I need advice. and /adv/ is quiet as fuck

I need advice. and /adv/ is quiet as fuck

>22 M with 21 F GF, both in univerisity in europe
>2 yrs dating, commited/transparant about everything, 10/10 best relationship either of us has had, marraige had been a lingering thought at times
>I flunked school and needed to move back to the USA to start different education path (parents influence and decision to make me go)
>We both wanted to stay together but realised it might make us resent each other in an LDR
>talked things over and we both agreed that we want to stay best friends and pursue each other in the long term once we finish our education (be it 1-2 yrs)
>we are single but don't broadcast this on facebook, we've agreed that this period of time is a 'break'
>we both said we did not want to actively pursue other people/relationships/hookups etc (if someone were to ask us our relationship status we said we would say 'we are seeing someone')

So now it's been about a month or so, we've maintained the same kind of contact through social media, still calling each other by petnames and still talking about everything with each other, even sexting/skyping and still telling each other how much we love and miss each other.

To my dismay I have also discovered she has also made an account on OkCupid, today (which i presume was made in the last couple days)

The discovery was initially alarming but in some ways comforting mostly alarming

>listed as looking for single men, 20-26, for friendship or short term relationship
>wants the next relationship to be around 6 months to a year (this is the lowest option next to 1 night stand option)
>regardless of current circumstances finds sex more important than relationship
>says shes not into 1 night stands
>sex possible on first date but usually 1-3 dates
>would you consider having an open relationship? answer was no
>opening statement in bio is "just here to browse and take a look"

Theres more but this is the jist of it.
I don't know what to do or how to deal with this.

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OP here again.

The main problem i have with this is that I asked her to be completely transparent with me through this time that we are away and we agreed on this, and this exact behavior is going directly against that.

I made a fake account and matched with her in order to discover this out. I sent her a message and she responded with a normal greeting, but is asleep for the night so i havent gotten anything back.

I feel bad for catfishing her like this, but at the same time I feel like she is playing games with me and it's extremely unfair for her to reserve the "safety net of boyfriend who is away and i know he's not fooling around with others because we agreed not to", to test out other people while we are away.

I would rather her be honest with me and say that shes interested in meeting others and maybe we could decide on an open relationship.

I dont blame her for being curious as the loneliness and anxiety is real but this is a low blow.

I don't know when or how i'll confront her about this.

Desperately looking for advice on how to deal with this situation or anybodies success/failure stories with similar stuff. Anything helps

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How did you find out about the OK account?

Just 2 days ago we were skyping and she sent me a link to an OKC sex statistics article and said something like "check this out, besides all the dating and whatever OKC actually makes some interesting articles", it wasn't very relevant to the situation but the fact that she found it was enough of a red flag to go investigate

Im gonna tell you shes just a chick and to tell her to fuck off you can find someone else, then like a hypocrite im gonna go think of how to get my own ex back when shes in a new relationship now

Man. She's the one. She knows i'm the one. She just wants to have her cake and eat it too.

IE wants the physical comfort of sex/someone there to praise her and the emotional/spiritual connection to stay with me.

Although, this is all too early to say, and the main factor is that she listed her first opening thing as "just here to look and browse"

It seems like she feels like she needs to hide it. Did you ever do anything that might make her second guess you?

...

No i don't think so. It was pretty much mutual concern that we didn't want the other to fall in love while we were gone. I think this is related to where she is looking for short term just to have the comfort. She will be off to her masters in a year somewhere else so I know she does not want to pursue something serious anyway.

though i also feel like she has anxiety over thinking about losing out on potential options. IE eggs in one basket, either to reassure herself that i am indeed the one or that this stems from her concern that I would leave for someone else.

It's sounds like you know what you need to do.

Im by no means a expert but listen, if a chick loves you she isnt going to browse, the only reason she hasn't completely cut you off is because she hasnt found a new guy yet. Imo you need to show you're not just waiting for her to choose and you're prepared to leave, id even go as far as to say you think you should end it, she will either have an extreme reaction and pushback on that idea and want you or you'll know its done when she agrees.

Weither you agree with my opinion or not this is fact though, a girl who really loves a guy will do pretty much anything to stay with him, weither that means no sex or whatever because the emotional feeling is a lot stronger than physical

I hear you but what about the proposition of open relationship with the goal of meeting each other after, IE making rules like, stop when you feel too connected to the other people, let them know you are in an open relationship etc.

You flunked out, you career and thus earning prospects are lower.

You are now no long a stable future investment, of course she is looking for an upgrade or to satisfie herself.

Before she viewed you as worth enough to avoid temptation or at least be more descret.

If she will lie right to you now can you be sure she has not do so before? Or done something worse?

BAIL OUT Sup ForumsRO

Dont do this to yourself. If you ever get together again, tell her about this, but forgive her

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I still have credits and my study time will be shorter, it was a problem with the university. I am still omw to a good degree.

Dont do what to myself? confront her or carry on with the catfishing?

...

