It's time. posts feels and support other feels. you know the drill

it's time. posts feels and support other feels. you know the drill

tfw terrified of driving despite being 21 but am basically going to have to do it to live

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youtube.com/watch?v=CEVZHUY3spE
youtube.com/watch?v=KDcIH3VdT28
youtube.com/watch?v=oHO6pbjQ9ec
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Loneliness since I have memory, even tho I have family and friends. Met one person that became the world for me and that could held me over depression. Lost that person a while ago, since then im lost and more alone than ever. Dont know what to do now.

I think I can help, OP:

Think about the BILLIONS of other people that are already doing it and have done it before. If they can do it, you can obviously do it too.

This is the kind of framing I used to get over fear before, maybe it can help you too.

>that pic size

Is this another fucking thread where fucking redditors and normalscum come and say honest stuff that helps? Because if so, then fuck you I am out.

>It's a blame Reddit episode

I bet you hate redditfrog to faggot

Welcome to Sup Forums normie

...

It is a well known fact that redditors browse here, you fucking misinforming shill.
In minutes, ebin memes and caps from Sup Forums are immediately posted to subreddits.

I have one irl friend, I don't talk to anyone else on a regular basis.
He's also started dating my ex girlfriend, so he spend lots of time with her and doesn't really have time to hang with me anymore.

feelsbadman

Every couple of weeks I go down to see my Grandmother. For all of my god damn life she was the cornerstone to my family. She cooked the meals, she bought the groceries, she clean and swept and mopped and everything. She had a stroke while sleeping, and when I woke up and saw her acting all funny I didn't do anything. Now she's had two since then, and every time I go down to the nursing home to see how weak and senile she is I want to vomit. I fucking hate the idea of growing old and weak and unable to care for myself.

I was just thinking about this a few days. Watching my own grandma just slowly fade away as things get worse is fucking torture. If I somehow live to 50 i'm gonna settle everything then kill myself. Fuck slowly wasting away and being unable to do basic shit

I blame myself for not calling 911 but considering that she had two more after it she was kind of destined to get them at some point. At least that's what I tell myself.

But I agree. Fuck getting old, I'd rather die while I'm still capable of thinking right.

>This is probably the first time I'll share this whole thing from completion
>be me 14, been fucking up at school for years, getting by but not as well as I could have done
>parents been mad the whole time, I get why, but it felt like I could never make them proud and that I was a constant burden and fuck up
>messes with me bad for years, having that advanced teenage angst looking off of bridges and high places wondering if I'd survive.
>looking at family guns wondering how I'd shoot myself
>guiltiest moment I look at a gun and wonder if I could kill my dad. Memory still haunts me and makes me question what the fuck I am.
>No one ever realizes any of this, not friends family no one, I got very good at hiding how I felt and putting on the mask
So now you all at least a framework so I'll continue to the rest.
>14 year old me starts science class sits next to girl I make somewhat friends with
>During this time eventually she gets sick and misses class for 3 days
>This is something that breaks through my narcissistic depression
>I realize that I must care for her
>Just keep talking to her for the rest of the year
>Spend summer planning how to express my feelings to her
>Ask her to homecoming get rejected, she was already asked, told by other girls she was really touched by my effort
>Ask her tot he winter dance get rejected, this time I find out she lied about being asked
>It hurts but I understand it was easier to let me down that way
>year goes by so now a junior in highschool time for prom
>I learn how to make cakes from scratch, I build something from her favorite show and dress up as her favorite character
>I finally get a yes
>feels good bro
.immediately after the yes something in me starts nummbing up I can't feel as happy as I think I should
>Beginning of prom goes alright I forget the tickets and my debit card, but whatever
>we get to the actual dance and its kind of awkward she avoids me sort of

evening Sup Forums
any woman insight user available?

so there's this girl, who after a year still longs for me
yet decided at the beginning of that year she needs to go back to her ex

why?
because she, and that we both established
>fears to be alone
>knows what she's getting out of him
>thinks he is immature (she is his first), childish at times and inexperienced
>she sees me as her mature, experienced guy
>she's clinging on to that teenage relationship because every other failed around them and she wants to show everyone that it can exist

two days ago
>can we get some more distance between us? aka not write with each other?
>need to make myself clear what i want
>writing with you is making me sorta just look into one way

now what do?

