It's 1995

It's 1995.
What do you tell your younger self?

The names Nick Dileto, my phones name is (815)-661-0705, my houses name is 25821 S woodrush way Channahon IL

>give me gag prank
>bet you wont
>nothing offends me!!!
>send funny memes pls
>profit???

You will b born in 7 years, so start working out NOW!!! haha

Hi Dr.Nick

...

haha I want to be ripped fam right off the bat

I wasn't born for another year lol

>have sex with your neighbor at 16
>sex her daughter good when she is 6
>don't fuck your hottie of a friend when she is 14
>work hard as fuck and make that money, be independent early on
>your mom is going to steal your money and silver coins at 16, hide that shit good. leave a decoy box and be sure to purchase gold coins ASAP

Nothing, I'm such an anti-social fag I probably wouldn't be able to talk to my past self

go to columbine high school on April 20
> nothing else

I'd tell him to never let Lindsay leave.

oops forgot to mention on 1999

I'd be 1 year old, so it wouldn't matter what I told myself, because I wouldn't understand it anyway.

I watch scooby dew blaze da scooby snax with shaggy

underage b&

Don't fucking be born.

"Kill yourself. Tie the umbilical cord around your neck."

In 1995 I was 4 years old.

I'd probably just kill myself - my 4-year-old self, that is.

>go active duty early on and be sure to not reenlist. you'll get screwed
>don't get that car for $1,900, you will sink $3,000 into it and will still fall apart
>purchase a house instead of renting at 20 the house will be almost half way paid off by now.

Many will die.

Not born yet you fucking gay.

Go against the housing market in 2007

on Sept 16, 2016
go to Sup Forums and start a thread on Sup Forums by posting this pic

buy apple stock

>Go to the stock market on 9/10 2001

...

Sup 2yo Me, want a popsicle?

The same exact thing that I was told in 1995 by my older self when he came back in time from the year 2016:

>"If you don't reply to this post your mother will die in her sleep tonight."

>put yourself on craigslist for sexual encounters at 17/18, there are lot of sugar daddies and live your submissive fantasy
>eat more bacon

Hmmm

invest in apple

Nice paradox, dumbass.

I'd be talking to my dads nutsack

Don't fuck all those married wife and the girlfriends and ex of your friends. They are some of your best fuck but you will lose a lot in the process.

>goes back in time to tell self some common fucking sense

Fuck investing - buy one of the latest products they have released, take it back in time, and pass it off as your own. Become Steve Jobs.

Study computer science, engineering an programming and you'll be rich as fuck, and know how to control the most important technology in the world. Also don't fool around with that Amanda chick in high school, that bitch is crazy.

Tell myself to turn on CNN on 9/11 2001. Then I'll do a 360 and run back into my time machine

>Do more drugs but keep it under control
>Your liver trans isnt an excuse not to drink socially
>Hangout with even the fucks that annoy you, you never know when shit will end/changr
>No one REALLY means a damn thing, we only hold people in our own high reguard but in reality if they disapear or change etc. nothing hapens globally.
>Fuck more bitches
>Dont move with someone just because youre affraid of being left behinde
>Highschool is going to be fucking amazing and you should take that oppportunity of slinging weed and growing
>Dont try to become a lineman, become something with a cushy job rolling in 100k+ a year.
>You're fucking smart if you could pay attention in class for once.
>Dont drink tons of monster
>Use lube when fapping.
>Speak up about shit, knock fuckers down.

Kill yourself at age 20.

Well it seems my present self didn't realize that. It took death menace and loosing all my friends to stop. I think I would still fuck a woman in a relationship if she's hot. It's their fucking problem if she's cheating, not mine. ;)

I'm 1. I'd tell myself I'm an ugly baby.

You're not even born yet dude this is weird.
"WOULD YOU STOP TALKING TO MY PENIS SIR?"

Tell my self to not get too excited about the Star wars prequels that'll come out in a few years.

On 9/11/2001 .. early in the morning at school around 9am. Fall to the floor and scream.. "OH GOD NO!!!!!!" When everyone asks what's wrong.. tell them you don't know.. but feel like something awful is about to happen.

Wait about an hour.. become a God!

Tell myself that the girl I was fucking at the time won't be anything special and to not bother wasting a year with when ALL the other girls in your high school are desperate for your salami.

Oh, and invest in small companies called Amazon, Yahoo and Ebay. Sell Yahoo shares in 2000

end it now, while you still have a chance.

You will be born in one year
Get ready

probably scream in my face to watch me cry.

