Ok, you degenerates. I need you to brainstorm with me. Here's the situation:

Ok, you degenerates. I need you to brainstorm with me. Here's the situation:

>be me
>work in an office complex with too few parking spaces for the people who work there, and the spaces are small to boot
>if you're the last one there, you're gonna have to walk
>w/e, im not a hamplanet, i can walk if i have to
>problem is, there are *several* perpetually bad parkers in the lot
>pic related, but often much worse
>a co-worker has left notes in the past, asking them to be more considerate with their parking, and he even left his business cards if they wanted to discuss the matter with him
>no effect whatsoever
>SO one day, i get back from lunch and there is, like, three-quarters of a spot left because an asshole in a honda accord decides he wants to park 5 feet from the edge of the parking pad
>well, like the passive-aggressive autist that i am, i say "fuck you, I'm parking there. I don't care if you have to crawl in through the passenger seat.
>i get inches from his door. Literally no way he can get in on that side, and he'll have to take tremendous precautions to not scratch either car backing out
>hours pass
>i walk outside to go home, and his car is gone and I've got a massive key scratch all down my driver door

tl:dr, gimme some ideas to make his life miserable. I'll bump with some of my own

Clog his exhaust

Inb4 potato in exhaust, keying his car, etc.

Those are obvious and he may reconnect the dots that it's the person whose car he keyed taking revenge. Keep in mind this happened months ago, and I've taken steps to not antagonize him again in the hopes he won't even think of my car when i finally exact revenge.

If i were going to go the exhaust route, id use 1/4" tubing attached to the end of a can of expansion foam shoved as far into his tail pipe as possible. But even that is obvious that someone is doing something malicious

What the fuck do you want us to say, dude? You wanna set off a bomb in his car or something?

The natural course for escalation is for you to key his car AND a little extra, which in turn will turn into THAT plus a little extra on you next time, building up until you are both litearlly shitting death on each other.

Now, wouldn't you rather just leave this fucking idiot alone and move on with your life, or do you want to be locked in a weird - by proxy - terroristic struggle between your car and this random stranger's car?

Put a mattress in his pool. Takes a crane to get it out.

Put wasp hive in car jimmy with car locks so can't get out

Better yet put a crane in his pool...heard it takes a crane to get it out

No cameras in the lot? Could easily get the police on them if so.

either get the secutity recording and take it to a lawyer or the police. if there are no cameras, tie a strong rope to something under his car that would fuck it up and a concrete stolp.

Damn, not quite inb4.

Still, here's my best thought so far, lemme know what you think.

Carefully collect as much poison ivy as i can find (it grows around here). Carefully chop it up and submerge it in 90% rubbing alcohol to dissolve the essential oils that fuck you up if you manage to get them on you. Then, after hours of soaking, filter the liquid into a spray bottle and proceed to spray the shit out of the door handle and other places he'd put his hand on his car.

The beauty of this would be absolute incapacitated misery during the time his hands are totally broken out in itchy hives, and he'd never assume it was revenge for keying a car months ago!

Whatcha think?

Whatever you do, don't get any brake fluid on his jalopy, cos that would be bad

That's exactly what i want to avoid. See Yeah, no cameras. That was the first thing i checked

what if hes not allergic to poison ivy

AND i could repeat this over and over after he heals!

I really hate this person, as you can tell

Well, dude, more than likely, you're going to get the lion's share of toxic levels of urushiol on and in your body, doing that shit.

If this was months ago and nothing else has come of it, why don't you just leave this nigger alone? Short of crashing into his car or something, it's going to be obvious that there was malicious intent behind most of this shit.

Usually the obviousness of the maliciousness is part of the appeal. He keyed your car so you would KNOW it, and be helpless about it.

The fuck is going through all this trouble to make him itch going to accomplish? You'll be itching for a week before this guy even feels it.

Then help me think of a backup plan! Something that he won't even see as revenge, but that will exact the kind if karmic retribution that has been coming to him his whole life

Unless you're a chemist with a sterile lab and equipment to work with, you are seriously underestimating what it will take to extract that toxin without seriously hurting yourself from various facets of this whole idea.

I can take precautions when dealing with the poison ivy, though. Have the neutralizer on-hand during every step. He, however, will be totally unprepared.

And i refuse to let this go because I refuse to let there be zero consequences for *keying someone's car* in retaliation for behavior that he himself exhibits on a daily basis! Fuck this dude, i want him to suffer and i don't give a shit if he knows it's me or if he knows why it's happening

I mean that sounds really good if you can pull it off. Especially if you keep doing it. I'd assume he wouldn't work out what was causing it if he can't see the residue on his car handles. I would do this if I were you, I really like the idea.

