Autist roommate stories

autist roommate stories

>22. Senior year of college
>living in university apartment for some fucking reason
>decided to live with a dude that was on my floor my freshman year. he seemed cool and we hung out a lot
>our apartment housed me, 2 bros, and the autist.
>within the first weeks he claimed the living room as his fucking cave.
>moved his fucking massive ass tv into the main room, along with his ps4.
>the autist is sensitive to light (???) so he demands that all windows are shut and lights remain off

I've got shitloads of this cumstain. More?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=pA8DdkM2Wqo
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Bump for quads

good quads

Nice quads
Also ,bump

fuck it i'll post em anyway.

>one friday night. Just finished with some long ass assignment, needing the delicious comfort of some motherfuckin orange juice
>approach the living room, now known as the autist's cave.
>he's there, sitting in a chair, balls deep in some queer ass game on his ps4
>notice a few empty containers around him
>think nothing of it as my mind is racing for this vitamin c rush
>open the fridge
>orange juice is nowhere to be seen
>turn to autist
>"yo did bro drink my juice"
>nothing but a passive grunt from the autist
>look closer at the containers around him
>one of them is my precious orange juice
>thisnigger.jpg
>walk over, pick it up. something sloshes around inside, think it's orange juice
>berate autist for stealing my juice.
>crack the cap open, ready to pour myself a glass
>murky yellow liquid defiles my glass
>itspiss.png
>this fucking queef drank 1.5 liters of orange juice and turned it into a fucking pissbottle

nice quads
>be me go to friends apartment in berlin
>planned to stay a week there
>autistic roomate ignores me the first few hours
>friend tells me how autistic he is and how he acts like sheldon cooper (he did fucking cancer)
>befriended him by talking nerdy shit
>ask me to go on his room
>dark as hell, ghetto towels as curtains, room smells like cum and weed, fat fuck never cleans shit, apartment is full of dirty shit and rotten food, autistic nigger enjoys swimming on his own filth,
>starts sticking around with me and my friend for the week
>starts dancing and doing weird shit to impress me for some reason
>tries to get girls (15year olds)
>didnt fucking showered once all the time i stayed on the apartment.

>turn to autist after discovering that my precious juice has turned into piss
>"did you do this"
>nothing but a grunt in reply
>step in front of his tv, ask again
>tard rage engaged
>steps up, starts shrieking about his game
>refuse to move until he fesses up to defiling my juice
>lanky bitch tries to shove me out of the way
>my manlet strength is too strong for him
>starts barking about dying in game and shit
>remain silent and swish his cloudy ass piss in my fucking bottle
>"fine, user. I drank your fucking juice, now please fucking move."
>he sits his lanky ass down
>place the cloudy pissbottle in front of the screen
>walk back to my room, and plot revenge

I have so many stories about this fucking cuck

youtube.com/watch?v=pA8DdkM2Wqo

...

anyways got more stories.
>friend has to work on the morning
>stayed with autistic cuck
> told him to get wasted.
>he went and stole like 12 beers.
>stuffed it all on my fucking bag
>chilled on a local park for a while
>talked about normal shit (he was doing autistic dance moves)
>bunch of kids come to the park with their teachers(apparently they are doing a seminar for the weekends)
>autistic cuck starts drinking loudly and play music loudly
>fuckitwhynotjoin.jpeg
>angry feminist comes tarshing around.
> screeches about how we are loitering around and shit
>MFW loitering
>tells us not to loiter and drink at 11 am on a park
> go back to his room
>ohgodthefilth.gif
>niggers leftovers had become a biosphere for fungus.
>asked what games does he has for ps4
>japanese weeb shit
>niggers place smells rancid.
>open window.
>get yelled at because of letting the weeds smell leave the room

bump you little cunts

>different day, same tard
>come back after a long ass day of class, food in hand
>autist is in his usual perch, hisses about how fucking bright it is
>dont mind his shit as I've got a big ass fuckin sandwich from a local place
>sit down in my room and eat with my door firmly locked to keep the tard fumes from getting to me
>there is a knock at my door
>itstheautist.gif
>"what up" i ask, trying to stay lighthearted
>"whered you get that food, user" he asks, not wasting a second of his precious time away from his tard box
>"uhh.. local place, its downtown. why?"
>this fucking nigger
>"I want some" he asks, dead fucking serious
>"dude, they're fucking cheap go get one"
>he shakes his head, saying he cant because of some fucking shit with his clan on ps4
>"too bad"
>close the door on him
>this nigger stands there for fucking ten minutes pounding on my door, bitching about how shitty of a roommate I am

