy who was shot for ratting on gangbangers a few months back, can still see him lying on the cutting table with the bullets in his head. Shits tough to see.

might be kinda off topic, but how do you duders feel when you start taking drugs/dinking

every time i smoke weed i just get really fucking thinky and existential and then more depressed afterwards

hbu guys

youtube.com/watch?v=DpCAyeW0ovc&feature=share
anyone curious about this, refer to this 3min video

I've got two tests in theory and aural theory next week and was overridden into my classes.

Another unplanned semester of shit i'm not good at, so I can hopefully one day open a studio. Its nice to know i'm alone though.

You feel alone, but you're convinced they're friends. Once you get a real friend you start to realize what it's like to have someone so close. it's a high when youre with them. Best friends save lives.

It just means you're human.
Humanity can be really really shitty sometimes. But there are always good people.

user, maybe professional help would be in order?

I'm sorry.

I don't really love you.

The ride never ends mother fucker, just stand tall and keep fucking it up. I'll bring the keg when we all get down to hell.

I hated weed for that exact reason. It activated my internal Council of shit talkers that would just make fun of me the whole time.

I've been seriously considering getting some help, but I'm worried they'll just throw pills at me and call it day. Plus, there's a stigma in my line of work for going to that kind of stuff. (Not police btw.)

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Can do will do my man.

Drinking right now, it taste terrible but I don't know it's a warm sensation that starts in my stomach and then i just get bubbly and happier. everything is a bit funnier. I guess thats because i'm a happy drunk

I'm always one thread away buddy

Thanks user, I'm not bronze though. I've seen some messy things, but that honestly stuck with me in a way I really didn't like. Plus other people who weren't directly involved would bring it up sometimes for whatever reasons, selfish or otherwise, and it only fueled the fire even more

Fuck dude don't do this to me. Please show up

And now I need a smoke BC of pic related lol

Umm

Nah man. Any pills they chuck at you you have a right to decline. Talk that shit out man.
Did you know the word addiction comes from Latin "ad diction" or without speech?
Keeping silent on things that hurt you can actually kill you.
You're aren't weak for getting help.

Does your district offer psychological consultations?

Fuck I don't even post on here... mainly a lurker and am new but this thread got my attention... stay strong and things will get better is all I can say

FUCK

I really needed the encouragement I should post in these more often.

Thanks again I'm gonna try and get a bit of sleep and finish the week strong.

i believe that we arent nothing as a whole, but individually were basically worthless, but we all count eventually
and by we i mean the human race as a whole

i mean, think about how far we've come from hitting shit with sticks and banging rocks together. we are the only animals with the most brain power to give us the illusion of free will. its the best meat machine today, because were so powerful together.

humans are obviously the smartest things on earth (that we know of, i know the fact about knowing less about our oceans than space is thrown around a lot) but were probably the only beings ever to actually breath, eat, drink.. survive. other creatures like plants and shit have just found another way of gaining energy from our surroundings and living.

idk if any of that made any sense at all im just rambling rn

OMG, fuck this kind of shit reminds me life isn't that bad.

Mmm. Feels alone

It can make you see things in focus. One hit maybe? Maybe it's not your thing.

They do, and maybe it's time to swallow some pride and see the head shrinker.

Good luck you magnificent bastard

Ella's Epic will make you fucking weep

yeah im also a happy drunk lol, always end up laughing at something

yeah i dont like to get really baked, thats when real shit goes down, but when i smoke in small doses its usually just fun

lol that guy got cucked hard. Serves him right. Fucking beta shit. Should have fucked that guy up until he was comatose.

Nothing is wrong with seeing a shrink, they have those confidentiality things. No one will know except you, them, and the people you tell. The best way to get over this stuff is to talk it out.

You're an officer of the law, you were suppose to see the shit, it's okay we are only human.

Drinking Old Style, am i the only one that likes it? People tell me it's pissy.

Y'know I never actually thought of it that way, the Latin part I mean. I'm not actively looking to hurt myself or anything, and honestly, just having someone listen makes me feel a little more hopeful. I'll never forget what I saw, and I can see that mad cunt dancing with his child's severed head every time I go back to that place in my mind. Thank you for the push

I cheated on my girlfriend, i'm still with her, and i see the girl i sleep with occasionally, I have to date her with this guilt. I'll never do it again.

>Be me in 2009
>Have a girl I have known since we were 8 that I always thought was beautiful
>We were always in a bowling league together every year and she would make me laugh and sit on my lap and flirt with me
>I told her that if we didn't date anyone by sophomore year of high-school we should date.
>I finally get the guts to ask her out
>She says yes and we instantly kiss
>My heart races as my life instantly becomes an amazing thrill and joy.
>I was always a big nerd and she was a cowgirl.
>I learn how to ride a horse and become more of a man and enjoy nature.
>She taught me how to be a better person.
>We have the best two years of our lives together. With more laughs and joy than you can imagine.
>One day she randomly tells me she wants to try dating other people because she's only dated me.
>I instantly fall apart and begin doing drugs from age 18-21.
>Finally get my life back together and become a big nerd again.
>had a few gf's since her but nothing felt the same.
>Feel empty and emotionless.
>Yesterday she texts me after getting my number from a friend.
>We hangout and have sex and yet all I wanted was to have her be mine again.
>She leaves and hasn't called or texted me since.
>Get a text today that she crashed on the way home from seeing me.
>If she never saw me she would have been alive today.
>I was finally going to be happy again.
>I can't be happy again.

