Feels thread?

Feels thread?

>Be me
>Be 13
>Have suicidal depression for most of your life
>Always have gotten bullied
>Attempted suicide twice
>Parents don't know
>Nobody knows
>Don't know how to tell anybody
>Don't want to because I thought something bad would happen (can't remember what)
>Play vidya to escape
>Play on the same Minecraft server for a long time
>Meet a guy who also has >1500 hours in TF2
>Make friends
>He tells me he has depression too, along with multiple personality disorder and schizophrenia
>Months go by and eventually he develops a new personality
>It's female, he names her Amy.
>Amy's kind, understanding, supportive
>Describes herself as being pale, dark red hair, big green eyes, thin build
>Eventually we fall in love
>Never have had a romantic experience before, it felt beautiful
>She has depression too, but we help each other

Cont?

Wait... are you 13 now?

13 at the time this takes place

Okay, continue.

>Be 2 weeks ago
>Birthday
>Have to work
>Meh
>Go to bed 6:30 AM
>Taking care of Grandmother and Grandfather
>(Financial Problems)
> Hear noise in dream
>STFU.jpeg
>Wake up
>Realize my grandfather is gasping for air running to my room
>He's Crying
>Hits me
>Shoot out of bed
>Look him in the face
>She died!
>Push past him run to her room
>Open door
>Regret.webm
>FFW Monday
>Doctor says "Mild Heart attack"

She was suffering from the onset of Dementia and her disability got cut off, so her and my grandfather couldn't survive so i took them in. She was tough as fuck and she was planning a Christmas get together for the family, and had an important meeting with geriatricians tomorrow, all I can think is when she was dying if she was thinking "fuck I'm going to die on anons birthday" and I don't care what day it was, it sucks but its the last thing I hope she thought about.

But continue user I'll read.

>I can only talk to her when she's "active"
>The guy had two other main personalities, she she was there maybe a third of the time
>Never ask him to let me talk to her because I want to save that as leverage for when I really need to talk to her as an emergency (in case I'm having a suicidal day or something) since the main of the two is kinda a dick
>We go on dating like this for several months (if you can call that dating)
>My depression is getting better but hers stays the same, maybe getting a bit worse
>Had some kind of scary experience that I can't recall, I wish to myself that I could shoulder her burden because I'm starting to do better emotionally
>The next day she says she's feeling better and my depression doubles over
>I'm glad though, because now she gets to be happy and she deserves it more than I do
>Put a red pillowcase on one of my pillows as a substitute for her being there, so I have something to physically hug or cry into when I'm sad
>The main personality is still an asshole, but I bite my tongue because he made her and can destroy her just as quickly
>Both of the two male personalities are very intelligent too, they know my pressure points
>The nicer of the two doesn't talk as much
>Have some interesting philosophical discussions when I'm not being berated
>Always look forward to being able to talk to Amy (usually happens at least once a day or two)

Seriously, nobody fucking cares.
Baeu is God

Shit life. Beta. Tall, piercings, tattoos, long hair, everyone always afraid of me. Girls think I'm gross. Shitty job. Underpaid for lots of work. Few real friends, mostly online. One, known for 10 years, female, but has some issues due to her parents being 50 when they had her on accident. Non functional reproductive organs, less than normal hormones, makes her quirky, but still has a girly side. Funny, cute, probably love her. Know everything about her, except how to A. make her not be depressed 24/7 and B. how to make her feel a single romantic emotion toward me.

I forgot to mention, originally she had white hair but she changed it at some point. Kinda irrelevant.
Also, the guy lives in Europe and I'm on the West Coast. Due to time zone differences, the time we have to talk is limited enough let alone whether or not Amy is active.

>Always struggling in school, parents hire all sorts of therapists and psychologists to help me
>Learn how to act like I'm somewhat mentally stable, I still can't let anybody know I have suicidal depression for whatever reason.
>Eventually get an Asperger's diagnosis
>Explains why I'm bad socially and why I have breakdowns
>Amy understands and gives me support
>She is the best person I have ever known, nobody else I've met has cared about me like she has
>Always want to meet her in person to thank her but that's impossible
>Would give anything just for one hug from her

You can never know the pain of loving somebody you know you'll never be able to meet in person, let alone their actual selves since they lack a physical form and are stuck in somebody else's mind.