I need to tell you about this fucking cunt's "didi"

I'll bump this bullshit

Bump

so he thought you were supposed to just give him your sandwich? why do parents do this to their kids, then let them loose on the streets? he should have been in a group home, not college.

bump

Please tell us about the didi OP

time to tell you all about this cunts fucking demented sex life

time for some backstory

>move out for the first time when im 18
>take my favorite mug from my parents house
>looks like a fucking cool ass paint can or something from the glaze n shit
>cherish this fucking mug because sentiment

introduce the autist

>come home from class at like 7 pm
>need coffee so i can write a paper
>put on a fresh pot
>awyiss.jpg
>twenty minutes later, time for coffee
>mug is fucking gone
>start searching, one of my tard roommates must have used it
>dustinthewind.png
>autist comes out of his room
>visibly red in the fucking face
>clutching my mug in his hand
>"oh I thought I had lost my mug. can you wash it? I was gonna make coffee."
>autist sits there. can fucking hear the static coming from his brain.
>fucking bullet time as this nigger shows me what he did to my childhood mug
>this fucking cuck mixed an obscene amount of cornstarch and water and turned it into a mold for his fucking septic dick
>my mug is a sex toy
>take my mug from his trembling fingers
>look at it. hand it back, "clean this fucking shit out"
>this fucking nigger starts complaining about how long it took him to make
>freeze frame
>"you're bitching about using the mug that I told everyone else not to use, as a fucking sex toy."
>tard freezes
>doesnotcompute.jpg
>"yes"
>simply point at the sink
>autist takes a spoon and starts to chunk out the starch mixture
>world fucking stops spinning as I watch this unholy event
>cum is oozing from the bottom of my mug
>this nigger didn't clean it out
>"tard... did you cum in my mug"
>"uh... yeah.."

pic related. what this nigger turned my mug into

bumperino

kek i'd choke the faggot bu i'll give it to him that's funny

That's just fucking atrocious

dont worry theres more to our little tale

Please continue

why dont you beat the shit out of him with a frying pan?

nice trips.

More

Best thread on b atm

I don't know fam, not the OP, but my roommate is very spoiled. Im actually probably the more autistic one between the two of us, but he is the one who has no clue how to live with another person. The example that comes to mind was two months ago. He is really sensitive to cold, and we live in Utah, so one day he told me he was going to buy a space heater. I am against this because we live in a small room and I don't like it to be too hot. For reference he wanted it to be around 80 degrees. Tell him he is not heating our room any more than it is, and if he is cold he can wear more layers or buy an electric blanket. Roommate is visibly shocked at being told he can't do something. Bitches about if for a week until I show him the fire code for our building. He can't do his own laundry, he goes home every one or two weeks with his laundry so his parents can do it. He snores like a fucking beast despite being a 90 lb stick, then complained to our RA about me sleeping on the couch because when I left the room at night it would wake him up. Fucking hate this cunt, bought a private dorm next term, can't wait to move out.

you thought I was done?

>this nigger's fucking love gravy is oozing from my childhood mug
>stare at him. "why did you cum in my mug"
>all this cunt can say is "d... did... didi.."
>dismiss this as autist white noise
>watch this nigger scoop out the only pussy he's ever going to get into our kitchen sink
>tell him to wait by the sink.
>go to the bathroom and get our rubbing alcohol
>hand it to the autist and tell him to wipe out the fucking mug.
>"di.. did... didi.."
>thisnigger.png
>watch him wipe out the mug
>watch him put it into the dishwasher
>this nigger looks like he's about to fucking burst into tears
>"what did we learn, tard?"
>"uh.."
>"don't fuck my mug."
>this nigger just stands there while I grab another mug and pour myself some coffee, sufficiently done with his shit

wait till you hear about his first date in a while

other day with my friends roomate
>start the day good as it can get
>friend is arguing with autistic nigger about cleaning shit uo
>start cleaning shit up
>rotten cheese with fungus in it
>nigger starts ranting about that food is perfectly good to eat.
>mfw nigger what
>we go get breakfast
>nigger acts like sheldon cooper and has the same breakfast every day.
>get back and starts talking how he fucks alot of bitches
>k.jpeg

