So Imma start this shit up because we have alot to cover here, may do multiple posts on request, but here goes

So Imma start this shit up because we have alot to cover here, may do multiple posts on request, but here goes

The bus trip
> be me, 14 at the time, on school trip to ottawa
> the two 8th grade classes go to ottawa every year
> usually the best shit to happen in our young lives because of the sheer retardness they say.
> get on this tour bus, fucking amazing,
>just one problem, toilet is fucked and can't flush. If try it would literally spew shit out
> about 4 hours in the 20 hour drive
> autistic kid must peepee, lets call him Miller
> he goes
> I was seated with friends at the literal back of the bus, next to bathroom
> miller was taking a little too long in there
> decide to stick ear in the wal to listen
> muffled panic "oh no, oh god no" miller mutters
> audibly hear axe soray being coated all over the room
> door creaks open, smell of a freshman's fucking locker when axe was first commercialized
> miller plays it cool. Sits in front, nothin too bad, we didnt really mind, didnt want shit to happen really.
> 1 hour passes and I was just watching the road, get sudden idea to go investingate miller's shit
> look at shit but I dont close lid
Remember that
> rumbling
> we hit a bump
> retarded bus driver had 0 intentions to slow down
> SEE FUCKING SPEEDBUMO APROACHING AT ABOUT 100 milles per fucking hour
> front pf bus hops over bump, you know how te back always launches even more
> then Miller realized that the toilet will hit a fucking bump
> panthermodeengage.exe
> we hit the bump
> miller's shit literally flies my nigga
> the bathroom door wasn't closed
> miller watches in horror as his shit viper fucking hits a dudes soda can
> shit on poor dude's hand
> he fucking pukes and throws his soda can as hard as he can
> smacks some happy go lucky dude
> thinks a food fight is going on
> grabs the can and throws it with a fucking football spiral at miller
> hits miller
> he literally becomes one with the shit viper
Cont

shitty story
please continue

Cont

> miller fucking attempts to quickly removed his smeared shit everywhere, poor kid
> the thing is
> he did it with his bare hands, and in under 30 seconds.
> just aggravated what he did really.
> TRAPPED IN A FUCKING BUS WITH AN AUTISTIC KID SMEARED IN SHIT RUNNING FUCKING EVERYWHERE.
> wasn't a fucking food fight, was literally the fucking world war z plane scene
> us in the back
> shit and puke everywhere
> miller in middle, full of shit
> teachers and other kids in front
> miller doesn't know what to do
>tries to come for us for some reason
> FUCKING NO
> he breaks down crying
> shit on some nigga's jordan's
> puke on tablez
> luckily I stashed all my shit safely in my seat
> had to stop ride to clean shit up
> trip goes on
> nothing really happens on bus ride but shit happens later on, I think miller's involved in another one
Cont?

Please

More miller please.

Hey, why not have a general tard thread? I have a couple of stories with an old friend of mine...

Its official

Keep going user

Tard thread has been started

Gotta fo shit brb sorry for hold up

Well, who can't answer to dubs, eh?

Well, it all started long, long ago, with my friend.

Let's call him bee buddy.

>I lived right near a park at the time, there were plenty trees to climb
>One day, bee buddy and I were at the park (we were around 13-14 at the time)
>We were sitting up a tree, when disaster struck
>He falls (unharmed, for the most part)
>shouts up to me:
>user, you pushed me out of a tree, and i got my finger stuck in a...

BEEEEHIIIIVVEEEEE!!1!!!1!1

>he shrieks in a semi-tard voice
>I'm freaking out at this point, what has this idiot done
>Jump down tree, run over to him, try and calm him down
>look on his finger
>it's a fucking pinecone
>This nigga got a beehive confused with a pinecone

Oh, this is not the end. I've got plenty more stories to go.

And longer ones, as well. This was only an introduction to this legend of a semi-tard...

go on user

Now let me get ready, dont post plz faggots imma prepare them

...

Here we go again. This is probably one of the wildest ones I've had with the ol' bee buddy.

>I was staying at his house for a couple of days, pretty average sleepover shit
>until one night
>now this was about a year after the pinecone incident that earned him his title, so we were 15
>One morning, at around 5 or 6, he wakes me up and says he's got something to show me
>I'm interested, so I go check it out
>He picks up his IPad...
>Goes on safari...
>Types a P
>I'm cool at this point
>Types an O
>Getting worried now
>Types an R
>Oh god why
>Hits the N like it just fucked his wife
>Shows me porn like it's some kind of trophy, I'm just in shock
>What prompted him to do this
>did he not know what was going on
>I say nothing, and go back to sleep
>About an hour later, I get up after sleeping very lightly
>Open cupboard to get out my bag with clothes in it
>HE'S IN THE FUCKING CUPBOARD
>LOOKING AT PORN
>Close cupboard, smack my head into a wall, and go back to sleep

Well, you guys want moar?

