Alright faggots.
**ASK A PLUMBER ANYTHING**
If you ask the right question you may get some very interesting greentexts.
If you ask a new question you will get new greentexts.
Also general plumbing advice.
If you appreciated the advice you were given, reward me with tits.
I like tits.
Do you know why your profession is dubbed "plumber" ?
How do i rewire a house?
The romans were the ones who invented what we in modern day call "Plumbing".
Whilst the sewers were run through clay pipes, the water was run through lead pipes, leading to the mental decay of most of the rich romans.
Lead's periodic scale letters are Pb
This stands for "Plumbum"
Hence the term, Plumbing.
Hopefully in a way that will result in your heroism.
Whats the nastiest thing you've ever seen come out of some pipes
Plum/b/user here with a correction.
They did not in fact INVENT it, but our modern society references them for it.
Ur mum
I use pvc schedule 40 in my job a lot, since I build underground swimming pools. I am a fan of Oatey Heavy Body Grey Glue. That shit works wonders. Do you have a favorite?
Now there's an interesting one.
I've seen all manner of shit and tampons flow out, but here's a quick greenie just for you.
> Be old man's friend.
> Be landscaper.
> Working for lady who is very attractive.
> Regular customer.
> Lady has not seemed too well over the last two to three weeks.
> Lady asks landscaper one day "Do you know much about plumbing?
> Landscaper says "I'm not an expert but my best mate is a plumber, so I've learned a few things over time"
> Lady says "Ok, my toilet's blocking up do you think you can check it out?"
> Landscaper says "I'll have a look".
> Landscaper checks toilet, def blocked.
> Attempts plunge with mop. No good.
> Checks other pipes, also blocked.
> "Looks like your entire sewer is blocked love, do you have one of those big cast iron grates in your back yard?"
> "Oh yes we do actually".
> Takes landscaper out back yard.
> Cast iron grate is poking out the ground, all vents blocked by shit and toilet paper.
> Lifts lid off to check blockage.
> Foetus flows to the surface.
Apparently she ran inside the house and he never heard from her again.
Being an Ausfag, we have 3 varieties.
1. Plain old PVC cement blue glue.
2. Plain old PVC cement clear glue.
3. Plain old PVC cement green pressure pipe glue.
Sounds to me like you use that foreigners equivalent of number 3.
One of my radiators hums when it's on. However, it stops when I slightly adjust the dial. What do?
Ok, the dial sits on the tap.
Get the tap replaced, you do NOT need to replace the dial as well. That's a fraud and a scam and if any plumber tells you that you need to replace both he's a moneygrubbing cunt.
Alrighty, thanks for your help!
Reward with tits.
Fucking lame.
You're supposed to post tits you fucking newfag.
Any times you ever got laid while on the job?
Yes.
Greentext engaged.
>Be me.
>Be maintenance department of large office building.
>Building be full of absolute stunners, 10/10's galore, is like paradise except for one small detail
>Bitches be stuck up and won't talk to me.
>Friendly guy, spend all day running around saying hello to random femanons.
>All ignore me, all seems pretty fuck you.
>One day meet one of the cleaners. She's a big fat bitch with a massive underbite, complete bogan.
>For you amerifats, bogan = redneck - Aussie masterrace edition.
>Some many months later, meet her companion. Also bogan, but body of a goddess.
>Companion, this is user
>Hello companion nice to meet you
>Yeah, whatever.
>Nothing eventuates. Even companion of bogan is not so interested.
>Fast forward a few months.
>Chat to bogan and companion quite regularly on and off whenever I bump into them.
>Start sitting down and having coffees with them. Nothing unordinary, just chatting about work related crap as people who work in the same building do.
>One day walking past cafe, see bogan and companion in there, companion is motioning for me to come inside.
>feelingcheeky.jpg
>Go up to companion and start tapping on my cheek while she's talking at me
>Realises she's being interrupted and is all
>Whaddya you want?
>"Well come on, give us a kiss"
>She sighs, gives me a kiss on the cheek, then asks "Do you know anybody who can get $800 back off a guy for me?
>"Yeah I do, but it will cost more than $800 to hire them."
>Wink and walk away.
>From this moment on, I noticed a subtle shift in her attitude towards me.
Cont.
>companion is talking to me a little bit more smiley each time.
>companion starts coming up and giving me hugs every time she sees me.
