Waifu claiming thread.
Previous:
Rules:
>Claim your Waifu/Husbando
>No Claiming Waifus/Husbandos that have already been claimed
>Only one claim per user
>No stealing (unless trips or more)
>No oversexualised content
>No RP/ERP of any kind (maybe some on occasion)
>Discussion is welcomed
>Insults must be original
>If you're posting images you're not lurking
>3D is almost always trash
>Joining means a reserved place in hell
>Most importantly, have fun!
...
Sameji claim'd
THE FIRST WAIFU
THE BEST WAIFU
still here
and
why here?
I awaken from a terrible nightmare around 8pm, the usual hour in which my slumber comes to a halt, albeit somewhat earlier. I obviously have a productive time ahead of me, being up at this hour. I turn myself over and kiss my Waifu pillow, landing my lips on a spot deprived of my dried-up ejaculate. As per usual, I begin to whine and scream for my mother. I require a nurtrituous meal of Tyson brand frozen chicken nuggets and Mountain Dew, and based on the smell emanating from my size 42 adult diaper, I will also need a change. I use what little energy I have to push my buzz lightyear bedsheets off, and roll myself out of bed, crushing several piss bottles in the process. Luckily, I can kill two birds with one stone by taking my biweekly shower tonight, so I can wash off the piss and also gain 10 big boy points from mommy. I waddle over to the bulletin board, and a smirk begins to form on my face as I realize I have acquired 100 big boy points, enough for a new anime body pillow. I plop 320 pound ass on to my computer chair, causing the shit in my adult diaper to spill out on the basement floor beneath me. I brush the roaches off of my LED lit mechanical keyboard and load up Sup Forums. As soon as I load up the latest "waitu claiming thread", mother walks down to the basement
Part 1
...
Sonokawa Momoka.
Do you plan on staying in minnesota forever?
I know it's hard, I hope things can get better for everyone.
kill yourself weeaboo faggot
I want to kiss her feet
:)
She strategically maneuvers herself through the maze of piss bottles and shit jugs until she makes it to my desk. I am her precious son, earning so many big boy points I could be on the NASDAQ. She bows before me and presents tonights meal. It isn't what I was expecting, on the tray sits a great value paper plate, adorned with Tostitos Pizza rolls and a red solo cup of Dr. Pepper. Anger swells within me, causing my face to turn red. I twist my cheeto stained neckbeard hair and ponder what her consequence will be for this disappointment. I decide to drop it, as the meal will suffice. I brush a group of roaches off of my monitor and browse the latest Waifu claiming thread, and remind her to leave her credit card so I can order another body pillow to spray my seed upon. I turn around and see her grabbing my beloved Miku pillow, I become overwhelmed with rage, I stand up from my computer chair and begin to approach her. Suddenly, I trip over 2 liter of Mountain Dew that I filled with piss last year, and my fat, unshowered body crashes into the basement floor beneath me. It seemed to happen in slow motion. I hear the "crunch" roaches crushed under my man boobs. I happened to fall in a particular spot where I keep most of my shit jugs and piss bottles. I am completely soaked in old piss and shit
Pt 2
Man fears the darkness, and so he scrapes away at the edges of it with fire
I gaze down upon my body. I am completely naked expect for my adult diaper, the content of which has been emptied onto my thighs and back. My stomach extends forward so much I cannot see my feet, and my man tits so far I can barely see my stomach. I see the layer of shit, piss, and dead roaches as armor, and imagine myself as a hero in one of my favorite animes. I am trying to save my princess, my Miku body pillow mother is trying to capture. I must save her, she is my only instrument to combat my eternal virginity. I charge at mother, and collide with her, sending her crumbling down onto my mattress. She vomits immediately, because she knows she's lying upon millions of her unborn grand children, in the form of my semen absorbed into my buzz lightyear bedsheets. I lay on top of her, burying her face between my shit-covered man breasts. I pull myself away, and laugh as notice some of the dead roaches have stuck to the shit on her face. I reclaim my previous body pillow and kiss her up and down. I then proceed to expose my tiny Phallus and masturbate onto her, as a display of my power should her or my mother rebel against me once more
Pt 3
Didn't you say you were going to ignore me? I suppose you'd say that to sound tough.
Also, we have been over this. You. Are. Not. Original. You fucking beta cuck.
>Hex Maniac claim
you go to enormous effort and detail at this shit
so i can't help but think it's an autobiography
I wanna get an engineering degree, dream job would be with lockheed martin in california
...
...
So should I bring it?
>he thinks I'm scared of a grown man who's never seen a vagina in his life
Kek
>calls me a beta cuck
>has a cartoon wife who is probably a Cum bucket in other drawings
I mean wow this is some serious autism, were you diagnosed?
bye
See you later cutie
...
