Fuck Slytherin. Minus four hundred points

>Fuck Slytherin. Minus four hundred points

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>having a house that's evil and will never stop being evil

Snape was good

Rowling didn't make them bigots slyrherins only wanted to protect their way of life

Yes well done Slytherin, well done Slytherin...
> do you feel in charge? You aryan fucking shits. I ought molest the fuck out of ya.

Does anybody remember a Harry Potter dub on youtube where Dumbledore turns around and says "fuck you"

Legit one of the funniest dubs I've ever seen. And no, it's not Brad Neely's "Wizard People, Dear Reader" which is also excellent.

Noun

person who is intolerant toward those holding different opinions.
She literally made them bigots

>slytherins are ambitious and strong willed, not evil
>lmfao jk none of them are going to help the other houses against voldemort

Ronnie the Bear...Ronnie the Bear Weasel...you are bravery

You are courage

You are chess

1,000 points

I mean you can kind of understand Lucius Malfoy's point of view in Chamber of Secrets. I imagine Draco ranted and raved all summer about how the headmaster is playing favourites with a particular house and subverting all the effort Slytherin put in. He thought Dumbledore was some old buffoon ruining his son's education and wanted to make Hogwarts great again.

Why is dumb-"black could be anywhere"-ledore a bleeding heart liberal?

There should have been a Slytherin bro side character so that all the bullshit "They're not ALL bad." shit doesn't ring so goddamn hollow.

Maybe a genuinely nice guy in Slytherin that is really helpful and has a strong moral compass, he's just obsessed with getting gud at magic because he wants to be a badass.

Boom. Fixed. Great scene if he looks all betrayed and disappointed when his entire house gets locked in the fucking dungeons because the staff are all Gryfindor dicksuckers that didn't want their help during the fucking battle.

>thinking dumbledoor can minus anything now that he is dead

Yes yes congratulations Slytherin, you topped every exam and test this year and currently sit 12,000 points ahead of your nearest competitor in the House Cup.

> however.

>Sort 11 year old children into a house that's hated by the rest of the school, ostracizing them from day one
>Force them to sleep in a dingy green dungeon with a sociopath as their Head of House
>Take every opportunity to knock them down, including removing their achievements for no reason

No fucking wonder they all turn out evil. Maybe if Dumbledore made the slighest effort to make the Slytherins feel welcome they wouldn't become complete edgelords.

Sounds like a fanfiction character honestly. Students are sorted based on politics more than anything.
Slytherins are all super conservative
Gryffindors are all super liberal
Hufflepuffs are dumb apolitical normies
Ravenclaws are fedora tipping cynics

>Voldemort did nothing wrong
>why won't you accept us for who we are?

I've read rumours (not sure if they're at all accurate) that in the original draft of the books Harry was a Gryffindor, Hermione was a Ravenclaw, Ron was a Slytherin and Neville was a Hufflepuff. Would have been nice to see the house stereotypes broken a bit, but definitely more difficult from a writing perspective.

It's mostly just because it's perplexing in a story about some kind of magical aptitude metaphor for class/race prejudice that they should shit on 25% of the the students as being bad guys. It's just kinda hamfisted and takes away from the themes of the story, which is why Harry Potter is shit.

Poor themes, there's really nothing to learn from it. It's a setting that appeals to middle schoolers, that's all it has going for it.

>removing their achievements for no reason
This never happened.

It's not fanfictiony in the slightest. That's what being a Slytherin is all about, desiring more power. Your politically based house theory is more cringey than that guy.

>It's a setting that appeals to middle schoolers

That is the target audience after all. Still, I think Rowling did a decent job of creating a world that reflects our own. The bureaucracy, the idealists, the reactionaries, all in conflict with one another. Sure it was heavily biased towards Dumbledore's own perspective but I feel there was a lot of room for alternate points of view. The bad guys weren't just evil for the sake of being evil like in a lot of stories aimed at kids.

250,000 keks

Every person alive is born a bigot by this definition. No one legitimately tolerates the opinions of others, they just ignore them.

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Yeah, cause Harry and co. just happened to get the exact amount of house points they needed to scrape by Slytherin in first year. It wasn't calculated by Dumbledore to fuck them over at all.

>Snape was good
You mean the militant wizard nazi that sent wizard Hitler to kill a baby until he realized that the baby was his waifu's son?

>Rowling did a decent job of creating a world that reflects our own
I was about to say that because her rendition of the magic world parallels are so shallow (oh! fun magic shit! instead of magic red tape and a more intricate ministry of magic plot) it's her biggest failure, but ultimately, the target audience are middle schoolers, so it can't be helped.

I was in my late teens when the books became popular so I fucking hated them, I only read the first one out of spite that people told me to read them before talking shit about them. But recently I read chamber of secrets and I honestly liked how aware Rowling was that it was a book for children and didn't press too much about the details and logistics of magic.

I don't know if the rest of the books go to shit into YA territory or are just edgy bullshit though.

kill yourself tripfag

That's not removing their achievements. They retained all the points they """earned""". So did Harry and co who FUCKING THWARTED VOLDEMORT AT THE AGES OF 11.