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No ones going to stop when they start feeling connected, open relationships hardly work due to this

I dont mean to sound harsh but i was in a similiar situation a few months ago and trust me man, shes looking for new options and when she finds one you're fucking gone 100%

I understand that. But we both have reached a level where our connection is really the best ever to where we wouldn't even be able to begin to guess where we would even begin to find someone like each other.

She doesn't want to cut things off, she's been very open and forward about this.

It's hard to grasp but i think it's best to solve this by communicating with her as says.

You may have plenty of option open to you OP but all she is taking note of right now is you not succeding.

Just as her discovered lie suggest more future and past dishonesty. To her you failing hint at more of the same.

If you had to bet on a horse to win a race and make you money. Is it not logical to bet on one that has never lost a race? Even if you can find a horse like that keeping your old one in reserve in just common sense.

If you were activly looking elsewhere, how would she react?

Would she talk to you calmly like you seem to want to? Or would you be branded a cheat, shamed by her and her friends? Would being labelled such fuck with your life?

She is already looking, how long till she starts testing out new guys with an intrest to buy?

Give nudes of her please.

You have reacted a level where your connection feels the best ever.

She has not or she would not be lying to you and trying to turn you into a CUCK.

Stop being a sap. She is guilty of premeditated infidelity. You found the smoking gun, stop making emotional arguements and see what is in front of you.

I am doing well at the university i am in now.

I'm not sure yet her prognosis of how she would feel if i were to actively look elsewhere since this is only the past 2 days that this has come up.

When we initially talked about the whole thing a month back, she said she was comforted by her grandma that "if it comes to it that you or him end up in a one night stand, then so be it! you don't need to let that define you or hold it against each other"

You can logically see the relationships good, girls dont work like that they go by emotion and if shes looking for something new she isnt feeling you, thats an undeniable fact you will see in time, and yea she obviously wouldnt tell you she wants you out of her life because at this point she probably doesnt, she wants to look around while she knows you're waiting then if she finds something she likes you're either gone or you can be "bestfriends"

That is the pre game speech right there. The purpose of telling you that is to begin warming you up to the idea she may fuck around.

A faithful person does not plan to cheat. She was sounding you out to gauge your reaction

>premeditated infidelity
yep, confrontation is the only answer and I will be very straight forward that what she is doing is wrong and completely against what we both had in mind in terms of transparency. I'll see how she responds and then from there we see. Its too complex to say "yeah shes just moving on to bigger better things". My hunch is that she got a bit too overconfident in her "not actively looking" and convinced herself with a half assed excuse that having a profile on a site like this is "passive"

If you guys are as "transparent" as you say you are, as what the deal is. Be a adult, dont go crying to her because she may want to see other people.

Confronting her about her doing something you dont like will make you seem like a bitch man im telling you itll make you seem weak and even less attractive, tell her you're either taking a mutual break where theres no fucking around like that or its completely done, if she chooses done dont even respond just leave it, she'll come back if she loves you

This is a shitty automatic reading. It sound meh but it will educate you OP.

youtube.com/watch?v=EcAWn2D8EsM

Yeah it is a bit over the top in places, obviously women are not subhuman or dumb but the calculating way they view realtionships is real as hell.

I have never had a bad break up but listening to this was eye opening and helped make sense of alot of "Random" shit that bothered or puzzled me even though I did not know why.

Yeah i agree with you.

thanks man, watching now.

When my relationship was ending we tried taking a break and just being "best friends" that sounds good in theory but the thing is you arent her fucking best friend, her bestfriends someone she sends ugly photos too and doesnt care what she looks like around not someone shes attracted to and wants to be with, it sounds like a good idea but it isnt to try to be this

You can date and be best friends at the same time but once that attraction is lost and you're only best friend you'll have slim to none chance of regaining it, absolutely none by maintaining yourself as fine sitting on the sidelines as a friend

thats what we are though man.

Attraction is clearly still there as we sext/skype sex still.

Thats good to hear shes still attracted to you like that then, maybe theres a bit of hope if you make sure it remains and you dont just become a regular best friend

It is to keep you engaged. If she is your sexual source she stops you looking elsewhere while she has time to search for a replacement.

i side with this

more than this

Yea a chick whos still sexually into you is atleast decently into you, its still bad shes out looking but maybe shes just on the fence right now, if she was sure youd get 1000 excuses every time you tried to sext or whatever

shouldnt have failed school you fucking failure

Plan for/Expect the worst then if it does not come you will be pleasantly suprised. Dont suck up just what you want to hear.

After all a betrayal has already taken place.

yeah its looking like the fence type thing now.
Or just that she feels comfy sitting on top of the fence and whats the security of falling back on something if we dont work out. Its obviously unsustainable and i think she is just dabbling with the idea

yep. It goes two ways and she is the only one to say how it goes.

Fucking /thread

>implying lifes failures arent necessary to achieve bigger and better things
>implying everything was a failure
>implying that you're any better posting on this fucking website