Stupidest sht you"ve done while horny

Stupidest sht you"ve done while horny

Once I beat off in a sock and then wore it to church

Your mom

i masturbated on the toilet at work
Did it so hard that i got a fucking cramp in my leg
couldnt leave the bathroom for about 10 minutes

Had gay sex. Problem is it keeps happening. Never had straight sex, or a gf. I'm straight btw.

Jerk off while driving down the 10 from Phoenix in mid morning.

have foot warts,
beat off into sock,
get warts on my frenulum

SNAP

masturbated while driving, was also stoned

You're pretty straight

>You're pretty straight
chortled

For you

why does anybody fap into a dirty sock.

Man, I'd be too embarrassed to even post that anonymously.

This is making me feel better about myself.

Thats why you are on Sup Forums in the first place fag

my girlfriend at the time was edging me and i somehow ended up letter her fuck me with a strap on

shit was cash

at a certain age, after having had a certain amount of intercourse, you just stop caring so much and start being less sensitive to life in general.

Wore my sisters thong/bra/leggings and a top from my mom with a walmart halloween wig and got fucked by some old guy on craigslist.

oh shit, will never experience that.
gf is a total sub and NEEDS me to injure her buttocks with my hands daily. she thinks im a dom, and doesnt understand im just up for anything. its cool doe

I messaged an ugly chick that's into me and we exchanged nudes.. I jacked off to her fat tits and then regreted it all

Thats not how warts work you fucking idiot.
The warts on your hands and feet cant spread to genitals and vice versa. You either contracted genital warts from somewhere, or you have penile papuls and confuse them for warts. If its larger, then you need to get the shit checked out to make sure its not cancer like your retarded ass.

jacked it in a hotel room to the sound of people fucking next door. Turns out it was actually someone running on a treadmill

I don't get it either

stuck toothbrush up ass (handle end), instantly regretted and felt like a fag as i pulled out shitty toothbrush

paid for porn

>be 17, but say you're 18
>touched a boob
only then can you cum in a dirty suck and be confident enough to lie about not being a virgin on the internet

I started doing it half a year ago. The most comfortable way of cumming. You just put a sock on your hand while grabbing a dick and don't care about anything. It's like fapping in a condom but you can wipe your hand and dick straight away with it. Literally zero mess so if you don't care at all how does it look because you don't have sex anyway, it's great.

protip: I usually cry a little after fapping

why not just cum onto a paper towel or something you fucking neet?

Shoved ice up my bum

And another time, a flashlight

I feel your pain bro

...

Tomboychan, is that you?

Your mom.

I was cumming on plastic bags before and I had to wash or wipe my dick with something else afterwards. With a sock you just need a one thing for the whole process and there are an infinite number of them coz it's sick to fap more than 2 times a day and that's how many used socks you usually have.

came home absolutely steaming drunk once and tries to get my sister to suck me off

have a similar story
>just land in New York
>horny as fuck but too tired to go anywhere
>say fuck it and text thick ugly chick I know
>say we should exchange nudes
>send dick pics from like the 3rd page of google
>noonelookspastthefirstpage.jpg
>sends nudes back
>handle my business like a man
>text her back the next day and say I was drunk
>tell her that I won't talk about it if she doesn't
>she just wants to stay friends
>yeah right thick bitch
>never speak to her again
>always just say she started to come on too strong when people ask about her

Kombo kek

wow that's embarrassing dood.

try again

post video

I honestly do this regularly, I drive 4 hours two ways a couple times a year, and frequently do 1.5 to 2.5 hour drives. It keeps me from speeding, plus it's a great way to kill time.

kill you self

>here's my laundry mom
>son, can we talk for a second?
>notthecumsocks.gif
>sure mom
>well son, it's like you use 2 or 3 pairs of socks a day
>and they're always so crusty
>no going back now
>have to commit sudoku
>I don't know what you're talking about mom
>son, if you have a foot problem, you can tell me
>foot problem?
>don't worry son
>I already have a doc appointment for you
And then your parents go bankrupt trying to cure some weird foot disease, but really you can't stop cumming in your socks like some fucking sicko

right, because you'd refuse a blowjob when you're drunk

haha you faggots live a hard life

Did it once. Just before cumming I was stepping on the gas and swerved and just missed a tree. Talk about a ruined orgasm.

You didn't say she offered it to you, loser. Your story doesn't stick together. Go away troll.

try again when you're noy drunk

ahahhahah, nice try bro. I live on my own. I do everything on my own... so I just don't care.

>implying that you're significant in any way
>knowing your worth less than the feminist movements

but what do you do with the mess

woah relax
I'm sure a big boy like you has touched at least 5 boobs. Shit, maybe even more than one at a time!

>live on my own
>do everything on my own
but you can't afford paper towels?

fucked my sister

...

