Hey anons, story time. Today is a tale of how i almost got assassinated ( or kidnapped idk)

Hey anons, story time. Today is a tale of how i almost got assassinated ( or kidnapped idk)

> i was a 19 y/o fuckboy straight out of highschool with nothing to do
> catch this amazing job at an antique pottery/painting/other stuff kind of store
> unreal, godly, CRAZY good money relative to the actual work i do
> practically never did anything there tbh, just rung people up on cash register
> one day im about to leave, checking over the store and making sure everythings locked up
> hear someone tapping on the door(its glass so i barely heard it)
> i just yell "WERE CLOSED" without even checking becuse we close so early it happens alot
> person keeps tapping on the door, clearly heard me but doesnt give a shit
> no problem, i say, ill just confront him about the fact that im not selling him shit until tommorow
> walk past a corner i can see them through the glass door
> this guy is atleast 6 feet tall with a million dollar suit on and the face of pure annoyance
> 4 other people behind him, all carrying suitcases, they look like bodyguards
> " lol im getting fucking killed tonight"
> i walk to the door and say in a cleaner voice, " sorry, were closed"
> the door knocker smiles at me, and says " i just need to buy a single sculpture is all"
> this motherfuckers voice sounds like santa
> i feel a little calmer now but these 4 bodyguards keep looking at eachother mumbling
> "lol im getting fucking killed tonight"
> i regretted this shit so much but i let them in, and ask what santa wants (never heard his real name so its a replacement i guess)
> " oh yes, that sculpture over in the corner, i am purchasing it, i made reservations to pick it up today."
> mfw we dont do reservations here, its basicly a thrift shop
> also the sculpture he pointed at, was never in the shop at any time.
> the owners always tell me what and when new pieces are coming into the store
> "oh uh, right mr.santa, yeh, i remember the owners telling me about it"
part 1 out of 2 (or 3 idfk)

Bump

user, I am but a lonely man on this Halloween night. Very much would like a deliverance.

So tell us OP, how did you almost die? Did you get a b-b-b-booonerrr?

bump

Quaxs!

OP please... army fag here stuck in barracks for halloween. Deliver please

I like nipples

R

...

Tell me a story nigger

go do your SSD1 you fucking POG

Nice dubs

I'll have you know all I did was certs today. Shit sucked

Bumping

k part 2
> "oh uh, right mr.santa, yeh, i remember the owners telling me about it"
> the bodyguards fucking chuckle at eachother, not even hiding it, just plain laughing in my face
> santa looks back and they all go silent again
> fuuuuuuuck
> santa says to me " so user, the payment is in this breifcase"
> all bodyguards are carrying breifcases
> wait didnt you say you already payed for the statue? i thought to myself
> "wait, didnt you say you already payed for it?"
> santa goes a little stiff and says "there was two payments"
> not a very good lier
> 3 bodyguards go to pick up the statue and one of them hands santa the breifcase
> santa says, in his jolliest voice, " here ya go then, the last of the cash, open it"
> mfw the breifcase is so light theres no way theres any money in it
> nigguh im dead.jpg
> im frozen rn, dont know what to do
> " OPEN IT" the bodyguard just yells at me to do so
> oh god
part 2, one more coming up

This nigga... shoulda just ran.
>post probably Halloween spooks post

bump

bump

riviting..

Bamp

Pretype this shit nigger

inb4 Prince of Bel-Air, Walk the Dinosaur, etc

Finish the story faggot

wat hapen nxt?????1/1/1/111

bump-a-doodle-doo

I'm guessing a skeleton pops out.

in b4 fresh prince

MOAR

Abort thread 0P is an fag

bump

>be santa
>walk into poor pottery and antiques
>Sculpture.donatello
>walk up to store
>here incoherent wailing
>oh god
>400 pound weeb wearing mlp joggers
>he was saying something like
>"Stor closh"
>i tap to hear him better
>"STOR CLOSH"
>het bodyguard to scare him to open door
>His face when
>say i would like to buy sculpture in the back
>"nuh we r closh"
>Say i made reservations
>says i look like Gru from dispicabal me

last part, this is where shit gets tense
> " OPEN IT" the bodyguard just yells at me to do so
> oh god
> i turn around and put the breifcase on the counter
> i try to open the case but theres a number combo on it
> "uh whats the code?"
> " 441" said santa
> uh lol ok this guy is smart
> i input all 4`s and the case opens up
> litteraly just a blank piece of printer paper
> i turn around, fully expecting to have a gun to my head
> before i even say anything, santa says, "turn the paper over"
> AM SO DEAD RN
> i flip over the paper and it says " read the first 4 letters of the first 4 sentences on the first post"

Indeed fellow faggot BLARGHH

MOTHER FUCKING BUMP YOU FUCKING FAGGOT

ur gay

looks like your the fake hedgehog around here

OP is fag

Prt 3
> It's now dead silent
>I open the briefcase
>Read the last word of every sentence

ICUP? FUCK YOU

Fucking nigger

op you fucking nigger kill yourself

Fuck howdgyaknow niggerfag? /cuntfuzzled look/

fucking cuck

someone archive this thread pls

god it's HALLOWEEN and you dump this FUCKING GARBAGE

you nigger

Ikr kys

>wearing mlp joggers
WINNING

Hi Bonny

...

>First 4 letters of first 4 sentences
I was
Catc
Unre
Prac

BEND OVER AND SPELL IHOP NIGGA

Successful shitpost 6/10

Hello, Future Fag.

kill yourself

>I was
>Catc
>Unre
>Prac
>I was catc unre pract
>I was catcun repract
>I was cat cat rucpren
yeah, I don't know

Can't work it out.... guess I am retarded

SSS

ICUP
i see you pee
op is a faggot bassicly

Or 8

Well that was dumb

That is just retardedly too simple

im not 8

...

can't read your dumb shit cause the text is too dull on this puter so fuck you dopey op

part two
>"midder gro u need no member own tell bout me it"
>my bodyguards laugh at him
>tell them to stop making fun of autistic cashier
>tell him his money is in briefcase
>deal_or_no_deal.gif
>say ill have to pay again upfront
>what.Patriarchy
>lying
>Get mad
>tell bodyguard to make him open briefcase of dildos
>"open it" bodyguard says

ICUP = I see you pee
My IQ dropped a lot. But at least I got to the level where I can comprehend mongoloid jokes

OP is god

I READ THE ICUP BEFORE I EVEN READ THE STORY FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

He says he dug up your mom's skeleton and fucked her.

8 and a half?

part 3
>"Xir please open the briefcase"
>remember it has a code on it
>was going to tell him to put in "Santa"
>remember its 411
>tells me to turn the paper over
>tell him to read the first four letters of the first four sentances on the original post

you dun already cried wolf a bunch of times OP
it's over

das not OP

This wasn't even clever payoff.

fag.

I can't tell
they're both faggots