>Inforthewin.mov
>This goes on little bit by little bit for a couple of months, continuously either interrupted by work colleagues, who could catch us not working, or interrupted by bogan.
>It gets to the point where bogan pulls me aside one day.
>"What's your intentions with companion?"
>"What?
>"Yew heard me! What's your intentions with companion?"
>Give her a cheeky bastard grin
>"Don't know what you're fuckin' talkin' about" and wink
>She gives a sly grin and says "Ahhh yeah... Well I reckon you're in like flynn"
>Ball emptying confirmed.
>Try to figure out a way to get her alone.
>Find plant room on top level of building never knew was there before.
>Has amazing view across whole city through louvres.
>Bogan decides that I need to be more forward with companion.
>Be more forward with companion, companion keeps backing off, too shy.
>Bogan decides she needs to concoct a master plan with me.
>We all travel up to the top plant room to "have a look"
Cont.
>Get to top plant room, showing both girls the view.
>Start edging closer to companion, companion this time not edging away.
>Keep making conversation as if nothing is happening. Run hand up back of companion.
>Move hand under back of jumper and start lightly running my nails on the bare skin of her back.
>She'slovingit.avi
>Continue chatting, getting a bit hotter and hotter.
>Start running hands up and down hips
>She is wearing shorts, no fabric
>Start running hands along thighs
>Kissing neck, chewing on shoulder.
>All while having convo while bogan is peering out at the scenery.
>Unfortunate situation.
>Bogan knows exactly what's going on.
>Bogan refuses to leave.
>Start making hints at bogan.
>Bogan pretends not to understand hints.
>Then bogan starts wandering around plant room, inspecting it.
>Finds empty room.
>Ah.... You guys can go for it in here!
>We look at each other.
>Yougottabefuckingkiddingme.jpg
>Bogan returns to looking out at view.
>"You guys go do what you gotta do, I'll just wait here."
>Yougottabefuckingkiddingme.fuckoff
>We give each other a frustrated look, and just continue subtly touching each other.
>We know bogan isn't moving, but we're not doing shit until she leaves.
>We both know she wants to get a voyeuristic kick out of walking in on us half way through a fuck.
>We also know this would be huge turnoff.
>But fat bitch won't budge.
cont.
>Getting to the point now where we're both feeling that subtle shift from sexual frustration to near on boredom.
>Companion sighs loudly
>Bogan turns to both of us and says "I don't know what you guys are still doing here, why don't you just go for it?"
>Alpha male time, blunt as fuck.
>"Because we're waiting for you to fucking leave".
>Bogan has +10 defences
>"Don't worry about me, you just go do your thing and I'll stay right here, don't worry, I won't interrupt"
>Ohffs.winpac
>"Well look, we're not doing anything while you're here, so how about we all fuck off.
>Open door to plant room, start to leave.
>Bogan finally gets hint
>Nope! Nope! Don't worry, I'll go!
>If you wanted me to leave you should have just fucking said so!
>MFW I fucking did.
>Whatever.
>She finally gets out of the fucking plant room.
>Just me and companion left over.
>Move closer towards her, she's getting all shy and pushawayish again.
>Can'tbefuckedwiththisbullshitanymore.gif
>Drag her to fucking room and just start making out with her and stripping her off.
>Nothing in plant room but cold concrete and a fucking bench.
>"Get on the bench".
>"Wow... pushy"
>"Shut up and get on the fucking bench would ya?"
>"Alright... Alright.. Geez".
>Sit her on the bench, push my cock into her.
>Fucking hard.
>And I mean hard.
>That body was amazing, she had the tightest little clam, and I was giving it hell.
>"Hang on user, my arse is hurting"
>Skinny girl, fair enough
>She lays back on the bench. "That's better"
>Not for fucking me it's not
>5'5 fucking manlet.
>Can't reach.
>Drag up a cinder block, stand on it, still can't reach.
>Flip it up on it's side, can now reach.
>Pound that fucking cunt until she orgasms.
>Blow like a fucking cannon.
The first but certainly not the last time we fucked at that place. She used to visit regularly in fact. ;)
I remember your story about idiot boss and that fucked up piping he wouldn't listen to you about, cirka 6 months ago I recon. Anything more like that?
Yeah, fuckin' RJ.
Fark user. Hard to remember now. Kind of need context to kick the brain into gear. Years of drinking too much booze and working too hard in shit jobs saps the brain of a lot of memory.
Let me have a think and get back to you.
