I'm out

I'm out

>Guest giving pitch is black
>Daymond makes an offer

>implying
He tends to get annoyed by how they seem to focus on him

>guest is a clothes merchant
>Daymond goes out
>all_hope_lost.jpg

>I can't read, so I'm out

>I'm in, and for that reason I'm out

>You have created a wonderful product, crafted a magnificent pitch and are genuinely a wonderful human being
>For those reasons, I'm out.

As a young child I saw my Mother relentlessly beaten by my Father. I can still recall hearing her muffled screams through the walls of my bedroom as I lay trying to fall asleep. Some nights were worse than others, but I remember the mornings my Grandmother would take me to school because my Mother couldn’t be seen in public. She would wear sunglasses and long sleeve shirts for weeks while the bruising and swelling slowly healed around her eyes and arms. I never understood how something as simple as an overcooked meal or spilt glass of wine in the living room could send my Father into these inexplicable fits of rage; not until this very moment. Not until I saw your presentation. You are the stain on my fathers Afghan rug and I see no club soda nor salt to scrub you away. For an investment of 250,000 dollars I will retain 92% of your company with a lifetime of royalties and if you even for one second glance in Lori’s direction, I will personally crucify each of your children.

A long time ago as a young man I was walking through Central Park by my lonesome. It was a beautiful night, light sounds of the city passing by, but otherwise quiet. As I strolled throughout the park toward my apartment I heard the muffled sounds of a woman screaming, and just a few yards away from me I came across a half nude woman with two men on top of her. We briefly made eye contact and I could see a look of complete desparation in her gaze, a call for help. I kept on walking. Her muffled screams got louder as she realized that there was no hero of this story, no one to save her from the arms of the men viciously having their way with her. She was a lost cause. I knew that even if I tried to help her there was nothing I could do to stop those men. Your strategy has yet to show ANY inkling of a profit, and frankly, your product has no market. You are that woman I couldn't help. And because of that, I'm out.

Have you ever drank a glass of black rhinoceros blood? Of course not, I was just being colloquial to start this story with an anecdote. The first time I had a glass I was in South Africa, taking a celebratory drink in Johannesburg after completing a successful hunt. You see, in South Africa they don't hunt lion, or elephant. We hunted a more dangerous game: the kaffir, or black man. I finally had a 7 year old boy cornered in an Oingo Bongo merchandise warehouse when the thoughts passed through my mind: Should I pull the trigger? Can I ever come back to who I was before this moment? I pulled the trigger, made my first 100 million dollars. Mr. Johnson, this is something you need to ask yourself: can I pull the trigger on this deal and make thr right choice? 10% funding for 85% ownership and prima nocte rights to your daughters.

Let me give you some advice. Do not go into retail. It is a savage place. Last year I invested in the toy business KinderKids. If my marketing specialists did their job you have never heard of them. You see I was competing for retail space with Mattel. To flush me out they replaced the plastic we used with lead. Over a thousand children died. Like I said, it is a savage place. Of course in response I used my influence with Mattel to have all children's products shipped with one adult Brazilian Wandering Spider. The casualties are are still climbing to this day. When I look at you I do not see someone capable of making these kinds of tough business decisions.
And for that reason, I'm out.

Good

Weak

>that blended chicken dip pitch
>daymond gets super emotional and starts relating with the pitchers, is trying not to cry while talking
>seems like he's absolutely definitely going to invest
>ends his emotional speech with "and for that reason i'm out"

fucking stone cold, that was the coolest shit ever.

Do you know that I own more than 75% of Nebraska's wheat production? I've purchased my first acres there when a father had to sell it to afford the large number of surgeries and meds his ill children needed, due to their school being so close to a local factory I happened to own. I payed to that desperate man in cash... sorry, let me rephrase: I payed to him in coins. 10c coins. Throwing them at his feet while seeing his saddened face having to contain his tears and pick them up. Then I burned his whole plantation right before his very eyes. What I'm trying to say is that your business is like that plantation. Of course I could give you the spare change you so badly need to keep your company afloat and make some decent money in return, but I would have more rejoice in watching you fail miserably and laugh about it. I'm out.

