>Be me, 16 years old >Have ceiling fan in my room. >Don't turn it on very often. >One night I wake up with one of the blades lying on my bed. >Get up, and look at my fan. >Confusion ensues as I try to figure out how it happened. >Mfw >I walk out, and ask my parents wtf happened. >They walk in, and say: "You were probably doing something stupid, and kicked it, or something." >Only ever touched it to clean the blades. >Not gonna man handle my ceiling fan. >They continued to insist that I did something to it. >Fuck it, they'll never believe me. >Decide I prefer a light in my room, instead of a ceiling fan. >Still wondering if a ghost tried to kill me, or just hates fans.
What about you, Sup Forums, got any random stories?
>Be me at friend's house. >Halloween this year. >We're all man children, and someone starts a game of tag. >Eventually people forget about it. >I'm it. >Walk up to one of the other girls. >She's kneeling, talking to one of my friends lying down. >She gets up right as I tag her. >Hand makes contact with ass. >I immediately realize I need to run. >Get away, and look back. >She doesn't look like she cared. >Walk back over, deciding to join the conversation. >She turns around, and punches me. >Hurt like a bitch. >On the floor. "That's what you get for touching my ass."
Adam Gonzalez
Correction: >Walk up to one of the only girls.
Anthony Gomez
Another Story:
>High school, Freshman year >At lunch with friends. >Normally don't wear a belt. Pants fit enough anyway. >Wear one today, because I was feeling like a more mature fag that day. >Spill my drink. >Gotta get up, and get napkins. >As I'm returning back, one of the girls I know calls me over. >Figure why not, she probably has something to tell, or ask. >She tries to fucking pants me. >What the hell?! >Her face goes down into her hands. "Damn it!" >Everyone at her table bursts out laughing. >Walk away thanking all of the gods that I wore a belt that day.
Jack Harris
Another one
>Be me, Elementary school. >Don't remember what year. >Play lot of RPGs. >Start convincing one of my friends that the world is full of "Elementals" >Start talking him into meditating with me during free time. >People ask what we're doing. >We reply with: "Talking with the Elementals." >They're interested. >Start reading their elements based on total Bullshit. >Eventually have an entire cult of people praying, and meditating to the elements. >Kids start forming gangs of their respective element types. >I'm obviously the neutral ground. >Try to get them to stop, but they're convinced that they're special, now. >Tfw I've created a cult of people who are convinced they hold elemental powers. >Forget about it within a month.
Dylan Rodriguez
ITT things that never happened
Michael Thompson
>When the first user to respond calls bullshit. Am I popular yet?
Lucas Morris
OP
>Be me high school >Be junior >Sitting at table with friends. >Girl gets out of chair to go throw food away. >Sit in her chair, I do it to my other friends, too. >She sits in my lap, doesn't give a fuck. >Didn't expect that. >She gets up, and says: "Okay, now get out." >I get out, jokes over anyway. >Next day sit in her chair again to see if she'll do it again. >Her friend comes out, and says: "I think he liked you sitting on his lap." >No shit. >She sits on my lap again. >Eventually she sits on my lap willingly. >Take her out to the movies one day. >Eventually get her off during movie. >Tease her about it on the way home, she blushes hard. >Continue the every day of sitting in my lap. >Pretty sure something up, she sits with another boy inside. >Don't care. >Summer comes alone, she texts me: "Hey, user, we have to break up." >God damn it, in the middle of a game. >Text her back short: "k" >Get back to game. >Pretty sure she was cucking me. >Don't give a fuck. >She starts trying to seduce my friend. >Friend remains a bro.
Ethan Hernandez
>Be me >In the proccess of writing a book >Planning the book in my head >Eating lunch with 2 of my buddies >Come to an emotionally intense moment in the story >For some reason, I go full retard >"I can't let you do that Calia, You're too important to me!" >I yelled that shit outloud in a crowded burgerking >Instant regret >Everyone stares at me >Idonefuckedup.png >Run out of that burgerking >Never return
Owen Rogers
OP Story time, again
>Be me, 8th grade >Going to Washington DC on class field trip. >Takes 2 days to drive up. >Bored out of my mind. >Typical shitty movies playing. >Rival school's bus drives past. >Full of shit students. >Kid in the back moons them. >Eventually get to DC. >Go through a few museums. >Can't go see Washington Monument, construction. >Someone anonymously tips a bomb at the legislative building. Can't go there either. >Common theme of half the places we planned being closed. >Blame the shit students deep down.