OP: if i call a plumber because my toilet is blocked, what is the one thing i can do before you arrive that will make you say "i'm glad they did that. makes my job easier." ?
Actually yeah, got one similar, was talking to a bloke yesterday about it in fact.
> Be me.
> Be working for boss who is actually good boss.
> Sends me to job one day.
> Silly old fucking chinaman.
> "Sewer blocked. Sewer blocked. You fix!"
> "Yeah, no worries mate."
> Plum/b/user to the rescue.
> Pull out heavy arse sewer machine and heavy arse cables.
> Drag all the way to top of his house.
> Send down drain and retrieve.
> Sewer clear.
> Brave Plum/b/user has saved the day.
> "You send snake up dat way?"
> MFW.
> "Nah, listen mate, the pipes don't go that way."
> "You send snake up dat way?"
> "Mate, the pipes don't go that way.
> "You send snake up dat way."
> "Mate, the pipes don't GO up that way.
> "Ok, but you send snake up dat way?"
> "Listen mate.... Shit does not flow uphill. The pipes only go THAT way.
> "Yes, but you send snake up dat way now"
> "THE PIPES DON'T FUCKING GO THAT WAY, THEY ONLY GO IN ONE DIRECTION!!!"
> "You send snake up dat way?"
> Viking rage engaged.
> Realise I can not deal with this fuckwit.
> Placation is only option.
> Send sewer snake down drain as fast as I can.
> "You send snake up dat way?"
> "YES I FUCKING SENT THE SNAKE UP THAT WAY!!!"
> No I fucking didn't but the drain only goes in one direction.
> "But you only use one cable!"
> FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
> Send four cables down the same one way fucking drain I already sent all the cables down and pulled them all back out again.
> Growl through gritted teeth. "Ok, fucking DONE".
> "You send snake up dat way?"
> "YES I SENT THE FUCKING SNAKE UP THAT WAY!!!"
> "Ok...ok ok ok..."
> Pack up heavy arse sewer machine.
> Pack up heavy arse cables.
> Phone boss.
> "How much do I charge this guy?"
> "$150"
> No worries.
> Walk back in to house.
Cont.
1. Make them a coffee when they get there.
2. Leave all points of access to toilet area, and the yard behind it free.
3. Leave them the fuck alone to do their job in peace.
Thanks for asking user, you're a true legend.
cool. i try to make other peoples' jobs easier, having exact change, not asking for obscure shit at the drive-through, etc.
imagine if everyone did that.
> Walk up to chinaman.
> "Alright mate, that's 150 bucks."
> "Yes yes! Thankyou thankyou!"
> Grins at me while walking closer towards me.
> Gets within uncomfortable distance.
> I start backing up. He's still grinning and walking towards me.
> "Uh.... 150 bucks mate".
> "Yes! Yes! Thankyou! Thankyou!"
> Getting closer to the door.
> Realise where this is going.
> Realise he's trying to walk me out the door without paying.
> Not on my watch, cockhead.
> Stand still.
> Chinaman almost bumps into me and takes a step back.
> Stare at him.
> He tries "Thankyou thankyou" again.
> "No mate, the bill is 150 bucks."
> "Oohhhhhhh!!!! Ohhhh!!! Your boss say he send!"
> "No he fucking didn't mate. 150 bucks."
> Feigned surprise.
> "Ohhh! Ok OK I go look!"
> Wanders into other room.
> Shuffles for 2 mins.
> Comes back.
> "Ohhhh, I only have 120 dollah"
> Bullshit.
> "NO MATE. 150 bucks."
> "Only have 120 dollah, you take"
> "NO MATE. 150 bucks."
> "Ohhh... You wait until son comes home!"
> "NO MATE. I'M NOT WAITING FOR SHIT, JUST GIVE ME THE HUNDRED AND FUCKING FIFTY"
> "Ohhhh, do not have! Do not have! You wait for son! He come this afternoon!"
> "RIGHT, FUCK THIS!!!"
> Get on phone.
> Begin to call boss.
> "What you doing? You calling boss?"
> "NO!!! I'M CALLING THE ****FUCKIN'**** POLICE!!!
> "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WAITWAITWAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT I LOOK AGAIN!!!"
> Wanders into other room.
> Comes back with correct change.
> "Ohhhh!!! I found in back room! Is ok now!"
>" Yeah, thanks mate. You have a good one."
Pissed in his fucking letterbox on the way out.
would be a better world brave user.
