If you think quips are easy

You have 30 seconds to invent JUST ONE QUIP that is worthy of a Marvel film. I'll even let you make up the situation and it can be as implausible as you want (i.e. would never appear in a movie) but it has to be Avengers characters talking to each other.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtu.be/hug5EnBa41U?t=20s
twitter.com/AnonBabble

(farts)

'For you'

>hero and villain fighting in the sea
>giant whale eats villain up
>"WHALE, I GUESS WE WON'T BE SEEING HIM ANYMORE"

Vision: The one they call Thanos will bring about destruction till the end of infinity. War is coming.
Spiderman: Uh - that doesn't sound so good.

Audience looses their shit

>WHALE, I GUESS WE WON'T BE SEAING HIM ANYSHORE

Wow did you already read the script

>Captain America jumps in front of Ultron

>HOLD IT RIGHT THERE METAL HEAD

Enough with the prattle, let's battle

>Sherlock: This woman was murdered.
>Watson: No shit, Sherlock.

How you like dem apples

Stark: Hey Thor does that armor protect your lower spine and tailbone?

Thor: I'm not sure I can't see that-

Stark: Looks like it doesn't come with an ASGARD HAHAHAHA

CAN YOU PLEASE HOLD THE THOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR

>Scarjo does something cool

'By the way: girls rule, boys drool!'

>everyone's got a gimmick now

was watching civil war last night and when bucky said it i burst into uncontrollable laughter

you're terminated, fucker

did you just throw a frisbee at me?

I think you're misunderstanding how they're written.

Here's how you write a quip:

1. Write the film
2. Go back through it and have your characters constantly flirt with the fourth wall by commenting on/joking about currently unfolding events

It's a kind of cowardice in writing; a fear of letting a moment be serious in case a viewer undermines it with their own thought process. It's the equivalent of mocking yourself so others don't get a chance to.

jesus what the fuck why is his skull so long

Nice shooting, son. What's your name?

That one always crack me up

>WHALE, I GUESH HARRENHAUL IS OFF THE SHORE AS WELL

>It's a kind of cowardice in writing; a fear of letting a moment be serious in case a viewer undermines it with their own thought process. It's the equivalent of mocking yourself so others don't get a chance to.

This is true, applies to so many shows and capeshit really. And the average Sup Forums post actually about real opinions actually

because he's balding

Scarjo: Wow your is so hard.
Ironman: That is not the only thing that is hard. My penis is also hard.

>Spider-Man hits bad guy with a lamp
>looks like it's.....lights out for you

>3rd Thor film
>Iron man cameo at ACDC concert.
>axle rose asks if we're ready to ragnaROCK

thank you for posting this, seriously. hopefully a few people will pull their heads out of their asses, grow up, and see how worthless all this superhero crap is

>Punisher fries enemy with Flamethrower
>Well that takes care of the cremation

You're a big Marvel

>Falcon: Iron Man? More like iron can, am i right?
>Iron Man: Tell this to my iron fist
>Iron Fist: Did someone call me?

EYE SHAPPHOSHHHH

Iron man flicks on the light and says "Let there be light"
Captain America: I UNDERSTAND THAT REFERENCE!!!
every1 laughs

A billionaire play boy philanthropist in a war zone... And no suit of armour to compensate for it.

What's the difference between a quip and a one liner?

One Liners seem to come after the action (like a Bond pun after he kills someone)
Where as a quip happens during the action to basically fill up time

Falcon said it. Why was that funny?

>"did you just throw a ginormous frisbee at me? the fuck..."
>"im supposed to be a spider, not a dog"

Tony and Vision are talking, Wanda is out-of-focus in the background

Tony: How's existence treating you anyway? You happy to be alive yet?

Vision: While I must say I've become rather taken with some of the more idiosyncratic elements of humanity...

Switch focus to Wanda who is stood holding a coffee pot

Wanda: Vision did you forget to change the filter again?

Focus switches back

Vision: ...I remain conflicted.

Is this a thread that Joss created just because he got lazy writting the next avengers movie?

It's a cynical self referential quip used to defuse any criticism of the innate stupidness of the scene (ha ha we know it's stupid guys ! Don't worry)

>Hawkeye releases an arrow into someones eye
>BULLSEYE

seems like it. jfc and people laugh and pay to see this shit

it's the same shit idiot.

Quips are more snarky, one liners are more sincere.

Joss has a cameo in the next generic capeshit in which he pisses all over Birdman
>WELL... I guess he weed on you

a CIA plane shoots down iron man

HE DIDN'T FLY SO GOOD

*stan lee farts*
I guess now I'm the one who STANK

>idiosyncratic
What did he mean by this? wandas thighs?

>Ironman is trying to ride a CGI dinosaur for some reason
>how the hell do you work this thing?
>ok boy go!
>mush!
>onward!
>let's go now!
>gee no wonder you guys went extinct
>dinosaur gives him an angry look
>woah easy buddy we're on the same side
>and I thought Hulk was scary

>Iron Man and Daredevil arguing
IM: Now, see, you're looking at it all wrong. I can't believe I said that, I'm sorry.
DD: It's cool. Happens all the time.
IM: I look like such an idiot.
[beat]
IM: I'm actually done now.