Jason Smith
>Be me, elementary school >Going to summer program. >Parents not patient enough to put up with my shit. >Didn't want to be home anyway >Break time comes along, and everything gets juice pouches. >Pic related. >Drink mine. >Love that shit. >Ask my friend if he's going to drink his. >He hands it to me. Drink it down. >Ask the next friend over for his. >Friend gets the bright idea to pass all the juice pouches to me. >I drink them all. >People gather around me, like I'm taking shots. >13 pouches, and 104 ounces of juice later. >Stomach isn't feeling so good. >Rush outside, and vomit pure grape juice. >Tfw when people are disappointed, rather than concerned. >Never drank another juice again.
Ethan Moore
>Few weeks ago. >Friends, and I go mini golfing. >Get through 7 holes. >Friend starts getting frustrated. >Can tell. >He's taken the penalty every single hole. >We start shit talking him. >He's about done with our shit, and swings as hard as possible at his ball. >That shit goes flying. >We're inside a hole with a cave. >Shit's bouncing everywhere. >We duck like Syrian refugees. >The bouncing stops. >We peak up, and all give him a "WTF" face. >Tfw when he got closer to the hole then, than last time. >Finish the hole. >No more enclosed spaces. >Thank the gods.
Ryder Campbell
This happened a couple years ago
>be me on saturday night >horny as fuck and high on xanax and mj so i msg slut i know >picks me up at 9pm >drive to a local park and park in the carpark >starts blowing me for 10 mins before she complains her mouth hurts >dicks hard but not rock hard >xanax works its magic, dick goes soft before i get condom on >ask her to sucking again, she complies >begin slamming her face into my cock to speed things up >success.jpg >slip on the condom and ask her to get on top >10 mins in and my cock slips out her cunt >holymotheroffuckinggod.jpeg >took the biggest whiff of literally rotten fish and start gagging >in one swift movement push her off me and get out of car before i die from smell >begin gagging and throw up >fillet 'o fish asks whats wrong >lie and tell her i felt sick from the drugs i took >mfw i feel sick to my stomach but still feeling horny so i wait about 10 mins before getting back in car >tell her i dont want a repeat of what happened so i just want a blowjob >she complies >facefuck the shit out of her for almost killing me with her fishbuffet
never fucked her after that but still gave me blowies for the next few months before she got a bf. she was pretty hot but i had never smelt anything so rotten in my fucking life.
Xavier Miller
>be me >take my girlfriend of 4 years out to dinner and a movie >planning on proposing on the walk home >we take the scenic route, it's around christmas at the time so a bunch of lights are lit after the sun goes down >my girlfriend was not too religious but she would occasionally "look for signs from the universe" >we are walking through this big golden archway with tons of lighis >get on one knee >pull out the box with the ring inside >I barely start talking when this hobo with a big cotton patch over his eye comes out of nowhere and vomits right next to us >I put away the ring and say "dude what the fuck" >he says "don't call me dude, my names joe!" >he just walks away, into the nowhere that he came from >my girlfriend says she can't marry me because she thinks that that was a sign from the universe >she leaves me >if it werent for cotton eye Joe I would of been married a long time ago >where did ya come from where did ya go >where did ya come from, cotton eye joe
Thomas Baker
If true then cool
All the other stories are fucking stupid, you should feel ashamed for posting them, even anonymously on a board dedicated to shitposting
Jacob Russell
Well played
Logan Myers
The only thing I feel ashamed of is that I didn't take the cult farther.
Parker Wright
Lmao that was amazing user
Liam Gutierrez
>Be me, grown ass adult, eating at burger king with pops regularly, and have seen people mistreating the cashiers before. It's on the commercial strip that separates the city from white flight, so full of dicks in SUVs. >about to order when general contractor-looking red-faced prick storms to the counter. Dude's probably 6'5, >300 lbs, in his 40s >Me, 6'3, 185 lbs, good shape, but you can't really see it. I'm a nice hippie guy, but I've spent my whole life fighting back against all kinds of niggers and don't fear into anything. I'm no green beret wizard like yall, but I've found myself to be "gifted" at whooping ass. >redneck needs a remake, but wants to be a dick and sit there bitching this poor black kid out. Remake is already sent back, and he's trying to get the money too. >about 3 minutes into this, I step beside him and ask "can we order?" >cashier says yes, but this roody-poo redneck just won't go quietly. Turns and says some unintelligible rude-sounding shit >I repeat, "you just needed a remake, if you're done, we'd like to order" >dude begins cussing and looking for a way to insult me....goes instantly to "well, you have long hair" >say "At least I'm socialized enough to know how lines work," getting that super adrenaline madness now. >"I've already been in line! And just look at you, you have long hair! What do you know with long hair!"" >"yeah, and I let you by so you could tell them your remake, and get the fuck out of the way, not sit there and bitch out the poor cashier for 5 minutes and make the whole restaurant wait on you" >oh, this old boy has had it now, says "you wanna take this outside, long-hair?"