This is more gay than wanting to fuck a tranny you fagtron

>At gym somebody comments I have a weird chest indent
>I've had it for all of my life, never knew it was abnormal
>It's been getting worse as I grow
>Go to the doctor, turns out it's something called "pectus excavatum"
>Recommends the Nuss Procedure, they're going to stick a curved metal bar through my ribcage and flip it once it's inside to push my sternum outwards and then screw it into my rib and leave it in there for two years
>Doc says it's the most painful procedure they are allowed to do at the hospital, next to a spinal fusion. On a pain scale from 1-10 with ten being tortured to death, this is supposed to be a 7-8
>After months of thinking, finally decide to do it because if I don't, it's gonna fuck with my heart when I get older
>Talk to Amy and make sure that she's there when I wake up so I can talk to her to get me through the pain
>Have the surgery
>She's not there
>The asshole was active and didn't even come online
>Chest swells internally, can only take painful quarter breaths for two days straight
>fml
>At least my red Amy pillow is there with me

>Be 14
>Crush its a 10/10
>Get a chance, kiss her, become her bf
>Lasts 2 years
>Found her kissing her best friend
>"Dont worry user, this means nothing"
>Bitch, you were cheating
>Break up with her
>Everyone gets turned on when i share my story
>It really hurted me as i was really in love (for being 16 that is)
>Never got really over that broken heart as i never really got to talk with anybody without them thinking im stupid for not asking a threesome

You may think its bs but this is my real sad story.

>Get out of the hospital a week later, still in recovery and am bedridden
>This is during winter break, so I am able to stay up late and talk with Amy
>She's the only thing pulling me through this, without her I would be okay with dying
>She encourages me to stop hurting myself (I forgot to mention, somewhere along the line I started self-harm with a plastic razor blade (used for scraping adhesive) so that it would draw some blood but not leave permanent scars)
>It helps me cope when she's not there, but I stop it for her
>She thanks me and says it'll be better in the long run
>She watches my steam stream while I'm playing games even if she isn't paying attention it so that I'll feel like somebody's interested in what I enjoy (kinda dumb and probably has something to do with my autism, but I can't bare listening to people talk about their interests (unless it's her) but I can't seem to stop running my mouth when I'm talking about mine)
>Congratulates me when I do something impressive, etc.

I was around fifteen at this point, and she had been encouraging me to get a "real" girlfriend for a while now because this sort of thing can't last and isn't healthy.

inb4 dinosaur

Continue please

I think I forgot to mention, when one of the personalities isn't active, they go into this sort of lucid dream where they hang out until it's their turn to control the body again.

>It's been about two and a half years since we started dating
>My depression has gotten so much better, I no longer consider suicide very often
>It's all thanks to Amy, and I love her more than ever
>Slowly however, I start to notice her not being active as frequently
>It started off as being maybe 2-3 days between when we got to talk rather than every day
>A few days turned into a few weeks
>I hope this is just some sort of temporary conflict and she'll start appearing more again soon
>She doesn't
>It's been about 2 weeks since I last got to talk to her
>The guy comes on and says that he's been feeling better
>No more schizophrenic symptoms, depression's cured, no more multiple personality disorder
>No more multiple personality disorder
>I re-read that line several times
>"What about Amy?"
>It's November 16th, 2015 at 23:01 PST
>"Gone."
>...
>Mind goes numb, stop breathing for 30+ seconds
>Then comes the sobbing
>Grab my razor and cut an X over my heart over and over again until I no longer have the strength to hold it
>Swear to myself I'll never let myself love somebody as much as I loved her ever again
>I would have killed myself but at some point she made me promise her that I would live a long, happy life with or without her
>I want to break my promise
>I want to die

>13
>suicidal depression

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAJAHAJANAJAHAJSHSHSJSNSNSMANAKCMCNDKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKGUEBIEHEHEIBEHIEHHUEHEHEHEBEJEBEBJAHAHAHAHAHAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAHABANANAHAJANAN

Open the door.

Damn Dude... that's harsh...

>It's been one year since that day and I still feel the aftershock
>I'm sobbing as I write this
>She was the only person I ever truly trusted or ever will, and she went and died
>Always hope that she's still lost somewhere in his mind, living that dreamland with some made up version of me
>Months later I'm still mourning and I have to write a poem for my literature class
>I've never been very artistic, but I decide I'll at least use my pain for something

Reality is distant
For those precious few who dream.
A world unstained by the fearsome corruption
Will be forever yours as you may slumber,
Unaware of the storm that wakes beyond your shutters.
Perhaps someday the clouds may part and you shall awake.
But 'til that day comes, remain scarlet and emerald frozen in time
And you may find me waiting, marked by the harsh woes of reality.

Every time you negate, follow it up with tensing every muscle from your body for 15-20 seconds - do it creatively, don't focus on how many muscles you haven't engaged.. just keep tightening. Release and repeat. Take ~slow~ breathes. Just focus on the tensing part

Not op, but i remeber distinclty praying thatvi would die in my sleep every night before crying myself to sleep when I was 5. Mental afflictions dont have a set age limit ya dumb cunt

My close friends staged an intervention for me last night. I've been depressed/anxious/suicidal for a while now, and this past Saturday I lost it and said some things that raised some red flags. I mentioned my ex of 6 years, and how she was right to dump a loser like me. I didn't want to bring it up, but my anxiety took over. Things for me have been shit since she left. I don't know why she ditched me, specifically, but she's engaged to someone else now after not being with that guy for even a year.