Mother retreats upstairs. I squint my eyes and hiss at the sliver of light creeping in from the basement door. I haven't been to the other parts of the house since last Christmas, when mom told me I had to socialize with the family or get my computer taken away. I imagine my house as a video game map, and think the rest of my house as The Unknown Lands. I also like to imagine my room a castle. I haven't been outside since I was 16, which was about 6 years ago. I live in complete darkness, except for my computer screen, which is always displaying the current Waifu claiming thread. Thinking of last Christmas makes me sweat and feel anxious, I never want to leave my castle. I remember walking up the steps. And trying to adjust my eyes to light. Mother made me wear a red Christmas sweater and some sweat pants. I walked into the living room where my normie family members were talking and doing things on their iPhones. I tried to convince them that computers are superior technology and only normies use phones, but they wouldn't listen. My little cousin asked my why I had so many stains on my sweat pants, and I realized these were the ones I masturbated on before mommy bough my first body pillow. I waddled back down to my castle and haven't left since.
Pt 4
I despise my family of normies, in fact I hate everyone who isn't part of the Waifu community. The only person free of my hatred is my mother. She's taken care of me for the past 22 years, and supplies me with food and diaper changes. It is now 10 pm, and I'm still soaked in my own shit and piss. Whatever, I've smelled worse than this before. I sit down at me desk, brush some roaches away from my mousepad, and refresh the current Waifu thread. Just as i begin to select my image of Miku to claim, I feel something move between my ankles. I see a big rat crawling beneath me. This will make an exquisite gift for my Waifu body pillow. I grab him by the tail, and suffocate him between my man breasts. I then throw him on to my bed, to appease Miku. I can hear mother yelling upstairs, in between sobs and crying. Probably on her normie iPhone talking to one of her newfag friends about me. All of this excitement makes my bowels loose, so I grab the nearest empty 2 liter of soda, remove my size 42 adult diaper, and like my asshole up with the opening. I squeeze out enough pizza roll liquid shit to fill up 1/4 of the container. I place it next to a pile of dead roaches and look back at my computer screen
Pt 5
you bitch about the waifu threads constantly but you're a member of them
I wouldn't call them hard, just not optimal. Last time my PDD-NOS got in the way a bit, but things have become slightly more dire since last time, so I have no other choice.
> best waifu
Goddammit. Stop being unoriginal. You keep falling back to the same goddamn shtick. It is seriously pissing me off cuck. Just because you feel intimidated by your big bad bully doesn't mean you have to reuse old garbage while crying to your mommy.
ohh engineering is pretty cool. are you good at the maths?
Absolutely! You want to be as open as possible
E-eehh?
/thread
>copies my insults he says are getting old
>doesn't know what cuck means
When were you diagnosed with autism and what does your perms virgin brain think a vagina feels like? This oughtta be good
:heart:
>Mfw your animated 12 year old wives wouldn't go anywhere near you and your roach infested basements if they were real
yee, I enjoy aerodynamics, so aerospace engineering is the plan, and I like lockheed martin, so the skunkworks in california would be awesome
10 bucks says he's googling "what does a vagina feel like", comes back and says it feels like the inside of your mouth. I will lose it
Bag of sand
why are you ignoring me?
I can't tell who's worse. The shit poster or the people who keep replying to him.
How would I present it to him?
I'm pretty sure this is the hardest thing I've had to do
...
PDD-NOS is a type of autism. Most of the time, it's considered milder, but that varies from person to person.
She is.
Claimed
Cuck are sad little men who get off by watching their significant other fuck some other guy. I figured you'd know the definition since... well, you know.
I copied your insults because, I admit, I was getting carried away and I thought the irony was too good to pass up. But can you really blame me?
Also. Stop being unoriginal. Seriously. You should be at least somewhat smarter than this.
Because he hates it when his repetitiveness can't solve something. Must be pissed 24/7
カラミチーマス
>he thinks the latest Sup Forums buzzword applies to everyone wit a girlfriend
>he's older than me and never had a girlfriend
If I'm so unoriginal, why are you replying with such ferocity? When were you diagnosed and what does your permavirgin brain imagine a vagina feels like?
booo who wants to work in Cali for lockhead
Work on the ISS
I'm nervous as well, he can have me arrested for leading you on or something. Give it to him when he brings it up.
You seem pretty normal to me right now. I'm sure you'll land a job quick.
Claiming.
pft, ain't no money in working for nasa, plus lockheed makes some cool shit
I don't think that will happen and I'd be sure to defend you if something like that happened.
I'm gonna go take a shower and think about this
What do they make there in general?
>telling me you're going to take a shower
lewd.
>being unoriginal is triggering his autistic rage
>the more I do it the closer he is to calling his mom down to the basement to calm him down
Not everyone with a girlfriend, just the ones with something to prove. Makes me wonder if you're over compensating for something.
And if I really am older than you, then you're obviously younger than 19 years old. Underage cuck.
...
That's too fucking cute
>it isn't fair
So you are doing it on purpose. Nice to know.
What's the point of having a gf/bf when I love my waifu more than anything? It wouldn't be fair to my 3DPD significant other.
I'm 19 too. How sad, you never got pussy before and never will. No girl wants a guy who's into this faggy anime shit, or an autistic one at that. When were you diagnosed and what does your eternal Virgin brain imagine a vagina feels like?