In the western foothills of Vienna Alps, there is a humble lodge by the name of Chateau du Montaine Demure, where the owner, a relative of Otto Vanderbilt, holds a yearly reenactment of Hannibal the Carthagian Warlord crossing the Alps in his 218 AD venture into the Roman Republic. He would bring in endangered african elephants by helicopter to the snow capped lodge and throw them down the side of the alps. We watched at least a hundred elephant roll to their deaths. The 20 or so men, all refugees without a word of civilization in any of them, whom were restraining the elephants... also went down with the beasts, a mess of gore and tusk, the screams of the porters as they, tumbled, just terrible, dreadful. It was during a major military movement between the generals of the carthagian infantry, that the Owner of the Chateau du Montain Demure' demanded a bottle of the dryest scotch he could summon. A toothless indian child ran through the snow and collapsed at Monsieur's feet, his skeleton arms struggling to lift the bottle. Monsieur takes a swig and looks deep into the dark front of an approaching blizzard. He says nothing, then says "Increase the Elephants". We saw at least another 2000 kilos of ivory go over the side of that icy gorge before that blizzard came. We left them all to freeze to death. And now this brings me to the elephant in our room right now. Do you want to be hannibal? Do you want to sac Rome that badly? How many elephants need to die? Here, have a swig of this, it's scotch. Please taste it. It's the dryest I could find. THHHHUPUPUP Seventy percent ownership and all of your wife's eggs for the next 10 years.

There is a small island in the Himalayan Sea called Malderiki, upon which I own a large mansion. Every year afer the first rain, the Newport Beach Wine Society (of which I am a member) gathers at my mansion to watch the island's natives grovel in the mud as their pathetic straw dwellings are ripped apart by the rising waters. On this island there is also a fish, called a Piranha Giganticus. Coinciding with the first rain, this fish swims into the flooded island and begins to feed on the older and weaker natives of Malderiki. Unable to defend themselves from the killer fish and uttrly helpless, the natives make their way to my mansion in makeshift canoes. At this point, the Newport Beach Wine Society opens a bottle of pre-revolution French Chardonnay, dated no later than 1760, and places wagers on which native will be the first to reach the high ground of my sprawling lawn. Once the fish has fed and returned to the Sea, there are typically a handful of natives left on my lawn, at which point we activate the electric fence and release the crocodiles. Last year, during the crocodile feeding, a tiny speck of native flesh was flung from the lawn up to the balcony where the Newport Beach Wine Society was gathered and landed on my shoe. I retrieved the piece of flesh and placed it in my mouth, washing it down with a glass of Moldovan Pino Griggio. Right now, YOU are that piece of flesh.

I'm out.

Kevin oleary will run Canada one day

>I know you haven't started your pitch yet, but I'll match whatever Robert offers. If you so much as look towards Robert I'll curbstomp your entire family.

good

My little money soldiers told me something. Do you want to know what it was? They told me not to invest in this business? Last night they visited me while I was sleeping and told me that you would ask me to invest, and that I should decline. I'm afraid I cannot invest in this business, as they said they would burn my house to the ground if I did.

I'm out.

Weakest yet
>Hannibal
>~200 AD
Very, very, very wrong.

Starts strong but goes on for too long and doesn't know how to end.

I think you've got a great company here and you're going to be very successful, but I have no marketable skills or any ability to help you at all so I'm out.

I see you have a vagina. I'm in.

>it's a mark gets on his soapbox episode
>this band will help your balance!
>that's a scam and you know it how dare you come in here saying its proven you're killing the industry!
>i shat on a plate and presented it to you, invest in me because i'm a woman
>wow just wow thank you so much for coming in its great to see so many female entrepreneurs and we don't see enough in my opinion
>he starts to clap urging the others to applaud her just for being female
>wow you deserve a medal for coming in here
>so you'll invest?
>no i'm out
>but i think you're gonna do great i love the product i love you give yourself a hand never give up

hey! I have a vagina! I'd like to go in as well based solely on that fact! But only if you call Kevin a bald, poo poo head. I'm afraid that's a strict condition.

>I'll give you 673 billion dollars for .01% of your company but you have to eat ice cream with me after we're done filming here

Newfag.

>Implying I don't know these are all old.
>Implying I'm not doing this for the sake of the guy posting them that he should throw out a few of them.
Drink bleach.

I see you have a vagina, Lori. I'm also in.

if you know what I mean

This Saturday I'm going to be doing my usual movie night, for the small price of sitting in my house and watching some quality films with me, I'll give you everything you've asked for. Yes, popcorn will be included and I won't be skimping on the butter. Please

Post more Lori.

It pissed me off that Barbara backed those peanut butter college cunts

You're autism is showing

>You're gonna stand there, ownin' a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistlin' bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistlin' kitty chaser?
>I'm out

>Critique and commentary is autism
Why do you come here again?

...

he's perfect

This thread is so funny I'm gonna take a picture with my Mobile Device! I got that T-Mobile super fast 4G!

FOR DANK MEEM YA DIP

QUEEN

OF

Q V C

Sorry, gotta take Cubes' offer on this.

...

what? I don't understand

I prefer Barb.

Thanks, lori.

I'd get the dust out of her rug, if you know what I mean.

You'd take her outside and beat her?

With my dick, yeah.