Sup Sup Forums, I just had a massage for the first time and it was a disaster

Sup Sup Forums, I just had a massage for the first time and it was a disaster

>go to the clinic to see massage therapist
>she's this nice, 40yo milf and tells me to come in her room
>she says get undressed and get under the blankets face down on the table
>i did just that and got completely naked
>she came in and dimmed the lights and put soothing music on
>asked where i was tense and started to massage
>because I'm disgusting I had some big zits on my back and the pressure was irritating them
>less than 10min into my 45min massage she ruptured one of the boils and mount Vesuvius erupted with blood and puss
>she stops and asks me to clean up and gives me tissues so I wipe up the blood and leave tissue stuck to the crater
>she continues on my shoulders and when she leaned over me her boob touched my back which gave me a boner
>she then asks me to turn onto my back under the sheet so she can do my neck
>I do so trying to squeeze my dick between my legs
>as soon as she starts touching my neck my legs relaxed and i pitched a tent so big Indians would sing songs around it
>she obviously noticed and kept going for a min, then said times up and told me to get dressed
>I said its only been 30min this was supposed to me 45min and sat up
>as I swung my legs over the table to sit up right the sheet fell off revealing my erection
>she looked away then left the room
>i sat on the table naked, dick in hand, for 5 or 6 minutes like some retard waiting for her to come back
>i realised she wasn't coming back so i got dressed, left the room and passed reception without paying
>they have my fucking phone number and I'm just waiting for the call telling me to pay.
Worst massage ever

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thechronicleherald.ca/canada/1374226-toronto-police-chief-to-apologize-for-81-raids-targeting-citys-gay-community
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You're not supposed to get fucking naked, you're supposed to keep your shorts on you retard

She said get and get under the sheet then she left the room

A. Clean yourself up thats just plain rude going in oily or zit riddled and they don't get hazard pay for possibly dangerous bodily fluids and they don't know if you're clean or have AIDS and you just verbally telling them isn't trustworthy
B. Thats pretty unproffesional her getting upset by a boner. It happens. My masseuse doesn't get weirded out and occasionally jokes to defuse tension on my part about it and thus earns a tip.

This user
I've always been told to get naked by every masseuse i've been too otherwise they can't really oil up and massage the inner thigh and top of the hips properly.
Are you fat or ugly or something where they don't want to go near there or do you seem like you got a disease they could get by handling the area? Cause i've never had anyone even suggest i should have anything on ever.

I've never had a penis massage

Phone number okay as long as they don't have that cc number.

>i sat on the table naked, dick in hand, for 5 or 6 minutes like some retard waiting for her to come back
what the fuck, did you think she was getting lube or condoms or something?

Neither have i thats what dates and girlfriends are for. I've just never been told to keep my shorts on during a massage or else they can't oil and massage shit like the inner thighs, top and front of the pelvis and hips, ass, or back of thighs where shit hurts from lifting crap with my legs and not my spine.
If you paid for a full body massage that shits just package deal and every single one i've been too, male or female, works around my package and boys by moving shit through the towel, or just plain moving it for the less shy ones, to get to areas needed boner or no.
It just seems odd she'd freak out over something she'd see with every other male customer which makes me wonder if there's more to this story.

>user got no happy ending
>the only thing that erupted was Mount Zitmore
top kek

>Mount Zitmore
gross

I think you went to the wrong massage parlor, mate. :-(

You have to look the place up on spahunters or rubmaps first to make sure it isn't "legit"...

rubmaps wtf is this?

A place cops use to make hitlists for whore stings.

that's genius

Lol. It's an online directory of massage parlors.

Right?
It's like people assume shit thats known about cops are somehow magically blind to.

Implying cops want to sting massage parlors... they do it once in a while, depending on the area, but most of the time they're safe.

In Canada recently cops raided a brothel and it went to court over violating privacy rights because the all male cops knew it was full of naked women and they went in and arrested fully naked women and shit
I think the court ruled it was unjustified and the cops could have gone around it a better way

Lol.

I can't think of a good reason prostitution should be illegal, but oh well.

I've seen this before

It wasn't a brothel, it was a lesbian bath house

thechronicleherald.ca/canada/1374226-toronto-police-chief-to-apologize-for-81-raids-targeting-citys-gay-community

Good god. WHy on earth did they do that? Is it 1959 again?

horny cops needed a wank

...