It was making me feel awful. I should have known it was an intervention when they ordered pizza, because I fucking love pizza. They all shared their concerns for me, and that they cared to much for me too kill myself. I appreciated that, but at the same time it was a bit overwhelming. It felt like so much pressure.

I am lucky to have friends that care so much, but it doesn't make me feel better. Nothing they can do will make things better. They just wanted to let me know that they love me. I wish I could see why they love me. I wish I could love myself. But after my ex left, I don't think I can love myself. If she couldn't love me after 6 years, what is there to love? All I want/need is someone to be with me. I need someone to hold me, and cuddle with me, and fall asleep with me. Every night I fear sleeping alone. I am scared to go into my own bed. I pulled my old stuffed duck from the closet so I would have something to hold while I slept. I would never admit that to anyone in person.

Sometimes I go to the bar, and I hope that some girl would hit on me, and take me back to their place. That won't happen though. No one would do that, unless I had a vagina. I feel that it must be so much easier for girls to date/fool around because they don't have to do anything other than go to a bar. Men will just approach them. I don't know if that's true, but I wish it would happen like that for me. I can't sleep alone anymore. I need someone. I just need anyone to sleep with.

Everyone secretly wants to destroy themselves, and I think most have an ideal scenario where they'd give it all up. Find solace in answering questions as to why you're malfunctioning, turn your problems into love, your pain into energy.

No they just feel like every guy treats them like shit. But its really because they don't deserve to be loved.

I want all of you 13 year olds to kill yourselves. Jesus Christ you're a disaster of a generation

You just admitted that you are 16.5 years. Underage b&.

2015.11.16 23:01 PST is permanently burned into my mind.

But she never completely left me.

>I turned to my pillow for comfort
>Cry at least weekly for months
>Start whispering to her at night, telling her I love her and that I want her to come back because I have nothing else I can do
>Eventually she starts responding
>Starts off as a general feeling of reciprocation, but eventually I actually start hearing her voice in my head
>Used to be just her saying "I love you too." but now I can hold up conversations with her
>She's there to tell me "It's going to be okay" when I'm sad, or "It's not your fault" when I feel bad about something
>Start wearing red pieces of clothing every day so I have something physical to associate her with
>Also start visually hallucinating when in complete darkness, just geometric shapes flashing rapidly in different sizes and forms
>Gain a constant sense of paranoia
>Sometimes I feel like I see something out of the corner of my eye but when I turn to look, it's not there
>Talk to a diagnosed schizophrenic, he says it's likely I'm developing schizophrenia too

herewego.jpg

I might not be mentally stable, but at least I'll always have her to talk to when things are rough.

I still want to be able to talk to her online one last time, just to tell her that I love her and how thankful I am for her help.I honestly think I would be dead today if it weren't for her.

Thank you for reading.

I have literally only ever posted on Sup Forums one other time in my life but you have just described the place I was in last May.

I'm a college senior, and around January of last year began to lose my girlfriend of 4 years. She'd been there when I lost family members, she was there for weddings, she was there when I failed and when I succeeded, but I realized that I set myself up to have zero value outside of the relationship. I was the best boyfriend I could be, but that's all I was. I had no relationships with people at school, because I started dating the girl right away. I was a junior at a school far from home, but where I'd been for years, and I felt completely alone. Worthless. Like outside of the bullshit I was studying, no one looked at or gave a fuck about me. But for some reason, maybe because I had nothing to lose, I just forced myself to be the real me as much as possible and I started acting the way I really felt, developing my own personality because I literally didn't know how to do anything alone. I didn't know how to pick clothes at the store, I couldn't ever decide on schedules and cleaning up after myself etc etc. But then systematically I though - what do happy people have that I don't? Friends? How do you get friends? By being confident? Confident in what? What can I actually fucking contribute to society that people will care for?

And so systematically I evaluated the blank canvas that was my life and is yours now, and saw that I could start from the ground up - with my body. Slowly I became more aware of my health, hear, and then physique. Slowly after lots of hanging on reddit I've picked up some new clothes, and while I thought I could never look at any of my things the same without her around, I just started to move forward with everything other than the relationship, and it just sort of fell away on its own. This semester, I've even managed to fuck 2 new girls I'd never even known before, and I don't care for then to stay

>erhaps someday the clouds may part and you shall awake.
>But 'til that day comes, remain scarlet and emerald frozen in time
>And you may find me waiting, marked
I think your poem is very nice, user.