Maybe, maybe not. Only time'll tell if.
>normal
Depends.
Hi everyone! How's the royal court of autism doing today?
still ignoring me
is it because you're in denial that you're a member of /waifu/? you come here every day, talk to people, and have been here for a few months
It's peaking at unbelievable levels
Can't complain too much. You?
Nope, you said I was older than you, you lying underage cuck. Tell me your real age.
Hey, hes ignoring me too.
in the neighbourhood of 100k+/year, nasa starting around $60k-$70k
never better
i'd never ignore you bb
In order to be a Waifu claimer I'd have to watch anime. I couldn't identify any of these faggy cartoon characters to save my life. I shit post these threads when I'm bored. I see how frustrated you are that I'm ignoring you so I figured id set off your autistic rage so your No Child Left Behind classroom will suffer tomorrow when you shiy yourself in front of the class because someone on Sup Forums ignored you, I think I'm gonna ignore you more so that happens so don't bother replying
Good point.
But, why should I believe you love your waifu? You don't even think she's the best waifu in the thread.
Big cummies?
Same! Just been playing vidya and bsing with people. I don't think we've met before or maybe we have.
Cool beans homeslice
Then I doubt you have a job. Daddy just pays for everything and covers for you by getting all your work diverted to him.
Massive cums. but only for our sizes
You never told me your age, I was assuming you're older than me. I just turned 19. You do realize that by continually replying to me, you're allowing me to distract you from your virginity defense thread? You're letting me win. Go fuck your body pillow you literal autist. When were you diagnosed and what do you think a vagina feels like? I know you've never felt one so this oughtta be good
Fine. I'm brewing some tea. Though, ironically, I'm not part of the autism courtyard of autism.
awesome! have we met before?
Shiro how have you been man? School going well? Fuck the green bay packers this year im to depreseed to watch foots ball anymore.
>they keep replying to me
>ironically
That's not what that word means
the coolest
I haven't been around in months, busy being depressed and whatnot
I think I read somewhere about all humans having some form of autism, so we're probably all normal in a way.
Oh sorry, I meant what do that create in Lockhead?
Sure a supermodel is famous and has a high-paying job and she's beautiful with a wonderful personality, but that doesn't mean I love her.
My waifu is so much more.
So you just turned 19? Fucking kek. I turn 20 in august.
And yes, I realize you're distracting me. But ever since you've started replying to me, the amount of shitposting has gone down considerably. So no. It's not a victory for you, it's a tie between the two of us.
>mfw you immediately pick up from where you left off once you read this post
>my waifu is so much more
Virgin detected
>In order to be a Waifu claimer I'd have to watch anime
nah, plenty of vidya waifus
>I couldn't identify any of these faggy cartoon characters to save my life
doesn't have to do with you being a member of the community
>I shit post these threads when I'm bored
you still post in these threads. isn't there more productive things to do? ironic coming from me i know, but you have a girlfriend and stuff. go take her out on a date. go see family
> I see how frustrated you are that I'm ignoring you
respectable people don't ignore others
dude lmao (you)'s
you want people to reply to you, that's why you're posting on the internet
i know for damn sure i wouldn't be sharing my thoughts if people wouldn't reply to me
Google defines it as "in reference to a paradoxical, unexpected, or coincidental situation" which cover my usage.
Unless you're talking about actual situational irony, of which I have some knowledge of, but not any that I can recall.
>he wasted his time replying to me
...
I don't follow your analogy.
You were in agreement to someone saying '>best waifu' while replying to Rei. You should think your waifu is inferior to no one.
I've been doing fine enough. School's going fine too. Passing all my classes.
So now you ignore me?
You're slightly older than me but I've gotten more pussy in high school than you'll ever get in your entire life. Fucking Kek, I'm going drink some cough syrup and fuck my gf, make sure to wipe your monitor down after you rub your tiny ass dick over it and bust a nut to your cartoon bride you fuckin virgin
Sure she's best waifu, but I'm not in love with her
good job
you actually can't think of anything useful to say
Don't reply to me or my posts ever again.
Probably not. I usually stick my head in Sup Forums like, once a month or so, and I don't always hit these threads up. Busy with some code tonight, but I felt like a little diversion would be nice so here I am.
Same old shit. Though it seems like I struck a nerve. But that can't be it. After all, you're the one saying you're better than us, there's no way that can't (not) be true.
Ok I'm back and I made a decision
I'm going to show him the collage and the chat logs so I don't have to explain it all to him
kek, my bad; they build and design airplanes and missiles and satellites and whatnot for the US
10/10 pic swap
I don't know why that shows up like that
Is there something wrong with my picture?
>You should think your waifu is inferior to no one.
Your waifu is better and more important than everyone else in the world because you love her. So to indirectly say she's not the best waifu in the thread is odd. You shouldn't think she's inferior.
It's a cartoon character
you uploaded at the same second as
didn't know that was possible...
I hope your Waifu gets raped by German Shepard and dies. You need to grow out of this dating a cartoon character phase and get a real girlfriend