Let's get a secrets/confessions thread going anons

Let's get a secrets/confessions thread going anons.

imo religion splits humans apart

I fucked OP's mom last night

I changed the course of a national election.

...

I ducked OP's dad last night

I masturbate even though I don't want to and it hurts my dick. Does that make it rape?

I secretly masturbate to Bieber's dick and pubes.

my cars finger friended me in the back of my mom

Hard and ice are pretty nice.

I like being fucked by guys or strapped girls, but I'm a 6'1 280 lb powerlifter

I get turned on by giving head

...That is literally your opinion, not necessarily a secret. Sound off your shit opinions on some other thread.

Thats no secret. we were all there... but then again you where roofied.

Wow OP's being even more of a faggot than usual

b-but that wasn't me.

My bad

First time I gutted a fish I had the most awesome boner.

I had sex with gril who was passed out from valium and alcohol.

She told me she wanted to fuck, before she got fucked up and passed ot so i dont see it as rep

you and about 50% of all women and gay men

Jesus christ why dont niggas look after their pubes?

Surely im not the only one.
If you hair was that shaggy and messy youd get it cut.
If your chest hair was that shaggy and messy youd get it cut.
If your bear hair was that shaggy and messy youd get it cut.

What the fuck, pubes should be the most looked after hair on your entire body

Kek bear hair..

*beard hair

>cutting chest hair
people actually do this?

Sometimes I yell at my fans. They're gullible and are too hyped to even comprehend what I'' saying.

when i stay at my friends house i wait till everyones asleep and take his older sisters dirty thongs a jack off to the smell of them

I dont shave it completely, but i trim it so its always short and well looked after.
Imo, it looks better than having a shaggy chest.
Mine looks like this (except im not that ripped)

I have fallen in love with my best friend of many years and am too afraid to reveal it.

lmao I though people only did that as a joke. Well, maybe where you're from it's normal. I don't understand removing signals of your testosterone tho, why not be a manly man instead of a barbie

>parents still cut up their sons' penises in Canada
REEEEEEE

When I'm done shitting I like to stick my head a little bit above the toilet and smell what I created. I've even taken some out and squished it and smelled my hands. I work in the food industry and even had a customer get a illness that only comes from contact with feces.

>I work in the food industry and even had a customer get a illness that only comes from contact with feces
Oh man that just made my night. What food item was it?

I'm bisexual and have thoughts of fooling around or casually being naked with my straight male friends and them playfully teasing me.

No user its far from a joke.

This pic
Looks so much better than
>pic related

It just lloks shaggy and disgusting like i font take care of myself.

Same goes for my beard and pubes, i always keep it trimmed. Its all still definately noticeable, but it doesnt look disgusting.

i slapped a girl during sex tonight.
Her daddy issues turn me on

how long since you had sex. I went trough a phase like that when I couldn't get laid, but that fades as soon as I got some tail again. think I just was overly horny

I've never had sex. I'm 19.

it was a burger.

Why cares what you like gayboy. You owe it to your ladies, bitches love that shit.

jesus, just get laid already. with both genders

I think of suicide EVERY day. I don't think I'll do it anytime soon, but I feel my life will inevitably end in suicide. But nobody suspects it. Everybody thinks I'm happy and I really, really try and put on a happy act.

self love is best love. Just let Shrek into your life and all will be taken care of. Shrek is love Shrek is life.

Could you imagine the thickness if he still had his foreskin? Mine is thick, but holy shit!

I care what i look like.
Theres nothing gay about taking care of your looks, fagget.

Plus my girlfriend prefers it all trimmed.

I'm a black girl whose stuck in a Muslim household (tho secretly athiest) and occasionally gets naked online for cash.

When you an hero be sure to stream it

?? You're implying only gay men and women give head
>head also means oral on women, dumbass
LOTS of men/lesbians like giving head to girls

No thanks. I wouldn't make a spectacle out of it.