Find/make dirty clothes. Leave tattered homeless shirt by his bumper. Throw literal human feces all over his car.

>Oh, homeless Bob got you? Happens every once in a while.

take a fish. blend it. mix with gallon of water. let sit for few days. strain out the chunks. pour nasty ass water all over his car making sure to get into all the drainage spots. car will stink inside and out. just thought of it. dont know if itll work

Take a dump in a bag once a day, every day. New brown bag every day.
Each day, take that bag and either dump the turds on his car, or if you can, hide the bag in his car.
Daily
Until he leaves the job
Mix it up, put some in his office if you can
Or his desk
>just turds every day until he breaks

Just cut his breaks
Ultimate prank, he won't physically be able to retaliate

>Don't care if he knows

Oh. Slash his tires.

Done. Problem solved.
>Fill his catalytic converter with ammonia.

If you live in a hot area, leave Bologna on his car.

Here in Texas, it destroys the paint job.

Threads like this make me think back to a simpler time, when instead of all this undermining, terrorism, and subterfuge, people were more honest and resolved their conflicts with a knife fight or pistol duel instead.

pour motor oil on windshield. really hard to get off and if it rains he wont see shit. wipers wont help

lol

Thank you, I'm pretty proud of it. But i would like a backup...

I'm not OP, but unless this guy is a mongoloid, after the second or third day in a row, someone will be waiting for OP, obviously.

Order stickers that say "rapist" and"womanizer"

Stick them all over his bumper.

Other people will do the dirty work for you.

If he scraps the stickers off, he has a ruineds paint job.

Get a squirt bottle or gun and fill it with hydrogen peroxide. Everyday walk by and spritz his wheels, brake rotors and any easy to hit exhaust parts. Only do this in the morning so that it has dried by evening time. The amount of rust you can create in a couple weeks is staggering.

Open his car hood, steal a spark plug.
Crawl under his car, snip a few lines.
Throw a ping pong ball in his gas tank, as he's driving it'll clog the fuel line, and then sink back down after he's done driving to see what is happening.

Put a cow on his roof. They usually go up inclines, not down. Usually takes a crane to get it down.

This.

...

take a shit in the air filter

FUCK PEOPLE THAT CANT PARK CORRECTLY

not a bad one

Put sugar in the fuel container, put some bread or something like that in the engine and put a rat in there, if you know his address go rob him or put some carcass to make his house smell bad, if you know his number call him privately like a psychopat, pay a nigger to go scare the shit out of him

Get three pigs and put the numbers 1,2,4 on them, it usually takes a crane to get them out

Trolley jack, move his car each day so everyone complains

Just prop a nail up underneath his tyres. As soon as he moves he gets a puncture.

Liquid Plummer on the hood

Spray dicks all over his car with brake cleaner. That shit will eat the paint all the way down to the bare metal.

I hate assholes like these!

I got this one from a mechanic.

As you walk past in the morning, dump break fluid on his car. Not break cleaner, but break fluid.

That shit will destroy the paint, the primer, and the fucking metal. If its left on the entire shift, he may have to replace the hood, or roof, or wherever you pour it.

>wear gloves for that shit

Find his car and key the cars next to his...

Put his car inside a crane. It usually takes a crane to get it out.

I meant carb cleaner, not brake cleaner. Carb cleaner will eat the clear coat. Brake cleaner will not.

next level thinking, I like that

kek'd hard

You should spray some brake fluid on the car.

The paint will make bubbles and fall off.. Do in around the bottom of the car, so it might have been from driving through something..

Or small amounts of solvent on the wind screen wipers, so they will go bad.

Brake fluid. Works like a charm if you want to make the car paint look like a hippie shirt.

I was two minutes late.But, this really does the trick.

...

I like your thinking. maybe fuck with his mirrors, minor crack, displaced.

rape him, or remove the stem valve from his tires

Stab his tire. Put dog shit under his hood.

Cut his brake lines

this ... also ...
> piss down the air intake
> slash all 4 tires (no one has 4 spares on them)

Buy some skunk musk
Police use it to run vagrants out of abandoned buildings
Spread it on door handles, gas cap, and pour into air vents

Also thought about removing lug nuts from wheels, cover threads with strong adhesive (epoxy/jb weld), tighten lug nuts, then cause small puncture in wheel (valve stem is good). After wheel(s) go down he will be unable to remove the wheels for repair without major problems

Throw paint stripper all over his car, also if you can manage to get to it In His gas tank.

spraypaint his windshield black

loosen all the lug nuts

You're pure evil.

loosen oil drain plug

superglue in the doorlocks, shit on the hood, brake fluid on the paint, push a pair of womens underwear in the back seat, lots of stuff...