>Date
Are you serious? Someone went on a date with this guy?

im following op. keep going

why the fuck are you telling stories about me faggot. first of all, none of u fags spend the most time in here, i do, so naturally this is my territory. 2nd of all you stupid niggers keep the lights on ALL the god damn time. kill urself and save the environment

this rustles the man

Shit troll is shit

But you are the only one I see trolling.

> freshman year of college, living in dorm
> randomly assigned roommate spends all day every day watching pirated episodes of Frasier on his laptop and headphones
> We probably talked less than 5 minutes total all semester
> best roommate I ever had

god thats bad, i got one from just a few days ago

>Be me, average looking regular user
>have tard friend
>5' fucking goblin neckbeard weeb
>friends with him because we've known eachother for years
>decide to huff nitrous because stoner
>get tard friend to buy, government gives him cash for just exsisting
>bullshit
>he buys 6 cans of whipped cream
>i bring balloons
> go to park real late because work
>shops are closed, but we got the stuff so whatever
>get ready for it, everything is ready
> suddenly need to pee real bad
>go to the bushes far away for 5 minuets
>piss all my insides out, feels good
>come back.
>This.
>Mother.
>FUCKER
>he sat there and sprayed all of the whipped cream
>ALL OF IT
>right into his mouth
>have to sit there with him for an hour while he cries and says he didn't understand
>RETARD

I have nothing to contribute because I lucked out in college and got a single dorm, but I support all your suffering

Keep telling stories

Not my roommate, but my friend has a pretty autistic roommate.
>be me, sitting in friends living room watching breaking bad
>roommate comes in, wants to make microwave chili
>empties entire can into cereal bowl, puts bowl in microwave
>tard throws out the can with microwave instructions into trash, then yells at us how long he is supposed to microwave chili.
>Tell him to look at the fuck instructions on the can
>he digs it out of the trash, cant figure it out, then just nukes his fucking chili for about 6 min
>microwave is done, tard reaches in and pulls out scalding hot bowl with bare hands, tard screeching commences.
>go back to watching breaking bad

yet you're the retard who suggested getting cans of whipped cream, rather than a box of whippets

You don't need balloons, you just depress the nozzle ever so slightly and only the nitrous oxide will come out. Make sure you don't shake the cans either, you don't want the cream and propellant to mix.

three or four weeks into the term at this point

>come back from visiting the parents for a few days over the weekend
>the front door is unlocked
>the door swings open
>stench.jpg
>the whole fucking flat smells like sweat and rancid fucking meat
>find the autist in a bean bag chair in the fucking living room
>whereisthefuckingfloor.gif
>at least five pizza boxes around his corpulent altar
>sitting on the bean bag chair, on his phone
>"yo user check this" as he shows me his phone
>pic of some 5/10 grill
>"uh..." is all I can mutter as I stare confused at this fucking photo
>"we've got a date on tuesday"
>try to contain my keks
>fuck off to my room for some peace

who wants to hear about his date

>this dude.
>been watching anime all day. hast even gone out to eat or shit in all day probably has one of those proteinballs.
>im with my friend talkin abpuit like and hoes
>autistic nigger leaves room
>holyshitjpg.
nigger is sticky, smelly and dirty.
>goes to bathroom for half an hour.
>god its 1945 germany all over again.
>smell comming from the bathroom
>nigger cloged tha fucking toilet
>whatthefuck.jpg
>tell him to clean shit up
>tells us to fuck off.
>autistic fuck didnt cleaned the toilet for days.
>friend ended up cleaning the shit.

didn't have any at the store, getting some delivered tho

Just fucking post the stories nigger

I want to hear about this date

Go on

>don't fuck my mug.

Go ahead user
Also, checked

...

Pre-type this shit if you actually want to keep a thread going...

