Anyone here feel like talking for a second. I've got a few things going on in my shitstain of a brain

Anyone here feel like talking for a second. I've got a few things going on in my shitstain of a brain.

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Let it out bro

yes talk to me

take me to the sun

About two years ago, I lost a shit load of weight and just couldn't eat anything. I felt like absolute shit. I was close to 300lb, and over the course of 3 months, I dropped to 160lb.

Went to a doctor, and I found out I was diabetic.

That... scared me.

I'm now very OCD about what I eat. I have to be. Everytime I feel even the slightest bit weird, I test my blood. Due to how well controlled I am, it never goes over 130.

But I'm still scared.

No one cares fag, go be emo somewhere else.

Went to a theripist.

Aparently, finding out I had a problem that could kill me caused something in my brain to fuck up.

I now have regular anxiety attacks.

>Bad gas in my chest
Oh shit, I'm having a heart attack.

>Little to much caffeine
Oh shit, I'm about to die, aren't I.

>Get a little dizzy
I'm about to have a stroke.

I was prescribed 0.5 mg of Clonazepam to fix this... but I don't take it.

don't be , just follow doctors instructions and you will be fine.

my brother is diabetic,he has a normal life
he enjoys his drinks (even though his shouldnt be drinking)

...

>I don't take it.

oh please

You see, I know they will do nothing but help me, but the simple thought of taking something that changes how my own mind thinks is... scary.

I am seriously afraid to take the medication given to me that is meant to stop me from being so scared.

I'm sitting here at my stupid ass desk, looking at this tiny as fuck orange bottle, about to take what I would call my "Off switch."

But I can't.

alternative medicine

It's not like I haven't taken them before. I have. I know what happens.

I know how I feel when I'm on them.

I don't like feeling like that.

I'm... happy.

That's it. I'm just in a constant state of "OK."

Nothing wrong. I'm just me, and we're good.

I don't like that.

It's like being in a room filled with color, but being afraid of the yellow. You have a button that drains all of the color, and you press it.

The yellow is gone, but everything else is as well.

I want to fix this. I don't want to be in a constant state of "Oh shit, I'm about to die. or "Oh shit, I can't eat that. If I eat that I'll die."

I want to be OK.

But I don't want it to be artificial. I don't want to take a damn pill everytime I get a little scared.

I'm shaking now, but if I take that pill it's gone in an instant.

If I don't take that damn pill, it'll all blow over in half an hour.

But then it'll come back.

We all die. I know that. I actually don't fear death itself.

If it's non-existence beyond death, cool. I won't be alive to care.

It's the very act of dying that scares me.

it just sounds like anxiety to me. try something like
>weed
>painkillers
>take your clonazepam or ask for a different benzo

So, the question is now:

Do I take the pill? And do I keep taking the pills once a day like I was told?

Or do I try and learn how to not be afraid? Even though I have no idea where to start doing that?

youtube.com/watch?v=P3YEcQvnHks

there's something else i'm about to try for my anxiety too which is mescaline so i will see how that goes. it might work for you too

Don't take the pill. I know modern medicine has advanced and for good and bad reasons... but what you're scared of is totally normal. Not being yourself. Even if you don't like being yourself, you know that changes. Focus yourself towards better eating, hygenics and alternative medicine like another user suggested. Humans go through multiple life cycles in my opinion, we die and then are reborn something from our experiences. It's going to take effort and you must understand yourself instead of becoming something that will never change again.

Heavy sleeping problems since the past week.Dont know why..either way i cant sleep like now or I wake up every hour..wat do?

The problem is I'm so scared of eating now that I struggle to get proper nutrition.

If it's not a work day, I'm lucky if I eat 1500 calories.

On work days, I just eat an order of wings and that's 600 calories right there.

Yeah, don't take that kind of shit except as a last resort to cut off a psychological catastrophe that's obviously causing you to totally lose your shit.

I had the same problem for years after a string of close calls in my early twenties, beginning with a brush with stage 2 hypothermia while camping out in weather that suddenly plummeted to –5° F, and ending with a severely deranged man planning out and attempting my murder for weird and unintelligible reasons. Which all kind of brought out residual hang ups I'd buried from at least equally close calls in childhood I'd had from being born with some shoddy genes that would have led to organ failure in short order if I hadn't been born in a First World country in the age of modern medicine.

Basically, you have to learn to just accept that sometimes you feeling anxiety and stop . You're fast approaching or already at the point where what you fear isn't even the possible medical ailments anymore, but the episodes of anxiety themselves, and that shit will just go on forever if you let it have that power over you. One of the best easily-adopted changes of approach, in my experience, is to just DO things while you feel that way, instead of trying to worry about "feeling the right way".

Anyway, I'm going to bed and am too tired to communicate any real advice, but you can reach me at human (at) arcticmail.com if you want. Can't promise I'll have anything useful to tell you or solve your problems, but I've at least dealt with the same all-pervasive death anxiety that you have. I also assume there are probably type-2 diabetes support groups online, might be worth signing up on a forum or something and talking to people who've dealt with it for longer to give yourself an idea of what is and isn't a realistic fear. I'm sure plenty of people on sites like that would talk to you about it if you shared your concerns with them.

>is to just DO things while you feel that way, instead of trying to worry about "feeling the right way".

It's 9PM.

I've never just went out for a walk at night.

I want to.

If you want to keep the thread alive, I'd like that. If not, OK.

I'll be back in ten minutes or so.

Sure, I'll give it a bump. (*I*, at least, am definitely going to bed in less than fifteen minutes, though, so am just bumping for the possibility of more others weighing in.)

Even a second bump.

Thank you. I'm back, and I actually do feel a lot better.

Saw a homeless guy. Sat and talked to him about all of this. Gave him $100 after I felt better.

He told me: "No matter what, you're you. That's the only tool you need. You can live off of that idea alone."

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