I have finally figured it out Sup Forums... I am 2 people. One normal and good. The other, a fucking beast, or demon

I have finally figured it out Sup Forums... I am 2 people. One normal and good. The other, a fucking beast, or demon.

got into internet porn about age 11, been addicted and daily user ever since. I'm 33 now. my life has amounted to shit, other than relentless anxiety, panic, shame and guilt.. I cant maintain normal relationships, friendships or jobs... Recently enrolled into a university to atleast try and get my shit together (for the 1,000th time) and had to drop out within a few weeks because porn, sex, masturbation took over every shred of self discipline.

And its all the beasts fault.. If I can cum, then the beast will go silent, and I can feel normal again and think about something other than sex, but it will come back again, very soon. 3 or 4 times a day. And usually my jerking sessions go from 3 hours to 11 hours straight... my dick is constantly cut of and chaffed.. my body is fucked up. How do I stoppp the demon?????
Its getting worse and worse. I've lost all control. fuck...

pic related. I try everything to stop porn, masturbation, etc, right now my form of release is to meet girls online and spend all day talking them into pics, vids, webcam anything... pretty much nothing truly satisfies me anymore, hasn't for many many years.. I have already seen it all by the time i was 15 or 16... That was a long time ago. Nowdays I have only a few defined things that are truly fucked up that will get me off.

Who else is fucked? Who else whishes they were born in the cave man days instead of the days of technology and internet?

shut up

This isn't tumblr mate

And yes its a chick, no trap.

tumblr is where little bitches go to whine?

eh, smoke weed (indica strains) or get some sedatives.. it sounds like you have anxiety problems

You have to ask yourself if you really want to quit

yeah definitely have anxiety problems, but they didnt start until I was 23yrs old.. I had already been a masturbation/porn addict for 11 yrs.. also I was doing a shit ton of hardcores back then too, meth, ecstasy and ketamine.. I know the drugs helped break my brain, but honestly I have a strange feeling the porn and oversexulaization broke me more than the drugs...
And if I try and smoke weed now its an instant panic attack.
Ive had severe anxiety and panic attacks for the past 10 years or more, it seems its with me for life...

It's a sex addiction thing, whatever they call it. Get therapy.

i havent fapped in a month. I used to masturbate once a week, but even that wasn't good. So after i started reading briskodesh.org, a site to help orthodox jews stop masturbating, it helped me. I'm not orthodox jewish but I like seeing things explained from a spiritual/mystical perspective

YES, i do
been trying to REALLY quit for many years..
I been into the whole nofap scene alot.. Once made it 34 days with no jerking it or porn or sex... thats the longest ive ever been. I've had several 2 weeks spans since then too, eventually something FORCES me to crash.. I always hit this one wall, and I go numb, and I can resist it for many days until finally it wears me down...
The last time I tried to break through the wall I was going far and just beasting through it and then this insane darkness came over me, and had anxiety for like 4 hours straight, and had the weirdest thoughts of suicide and hopleness, and I'm not even suicidal. So i relapsed just to make the darkness go away.. fucking demons mate

Would therapy really change anything?? I have a hard time believing it would do any good.

...

you might have some logical issue in your mind that hasn't been solved yet. Maybe you need to find something that you actually care about, then that will motivate you to stop destroying yourself because you won't be able to do that thing unless you're healthy.

For example I discovered that I care about politics, and so now I don't masturbate because I want to put 100% of my energy toward politics.

Nothing to lose at this point. A couple years ago I had some kind of stress induced episode that felt like a heart attack. Most painful thing I've ever gone through and it lasted for hours. Painkillers did nothing. I finally went to the ER and while they were running tests they gave me an Ativan. Tiny little white pill, didn't say what it was for. About 30 minutes went by and I was still in horrible pain, but I just stopped caring. They could have set me on fire and it wouldn't have bothered me a bit.

Go see the head shrink, they know things. It's not like you're the first person to ever have what you have.

You are you. There is no one else. Find yourself and achieve greatness.

I care alot about amounting to something...
I want to have a wife, kids some day. love.

Right now that dream is impossible.

Idk.. theres gotta be a way.. I guess im just lazy, and lack any shred of self control.

My sex drive is through the roof.. and my personality if I look up the ISNFPJM whatever type of personality test its called, it pegged me dead on alot of the issues I face, like being so overly obsessive with one thing I forget to eat, sleep, or anything... I just get stuck.. juerking off for 10hrs straight.. until my eyes are stinging in pain, my neck pain is fucking unreal because my body posture is so fucked from years of this..
Sounds pathetic right? its emberrasing even admitting in an anonymous setting.
I think I'm just a perfect storm of everything coming together for one of the most extreme cases of sex addiction....

>blaming technology and the internet for your problems
You would have probably been just as degenerate if you were born in the 1800s

well atleast then it would just be fucking the preachers daughter and smoking cow turds.. not this shit I'm dealing with here

and im not blaming the internet persay.. I just fantasize sometimes how much better life wouldve been if I didnt have the opportunity to get fucked over like I am now..

I did it to myself... but I can still day dream about shortcuts.

Some women with high sex drive too, so i'm sure theres someone out there perfect for you. My ex girlfriend was virgin when I got with her and eventually she wanted to have sex every day, but I was usually too tired for that.

I'm having a little dark period right now myself, so I can't offer too much advice as for your life situation. In any case I wish you the best of luck, and for you to find true lasting relief.

Maybe find a new obsession? For a long time I was obsessed with Sup Forums and conspiracy theories. At least its better than masturbating yourself to death.

There's a really interesting conspiracy going on right now called Pizzagate. Check it out.