Whats the weirdest nonhuman object you have fucked? Admit it. Go

Whats the weirdest nonhuman object you have fucked? Admit it. Go.

The family thanksgiving turkey
>Mfw they all ate my thanksgiving load

Mine was one of those weird things from the eighties that was like jiggly with a hole in the middle. And itd be like decorated inside.

>Things that never happened no. 987

You stuffed the turkey

How the fuck did you fit your dick in there? You must have a bad case of pencil-dick

Dude, whatever I could stick my dick in/rub against.
>Couch?
check
>Vacuum?
check
>Cats?
check
>Xbox?
check
>Arm cushion with a slight hole?
every day for a month, I wadded that fluff and fluffed my wad.
You fucking name it. I've rubbed my penis against it.

I mean i was probably like 7 years old i wasnt exactly sure or at full growth yet lol just the weirdest thing my dick has been inside

A cucumber. My mom found it under my pillow (I put it there to warm it up) and decided to feed it to the guinea pig.

I used to fuck my couch as a young teen. I forgot the lubed up baggie in the cushions once and my mom found it. I don't think she figured out what it was for

Um a lubed plastic bag between a pillow and a matress, dog, toilet paper roll

Howd u fuck an xbox :(

A fleshlight shaped like a parasauralaphus anus.
They didn't have anuses.

It was smooth, and the dip where the power button is was a good size. Then you flip it over, and the fan parts were kinda rough, but they had a nice texture to them.

>dog

How do guys fuck chick dogs?

like I have a nice tall labrador retriever I get horny and think about mounting sometimes.

But then I dont want to get mauled for snooping around her junk, also a dog pussy looks tiny, dry and furry,

How would a guy even get his dick in there?

Yes answer his questions plz im just curious

I guess the couch and furniture thing is normal. Women and dudes both. Weird

You guys remember those Sockem Bopper things? Yeah... one of those was my first sex toy. Only tried it once though, was very uncomfortable.

Aside from that, any solid object. When I was younger, I got off by pushing my dick up against hard surfaces and dry-humping them.

One of those prop severed heads for halloween

Gatorade bottle

can relate

Did you like take it to bed with you or was it more of a standing up i just gotta get it done type?? I just cant imagine a sockrm bopper being easy to fuck for some reason

A black chick.

This...

I think they varied a lot based on size and material. I had a small one that I could only get a finger or two in, and a bigger and stretchier one that fit my whole hand.

Those things were the best.

I was once so horny, that i took a raw chicken(dead one with head removed) and fucked the hole where the head was removed.
I basically fucked a dead chicken's neck and it felt good

I actually knew a retarded kid in middle school who stuck his dick in an ant hill.
Funny shit

Scooby doo embossed pillow.

.. .. yep

Hey welcome to the thread big guy!!!

the kid was probably me. i was a horny fuck back then.

Was it because scoob or just the pillow being a pillow

...

A gatorade bottle filled with warm water, 2 heat packs, and those packing peanuts that get all mushy when wet. I put an unrolled condom over the hole, cut a slit in it, and fucked those peanuts so hard.

????
Just posting my story

Dressed as Padme and fucked a light sabor. I couldnt lie to you if i wanted

A pillow, but who hasn't.

Why?

Consistency? Like what did it feel like gripping the chicken

Pocket pussy. It was my dads tho

A deaf tard

Its okay i used my moms vibrator before

OP"s mom

A black girl

Looked hot as padme. End of sabor looks like sextoy. Boom.

a plush monkey with a hole torn open in the bottom, applied lotion and fukt

deplorable

A flashlight battery tube

Same here Sup Forumsro

A vase, a vibrating ps2 controller, a teddy bear, and i once got my dick stuck in a bottle of aveno lotion

Femanon but its fine

I also got 2 water balloons and tit fucked them

Air port of a powered subwoofer.

A nigger

I fucked a sandbag, and lowkey been wanting to fuck a cat. But damn gg dood.

aunt's shoe

kek, use a bandpass so you can watch the cum fly around.

Half a ham sandwich i didnt finish. Was only ham and cheese on it

I've fucked a door and a couple of times put my dick between two sponges and mounted the toilet pan.

Addition: sounds fake but i really did fuck a sandwich. It was good deli sliced ham piled together. Was not sober. Did feel ok

How do you fit your dick in a gatorade bottle? I've tried hard but the head gets stuck, do you cut the top off?

Standing up, but kinda kneeling... at the time, I felt like I needed to have it secured somewhere, so I stuck it between my matress amd boxspring of my bed. Had to kinda kneel down and the entire experience was extremely uncomfortable, so I never did that again.

If my memory serves me correctly, the object that I most frequently "dry-humped" was the arm of the couch.

Fuck off /pol

The one with the wide mouth and I was in high school.

>be me
>be 14
>have idea
>take roll of bubble tape
>spend almost an our chewing the whole thing into gum
>tried to mold it around my dick like what I thought a pussy must be like
>horrible idea
>gum instantly fused with my giant teenage pube bush
>spend hour in the shower trying to get this gum out of my pubes
>water makes gum stick harder
>have to cut it out with scissors
>snip my dick a little with scissors
>fuck now im bleeding with gum in my pubes
>panic attack because cant tell parents
>finally get most of it out
>band aid on my dick for cut
>dick cuts on a 14 year old are horrible because constant teenage boners
>now 27 see dick scar every time I go to the bathroom
>remember the time i tried to fuck a fistfull of bubble tape everday
>wakemeupIcantwakeupsavemefromthis.jpg

kek

Was it a big black veiny number ?

Scoob

check em

tell the cats story

Nope. was black but just one of those cute 6 inch smooth vibrators with different setting

A snow bank. Lol

Im mad i just looked over the fact he said cats

Did you sniff it first to see if mommy washed it after it was up her snatch

i put my dick into an empty snapple bottle, got hard and got stuck

I've fucked a bag of shite. I still ended up marrying her.

Fucked a couch pillow... never again.

No mommy cleans it after every use and so do i

Did it not end well for you?

Why bother ? Your fudd fell out of her fudd

Oh, knock it off. The cat was too small. It did like rubbing onto my crotch, and I didn't shoo it away.

Used a condom to make it as realistic as possible. Condom broke, rubbed my dick raw...

hollowed out apple, toilet paper roll, vacuum hose, couch cushions and pic related

My first orgasm was into a vacuum cleaner

Shampoo bottle

fluids may stagnate and rot on the dildo and grow bacteria.

you have never had a yeast infection or a UTI have you.

Its a nightmare.

Whats the green one

I fucked the turkey baster and put it back in the drawer. wonder if my mom bothered to smell it before cooking this thanksgiving

>>Pushed the sheet down the crack of two mattresses pushed together and fucked it. There was blood.

Thank you for explaining this so i didnt have to lol

Why the fuck would she smell the turkey baster before she used it.

you are welcome,

Tits?

Doesnt everyone smell check their cooking utensils??

It's an oil lamp it was only the one on the right

Feld like fucking a small child's butthole, i guess. Difference is, that its legal + felg good

And they cant say no

...

Right :^)

Yeah, i always smell my clean dishes

A trash bag filled with lotion between two pillows. Wasnt bad. Jerk off for a bit first and get close because after a while the friction builds up and it gets hot and starts to burn.

a pile of dirty towels