>tuesday
>the autist is getting all gussied up
>wears the same fucking thing he does every day except he actually applies deodorant
>knocks on my door
>"how do I look user"
>give him a thumbs up because maybe getting a grill will improve his life
>"lookin good, tard"
>he goes on his date, no word for several hours
>2 AM. Get a frenzied text from the autist
>"fucking help user I dont know where the fuck I am"
>call his dumb ass
>"she insisted that she drives, and we drove to this place in the middle of nowhere and now I dont know where I am"
>this nigger got cucked
>feel bad for him "okay... do you have any idea where you are"
>he tells me the closest mile marker
>this nigger drove four hours away with some random girl he met on tinder
>"you didnt fucking question why she was driving you to the middle of fucking no where"
>he starts babbling about how he thought he was gonna get laid.
>wake up two bro roomates
>they kek
>we pile into our roomies truck
>drive four hours to pick up this autist
>nigger cries the whole way home
>cant help but feel bad for him
>buy him mcdicks on the way back

I have one about his first SUCCESSFUL date

this is fucking hilarious OMFG if you loved that mug so much op why dont you keep it hid away in your room?

>be me
>military summer camp
>deaf cabinmate
>makes farting noises all night long
>entire cabin is tired and annoyed of him
>be me again
>listening to music
>see cabinmates surround kid
>lemme get this straight
>it was mostly mexican kids and shit
>massive fucking dicks for 13y/os
>deafkid hates dicks
>they whip out their schlong dongs
>surrounded.mpeg
>kid cries
>mfw

Aw.
:c

What a bitch. Who fucks with a mentally disabled person? That's fucked up.

Bump

>"So yeah, this deaf kid who keeps farting, what we gonna do about him ese?"
>"It's simple, we all stand around him and pull out are dicks. He'll never think to fart again."

What the fuck is this logic?

time for this autist's first successful date

>come back to the flat
>tired as fuck from class
>the autist is in his usual perch
>"dude, check this" as he shows me his phone
>some 6/10 grill
>"I've got a date tonight"
>have to contain my keks as I remember his last fucking date
>warn him about that shit
>he shakes his head and says "nah dude shes in one of my classes"
>does this nigger even go to class
>nap for a few hours
>get rudely awoken by a fucking banging on the wall
>get up, groggy as fuck
>go out to our living room, see bro #1 was also roused by this commotion
>we both nearly shit ourselves when we see this autist ferociously making out with a girl on the couch
>this girl is 4/10 at best
>she sounds like a lawnmower trying to start while it's covered in silly putty
>this fucking things mating call is apparently doing it for the autist
>shoes get kicked off
>bro #1 and i retreat to my room, trying not to make any noise
>this nigger is about to get laid
>we sit in silence as we wait for the battle to end
>this bitch sounds like shes about to go into battle
>hear a smashing sound
>we go into the living room
>a fucking TV is on the ground. the wall mount is ripped out and our wall is in tatters
>mfw this bitched ripped a tv off the wall
>they havent fucking noticed us

wait....your mean to tell that guys getting laid?

Everybody on Sup Forums

Any idea what happened to him on that trip? Like what did the girl do to him? Was it even a girl?

fucking kek

they were all really proud of their dicks it was weird

bump for the autist keks

So the guy fucks your mug and you still want to keep the fucking thing? Man, rubbing alcohol or not that would end up in the garbage. I feel like you are as autistic as him to have such an attachement to such an un-important item.

Wait....why in the name of Satan's glorious crimson asshole did you keep the mug?

I hope the one thing you cherish most in life gets fucked like that mug
Nice quads tho

What quads? And also how is a Damn mug the thing you cherish the most in life? Did your parents die and give you this mug in their will?

>he's still going at it with this bitch while he destroys bro #2's tv
>she starts fucking shrieking
>autist fucking sits up, confused
>shes grabbing at her back
>see blood
>shitnigger.jpg
>there is a fucking drywall screw sticking out of her back
>SHITNIGGER
>autist springs to action
>rips the fucking screw out
>she only screams harder
>bros get the keys to his truck
>we load up into the truck and drive to the fucking hospital
>two tetanus shots later

Post faster

i hope you're not OP because this is a fucking gay ass ending nigger

there's more nigger let me type

Type it before making a thread you fucking cuck

Post faster fag

keep going, this thread is gold.