Tits or gtfo. Timestamp whore

only betas settle for girlfriends betaboy. Get some fwb's instead, less drama

>this

Nah, I'm tired

>implying that any of us want to see gorilla boobs

Fuckin nigger, you'd at least die a legend online.

what ethnicity/where do you live

A. I have fucked more girls than you. (13 to be exact)
B. My peenuj is bigger than yours (7.6" to be exact)
C. My GF is nastier than any girl yu have ever met (she literally lets me do whatever i want with her AND she loves it)
D. I have more money than you (not telling you because fuck you)

Go home son..

Top kek

You can change your life and lose that perspective. I'm 50, and I just finished college. Got a teaching credential and a Master's degree in education by deciding to do something useful (for other people) with my life. Starting a teaching job this Friday @53K and it will climb from there. There's no reason to stick around if you are selfish enough to wallow in misery. Do something useful, or get the fuck off of my planet.

Newest copypasta
>peenuj
Top fucking kek

You'll die before it matters.

inb4
>kids ruins your relationship
>gf becomes fat
>gf doesn't want sex anymore
>stay with her for the kids
>get divorce raped either way
>broke, reputation ruined, kid hates you

sounds great

You sound hot

>50
>"do something useful"
>just finished college
ok

Shoulda done trades, pal

I moved to Paris to live with my gf, but my parents think I'm here for school

>my planet

Get your head the fuck out of my clouds

I've cheated on my gf multiple times

Yeah no you don't

If dubs you tell her. If trips you tell her and do it again

People ask me my name. When I tell them they don't believe me. I got used to it. Had to change my name so I wouldn't get that reaction from folks. It was a burden for a while and hated my parents for it. I forsaked god and this miserable life he gave me all thanks to a single name. It gets my blood boiling just thinking about it. It reminds me of Breaking Bad when Heisenberg says that line. What's my name? Damn right. Well, someone asked me my name recently and for old times sake I told them. My name Jeff.

Some people just don't fucking care maybe?

>kids ruins your relationship
We both agreed that wont happen. I will love my kids and my partner more than anything on the planet and she feels the same.
>gf becomes fat
Shes 5'4, and weighs abouy 70kg, and loves fruit and veg. She isnt getting fat anytime soon
>gf doesn't want sex anymore
Shes literally the dirtiest, kinkiest bitch ive met. She wants to fuck more than i do and i thought i was a sex addict. She will never not want sex.
>stay with her for the kids
Ill stay with her because i love her, even if something is broke, you fix it.
>get divorce raped either way
We wont ever divorce but just incase we both agreed to prenup. (We also agreed that we will never need it)
>broke, reputation ruined, kid hates you
Idk about you but i couldnt give a fuck aboht 'reputation' im going to love my kids more than anything on this planet.
Id literally die for my GF.
And they say the love you feel for kids is even stronger.
They wone hate me.
Good try though

Rollin for this

No you haven't, no you don't, no she isn't, and again, no ypu don't. Youre bitchmade

>my dick is bigger than 90% of Sup Forums's even when it's flaccid

At least user has a bitch. You're probably the sissy type who makes those faggot ass sissy threads to make yourself feel better about being a faggot abomination.

At 5'4" if she's 70kg she's eating a lot of fruit and veg bro

ha naw. I will never tell her. I will probably break up with her eventually though. I felt really bad about it the first time, but c'est la vie.

>>be me, late 90s
>>manager at a fast food restaurant in hick town
>>computer uses dos-type program to order supplies
>>stay after closing one night, call and order internet service
>>install modem
>>wife is at home, frigid anyway
>>stay and surf porn and jack off as much as possible between the time everyone leaves and the breakfast shift comes in
>>office constantly smelling like spunk
>>mfw the owner drops by and catches me
>>fired on the spot
>>worth it

KEK wtf is that?

Roll

Man you're even more beta than I thought. Pussywhipped bitch. I want to reply properly but it's just too much, you're a goner. Remember me. GL bro

Oops my bad, meant to say 60kg..