10/10 performance
I wish there was more of him as slughorn

The part about killing Quirrel and Voldemort was never public knowledge. Dumbledore just said they were "brave in the face of opposition."

Why are you replying to a tripfag?

>wanted to make hogwarts great again
>decides opening the chamber of secrets and letting basilik loose is the best course of action

The first two books are pretty different from the rest of the series. They seemed more like a whimsical fairy tale than a serious attempt at creating a fantasy world with internal consistency, and consequentially the world makes no sense when you look at the logistics of it.

why were there no hot female teachers at hogwarts? all old bitches.

>Ron
>Slytherin

That would have made a lot of sense.

>Whatever happened down there is a complete secret, so naturally the entire school knows
Dumbledore's over 100 and even he understands how teen gossip spreads better than you

You're a dumb shit everything is tongue and cheek and full of british self deprecation. This ministry is corrupt and brazilian and batshit for a reason. The brits need to cope with their lives

>never public knowledge
What alternative is that supposed to create here? Dumbledore knew, and he awarded them points for it. I hate people who try to make the ending of TPS controversial, it couldn't be less controversial. And let's not even get into the fact that most of Slytherin's points were generated off the back of Snape's favouritism.

So why is Voldemort's return in the fifth book such a surprise that no one believes?

You have to be a "wizard" to be a Hogwarts teacher, see how none of them have families.

I like how the whole character turned from a mostly chill old guy into a loud GETOFFMAHLAWNFUKKINKIDS old psycho when the actor changed.

>Ron and Harry are supposed to be best friends.
>They never give each other a friendly blowjob
Is JK Rowling a hack or are Brits just this weird?

Because everyone figured it was just Quirrel who was a dark wizard trying to steal the philosopher's stone
Not to mention the Minister of Magic was so scared and in denial about Voldemort returning he pumped out propaganda against Harry and Dumbledore

Could you imagine being one of the Slytherin kids on that night?

>50 points for a magnificent game of chess

They are incompetent orwellian little shits before voldemort come back. And once he is back they through fear try to control everyone and everythinf including hogwarts instead of doing anything positivr kind of like real life politics

What was the elo of this chess enchantment that an 11 year old is beating it

Wizards are very prone to believing government propaganda and eventually the rest of Hogwarts students got tired of Harry being a special snowflake every year so they just started treating him like an attention whore.

would kick ron in his nuts in the bathroom next day t b h

I like how you're a retard. He's only like that in goblet bc its badly directed and even then he's chill at the pensieve. Gambon playrd him perfectly in 3 and 6

Daily reminder that Voldemort did nothing wrong.

From the letters, I gather that Hogwarts isn't mandatory education, so I'd probably drop out or ask my parents to send me abroad.

Dumbledore was obviously being black mailed by Hermione after she caught him sniffing her pantsu

The wizards are supposed to reflect the british. Irl

To be fair, after what happened to the 4 previous DADA teachers and Dumbledore having incompetent retards like Hagrid and Trelawney teaching, the ministry should have put someone to keep tabs on him sooner.

>Characters are falling asleep
>They don't scream and slam their head against their headboard while remembering awkward encounters from throughout the day until the pain causes them to forget the memory

I've always heard people praising Harry Potter characters for being realistic, so why did JK fuck this up?

Plus, Ron is a dumbbell. Never understood why he was supposedly good at wizard's chess when he seems to perform below average academically and have little/mediocre common sense.

Anyone seen those spoilers for Cursed Child? It's hilariously bad.

>Albus (Harry's son) and Scorpius (Draco's son) are attending Hogwarts together for the first time.
>people think Scorpius is actually Voldemort's son
>a Death Eater is found in possession of a stolen Time Turner
>Cedric Diggory's dad is mad at Harry and tells Harry he should go back in time with the Time Turner to save Cedric
>Harry refuses and claims he doesn't have the Time Turner, but he does
>Albus fucking hates Harry because he's a pretty shitty wizard and can't live up to Harry's legacy, also he got placed into Slytherin
>they get in an argument and Harry says he wishes Albus wasn't his son
>Albus goes back in time with Scorpius and Cedric's cousin to save Cedric because he thinks it'll make him better than his dad
>they fuck everything up, causing the Ron and Padma timeline
>they try again and cause the Voldemort revival timeline
>Snape, Ron and Hermione are alive in this timeline, Harry isn't
>they give their lives to fix the timeline
>Albus and Scorpius argue over what to do with the Time Turner
>Cedric's cousin steals it, revealed to be Voldemort's daughter via Bellatrix
>after time travel chase they get stuck in Godric's Hollow the night James and Lily died
>Albus burns a date on baby Harry's blanket
>future Harry is crying about losing his son into his old blanket and sees the date
>turns out Lucius had a time turner too, and this one doesn't have the 5 minute restriction
>they go back and capture Delphi and watch Lily and James die

He's gay though

No doubt but the way they went about it was just as or even mire damaging. Fucking unbridge

Not only wete they unprepared but they didn't even bother trying not go straight into tyranny mode

People can be amazing at something like chess while still being lackluster academically

the new one is
the old one wasn't

One of the biggest retards in my class was a chess genius, it can happen.

no fucking way, you made all that up

Just ignore it. The time travel in poa film at least makes sense with the plot themes and the novikov self consistency principle and nature of closed loop time travel time turners.