I love this thread so much

>he demands
>you give in

And this is now the story of how OP sucked too much dick and suffered brain damage.

goddamn this is a quality thread

>mfw reading about user's mug
>i know what it's like to be sentimental for a mug

checked

Check em

Sorry for that abrupt ass ending bro #1 needed something

>this bitch gets two tetanus shots in her less than nice ass
>autist cannot form a rational word
>standing there, staring at the bleeding hole on her back
>mumbles out, "I'm sorry..."
>she gives him a smile and a nod
>for once, see happiness in the autists eyes
>genuinely happy for him
>we eventually pile into the truck and drive the girl back to her place
>autist tries to text her.
>fake. fucking. number.
>autist thinks it's just issues with his phone
>none of us have the heart to tell him

two weeks later, he sees the girl on campus, and she gives him a smile. More about this girl next

solid stories. this guy is depressing as fuck. You were likely a good influence on him though. maybe he has a chance in life?

this thread is full of gets

Literally screwed

it took this fag 10 minutes to write this

Reading intently, this guy is worse than the sociopath that my friend currently has as a roommate, we all think he's gonna kill someone at some point.

story?

please, tell me there´s more stories about your retard roomie.

I demand more,OP.

This is too fucking weird to not be made up.
That, or you're the tard.
.. Seriously, though.. Could this happen in America?

MEHR!!!

So, i have this aunt, basically my roommate, lives with me and my wife because my grandparents dumped her on me. I have seen some shit with this bitch. Anyone interested?

yeah

Yeah, please tell user!

im going to post a story, of myself being the autistic roommate. story isnt gold but worth sharing.
>halloween weekend at my university
>have this girl and her friend over from my dorm floor to our little area where we are all partying drinking and whatever
>start making some shots in bp, pretty drunk at this point, the girl on my floor and her friend are very drunk too
>girl on my floors friend literally gets up and pulls me into my room
>im just like fuck it why not and let her bring me into there
im not super autist, but im an attractive looking guy so I can make do
>she climbs up to my lofted bed
>i follow right behind, and make it to the top. she already has pants off, hand on pussy rubbing that shit like crazy, waiting for me to go in
>mfw this girl is a total hoe, dont even know her name and barely spoke with her
tbc

Hell yeah

II'll preface this with some backstory. I'm currently living on campus with a friend I've known for a long time, Bro A. Our friend we've also known for a long time lives a short 2 minute walk away, Bro J. Once we got to college we met up with a guy we had occasionally talked to in high school but we only started hanging out with him this year, Bro E. He lives in an apartment with 4 other people one of which is an autist who, immediately upon meeting him all of us disliked. He took my wallet "jokingly" the first time we met.

>>dont fuck my mug
my sides are in outer space


and the captcha was about coffee kek

two weeks later, after the autist sees the grill on campus.

>autist invites several women over for a bit of a party
>come back one night from library, hear loud ass shitty dubstep wub wubbing from the fucking stereo
>bare ass spot on the wall from where bro's tv used to hang
>group of people in the kitchen
>mostly neckbeard looking cucks and other people
>one or two girls
>hear autist laughing loud as shit
>booze everywhere
>these niggers are playing kings cup
>try to ignore the wubbing and sit in my room for a bit
>cant stand it after I hear guttural laughter from the kitchen. smell weed and booze.
>stomp out to the kitchen, about to rip autist a fresh new perky asshole
>weed isn't allowed in campus apartments
>unplug stereo before a fucking resident comes and rips our asses
>autist drunkenly screeches "the fuck user?"
>push through group of people
>stop fucking dead
>these niggers were using my fucking mug as an ashtray
>contain tard rage
>"tard, what the fuck?" I shout over the people
>I dump the ashes out in the sink and wash out my mug
>tard starts laughing "Whats your problem bro?"
>this is advanced autism
>"fucking chill, tard." I say as I rinse out my mug and go to put it into the dishwasher
>time fucking slows

im typing as fast as I can you cucks

Take his money. Obviously.

Shoulda bashed his head against the toilet bowl REALLY hard and said it was an accident. I mean, it'd be awful to do cause your hands would never feel clean but atleast you'd be doing the world a favor.