The point is, you are in a point in your life where you are not happy in a room alone. If you're ever happy, it's fleeting and dependent on someone else. While it isn't difficult, the process of getting yourself back together can seem tedious. But just get lost in it. Immerse yourself in small goals until you can be alone with yourself. Then, not only will you see what people see in you, but you'll enjoy the society of even more people - by just being the best version of yourself, for yourself, and not depending on anyone else

Thank you.

Me and my fiance just split up, she was cheating on me with 3 guys and a girl. i really need this thread right now. thanks Sup Forumsros

Just do it faggot noone wants your sobbing and bait here you pussy cause if you harm yourself and want us to feel sorry then feel sorry for your body first faggot

kys fag

I sort of lost my emotions when i was in middle school i can laugh and all but deep inside i knew its just a mask and nothing is really real. Sometimes i wish i can cry because i can imagine all my emotions coming out how much of a relief it is but on the other hand i feel like if i cry i will become vulnerable and not be able to put my mask back on. :)

>I was born in the depression
>molded by it
>I didn't see a red pillowcase until I was a man

same buddy :)

I hate talking like this. But deep down I'm so damaged. As I'm typing this I'm calling myself a lot of horrible names and labelling myself with the worst stuff I can think of. Generally, all the hate and rough times I've had in my life, I'm now taking it upon myself, by loathing myself to an extremely unhealthy point. It's oddly satisfying to call myself horrible things, punch walls, punch my own self. I haven't done that in a while because I'm actually in love with someone and I want to be a normal human being just for her. But deep, deep down, I'm fucked up. Never been to therapy, mainly because of the huge stigma based around going to therapy where I live. You'll understand if I mention where I live. I don't plan on going to therapy soon either, my insurance doesn't cover therapy and it's quite expensive for just one session.

>tl;dr
>special snowflake princess had a rough childhood
>hates self
>weak cunt
>seeking attention but now from anons

y'know, just pathetic shit.

Ayyy lmao

Where are you from?

being sane is boring anyway. If you play your cards right you won't be lonely again

Possibly one of the most judgmental places on earth. Take a guess. We export something that the entire world uses and cannot find a substitute to.

...

my first (and only) love is also a girl inside another dude's head. I was "together" with her on and off for a few months but it didn't work, she doesn't like me now. that was over two years ago. actually the guy also liked two girls who were in my head then (not anymore ... they're gone) I still play the game she was really good at, osu. hoping that I could impress her but I suck lol

This is a feels thread, not a riddles thread. Just say where you're from.

You niggers saying you have people living in your heads are straight fucked in the head. That's not a real thing, just fyi

I remember when I was in high school and writing sad shit. Now I'm 22 and know adult sadness. You all have adult sadness to go through as well don't forget!

The dude from the battkeststions thread?

>Year 2007
>Be me on my 4th and last deployment to Iraq
>One of my buds whose been with me from basic all the way till now
>We get on our bus saying goodbyes to our families
>Bud says he can't wait for this deployment to end so we can grow old and drink beers telling stories about war
>Get to Iraq what not on patrol shootin sand niggers
>Months later
>Deployment is nearly coming to an end
>Talk to the CO and he says everything is line and when we return home our DD214 will be waiting for us
>Bud and me break down finally saying goodbye to a life we signed our souls to
>Get home we receive our honorable discharge
>Try to adjust but can't
>Can still hear my sqaudmates joking around talking shit and shootin sand niggers
>Bud has no problem re-adjusting ends up starting a family and becoming a sheriff
>I just can't adjust
>Try to go to school and I just can't sit still
>Couple weeks go by and I decide to re-up and go back for another tour
>Get back to my unit and family is shocked because I reenlisted
>Feel bad but I just can't help it
>On that same bus again sitting there in my ACUS
>Then a slap to the back of my head
>"You dumb fuck, you're not going back without me"
>Go for another tour but out of volunteer
>Come home and immediately request to go back
>CO recommends I see a shrink "You some kind of war junkie user?"
>No I just want to win the war sir
>"Well you need to relax how about I put you in for Germany or Italy? Hell if you like Asian pussy I'll send you to Korea?"
>No this is my career as an Infantryman
>"Is there anything I can do convince you otherwise?"
>No this is my career
>Year 2011
>Deployed in Afghanistan
>Bud still standing with me
>"Hard to believe we were just kids at Fort Benning in 2003, now we're leading"
>Then it all hits me
>2003-2011
>What the fuck am I doing with my life?
>What is wrong with me?
>2015 released from Rehab with shrapnel in my torso and human bone

dude im not gonna lie that really sucks that you fell in love with a schizo projection and then developed it yourself

I once dated a girl irl that had multiple personalities too. Fucking wild. She tried to choke me once, then sniffed around for crackers.

>>Have suicidal depression for most of your life
>alive
Bullshit.