Firstly, thanks to any Sup Forumsros that take the time to read

Firstly, thanks to any Sup Forumsros that take the time to read.

So a brief overview of my dilemma is I'm 29, I am the go-to person for everyone in my life that everyone uses to talk to. But now that I'm having a hard time, I lost my job due to some internal politics, and I totaled my car which has financially choked me for months. No one in my life seems to care. People actively look for ways to disengage from the conversation. I've been known to in the past not sleep at all before work to help other friends and family through hard times. It's just depressing coming to the realization that it's always been a one-way street with the people closest to me. And I feel like the situation is compounded between my parents going through a divorce and trying to use me as a pawn through the disguise of "needing someone to talk to". In addition my "best-friend" of 12 years has cause fights with almost every other friend I've had because he's socially inept. I live with him and my brother. My brother is and has always been very introverted. And I know if I was to try and leave I would be leaving him all alone. I know he would listen but he doesn't have the skills to absorb and I've prospective on things. But at this point everyone around me just feels toxic. The region in which I could get to for work has almost no job opportunities and the ones that do are mainly restaurants that won't hire anyone without kitchen experience. I'm just starting to feel like I'm at the end of my rope. And I don't know what to do. So here I am...

Thanks for listening even if that's all you do.

I love you, user. I'm sorry I can't make things better for you. Don't give up.

Thanks for restoring my faith in humanity that the first response wasn't "an hero". You're okay in my book, user!

Any time, Sup Forumsro. Stay strong.

sounds like you're the best part of your life right now

personal opinion is that you need to move somewhere you can get some work, get some decent people around you. yes, it might not be great for your brother/best friend, but goddamn, look out for number one, man. hope you can do better

I'm 29 too and while I can't empathize with being broke or jobless, I am a poor socializer and pretty much a loner myself. Also have somewhat toxic family too. I lost all my friends a few years back when I took care of my grandparents for 2 years and didn't have time to hang out anymore. It's funny how people dry up and disappear. You only need a good friend or two. I literally only text maybe 5 different people a week and am only close to like 2 or 3. Don't be depressed that you've figured out who's self absorbed. It's pretty liberating really once you get past the initial feeling of having nobody who cares. Fuck fake people.

Thanks for the encouraging words, user. You guys are really blowing my expectations with the support. I have been seriously debating moving away. It's just the thought of condemning my brother to solitude if I leave. Only because I know he won't want to.

call people out on their shit, to their faces, in front of other people. make them feel small and shitty, and make sure that they know that you know that youre doing it intentionally. they already dont give a shit about you. take them down a few pegs, because they obviously dont know who they really are.

That sounds exactly how my social situation is shaping up. It is in a way liberating, it's just I wish I didn't have to find out as I approach rock bottom. :/ and then I keep thinking about the years wasted on other people and future I could have started building for myself with people I could count on.

I've done that to two "friends" and they tried running to our mutual friends about what an asshole I was. But the ironic part was they told me about it and cut off communications to those people. But those same people who are the "real" friends are the ones now turning their backs on me.

well of course he won't want to. i'm just saying, you don't want to wake up in ten years and resent him for dragging you down from what you could have been

offer support from a distance if you need to, just don't tear yourself down trying to build somebody else up

Stop giving a fuck. Honestly. The people that care about you will stay after you tell them exactly what you are thinking. Your in a rut and you need optimism in your life not selfish people. People need to start believing in you. To do that you gotta believe in yourself.

Maybe you have a point and I have to just let it be, how it'll be. If he wants to plant his feet in the shitstorm I can't change that. :/ but it just feels so against the nature of being the big brother. I know even now he still looks up to me. I guess it would feel like a failure on my part to let him down.

Thanks again for replying, guys. Means more than you think.

I'm in the same boat to a degree, cut off all contact with my only real circle of friends after they conspired to fuck me out of a few hundred dollars, then offer me $20 "out of the graciousness of their heart" whenever I called them out on it.

Honestly? You're at an impasse. Sometimes you just can't make everybody happy, sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Not just sacrificing your own personal well being like you've been doing, but sacrificing the well being of others that you care about. So long as you remember your brother and make a point to visit/talk to him every few days, would it be that bad if you moved elsewhere to work? There's no point in staying on a sinking ship just to keep the others there company.

