Be me

>Be me.
>Be 17 y/o sperg
>Be in Highschool in rural Washington during storm season.
>One day during one of the more windy storms power goes out for two days, and school is out until Wednesday.
>Go through first three periods and head to lunch.
>I'm a poor nigger so I get lunches for free.
>Go to the "Oriental Cuisine" line because our school was autistic like that.
>Food kike was dishing up that swanky teriyaki.
>givemethesaucebaby.jpg
>Chow down on that shit like a retard on speed.
>Go home after the next three periods, business as usual.
>Fast forward to the next day.

I haven't shit for sixteen hours.

>The fun begins.
>Be vacuuming up the last of the pulled pork sandwich I made myself this morning.
>Feel an abnormal mass oscar mike to the gates of my asshole.
>Mfw "It's time"
>Make a brisk pace to the bathroom, nobody in this hallway as it's pretty far from the actual retard canteen that is our lunchroom.
>Undo belt and zipper to relieve pressure on gastric battleshit preparing for deployment.
>Wrong, I was.
>Couple of freshman landwhale she-dykes come around the corner at the end of the hallway on intercept course.
>spaghetti.exe
>Decide that my anal integrity is more important than the cunts mental health.
>Continue to take pants and belt off as I begin to gain speed.
>The it-bitches begin to foghorn scream, signalling the rest of the fat-pact members for battle against my patriarchal explosive ass.
>Veer left into bathroom as I clench my asscheeks harder than a twenty ton hydraulic press.
>engagehemmeroids.wav
>My pants and underwear are by my ankles before the poor, unknowing bathroom stall was even ready for me, nor was anyone else in the room or even three doors down.
>Orient myself ass first as the zerg rush of unknown origin begins to break through.
>But wait, there's more.
>Hemmeroids have reached critical mass from the butt clenching bonanza, promptly bursting as I push.
>EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHH
>cont.

I wont lie, I laughed quite a few times, faggot. Go on.

go on buddy, also im in wa, nice

checked

I really like the style of this one, OP. Did a great job of foreshadowing. "Oriental Cuisine" is contrasted with a repetition of the word "Orient" later in the tale, which shows you are contrasting the two events against each other. Good show.

9/10, waiting with baited breath for the continuation.

>Think of a shop-vac, on blow that sucked up mud, rocks, kidney stones and a small animal.
>Blood and shit spackled the entire back half of the stall.
>It was like Freddy Kruger raided a blood bank then decided to steal a septic tank then blow both the fuck up inside of that stall.
>But we aren't done.
>The godly torrent of assitude has only just begun.
>Still feel foreign mass.
>Mass as breached the perimeter of my ass.
>The high pressure wind tunnel known as my asshole is plugged.
>Begin to shed tears as redwood diameter log comes screaming out of my rectum.
>My legs shake like jackhammers as this unholy symphony of demon shits and my pain echoes up and down the halls.
>The gateway to oblivion closes.
>Mehrunesshowskindess.png
>Turn around.
>Feel urge to vomit.
>Hear feet scrambling out of the bathroom.
>mfw the toilet seat was down.

>The it-bitches begin to foghorn scream, signalling the rest of the fat-pact members for battle against my patriarchal explosive ass.

>Begin to shed tears as redwood diameter log comes screaming out of my rectum.
>My legs shake like jackhammers as this unholy symphony of demon shits and my pain echoes up and down the halls.
MY SIDES

reluctantly lurking

>foghorn scream
>clench my asscheeks harder than a twenty ton hydraulic press
>high pressure wind tunnel known as my asshole

holy fuck Sup Forums is so fucking trash.

someones new

I can tell all of you guys are under aged.

These greentexts are reddit tier humor

samefag

samefag

Bump

shit

Thanks op for making me laugh harder then I should have

Would you rather have penises and bananas? That's the only other thing here, you mongoloid

MFW this greentext

P.S people that pay for the his shit can tell when you post several times. Your IP might not be displayed but your id will be identical for your post. Next time don't bother responding to yourself, seems desperate.

WA here too. Rural town. I have experienced an emergency shit situation when colon was ready to burst.
I want to hug this glorious 'sperg.

This was in skagit county, hope you're not thinking of Eastern WA.

kek

I am in Skagit right now.
S' up, fellow valley fag?