continuing
>we head back to a friends house, but I have to go home because I'm grounded due to still fucking up in school
>I ask her out a few more times before junior year ends and get rejected with more lying excuses
> Summer passes, I go on a huge trip I had prepared years for, but that numbness is still hanging in me
>I go back to school for senior year
>Hardly interested in anything anymore
>start skipping out on things that used to be super important to me only to drive for hours to nowhere in particular
>sometimes I'd scream, laugh or cry to myself while driving for no reason I could ever figure out.
>I barely pass senior year, my parents kick me out
>I end up staying with a friend for a while before joining the military
>My parents eventually let me move back in
>My already fractured feelings toward them are pretty fucked now, I haven't been able to trust them since
>I leave for the military
>think about writing a letter to the girl I went to prom with, write it but never send it.
>Now I'm in technical training, a few weeks in and crushing it
>Found my drive that I had lacked for years
>Decide one night to kinda creep on social media, find out girl I went to prom with attempted suicide
>distraught I could hardly eat, drink, or sleep for a week
>eventually begin writing letters to her, while she's in inpatient
>long letters detailing current life, thoughts, music, feeling towards her, and my personal struggle with depression
>lie about my struggle in one say I put a gun in my mouth, but the thought of her being sick stopped me
While not true in its entirety, I will say that the thought of making her happy helped me with my depression and kept me going for a long time
>Keep writing letters
>get one back cherish it
>I know there are a bunch of lies in it, because the social media creeping has kind of become the norm now
I want to say it was mostly worry about her, and part of it was I can't really grasp the other parts or I don't want to

continuing
>The lies hurt (both mine and hers), but I keep writing letters for a few more weeks
>I go back to driving to nowhere
>I stop writing letters
>I lose my virginity at 19 to a girl I knew had a crush on me from highschool
>I write a letter detailing my guilt over lying about my own attempt at suicide and expressing my nager about her lies
>never send it
>I meet a girl in a weeb online chat
>We really hit it off
>Start 2 year long distance relationship
>There are issues because as you can see I'm a bit fucking crazy
>I do some crazy shit that only in the end has potential to hurt myself
>we break up
>fuck a hooker
>we sort of get back together
>I tell her things aren't quite the same
>We split again
>Get in trouble for car insurance stuff
>latent stress brings around an episode in which I tell my parents about how I tried to kill myself the same as in the letters
>walk around town with enough oxycodone to kill myself 10 times over
>end up not killing myself
>long distance girl and I resolve all our issues lay everything on the table and restart relationship
>plan to meet up
>one day she tells me she wants to kill
herself and stops communications
>I call from halfway across the world to any contacts that could possibly help
>I'm af ucking mess
>eventually she starts talking to me again
>calling me a worthless piece of shit
>saying I sent government gents after her and that she needs to drink to even talk to me
>says she wishes I would be killed
>goes on for hours me trying to find if there is something else wrong and the abuse
>I eventualy start breaking down, in a fit of rage I post a nude of her on the same weeb chat we met on
In my defense I didn't even think she was a real person at this point because we had never cammed although we had voice chatted
>we obviously break up
>feel like shit for what I did
>she continues to post nudes of herself and talk about blowing dudes to hurt me
>shit friends encourage it

Now I'm just all fucked up inside. I don't know if I'm a fucking monster that should kill itself to keep from hurting others. I used to b able to cry, but now I can't even do that. I just lay awake staring at the ceiling for hours.

Do you want a relationship with her? That probably won't work because she's clearly still hung up on her ex. You can stay friends but make it clear that you're not going to be her fallback guy.

i'd be fine with staying friends sure
but she isn't
she told me she wants me, yet isn't "supposed to" because shitty reasons

Ive been on a 4 day meth binge. I can feel the psychosis setting in, but for some reason I want to lose it. What the hell?

Fuck that. Either she wants you or she doesn't. Tell her she needs to stop with the stupid little girl games or fuck off.

i have
this resulted in her telling me the whole
>can we stop texting need to figure out what i want
part

Alright, fine. Stop texting her. Go out and find someone who doesn't have the emotional maturity of a teenager.

already on the verge

Post some links to feels music guys. And thanks again, also if you wanna chat and get stuff of your mind here's my kik:gameover169 I also have some things too get off my chest, fuck I'll even post my xbox gamertag if you guys ask me in kik I just want you guys too be alright and not be alone in your struggle

youtube.com/watch?v=CEVZHUY3spE
this one, albeit electronic, kinda makes me feel

youtube.com/watch?v=KDcIH3VdT28

youtube.com/watch?v=oHO6pbjQ9ec