Also, I love you, user. I know it sounds cheesy as fuck, but you seem like a chill dude and I hope for the best for you.

next time, don't stare at the balls.

It's a lot like sudden decompression in an airplane. Put the mask on yourself first, or you'll pass out and be of no help to anyone.

Sounds like you r brother needs to get some come-uppins too. You think you're helping, but you're making him socially lazy. You're allowing him to wallow in his issues. You want to help him? Make sure he can't rely on you for a while - get the fuck out.

And drop the loser "friend." You need to establish stability, and if he sabotages your other friendships, he's no friend - he's a parasite.

Go wherever you think you need to, to get yourself back on your feet. If you have any friends or prospects anywhere else, see if you can tap into them, but be mindful of not overstaying your welcome. Don't ask for favors. Let people know what your needs are. Those who can help usually offer.

It is cheesy, but it's got a lot of value. Especially when it feels like no one could give less of a fuck. At least you bros are taking the time to listen to my complaining. You guys are all good guys in my book. You took the time to talk to a stranger you owed nothing to on the Internet. But you're right, it wouldn't kill him and I'm sure he could adapt, knowing that I still would be there for anything he could ever need. Like I said if he could help me, he would. So that's why I don't like to drop a lot on him. I'm sure he feels some guilt.

if he's looking up to you, lead by example. i've got a brother eight years older than me, close to your age, and he seems stuck in life. my parents are ashamed, and he's not exactly somebody i feel i can look up to in any way

show him how good you can make your life, and hopefully he responds by taking that as inspiration for himself. if not, well, it hurts to watch somebody start to decline like that, but there's a limit in how much you can give him

then again, i don't know. i might be biased towards the cut-your-losses path for a variety of reasons. certainly don't take the word of one Sup Forumstard as gospel, you know? you seem like you've got a good head about this

Been exactly there bro.

I pulled through, took three moves over three states to get my shit together. I'm 34 now, own a business, 3 kids and an amazing wife.

You can do this, you've survived everything that's been thrown at you up to now, you don't sound soft and you've got a good heart. Dig in and make a decision. Don't stall yourself down, that's how you fail. Left, right... good, bad, or indifferent... make a choice.

Just don't quit.

I've thought about reaching out to some old close friends and looking into relocating out of state. But that's exactly what I want to avoid, becoming someone else's burden. But I feel like I'm wise enough to understand when too much is too much. I've also always tried to avoid asking for help, so I'm also thinking this is a reason everyone has gotten used to me figuring things out on my own. (Without bragging) I've just always been the problem solver, and anyone else would have had worse advice than I would have had just figuring it out on my own. But when the well runs dry, I guess that where I'm learning people around me aren't equipped or are unwilling to help me sort the mess. The friend is easy enough to ditch, I've been ready to break that off for months. Like I said the dilemma was the brother but I'm convinced it's best that I let him go on his own path knowing I'm not far away, rather than helping him steer the ship.

Are you sure you're not enabling him to some degree? I'm sure you want nothing but the best for your brother, and he the same for you, but maybe distance is best for you both. Nothing changes bad habits like the instinct for survival. If he can't hide away all day for fear of going hungry, or having his power cut off, then he'll have to grow as a person. Stay at arm's length to give him advice and friendship, but let him work for himself for a while.

Sometimes, we need a little help. Ain't nothing wrong with help. You pull your weight if you're staying with others, find a way to be usefully even if it's cleaning, dishes, whatever.

Not sure what your religious position is, but when I was living out of my truck for a time, I connected with local churches to do side work, cleaning, landscaping... helping move furniture. A little extra money, and more importantly it kept me busy.

Id probably set the property on fire stepping door near a church lol. But that's a good idea user.

Oh trust me. I left footprints.

>I've also always tried to avoid asking for help
Let me reiterate: don't ask for help. Figure out what you need, and let people know. Those who can help, usually offer on their own what they can afford - space, food, job, car, whatever. You wouldn't be a burden, because it would be on their terms. Ask for suggestions in attaining your goals and meeting your needs, not direct resources. Have a plan. Then you'll have your shit together and means resources sent your way won't be wasted charity - it will result in growth - and yes, return. Don't forget to thank, tangibly, when you can.

It is to a degree enabling and I'm understanding that now. You're 100% right user.

Side note, you guys fucking rock. You have no idea how helpful you've all been.

Second this.