Looks like a baby nub sewed onto a dick. Like they tried to save your cock and had to dig up a kids little arm

Not really a secret but more of a vent. God, life after high school is fucking depressing. At least back in high school I would be around people all day and hangout with my small amount of friends everyday. I graduated earlier this year, now in community college and it's all going to class, work, and coming back home... on top of that my sleep schedule is fucked. It's so lonely and days are the same everyday it's really taking a toll on me. Currently going through derealization and episodes of ego death.

I'm still in love with my ex girlfriend I dated for 2 years. She left me for a piece of trash and the process was at such a bad time in my life, it left me emotionally destroyed and I now suffer from daily anxiety and shit. I tried talking to friends, but all they do is call me stupid for still having feelings for her and being affected by what happened. So, now I suffer in silence without anybody to talk to because apparently the way I feel is irrational. I guess I don't blame anyone for not wanting to hear my problems, but whenever I tell the story of what happened, nobody pays attention or even bats an eye towards how I feel about it now. Shitty. Maybe others can get over stuff like that, but when you put your heart and soul into fixing someone who threw it all out and ruined themselves, it was like losing a family member, sort of. But that's my shitty secret, I don't even talk about it anymore but it fucks me up.

Don't blame you. If I could go back I wouldn't have been a moralfag in relationships because the women didn't do the same for me anyway.

I posted a few fb pics of this girl I used to be very close with online on a website called thedirty along with a pretty dark secret about her in the description. I also talked shit about her, mentioned her hometown and her first name. Not many people know this secret and she'd easily know who did this if she ever found out. I did it just out of pure edgyness. She was important to me but our friendship was dead/dying already.

At least 10000 people saw it and it got a lot of comments, but for the most part is now pretty buried.

Worst part is, the risk of getting in trouble is sexually thrilling, and I expose/share the link occasionally. I pretty much discovered a new fetish doing this. I also occasionally share candid pics I took that include deep cleavage and her face for the same reason. These were pretty obviously taken by me, and once again, I'd pretty much get screwed over if she found out.

>this is what jealousy looks like

user, you need a hobby. No shit. 46yo here, doesn't get any better after college. Just replace college and work with more work.

Find something to do for you. Frisbee golf, play guitar, what the fuck ever. Just make sure it's somethign you want to do. It'll help tons.

People only have vague sympathy in the hopes of inspiring you to move forward, after an amount of time considered reasonable you just seem sad.

There's more people in the world then you'll ever meet - find the one who doesn't realize you're the piece of shit you really are and exploit her love.

Any you care to share?

Share what? The link, secret, candids, regular pics?

Any of it

It's copypasta bro. Took the b8

honestly that is kind of my rationale as well. it's pretty much emotional insurance because I know if she ever cheated on me I wouldn't feel that bad because I've done it to her so many times. Where it starts getting fucked up is when one her best friends invites me over to hang out... I just can't be that much of an unempathetic asshole

On my way to work everyday, I would stop by this house. I think they were a cambodian couple or something. Really poor. The wife spoke zero english. absolutely nothing.

I would visit after he left for work. We would just fuck every single day, monday through friday. Finally she got pregnant. Oh fuck, i thought it was mine.
Couldnt stop fucking though. We fucked the entire 9 months.. my deepest confession. Luckily when the baby was born, it was asian. SAVED!!!!! When a tree fell on their house, they moved. No more free sex...

Well, shit.

It is a copy/pasta. I've posted this several times because it's an interesting story and every time I post it I get different replies.

It's not made up or anything.

Pussywhipped? Beta? Goner?

Ill spend my life, with the woman i love having all this nasty ass sex that you can only get by watching porn.
That seems pretty fucking alpha if you ask me.

I only need to ask and my girlfriend would be down for anything, including FFM threesomes, so suck a dick you 18yo virgin.

Stop being jealous and go back to the sissy thread

you don't miss her, you miss the ideals you projected upon her. get real

I don't believe this, but fuck it I'll bite.
how the fuck did that even start?

>life is so great.
>posts on b.