Hi little buddy.
You're only two years old, so this entire conversation is pointless.

But here are a few spoilers:
- your brother's actually a pretty nice guy, and you're a bit of a narcissistic sociopath. But try to be nicer to him, because he puts up with a lot of shit from you,

- math education in middle and high school is fucked up. It'll make you think you're bad at math, and it'll make you think you don't like math. In reality, you just have awful teachers and you're learning the basics. Once you get into discrete math and engineering math in college, you'll realize it's actually something you're really good at.

- Middle school and high school are horrible years of your life. People will tell you these are awesome years of your life. Those people are lying. People will tell you it'll get better in college. It won't. It'll just get more... extreme... in college. Higher highs, lower lows. You'll cut yourself a lot through high school and college. This is normal.

- Your girlfriend in high school, A., is nice, but she'll break your heart. In college, you'll never get anywhere with V. Partly because she's a cold, passive-aggressive, crazy bitch, and partly because you're a needy, passive-aggressive, crazy bitch.

- if you can, consciously avoid thinking about the nature of the universe. Asking philosophical questions will only end in pain and sadness. You will eventually figure out what happens after you die, and what everything means. You'll wish you hadn't. Put off that realization as long as possible.

But overall?
Things are going to be fine.
You know how your mom is always telling you you'll never amount to anything and end up a janitor? Well, that won't happen. She's just scared because you seem so carefree. She doesn't know you're terrified. Things really will turn out okay. You have to believe that.

it would have already started at 9, idiot.

Don't marry the person you will meet in 2years dump your gf you have now & yes those 3 girls will fuck you if you want to.

explain to myself how valuable bitcoin will become...

What a massive faggot.

You'll be born in a couple months max. Abort yourself before it's too late.

Invest in Google.

Invest in Apple.

Bet the house on the Giants beating the Patriots in the 2008 Super Bowl.

I'd give myself all the winners to the 2014 NCAA Bracket which Warren Buffet offered a billion dollars to anyone with a perfect bracket.

wow you are a massive fucking faggot.

I was 5 so I doubt it would matter. maybe I tell myself it's okay not to be normal and it's okay to be loved even when you don't love yourself.

Get your shit figured out fast.

Fuck man...

>Everything's going to turn to shit real quick, kid. Don't go off the meds.

Invest in Bitcoin

This. Also here are several powerball winning numbers. Also, don't stop working out.

Stay away from Mr. Ellis.

wow you are a massive fucking faggot. climb up onto the roof and jump off.

The cartel Is gonna explode a car bomb in the mall tell grandma not to go

I'd go back in time and kill Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak and Ronald Wayne. Also kill Larry Page and Sergey Brin. That way all these fags taking the easy way out saying they would invest everything in Apple and Google would be worse off then they are now.

Start killing SJWs now before they're really a problem.

Don't go into under the black house into the cave worms or grey spider areas - Edge is there and he will backstab you, take your bone-handled headcutter, and call you a faggot.

Quit playing videogames, you wont grow up and become John Stamos, also quit eating your boogers

Story time.

pic related?

if I had been more ready to accept love I probably wouldn't have been suicidal in the first place.
it's an unfortunately common idea that you need to work on yourself and be in a good place before you are "healthy enough" for a relationship. that's total bullshit and I wish I had realized as much before I threw away multiple good relationships.
you can think I'm a faggot for it if you want, but most people want to be loved in some capacity and some just don't know how.

Dont leave the nut sack

Hey, 13 yr old user.
Cherish every fucking moment whith kaith, she will l soon pass away, leaving you scared and emotionaly distant for the rest(so far) of your life.
Joining rhe military was the best idea you ewer had, dont ruin it by beating up a nco, alltho well deserved.
Playstation wil eventually overcome Nintendo, bettre belive it.
Keep taking care of your body.

lol nobody cares, faggot. jump off the roof.

you clearly care. caring doesn't have to be positive.

Enjoy being 3 years old while it lasts. It's all downhill from here on.

wow your and idiot and a massive fucking faggot.

gold price 1995 $387
gold price 2011 $1,921

Everything you love will be absolutely dead in 20 years. Mom and dad, sister too. Cat, Dog, another cat. You'll drift between jobs. They'll come at you with medication and therapy and pronounce you cured for 3-4 years at a time, and then you'll relapse. Drugs, Alcohol, self-destruction. You try to tell them why you're always sad and distant, but nobody listens.

Just go up into the mountains and never look back. Society is fucked, maybe you're just meant to be alone. Rebuild that cabin you came across and fuck the system.