Not sure where you live but the state i live in did a big sting on ALL parlors then made super strict laws on it.

The Germans did it recently

Yes. This was here couple of nights ago.

>as soon as she starts touching my neck my legs relaxed and i pitched a tent so big Indians would sing songs around it
>i pitched a tent so big Indians would sing songs around it
my keks are gone for the night. Well done OP. Your failure is my amusement.
Also, you should probably an hero after this

sometimes boners occur during a massage.

Different user from above.
Like i said its not really a failure or even out of the norm for dudes to pitch tents during massages from chicks. It's pretty intimate and close proximity so it's not unexpected. My own masseuse is so used to it we make casual jokes about it and how she hasn't lost it at age 45. Only gets weird when she keeps trying to shove her daughter on me when i KNOW she's fucking crazy.

Many keks in response to your response.

Bump for other massage parlor stories.

have her give you a happy ending first before you do that. she'll prob stop after that

Eh. She IS 45 though i imagine the fucking grip strength she's developed would be godly. Maybe it she turned out the lights.
Doesn't help she's a family friend.

bump

Because it happened in 1981.

45 isn't even old.

just close your eyes. she is a masseuse, so she knows how to use her hands. so what if she's a family friend, not all of them will give you that. besides she sees you pop a boner, might as well let her take care of you once

...

I know it sounds weird as an adult but assuming it happened i'd worry she'd tell my mother.
Now I don't give a shit if she tells me mother but telling my mother anything is as good as telling my family, all my families friends, and whatever friends those friends have with my face and full name pasted to it. It's the whole reason i quit facebook and deleted my account because I don't need everyone knowing my exact life status 24/7 and questioning it.

That's pretty reasonable then, not worth it.

I tell my mom anyway

No I don't. Stop putting words in my mouth.

stop pretending to be me

i get it, but your mom doesn't want to hear that you got jerked off by the family masseuse, nor would she want to tell your mom

Get outta my head!

Well the masseuse tells everyone everything. I make a shitty joke my mom will know that joke word for word and then everyone does.

Stale pasta is best pasta?

My mom is the family masseuse

If you keep talking for me i'll come touch your tiddlewanker in a way you won't like.

stop samefagging

No.

Why would she tell your mother? That would be pretty odd. Unless you're worried about her being insulted by you even asking? if that's the case then you just have to mention it in a light hearted way, make it seem like a joke and see if she seems interested, if she's insulted, then you can always play it off as though you weren't being serious.

nice photoshop

I always get naked. Shorts are never left on.

Is it really okay to pitch a tent? Everyone says it's alright but I still always try really hard to not get hard (lol)

Nah. They knew each other for years and her and all her friends do these weekend outings where they gossip. Anything "juicy" gets told to everyone present and by "juicy" i mean anything beyond me saying hi.

Well yeah. Its a chick with hands all over your body in close proximity in an act designed to be intimate and relaxing.
Chicks grool during as well so it's not just us.
Every time with every masseuse i've popped a boner and they usually defuse the awkwardness with mild jokes and banter as thats literally part of their job.

why would you go to your moms friend. also post a pic

A. She gives discounts and is known across the country for her skills she gets people from haiwaii and alaska just for her.
B. No pics see A

so if shes well known thats a perfect reason to post a pic. i wanna know if shes worth a chubby

depends on the place. if she told him to undress and it's their policy that you leave your underwear on then she should have told him that.

general rule though is that if it's a legit massage place you leave your undies on at least. if it's just a rub and tug place where you're paying more for the hand job than you are for the massage, take them off. if you're not sure, leave them on and you can always take them off later.

some "massage" places (usually the asian ones) are basically just a front for a brothel and you can literally fuck the girl for like $150. others are completely legit and they won't even touch your butt/groin area once. your mileage may vary.

I guess she is. Hard to say since i've known her all my life. If i had to pin in she's around 8/10ish but she's got man arms from her work.

post. a. pic.

Weird. I've ALWAYS been told to take my shit off completely. Everytime i waited for verification they just got pissed.

Bump. Again.

Has anyone here ever been, or known anyone to be rejected by an escort or prostitute?

I bet she cried next door and reminded herself what she is doing to supp her family