>You're pretty straight
>chortled
chortled

you fucking retards don't know the meaning of stupid
>me
>horny as fuck
>moron
>side of salt
>decide I want to play with my dick
>no not like that
>cavestory.exe
>also furiously drunk and armed with pic related
>how do we do no lube for tube
>ah, let's make my dick drunk, sounds fun
>fill syringe thingy with sky
>force vodka down my urethra
>supernova.gif
>my cock has become the heat death of the universe
>it's like a thousand needles on molly are dancing in my dick
>try to pee out vodka
>pee out death so furious it makes me vomit
>balls feel twisted, dick is now satan's pitchfork, body covered in vomit
>21 years and this is where my life has ended up
>mission accomplished

Fuck me and my good ideas.

...

But for real though I keep a tissue box in my car, either use one of those or just let it soak into my daks

>14
>drunk
>walk up to friend
>"feed me daddy"
>started throwing corn flakes into mouth
>tried to punch him in the face
>feel asleep on floor

Sounds pretty straight to me. Once I fapped in the summer 35 degrees celsisu in the trunkof my moms car at the beach cuz I got randomly horny. Once all of the boys from my class came to my home after school and we all fapped together. I did some weird shit this is just the first two that got on my mind

buying sky was your first mistake

the biggest moron so far LOL

/thread

4 years ago in college I went to a Halloween party dressed as Velma. I thought it would be funny to crossdress for Halloween. Got drunk and sucked off three guys on the couch with everyone watching and cheering me on. Then one guy took me into the bedroom and tried to fuck me but he couldn't get it up because he had whiskey dick so I blew him instead. Then got a ride home with some guy I didn't know and blew him in his car.

Woke up the next day with a huge hangover and horrible regret and shame. Pretty much known as the faggot slut for the rest of college even though I'm straight.

For some reason being drunk while dressed like Velma made me feel super slutty.

After college I moved to another state and have not been back to Seattle since. I doubt anyone remembers or even cares but I feel like if I stepped foot in Seattle again everyone would say "Oh hey, there's that slutty crossdressing faggot."

I know dat feel bro

Giuseppe Simone strikes again

I live in LA and masturbait on the 10 all the time! Does this make is Eskimo Brothers? I mean, it's kinda like banging the same chick.

...

I remember you, Velma ;p

Carved several butt plugs out of carrots, relatively easy and you can eat the evidence, plus nobody's ever suspicious of carrot peel; used those magnetic balls, I think they're called buckyballs, as a urethral sound; tried to fuck a vacuum but dick was too big for the nozzle; there's probably more but that's all I can remember now

Lul

Same bruh.

Like "she's at it again, let's do this"

holy shit those buckyballs were no fucking joke
used to work at a place that sold them and there were special guidelines we had to follow to sell them. People would do dumb shit like eat them or shove them up their urethra and end up rupturing something and dying. Consider yourself lucky that you aren't peeing through a straw right now.

...

Jinkies

Yeah and next time your boyfriend is ramming his dick into your onion ring i want you to scream out how straight you are you. fag

lol how is he gonna have a boyfriend if he's straight? you a faggot or something?

tried to fap with Ajax soap. Shit made me piss fire for a few hours and turned my dick head red for a little while.

Checked friend :)

Man, the amount of dumb shit I would've done as a kid had I not had overbearing parents, I consider myself lucky I'm even here at all

I'm the guy from the trunk and I'm straight tho, have a gf and everything

Hey I posted this on /fit/ the other day. There's no way you got it somewhere else.

You fappin to dem traps faggot?

Re checked friendo

Ahwatukee here. I got my dick sucked on the 10 earlier this year. Never jerked it on the freeway though - too stressful. All these midwest import fags and snowbirds can't drive for shit.

Fap to disgusting shit like vore.

I once masturbated to images of women on my DS Lite's internet browser while my friend was in the room with me messing with photoshop on my computer because I was a horny little 13 y/o

Straight people dont suddenly blow three dudes and try to fuck one. You fucking gay user, come back to Seattle you'll fit right in. Then when your depression gets to bad and your heroin habit gets out of control you can suck dudes off for money and be homeless and still you will fit right in.

spend 20 grand on camwhores

so wait now you're saying that she came on to you?

Christ...

Fucked this

> it's hard to get off from it

>be me, 15
>lots of medical problems around this time
>have to go to the hospital for a staph infection or something
>need to provide urine sample in addition to blood sample later
>unbelievably horny
>"user, are you okay in there?"
>just a minute ho, im tryna nut
>"ill be out soon!"
>end up spending like half an hour in there
>cum in the urine test thing
>give it back to the nurse on the way out

I wish I could have been there when that sample got to the lab.

Friendly dubs streak

Gave my uncles labrador several blowjobs while they were away on vacation

I fucked a landwhale
she had some huge tits though

One time when I was fucking my girlfriend, I got a great to shove my middle finger in her ass. So while we were on the couch, I just jammed it in there, and she fucking started to bleed out her ass. Shitty blood covered my finger.

I literally just fap in bed, flip the covers over and go to sleep

Re re checked my dude

how was it

Fucked a girl with the nickname of "Jenny CrotchRott"