Thanks user. It means a lot to have someone listen for a change instead of being "you know what you signed up for". I'm going to unload a mental Cleveland steamer on the nearest head doctor next week

Haha almost said that, I appreciate my Civic Workers, I'm drinking a beer that says saluting Chicago's bravest. You boys deserve a pint and a hug. I buy a donut for cops everytime i get my morning coffee while they're there.

youtube.com/watch?v=8OHnC24Qx8k

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Hang in there user. Life makes you do weird things. If you love your girlfriend think about how your actions can affect her and treat her like she is your heart. You wouldn't hurt your heart would you?

No bites on Cupid for the past month or so. Just looking at the same faces over and over; talking to the same people at the corner bar. How do people meet women

Stay clean and keep your chin up Sup Forumsro. Happiness is objective, and someday, you will be again. Look for something beautiful and relish in it. Every day is a new one, find one good thing about each one and write it down. It can't last forever

I cut it with the mistress. I treat my girlfriend like my whole world. I don't want to lose her and if she lost me it'd break her. I don't want to slip back into the abyss of insanity again.

The biggest thing isn't the bar. You need to try social groups or literally meet new people. Go places you normally don't go. Bars lead to a very small percentage of relationships.

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3 trippy 5 me

Thanks user, I really needed to hear that right now. Really fucks with my head. I'm still crying and hoping that she's still alive and this is all some horrible joke but it isn't.

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I always knew I couldn't understand people when I was growing up. Even now, I still don't. No, I don't have any conditions. I guess, I was always tired.

Nothing really bothers me like most people. Tapping, small noises, and etc doesn't bother me. Can't really judge people for anything. All I can do is listen and try to understand people as openly as I can. Hasn't helped me. I still try but I still feel alone and misunderstood.

Good man. I've done my fair share of sins. If I could turn back time I would erase all of them for just 5 more minutes with the woman I loved.

I meet people through work sometimes (restaurant) but aside from that, the usual bar, and online, what else could I possibly do that's social? The beach? PFTTTTT

Always user.
And please don't forget that you don't have to be thinking of hurting yourself or in a critical situation before you get help.

Sounds to me like it is difficult for you to feel in general? Or am I misunderstanding?

user stop caring what others think of you and be happy with yourself. You are who you are. Too many people sweat the small stuff. You are going to be ok. You are never alone.

I always thought I had too much love to give and would drown a girl in it. But i was wrong, she really loves me and she doesn't want to say it and i love that fact. I don't think she's the one but she'll be around for a while.

dammit i didn't plan on crying today, faggot...

Growing up, I had to learn that smiling meant I was happy, that frowning meant I was sad. I had emotions, but smiling wasn't what felt like the right expression. I trained myself to be more human.

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Try joining a social club or if you have time volunteer somewhere. If the area is small that you live in like mine the choices might be small but you have to go to different places. Try different coffee shops or a bookstore. Anywhere you normally don't go.

Time passes by too fast for me. Every day seems to get shorter and shorter. Seconds become hours become weeks become years and I just keeping losing friends I've forgotten to talk to. And one that forgot to talk to me. He didn't know he was my best and last friend. Before I knew it my mother died before I could say goodbye and my life just kept wasting away as I felt less and less. Life keeps on flashing before my eyes and now I'll be alone until the end.

>those nights when Sup Forums looks after their own

Still waiting for my Sup Forumsro...

>Rubber ducky

Sometimes you don't think they are the one until it isn't an option anymore. The truth is...there isn't a perfect someone. Find someone who loves you completely even if they annoy you a bit. It sounds awful but sometimes settling leads to what true love is.

That/s tonight m8

Used to lurk feel threads, so I have my own little stash of stuff. It's time to contribute.

What I can't really feel is people's desire to cause pain to others. I never had that desire. I see it a lot in my friends and the people I have interacted.

I've been alone my whole life. It bothers me here and there but I've grown very use to it.

Am I happy for myself? You know, I haven't for a long time. I do hate myself for my mistakes, lack of understanding people, and general guilt. Though, I'm always generally neutral.

I am always here for you user. Even when no one else will be I will be the one who answers you. Who feels for you. Who cries for you. Who inspires you. I love you user just the way you are.

I didn't settle. I didn't enter a relationship unless i knew something was there.
Green text i guess.

>get broken up with ex who took my heart
>in shambles for weeks
>take up smoking and drinking
>pure apathy
>go through a series of girls
>1st girl i wasn't into at all
>2nd girl bore me to death
>3rd girl was too young and it would've been complicated
>4th girl I had in class and we talked
>asked for her number
>went on a date
>drove around went to target and did fake accents in random aisles to fuck with people
>held her hand out, keep making poles seperate us so we could come back
>she said you're trying to seperate me from you?
as we go around my car and we get in
>i say as i sit down, we only split to come back together
>kiss
>best kiss i've had in months
>she just goes wow
>that's when i knew i could date her.