Asking for help, mixed results. Plus it does put the pressure on certain folks. But putting what you need out there, letting people know... that is a choice others make, and decide to act on.

Definitely what I want to do, instead of handouts. I've never been one to do that. My integrity is my most guarded quality. So if I can't pay back I don't take.

Agreed, user.

Just don't quit man. You're young, this is just a moment... it'll pass like everything else has. I hated hearing that when I was younger too, but it's true.

Hang in there like that fucking cat poster.

Thanks, user. It does feel like a waste of time, but then I think I have at least another 30-40 years to go, so nothing is set in stone.

glad to hear it, user. thanks for letting me make a meaningful connection tonight, means a lot to me too

peace and much love, man

Thank YOU, man.

the gig takes pry ore it ee,not those in crisis, dont e angry just be circumspect about whom you invest personal & emotional stuff in your family ought to respect,if not like this,a gig AWAY from the family is ducky,prepare to project competence in the job,or attentiveness in learning the job,KEEP IT PERFUNCTORY always polite with all,until your antennae tell you 'you can trust him/her/, in onesies or twosies at the most, if you find after a couple years,your need to 'be there for everyone' is still there, a recurred craving like food,booze drugs, you need what we can not deliver here,

Like I said above. I'm 34... I didnt think I'd make it past 18... died twice from overdoses when I was 16.

I've got a few years left in me.

You need to come to a realization that looking out for other's wellbeing doesn't make you responsible for their actions and what they choose to do with their life. Even if you feel obligated or a sense of duty you're actually achieving nothing.


If you got ran over by a truck tomorrow nothing would change and everyone in your life would be worse for it, however if it had happened 3 years ago would their life after your death have been better then than as opposed to now?

Word, user. I feel you.

That's a good way of looking at it. Thanks for the perspective, user.

What the hell have you been smokin', user?

Certainly hasn't been smoking in a bar in California...

Cause you cant.

Usually I'd have something to smoke which helps with thinking his shit through. But as I said, in the job market so I had to stop when shit went south at work.

FUCK EVERYONE
Dude it's your life you shouldn't feel bad over people using you. What you should do is: move get out of that town or citty and just move go to a place where there are jobs and people hiring all the people that have used you Fuck them do what you want and ditch these folks.

OP is only looking at rock bottom without hitting it and is fully aware. OP you can fucking crush this. Maybe in a year or two you can let those clowns back into your life but you gotta do you.

Threads about to die, so I'm out but thanks for any anons that contributed. You guys are awesome, and you should feel better about yourselves. You helped someone who was really feeling rung out and now I at least feel like I'm mostly on the right path and my plans are what I should pursue, without guilt.

Thanks again, bros.

*bro fist*

Thanks for the words of encouragement, boys.

Maybe I should be more appreciative that I see the bottom coming rather than feeling if.

Brofist indeed, playa.

Good day to all of you

>op hasn't been called a faggot/pussy
>people giving actual advice
>people being genuinely helpful

am I in the right board?

You guys are fucking great, keep it up

I know right? Not what I expected at all.

After decades of being judged by my family and constantly reminded that other people are better than me, I finally just sold everything but my clothes and moved 2000 miles away. Now they want me back.

I wish you luck user. I honestly feel like some of us are just born in the wrong areas. I think the Internet has a lot to do with the reason some of us can develop interests outside the area of our upbringing. I live in the heart of hick country and I couldn't be further from that demographic. It's not even the outdoor lifestyle, I'm a moderatly rugged dude. It's just the complete adoption of anti-intellectualism that puts me odds with friends and family in my vacinity. It's sucks but I'm out of my element in my own hometown.

If you go back, make sure it's on your own terms, in your own good time, and because you want to.

Op, if you got money and nothing else whos morally holding you back except brother and family/friends. Then take a small vacation. Go apply for jobs everywhere. Hell go fishing for a month and just be you. If no cash then go do your plans and move. Just saying this sounds to me that if money is not at an alarming low eg. youre starving or getting evicted, you should think about you for a while and try and cultivate yourself in some different ways. Fuck those whos not standing up for you in your time of need, friendship should always be a 2 way street. Imo you need to ditch your friends and by doing something new and being open to change im positive youll meet new people that bring you good. As for your brother i dont have any real advice, sorry. If it was me id just try and include him as much as possible and he might open up. Good luck user