Stop fucking asking and just post you cunt.

Yes m8.

Fuck yes

You have a point

>Back at it with ol' Bee Buddy, turns out he has a goddamned mansion in France
>Since our families are good friends, his parents invites us all over
>Balling it up in France for a couple of weeks, this will be glorious
>It's the first night, so I go in to have a shower. Pretty sweaty after the flight there.
>Since they don't have a shower in this massive fucking house, I decide to have a bath
>I get undressed, turn on the tap
>This water is brown
>Not just slightly 'hint-of-brown' type
>this looked like shitwater, it was just pure nasty
>I quickly throw my clothes back on
>Run to bee buddy, ask him about it
>apparently it's normal here. Some sediment from the pipes or some other shit
>He goes with me to the bath so I can show him, he gets undressed, hops in himself
>Bee Buddy is sitting in a bath of dirty water, completely naked

Boy oh boy, was that a long couple of weeks.

Why are all the rich ones retarded?
I mean you'd think they commit incest or something.

K so lemme skip to the fucking refuge scene to get you back in tge mood
> so its night 5\5 and we befriended miller
> we befriended him because he puked and we helped him hide it in restaurant will tell in future
> so lockdown at 1 am
> we sleeping, 2 am
> sudden knocking at our door
> was literally sounding like the door was vibrating
> he was knocking so quickly
> we check through peephole
> you guessed it
> miller and hes crying
> open door and yank him in
> we cant sneak at lockdown
> i still dont know how he did it there were teachers everywhere
> you gotta hide ke buddies
> why?
> " they found my vomit covered spidey jacket and theyre coming for me"
> out of panic, fucking jolts in midair and slams on my bed "WHAT DO I DO?!?!" Screaming
> then I realised this was the real deal
> it was either him screaming and getting us caught witt fucking shit viper here or him shutting the fuck up
> try to place hands on him
> fuckin bites
> FUCKING BITES
> dont know what to do.
>then I remember,
> football trained me
> fucking ta kled him on bed
> I am wrestling with shit viper
> friends all panicing too
> fucking idea of genius flips up
> gag him with fucking bedsheet
> but what you don't see happening is him actually gagging
> pukes on bedsheet
> luckily just bedsheet
> what in the fuck
> we then untie bedsheet
> miller's all coolio
> he goes "okay what's next"
> we told him to waddle the fuck outta our fucking room
> sneaks back in his room
> goes to sleep
> gets caught in morning
> when asked where he was all night.
> legit doesn't know
> lucky us thank fuck
> I really think we gagged an autistic kid's
memory away
More but this was the last night, imma tell a few more but it will contain less miller

You can never tell with ol' Bee Buddy.

>In France, there's fuck all to do
>I chat with his dad for a bit, turns out they have a goddamn tennis court as well
>I played tennis, so I asked him if he had any rackets
>Pulls out two shitty old rackets, but whatever, they work
>Get bee buddy, and head out to the court
>It's a run-down, plant-infested mess
>The second half of the court is literally inaccessible without a machete to cut through
>Go back inside, dissapointed

Second bit of the day...

>So Bee Buddy's incredibly bored, playing whatever games on his iPad
>Through whatever mystical tard thought process, he comes up with a plan
>"user, let's build a boat"
>I'm dumbfounded, but I humour him
>"What will we build it out of, where will we sail it?" I ask
>He hesitates for several minutes, I go back to reading
>After the silence, he replies "out of a tyre"
>"what else" I query
>"Nothing"
>I decide fuck it, what else will I do today?
>So, while we go and fetch the tyre, we decide where it's maiden voyage should be
>And that voyage would be on the pond out front
>Now, calling this stagnant pool of goop a 'pond' would be something of a hyperbole
>Whatever, he's the one 'sailing' the thing
>So, we get the tyre, throw it in the pond, and to my utter astonishment it actually floats
>The next challenge is coming up, as Bee Buddy mounts the tyre
>Shit, it's still floating
>Then, in all his sheer tard stupidity, he stands up.
>Suddenly, his balance is gone, he's all alone now
>As he falls, his screams could be heard in Alaska
>The look on his face was that of pure and eternal hatred
>He descends down into the murky pond, as the sound of the splash echos throughout the valleys
>He was in the shitbath for two hours that night, I'm surprised he didn't drown

To be Continued...

its always a goodmorning when i wake up on my day off to take a long morning shit and read a good shit posting

...