Jonathan Sanchez
Cont fag
Cameron Stewart
...
Hunter Scott
>I reply, "how about right here, in front of the cameras, where everyone can see what a BIG ADULT you are!" at this point, I apologize to the poor, terrified elderly couple in the restaurant and pops, turn back to dude >redneck: "so what the fuck do you want laungh-hare?" >Me: you can just step a few feet over to the right and they'll hand you your order in a few seconds. It's pretty easy. >Redneck scowls and scoots over, I order our shit and go get drinks. >as he's stomping out with his sack of spitburgers, he shouts "get a fucking haircut!" >I shout back "get a sexual identity!" (the reasoning was that I was challenging his masculinity by making him gay-attracted to me with my, I must say, impressive wel-kept mane.) >no response >MFW some redneck thought he was getting sex, but would have totally ended up a sweet vid of some redneck getting totally smeared to link Sup Forumsros Not a good story by any means or one I'm proud of. But you asked for random, so fuck you. Not every story is fantastic.
Jordan Gonzalez
>Be in ~5th grade >watch this warlock movie where they do all kinds of magic shit >go out in the woods and this totally sweet pasture that is misplaced inside of town with neighborhood friend and train for magic >gather all kinds of rocks, crystals, herbs, candles, even let a little blood >mfw it's all bullshit >forget about it and move on to sex, drugs, rock n roll
Jonathan Rogers
Gto me nigga
Jonathan Nelson
This post made me retarded
Jordan Lee
...
Benjamin Foster
>hurt from a girl punching your arm
Brah, you even lift brah?
Christopher Gomez
>Be Air Force Fag on errand to go to another hangar >have to walk passed bread van parked between the two hangars basically large transport vehicle with slide up backdoor >as i walk passed, door slides open suddenly revealing 6+ half nude airmen having mock intercourse all over back of van >they all hurriedly try to pull up pants as van speeds off and the door closes >believe i was set up to this day
Ryder Nguyen
Best post in a long time user
Jacob Perry
if by that, you mean stalest obligatory pasta
Levi Fisher
> be OP > be massive faggot Nothing like a short story
Elijah Diaz
i want to kill your parents
Justin Allen
>be me, alone in the elevator >release a silent astonishing fart >exit while my oneitis enters the elevator
>at local festival( house and techno) and am walking around, find a guy with some apparently really good molly. > Buy and immediately dose up. 1st time and friends are all adiment that I should take first time to amazing dj and how badass mdma is with good music. Don't really understand until...I do. > Holy hamster biscitz I got off and right as the dj s transition to this dark minimal....and I swear, I got sucked in to the music so hard. It was as if my life depended on the groove. >.I at this point in my life was not as confidendent like I am now and regularly tear up dancefloors. At of no where just start dancing up a storm, friends all laugh but this shit is serious... >All of a sudden some guy on atv runs up and tells the dj something and it quickly gets turned over to some country music. >Shits real when the beep beep gets turned off.... turns out the cops got with and are coming up to check on everything. they explain its a family reunion and every things just fine. > Here I am now almost naked, poring ice cold mountain water all over me cause I'm over heated from the dancing and the insanely strong e pill. freaking out. everyones all on edge. > A whole 3 hours go's by and the roll came and went to patsy cline( someone told me of irritation) There was actually a point where people were dancing, 2 steppin, fox trottin? I didn't know and I did not care it was very upsettling and confusing and just wrong for some reason. > So here I am coming down with now the aferglow taking effect.with a serious feeling I had lost something very special to me. >Right as the molly is gone completely. music starts back up. God fucking damnit.
Xavier Garcia
>broke up with gf in senior year of high school >friend of mine hints that girl in my english class is interested in me >very skinny Ukrainian girl who is like a 4/10 >tell my friend that im just looking for sex at this point >she goes and tells ukranian chick to try to hook up with me anyways >we end up having sex pretty frequently >she thinks its a real relationship, and i start to feel all guilty >tell our mutual friend the situation I've gotten into, she tells me to be straightforward and end it with her >tell ukranian girl we need to break it off, she has a breakdown >she avoids me like the plague, skipping class and missing school >I ruined her straight-A average and her focus on college >tfw when I still got an A in english for napping through the whole semester
Carter Foster
>be me >like 13 or something >never wiped my ass cause I was a gross fucker >undies would be caked in shit all the time >would just throw the shitty undies behind furniture so my mom wouldn't find them >mom hires cleaning lady since shes busy with work >cleaning lady discovers my dozens of pairs of crusted moldy shitty undies and quits her first day
Eli Baker
Now that is bullshit user, it's an 20 hour drive, max at normal speed