>Young me! You've been selected to help us protect the space-time continuum! We've managed to repair the damage done by the Y2K bug, but someone in our ranks is a caddish traitor and has activated a year 2038 bug! Now, here are your phase couplers, your distortion trackers, and your nanite cigars! Let's go! Oh, and just in case you were wondering, no we didn't go to the prom after all...she was a man.

Avoid Lisa, Vanessa, Sheila and Lauren. Ian gets addicted to heroin, so, be careful around him. You're probably better off not befriending him at all. Don't listen to your parents; study computers instead. Mine bitcoins. Sell them all on June 16, 2016.

>your and idiot
good job,

Dearest Self,

This is you from the future; the year 2016 to be exact. A lot of things have happened since 3rd grade ( which is where, I expect, you find yourself at the moment in time). I'm writing to you to warn you of the mistakes that I have made and the mistakes that others have made so that, by the time you are my age you may be better off and so that those around you will be better off.

(1) Study hard. I know people in your class can just sit there, listen to the teacher and ace tests, but this isn't your strength. You're not as smart as others and you never will be - so you need to work twice as hard to catch up.

(2) You know how people are always saying that "you're in your own little world"? They're right. First, understand that you're not odd for being this way - its a defense mechanism designed to prohibit you from failing socially. But all it does is make you a bigger target. You need to socialize more. Talk more. Take note of what your classmates are doing and copy that.

(3) You're ugly. Nobody is going to say it because your family and handful of friends care about you too much. You know those girls you like? They will never like you back - so stop caring about what they think about you. No girl you will ever like will like you back. So, take that as a given and move on. Im not being funny - Im serious. Nobody will ever like you, life isn't a Disney movie. The only person you have to look out for is you. Be selfish.

(4) 6th - 8th grade is going to be a nightmare. Stay away from Robert, become friends with Nick. He is a cool person and a true friend even if you two do head down different paths in the end. In high school become friends with Miguel. Yet again, another awesome friend. However, you two will also go your separate ways. Hopefully you took (3) to heart by now. But if not, another warning - nobody likes you.

(5) Once you're in high school, get a job and start working out. Yes the vast amount of time you put into studying will be cut back. If you see your grades start to slip quit. But do everything in your power to maintain a good working history. Try to join clubs while in high school (no, not the anime club). Try to volunteer at places. Start building a resume.

(5) In 2001 on September 11 terrorists will strike the world trade center in new york city with planes, as well as the pentagon, with a 4th jet headed towards the white house. Thousands will die. I'm not sure how you could stop this at your age, but try. On May 7 2007 your sister will get into a massive car wreck. Tell her to avoid seeing the boy that she is seeing in high school around that time and push her to get her own license. In October of 2008 the stock market will experience a crash. This last sentence relates to (6)

(6) Make sure you major in something useful in college. What people told you, including your guidance counselor at school, that as long as you get a 4 year degree you'll be able to get a job, doesn't hold true after the collapse. Major in something STEM related (don't worry, you'll know what that is soon). Hopefully all the studying will have paid off and you'll have gotten into a good school. DO NOT go to law school.

(7)Lastly, don't play many video games. Stay away from World of Warcraft.

>invest in google
>then short mortgage backed securities between 2005 and 2006 (all of them)
>after making billions on that, buy as much farmland WITH the water rights to them (not in California)
I think that would be a great start

>finish learning how to talk, then well talk

You have my sympathy, i hope tge best for you user.

Haha XD

this.

Yeah, I'm kinda lucky that I'm not a complete uggo.
I'm not great looking, but I've gathered that I'm a 7 / 10, and (because I'm rich and charming) I can bring that up to an 8 / 10.

Does kind of suck for people who are ugly, though. 'Cause no one wants to be the one to break that news.

Sucks to be you, mon fag.
Sucks to be you.

That's life. Everything dies. Sometimes I drink, Sometimes I smoke, Sometimes I think. But Im alone, and everything dies.

that was a terrible poem and you should go ahead and go jump off the roof faggot.

I would tell myself the lottery numbers for the past 20 years and to invest in Microsoft, Apple, Twitter, youtube, facebook and a host of others. Then I would go back to this time and be the richest motherfucker in the world.

charge more to the old pedos watching you jerk off on netmeeting. I couldve made so much more money if i wasnt so stupid

I always like to think of it this way,

The darker it is, the brigther the stars shine.

MODS

Can do, but I'll wake your mom

>hey bud
>you can't understand me right now since you are a fucking infant but I just want to say, this is as good as it will get.

>would go back in time with you