Unfortunately selfishness and stubborn stupidity is taught as a 'value' in today's society.
yeah, i used to think that too! then some stores locally discovered the benefits of being polite. they actually train their people to smile, pretend to like the customers, and it may be fake but by christ it works with me.
as william s burroughs advised us: "Sanction the shits, and reward the Johnsons."
McDonalds has been running that scam for decades.
It does work.
Even fake nice is so much nicer than plain dickheads.
What I hate is the robot nature of maccas.
Like if somebody is genuinely friendly and nice, but don't repeat the robot lines, they'll pull them up and be all "Hey, you didn't repeat the lines" the whole time the customers are like "we prefer them being friendly and normal without the robotism.
my bathroom cold water faucet drips...what do
Google "how to change a tap washer".
OK i tried, now there's water shooting everywhere...what do
Learn to troll.
Uni dropout in Canada 19 how did you become a plumber and how long did it take and what was the money like from start to where you are now? Do you enjoy plumbing ? Should I do it? I need to do something with my shitty life please help
Hey uni student dropout! Let me run you through all Q's before this 404's
Okay thank you!
I became a plumber also at the age of 19.
My old man was a grumpy old cunt. I'd cleared out of home at 18 and I owed him money, so he was all "RIGHT!!! YOU'RE WORKING FOR ME!!!"
Half a year later he was all "You've come this far, you might as well do an apprenticeship".
Now I don't know if you understand this but an apprenticeship is like signing on to the army, once you sign on, you're stuck for 4 fucking years, and it's near impossible to get a transfer.
So I was stuck with the fucking miserable, screaming, angry over nothing, hateful cunt for 4 years.
Then he fired shut down his business and I went on to other jobs.
Other jobs were easy by comparison.
The money when I started was 79 bucks a week. Second year was 120. Third year was 270, fourth year was 480 I think.
You will get much better pay now. This was in the early 2000s.
Furthermore, here's what you need to expect.
Whatever boss you work for will be somewhat of a cunt. Try to find the least cuntish.
DO NOT do anything that will put your life in danger. If your boss is ranting and ravign at you to get on a wet double story roof, don't do it. Shut it down, walk away, he'll try to pretend you've quit, take it to your government safe work authority. You have the power to record this shit on your phone now. Do so.
I don't enjoy plumbing, never have. Some people do. Those people are mostly mad. They seem to identify themselves via their job or their precision and they are so proud to go home at the end of the day doing a wonderful job for a guy who is paying them a shit wage. Fuck those guys.
Yes you should do it. Uni is a mug's game. You end up in severe debt to get a degree that can't get you a job. At least at the end of a plumbing apprenticeship you can walk away and work for anyone or even yourself if you're game.
19yo Canadian. I recommend you do it. If after 4 years you hate it so much that you wish you went to uni instead, go back to uni.
Cont.
Fact of the matter is mate, plumbing is not my only qualification. I've skipped between a number of jobs, when I get bored of one, I move to the next, I always seem to land on plumbing though.
If you finish your apprenticeship and want to go back to uni, do it. Work part time as a plumber to pay your way, and then finish your course. If you want to do something else, do something else, do small cash jobs on the side, it's worth it bro.
The job suck, but it pays.
The pay is the ONLY thing that makes it worth it.
There are small joys here and there. Like when you get to do a small thing that nobody knows how to do etc. But yeah, the pay outweighs the shitness of the job and you know what?
I doubt working in an office with bitchy cunts is any nicer.
Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I appreciate this ! I gotta go to bed now though it's 6am , thanks again bud
Godspeed brave user.
I wish you all the best.
Reward with tits.
Have you ever come I fix the sink but that whore wife wanted you to fix her cunt?
Nah, came *close* one time though...
Toilet periodically refills just a little. Assuming the gasket from the top of toilet to base where they connect is leaking. Any tips changing those aside from turn the water off first and flush to empty tank?
>Working for some mob with a gps tracker on the car. Last job of the day.
>Rock up at house, lonely looking milf.
>Body 8/10
>Face 4/10 but whaver, have not had sex in 2 weeks.
>Get to door.
>Hello miss, my name is user, you called a plumber?
>Yes user, please come in and look at my sink.
>Check sink, easy fix
>No worries love, this'll take 10 minutes.
>While fixing sink issue, lonely milf begins chatting.
>So what's your story user, where you from etc. Usual crap.