This Jesus Christ.

dinosaur starts trying to shake stark off
>WOOOOAAAHH

Fuckan shit too close man, too close.

>[beat]
they insist on using this formula for IM every fucking marvel film he's in

jfc. are you whedon?

lel

noice

Is Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor one of the top 5 castings of all time? She was literally perfect and others who have tried to fill the role have failed miserably.

youtu.be/hug5EnBa41U?t=20s

Iron Man: Spiderman your web looks like cum!
Hawkeye: He didn't ask for your favorite drink!
/everyone laughs

>peter fighting falcon
>YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT
>oh bad phrasing, I'm not actually a police officer or in the police academy
>and I wouldn't ever consider shooting you because you're black
>all I have to shoot are webs anyway
>hehe wings up don't shoot right?
>why did I get stuck chasing Falcon? I really do hate my parker luck--- WAIT, I mean smith luck, no, eisenberg luck?

>Iron Man to cap, during an argument: "What's your superpower anyway?"
>Spiderman:"America, duh"
HEUEHEUHEUEHEUHE

Thanos: you are all insects to me
Spiderman: thats not a nice thing to say
Antman: what he said

i can actually hear it already

The only problem I have with the Spiderman/Falcon scene is how the fuck is Vulture supposed to be taken seriously as a threat when Spiderman already effortlessly toyed with Falcon. They are essentially the same, except Falcons wingsuit can actually do things other than make him fly, and he's a trained soldier with combat experience. Vulture is just an old guy in a suit that lets him fly and fight/take hits like he's not 100 years old

>Black Widow: You learn to live with it

> *ant man grows to giant man*

> Tony stark looks at him with jealousy

> Spiderman ; "Hes a big guy..."

> Tony stark begins to become visibly agitated

> Spiderman turns to face him

> "...For you"

> *Platform shoeing intensifies*

>30 seconds? I could get more joy from that than my ex wife!
>"You have 30 seconds" jeez, what is this, (insert random game show name)?

generic shit

Ugh

this will happen
screenshot this

>Avengers all go visit hawkeye's ranch
>we see Hawkeye's wife with the new baby in her arms
>the baby's black
>Stark: "Looks like you really hit the bull's eye there, Clint"

Spiderman: spiders are no insects

You don't have to shoehorn this into everything.

Iron man: I hate niggers
Black Panther: What he say

>Spidey: "Uhh, Arachnid, duhh?"

not

>Rhodeyy!!!!
>everyone laughs

Ant Man loses his power to go giant
>Hey Ant Man go giant!
>I cANT MAN!

hahahaha omg XD spidey is so random and I know who he is bc I'm such a nerd. That is SO me!

Hothor?

get rekt faggot

Not really.
One liner can also be used to only sound cool.

Iron Man: He's getting away!
Spider-Man: let me STICK it to them!!!
*shoots web*

Tony: You got a lot more faith in people than I do.

Captain America: No, Tony. I have hope, and that's worth fighting for.

Ant-Man: Yeah I saw that bumper sticker too.

Wrong thread nigger. But I'd like to know where you meant to post. I'm always game for Batman/Superman fight threads.

Joss?

Only you can perform these wonders and Marvel's™ Daredevil™!

>Hero throws a bad guy through a door
>"What happened to that guy?
>"I showed him the door"

>Silver Surfer tries to open a heavy door but is too weak
>Iron Man: alloy me

Justice League movie
Deadshot: Ayo, why you guys so dark and brooding, ya'll need to lighten up (pulls face at the camera)
Zack Snyder cameo: Dark? This isn't dark, you didn't even get raped in prison

The crap in this thread makes me want to commit suicide

then do it already faggot

8/10
I can actually imagine him saying that.

>Avengers sitting around somberly
>Iron Man walks in
>"Why are you guys so miserable, somebody die?"
>Credits
>In memory of Stan Lee

>Random New Hero is added to the roster to get them cameo bucks
>After seeing Black Widow do something for the first time

Random Hero: Perhaps I have misjudged you, Miss Romanov.

Black Widow: *shrugs one shoulder, trying way too hard to look casual* Well, you know. Books. Covers. *does a flip and kicks a bad guy in the chest and lands in a pose*

Random Hero: *turns to Hawk Eye* Iiiiiiii LIKE her.

There, I've even used Whedon's obnoxious, arbitrary shortening of sentences.

R.I.P.

Black Panther walks up to Falcon, War Machine, and Mordo having a conversation whilst Iron Man and Captain America are discussing something in the background.

Falcon: Hey Panther, who is your master?
BP: Excuse me?
War Machine: You're some white guy's sidekick right?
BP: No, I am a King. I serve no man.
Mordo: Oh shiiiiet.

Iron Man and Captain America share a worried glance.

Iron Man: Ruh roh shaggy.

>Tony Stark to Coulson
- "I thought you were dead"
- "Nope"

>You shouldn't have brought a man-hole cover to a gunfight, Cap
>Hey, I know we're at war here but please, lets try and keep things civil

Spider-Man: So Mr. Stark, did you travel through time?
Tony: What?
SM: You know. For the future of mankind.

Not bad.

Ahnold get out.