I'm ignoring it. Jusg a dumb play.

Ron doesn't strike me as an idiot savant though, just an idiot. I feel like that just existed for plot convenience since Rowling didn't know what else to make Ron good at.

Like that little aspie in "Searching for Bobby Fischer". he was terrible at social cues and making friends that weren't old black men, but good at chess.

Hence the addition of "little/mediocre common sense."

>No chapter where Ron holds his wand for 8 hours one night debating whether or not to cast Avada Kadavera on himself
And I used to think these books were immersive.

Nope, not a thing about that was made up.

That's all legit.

Rowling is that big of a fucking hack.

Google it if you don't believe me.

it's probably got to do with the general public's misconception of what "being good at chess" actually entails

ZAP THE MUDBLOODS, MUGGLE WAR NOW

this is the hackiest writting I've ever seen

This. Ron just comes across as a common slob...which is why he eventually becones jealous of Harold popper

>Google it if you don't believe me.
I don't wanna

Everything about this is terrible. Is it considered "canon" by JK?

Please don't tell me that's true.

we will never know. it's left to you.

that rowling bitch was just attention hogging by comingout with sensational announcement.

>no side story where Ron says Accio Girlfriend and waits on his bed until the sun rises.

So much for the closed loop

Ron isn't an idiot savant though

I was gonna read the stageplay but having read I want nothing to do with it and its irrelevant. Do you consider it relevant?

I heard the gay thing ages before SJWs came on the scene

Considering Rowling herself wrote it? Yes.

It is. I know, it's fucking awful, like someone was just picking up the worst cliche ridden fanfictions from FFN and then pasted it under Rowling's name. But no, it's all Rowling.

And the worst? Scorpius asks Rose out on a date, Ron's and Hermione's daughter, at the end of the whole thing and she says "Yes."

The fuck? Post sauce or stop talking shit.

That can't be real, Rowling always regretted the time turners as plot devices.

>Voldemort getting laid
>Cedric being relevant
>Harry being a shit person

That sounds like an average Harry Potter fanfiction

There is a closed loop for anyone with any sense of anything. That was the entire purpose buckbeak never died in any timeline and harry had always done the patronus.

Don't give this the time of day

Like I said, you can just Google it.

It's not just anonymous people talking shit online. It's in reviews too.

thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/06/10/harry-potter-and-the-cursed-child-spoilers-here-s-the-plot-of-the-play.html

Fuck I didn't even notice it was written by Rowling. I thought she'd just licensed the characters out or something. I can't believe she'd come up with something that terrible. Time travel is such a lazy plot device.

Still think it's as fake as the epilogue to Death Hallows which didn't exist

before rowling, it was a theory.

he could be gay or he was broken by sad things in his early life that he never wanted to go in a relationship.

rowling just came and scored a plus point to keep herself relevant.

Its not canon. Yet another reason why the films will stand tall no matter what.

>Ron pointed his wand downwards. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes
>"Grow. Grow. Grow." he said softly
>suddenly, he felt a light tingling sensation in his underwear
>his eyes popped open with astonishment
>as he looked down at his pants, he felt an awesome pressure unlike anything he's ever sensed.
>He quickly pulled down his trousers and revealed his massive, still-growing package.
>Ron's excitement quickly turned to fear as he realized it was not his penis growing, but his testicles
>his fear soon turned to pain as they expanded larger and larger, reaching his knees and engulfing this thighs
>Ron's penis pushed into his body like a scared turtle
>ron was faced with a difficult decision: ask Hermione for help and risk embarrassing himself, or just let his dangly bits continue growing, counting on his own weakness for them to eventually stop.
>Ron sat on his bed, accepting his failure both as a student and as a physical being.

I'm upset bc the timetravel aspect of azkaban was done properly and served the story well. Sequel shit cant tarnish it if I don't care

Jim Broadbent can do no wrong

The only canon is the original 7 books.

>mfw Richard Harris wanted his best bud Peter O Toole to take the role of Dumbledore after he died
>Toole ultimately declined the dying wish because he was afraid he wouldn't last long enough to get through the films
We'll never see Dumbledore being portrayed by two of the greatest actors to ever walk the earth

20 points from Gryffindor

Oh please, you fat moron. The character change was obvious and carried through the rest of the movies.

Reminder that they ruined the scene where Dumbledore gets rekt in the movies

they make harry look like a giant pussy

I hate cuckposting but this made me laugh out loud:

>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius

Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with Rowling? I unironically enjoyed nearly everything about the book series but this sounds like a terrible fanfiction.