>Move forward a bit.
>Have you got a girlfriend user?
>Ohshiti'minforthewin.jpg
>Nah, haven't got a girlfriend at the moment
>Why not user? You're an ATTRACTIVE man, you're obviously very PROFESSIONAL and STRONG...
>"Well I was seeing a girl but she left me two weeks ago"
>Sympathy card is go. I actually left the girl, not the other way around. ;)
>Oh that's TERRIBLE user! Are you doing ok? Surely you've got other girls on the go!
>Nah, chicks my age are a little bit stuck up, they tend to not find me attractive.
>Grabs me by the arm, brings face really close to mine, wide eyed
>REALLY??? REALLY user! I FIND THAT *VERY* HARD TO BELIEVE.
Dick is now rock hard.
Cont.
Clarify.
What do you mean by "periodically just a little".
That makes no sense at all.
>user, do you want to stay for dinner?
>Yep, I'm in for the win
>"Ah, look, I'd love to, but I've got a GPS tracker on the car, and if I stay here too long there's trouble"
>Ok user, how about this, you drive your car a couple of blocks up the road and park it somewhere, I'll follow you in my car and drive you back here.
>FUCKYESI'MGETTINGLAIDTONIGHT.webm
>Drop off car, drive back, chick flits around for a bit and microwaves about the shittiest leftovers I've ever tasted.
>Cannot give fuck. Rock hard dick, barrel down food.
>Milf pours herself a glass of wine, would you like a cigarette user?
>Giving flirty eyes.
>Phone rings.
>It's her on again off again boyfriend
>"No no, it's just the plumber, no I'm not seeing anybody"
>Jealous boyfriend? All I need is porn music and the scene is complete.
>Finishes phone call.
>Sorry user, that was my boyfriend, we have.... a lot of troubles over time.
>"Oh you have a boyfriend?"
>NONONONONO!!! *EX* boyfriend...
>sex is still on the cards.
>Pours herself another wine.
>So user... How about that cigarette?
Cont.
>Sounds good
>Step outside on the balcony.
>She hands me one of her cigarettes
>Standing side by side, her sexy little milf body brushing blatantly against mine.
>So user... I get very lonely...
>Stay quiet, have cigarette, alpha as fuck.
>I don't get many male visitors over here...
>Dick hardening, pants bursting.
>You're not saying much user.
>Wink at her. "Just enjoying the cigarette".
>Well user, you're sucking something of mine, maybe I should suck something of yours....
>FUCKYEAH.winrar
>"Sounds like a solid plan"
>Milf throws cigarette butt in backyard and walks inside.
>Do same, I follow.
>She pulls out chair and motions for me to sit.
>I sit down getting ready for blowjob. Hard as fuck.
>She sits down on table opposite me and pours another glass of wine.
>Uh... ok... whatever.
>Then proceeds to sit there.
>"....you alright love?"
>Milfanon sighs deeply.
>Listen user... I'm sorry if I lead you astray....
>WTF?
>"...what?"
>Well you see, when I told you I wanted some company....
>"...yes?"
>I actually wanted company....
>"...what????"
>......user....I'm an alcoholic...
>My dick drops to half mast.
>I look around for secret camera for joke tv.
>She then starts to regale me on her life story on how she became an alcoholic, and how she really needs company.
>I say that's fair, say I really need to get to back to my car as I have an early start.
>She says no worries user! Give me your phone number!
>Sure thing alcomilf! Gave fake number.
>Takes me to door
>Any chance you can give me a lift back to my car?
>Oh no I can't user, I've been drinking all day! Goodnight!
>Closes door.
>Wander 5 blocks back to car, with half a hardon.
>Beta as fuck.
How about retarded colleagues stories user? As I recall you had some before
what state are you in bruv? i'm in need of a plumber.
About every 30 minutes it will refill for about 5 seconds and stop.
Seating washer.
A state of disrepair.
Not handing out details.
The gasket where the flapper lowers to is worn. Where the water goes from the tank into the bowl section. That is what I am assuming is the problem.
have you ever had a girl come on to you while doing your job?
Can you post a picture of your plumbers-ass-crack?
Yes.
Ctrl-F alcomilf.
Scroll up to start of story.
Profit.
Yes.
Won't bother though.
It would turn me on to see it
I don't see how you could possibly imagine this would be a fucking draw card.
are you an aussie?
May or may not have mentioned that shit a few fucking times.