Hit me with the darkest jokes you got brotherrr

Hit me with the darkest jokes you got brotherrr

A guy is fucking his gf when he suddenly stops, pulls out, flips his gf over, and starts fucking her in the ass.

Afterward, they are both lying in bed smoking a cigarette when the gf turns to the guy and says:

"You know, it was really presumptuous of you to just start fucking me in the ass like that"

The guy says:

"Presumptuous? That's a big fucking word for a first grader!"

What's 18 inches long, rock hard, and makes women scream all night?

>Crib death.

...

My wife walked in on me yesterday. I'm not sure what she was more horrified by, the fact that I was fucking our daughter or the fact that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

kek

The other day, I was going down on this girl I liked, but all of a sudden, I started tasting horse semen. I thought to myself, "Oh, grandma, so THAT'S how you died".

So I was eating this chick out and tasted horse cum.

>"So that's how you died, Grandma!"

How can a black woman tell that she's pregnant?

>When she pulls out her tampon, the cotton has all been picked.

Not the worst I know, but still a goodie

Why do women have pubic hair?

>To hide the hook

Samefag

No, just a common joke.

Hive mind then

This one's a little long, but I love it anyway:

A homeless man has five dollars that someone gave him, and he is looking for a place to spend it.
He goes to a brothel, and asks, "What can I get for five dollars?" The man behind the counter says, "Go to room 2, on the left."
The sex wasn't anything special, but at the end, the homeless man noticed a little bit of white fluid dripping from her mouth. He tells the man at the counter as he is leaving, but the man doesn't seem surprised. He turns around and yells, "Jerry! The dead one in room 2 is full again!"

Two men are walking down the street. The first man says, "I just had the most amazing sex this morning!" The second man responds, "Oh yeah? How? I thought you were single!" The first man tells him, "Well, I was on my morning walk today, when I came across this girl tied to the railroad tracks! I untied her, and we naturally started going at it." The second man asks him if he god any head, to which he replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

How long does it take a black woman to take a shit?

>Nine months

A priest and a Muslim are at a park.

The priest says, "Hey, let's go blow those little kids!"

The Muslim says "...into how many pieces?"

3 whores sitting on bar stools having a drink. They start talking about how hard they got fucked that night. First whore,
> I got fucked so hard, you could stick a lemon up my pussy
second whore
>thats nothing! I got fucked so hard you could stick a watermelon up my pussy
thrid whore
>laughs and slides down the bar stool

All hail the triple consecutive dubs

...

Checked
Why were the kids at sandy hook so disappointed?
They wanted books, all they got were magazines
Why is it so hard to kidnap Ethiopians?
They fall through the holes in the shopping cart
How do you tell if an Ethiopian is pregnant?
Hold it up to a light
How do you hold an Ethiopian rave?
Tape a piece of toast to the ceiling
Girl: Daddy, I don't want to go to school.
Dad: Ok but you know the rules *zip*
Girl: Dad your dick tastes like shit
dad: Your brother didn't want to go either.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
Cornchips
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The one live baby on the bottom eating its way out.
What's the difference between a six-year old and Ford Mustang?
I don't have a Mustang in my garage.
Whats the hardest part of microwaving a baby?
My dick.
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
Chewing the Wheelchair.
And my favorite...
Why are Orphans so bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.

>this entire thread