Sup Forums KEEPS FUCKING ME IN THE ASS WITH TOO MANY LINES FUCKING CHRIST FUCK FUCK
> so we arrived at restaurant
> sit with Miller
We befriend him
> we talk about favourite superheroes
> his was spiderman because of his jacket
> so we all said spiderman at the same time to fuck with him
> Miller here gets super excited
> jumps out of chair
> kneels
> pukes on floor
> takes me like 10 seconds to realize that SHIT VIPER IS PUKING ON THE FLOOR OF A FUCKING SCOR's RESTAURANT
> make him sit down
> "its okay miller put your coat on the puke itlle be good"
> he does it
> we had no choice, if we got caught we be fed up with shit that we hurt him or told him to puke because teachers assiciate with autismos well
> it worked, we finish along the supper and head to hotel to sleep it off
> only at midnight did we ever realize that shit viper really puked and shoved his coat on it
> Shit viper still has the coat and hid it
>

go on

Im still going on with the trip
Now it's day 2
> we wake up with no sleep because we laughed all night
> we had to go to a huge market for activity today
> we had to meet up at 5 at a restaurant to eat and go somewhere else
> we arrived at like 11
> so we were fucking about with shit viper tagging along
> we see a bong shop
> we go in
> chill dudebro clerk
> "hey kids what can I do for ya"
> I bought a zippo lighter
> since we looked cool for him, he started talking to us
> retarded as shit
> we were mature with him, and we didnt laught about weed and shit we were just curious, and he liked that
> started showing us how bongs and dabs work
> dude looked like beard from hotline miami
> decides to go look for a dab bong to show
> hand miller the weed bong
> MILLER WITH A FUCKING WEED BONG
> someone walks in
> it was miller's dad,
> looks at miller,
> looks at us
> pauses like he had a fucking aneurism
> "k have fun boys"
> Walks off
> beard dude then shows us how dabs work
> meanwhilst, lil miller here sneaks off, bong on ground
> we lost miller
> FUCK WE LOST MILLER
> we had to interrupt the dude and tell our story and ran off to go see for miller
> it was 4:45
> we look around, spend like 10 minutes to find mikler
> we finally find him, BUYING A FUCKING AMMO BOX FROM A FUCKING VIETNAM VET
> we grab him and haul ass and arrive late at restaurant, get blasted for it.
Cont?

Bump

yes cont

Gotta keep this thread alive somehow.

So, here's another story. Unfortunately, there were very few other large things that happened in France, so, I'll move on to brighter pastures.

>A while back, Bee Buddy invited my family to go camping with his
>I'm an outdoor lad myself, so I decided hey, why shouldn't we go?
>We head out with all our heavy camping gear, tent and all
>We arrive in what looks like some kind of hyper-advanced hippy commune
>There are huts instead of tents
>Furnished wooden huts, insulated, with electricity, even had a goddamn stove
>Working toilets.png
>Now I wasn't opposed to this at all, but almost all the stuff I'd brought was for legitimate camping
>So, on the first day, Bee Buddy and I are wandering around the surrounding fields, until we came across a kind of pond/stream thing
>Now, on this pond, we found a miniature dock & a boat.
>Seeing as no one was using it, bee buddy & I hopped on
>Thankfully, there were paddles in the boat, so we had an effective means of propulsion
>We sailed out to the centre of this pond thing, and stayed there for a while, chatting
>After a bit, we turned back around and decided to sail back
>I picked up my paddle & started paddling
>And I went in a circle
>And the boat was on the brink of keeling over
>I turned around, this fucker had managed to drop his oar overboard
>After about 10 minutes of faffing, we managed to retrieve it with no casualties
>for now
>We got back to shore, and I disembarked, walking away whilst laughing at poor lil' bee buddy for dropping his paddle
>He's not next to me
>I look back, he's attempting to balance between the boat and the dock
>He's giggling like a 3 year old
>Little did he know, the boat had not been moored, and was drifting away.
>Slowly drifting
>Once he noticed, it was too late
>He hadn't realised this
>He started jokingly calling over to me
>"Hah.. user, come help, hahaha......"
TBC

Continued:

>His voice started to show hints of worry
>His jokes became pleas for help
>"user please help! I don't wanna fall!"
>He was far beyond helping at this point
>Not even god could save him now
>He started to buckle as he began to inadvertently do the splits
>His legs were nearly horizontal at this point
>And with that, he fell
>Spinning and whirling as he went, it was truly a sight to behold
>Noises, the likes of which had never been seen on our mortal plane spilled out of this tard's mouth
>Then, a thud, as of a nuclear weapon being detonated just under the surface of the water
>Splashdown.mp4

And that was bee buddy. I'll see you round, after this short break.

Beautiful

bamp

No new greentxt? Shameful. I expected better from you guys.