Just put sugar or alcohol in his gas tank.

punch a hole in the radiator

Can't argue with quads.

You should just blow him and offer up your asshole for his pleasure. Because op is a giant faggot who can't get enough jazz in his ass and mouth

Why don't you man up, tell that notherfucker to his face that you know what he did to your car and to watch his back, unless he pays to fix your shit? Don't be a little bitch, own your problems.

OP here, had to pretend to work for a bit. Just going back and reading all your wonderful thoughts

Awesome, definitely going in the possible wins column.

take a shit in a bag, then use the bag to stuff the shit under his door handles

I like it! Filed away!

1. Buy axe
2. Smash the car
3. ????
4. Profit

Let out the air from all his tires, don't bother slashing because then it's more serious. This will still inconvenience him and teach him a lesson

remove all but 1 lugnut from each wheel

That does nothing.

Nothing.

Why not just sue the dirty nigger?

Sugar in gas tank

Kill his wife and children.

super glue gas door/cap closed

sugar in gas tank is a myth. sugar won't dissolve in gasoline, so the fuel filter will snag it. if you dumped enough they'd have to change the filter a few times, that's all.

alcohol, you'd have to dump a fuck ton to negate it being diluted by the normal gasoline.

your best bet in a fuel tank is sugar water. have the sugar already diluted, the water adds an extra fuck up. or syrup, but that's time consuming and you need alot.

First off, you should have got a picture of the cars plate.. so you can have him beat later....

Secondly ... inconsiderate assholes like him are often very cheap. Go to your local automotive hardware store.. napa or wherever... buy a quart of expensive synthetic oil.. you want the good stuff... then add 2 tablespoons of valve grinding compound to the oil.. you also buy this at napa.... be careful to make the cap look like its new... so be careful opening it.. once you add the compound shake the shit out of the oil... put it on the ground at the front of this douche bags car.. not too close.... you want him to think the guy next to him forgot it...

Once he adds that oil to his car.. and he will... he'll get 4-5 blocks away before he totally cooks his motor... it cannot be fixed.. ever..

this. and throw a mattress in his pool

find out who he is, make friends with him, get to know his family, get close to the wife, start fucking her, take tons of naked pics, glue them all to his car.

fuck sugar water. if u can get to his gas tank then just pour a gallon of diesel in. that'll fuck that car up for sure

Love it, keep em coming you glorious assholes!

Unfortunately, in this day and age this will only deepen my problems. Yes, i may get satisfaction from kicking his ass, but then my freedom gets taken away by men that i pay with my tax dollars.

Fuck that.

I will so this covertly so as to inflict maximum damage and incur minimal risk

follow him home, find out where he lives, call the police and leave a tip that it sounds like a domestic disturbance there.

Can't prove he did it. No cameras and it'd be my word versus his

Get Oil pan that has screw tops to hold oil. Get underneath and take off oil plug. Drain oil into pan. Get a hammer and put a dent and scratch and fuck up the plug hole to make it look like he ran over something and fucked up the oil pan. You can take an eye dropper and put a few drops on the floor in line to make it look like the car drove in dripping but only small one to not make it obvious. It'll take some effort and you may need a car jack and a look out but you will fuck up his world for the day. If he's lucky he'll drive a short distance and not fuck up the motor.

Nice, but i can't be sure he'll actually add it to his engine...

I do, however, commend your lines of thought

I was srsly going to suggest this same thing.

Also, when people start saying something... bring up how you're car was keyed a couple months ago by the same guy.

pour brake fluid on the car - it'll fuck up the paint
stick a nail in his tyre and leave it there so it deflates slowly and he has to constantly reinflate it/get a flat after a while

1. Sugar in gas tank
2. Spray paint all of his windows black except for a clear swastika on his back window
3. Get a freddy kreuger glove (or a bunch of keys, whatever) and scratch the ever loving shit out of his car. I don't mean one long line, I mean everywhere. Fuck. His. Shit. Up.
4. Take a bus to work for a month or two. I would also suggest getting a paint job on your car before you start driving to work again.

I like this idea....just be sure you don't get caught.

So you can't man up and confront the guy because it will deepen the problems?

But covertly (which is a gamble mind you, not guaranteed) fucking with the guy won't deepen your problems?

You do know that the stuff being discussed on here as "covert" ways to fuck with the guy can ALSO get you put in jail.

Drain 1/2 of his oil.
If he has a Lon. Commute, it'll do the job.