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/swg/ song writing general
fuck i pressed enter
post/critique lyrics, melodies, compositions
get advice and recs
starting up the regular thread, we'll need a consistent op
Bumping this
one sec let me tune and record a vocaroo
heres my most recent riff.
bretty good user i like it
and heres my most recent song.
vocaroo.com
just the 2 main variations of the riff that plays thruout and then the ending riff. (i have a cold so im not gonna record me playing and singing in whole, use ya imagination b.)
the lyrics go with the riff, on the beat. two syllables per line. i plan on finding a female vocalist to sing every other line with me, like a trade off. heres the lyrics.
I write
I writhe
Someday
I’ll die
Too late
The wait
The pain
The hours
Awake
Can't eat
Can't sleep
Cant dream
No mouth
Must scream
Soma
Why write
Why try
Cant find
The right
goodbye
----------------------
I wrote
I tried
It wont
suffice
Does anyone have advice for someone who has a general idea of the kind of music they want to make, but as soon as they pickup an instrument, they just can't come up with anything? I've been trying unsuccessfully for way too long now.
This is nice. I thought it might be too dour just looking at the lyrics, but if you plan on pairing it with that instrumental and boy/girl vocals it could work really well.
Also,
>No mouth
>Must scream
is awful, change it :^)
find a riff you like from a favorite band. play it a few times. then change a note. keep changing it up but still sounding good until its completely different.
i made some cool metal while deconstructing slayer songs that way.
i was reading the book while writing the song lmao i had to.
Do you really ~have~ to, user?
well.....i-i thought it was....
...clever...
user even 'Can't stop/ Must cream' would be better. Change it :^)
you really dont like that line huh?
whaddup widdit?
Not him but I like it.
Not the style I typically listen to but I still liked it.
Very nice user.
Good shit man
wow thanks guys
when i debuted it in a /gg/ thread i was shat on
They seem pretty elitist there, I wouldn't take it too personally.
With some good lyrics and a solid vocal melody it could be a great song desu.
its a sad song fampai
the lyrics feel dinge-y
but the guitar sounds nice
Add more fingerpicking
>if elliott smith fronted red house painters
it would sound better if you stripped back the reverb on the verse vocals. also either lower the volume in the guitar track(s) or raise the volume of the vocal track. you have a good voice but it gets lost in the mix. overall pleasant
now, i wouldnt want this thread to 404 just yet
I'm planning an album in this style. Should I just give up now or keep going?
imo you need to clean up your rhythms before you can do something like this tastefully. Also not sold on your vocal delivery, your voice comes across a little too baritone for this I think. Definitely keep working, but I'd say pull back and work on your fundamentals. Take your songs slow and work them up to speed. Make sure your voice doesn't sound like it's rushing and make sure your vocal rhythms aren't tearing from your guitar rhythms.
I started to write lyrics a few days ago, so yeah, I am very bad.
---------------------
I remember painfully
We occasionally went out
But now I truly doubt
You still care for me
You loved me yesterday
What about today?
I would love you to love me
I wish you were here with me
But wishes don’t come true
That’s the awful truth
You loved me yesterday
Still love you today
I remember painfully
How you once told me
As long as Earth is round
You will love me faithfully
Earth’s round yesterday
Is it flat today?
i will keep this in mind as I progress forward.
I like the bit about wishes don't come true, made me think about actualization.
Perhaps on "still love you today" you could add an "'I' still..." or "Still I..." or "I love you still..." cause it sounds a bit terse as it is.
That last bit would be cool I thought if you evoked the image of standing on a flat plain and seeing that the world can illusively seem flat even when it's round, alluding to the principle love we all feel for each other but maybe not the romantic.
Need more vocal range, and control your breathing.
d-l-m.bandcamp.com
Hey guys thoughts on my shit I'm really just learning
The instrumental part is basically G with various suspensions. G-GMaj7 between the verses. Solo part in the middle. Tempo/feel kinda like Elliott Smith's No Name #3. I suppose you could even sing the words over it.
Anyway I'm interested in what you think about the lyrics.
The birds are to return
The sky's an upturned urn
There's rain where men once burned
Oblivion at every turn
(last line is a Em-D walk back to G)
Music in my ears
To imitate the tears
All memory disappears
Even you, my dear
Stone roses at the cross
To finalize the false
I know you won't be cross
I have nothing I have lost
***
I barely push the door
The view cracks open sore
There's dead leaves on the floor
A rotten apple core
There's sand dust in the air
And not a note to hear
And no more days to fear
You can't push me, I'm too near
That's where you hung your coat
Somewhere you tied your throat
You're stranded and afloat
After you took that cheap boat
How do I git gud
Not him but dont like it. Too boring and overused.
Bretty gey
it is clever. more 'serious' lyrics need a little bit of meme flavor, to show that the line between serious and unserious art is fucking made up bollocks, yfm? don't let a frog poster get to you
It seems lately to me that the negativity
Has a possibility to permeate the mind
And that possibility has caused me to believe
That it takes too much energy to ever look behind.
Chorus
And I know
Lifes a game,
Chutes and ladders
But my love
Is a mirror
That shatters
Climbing up
Let me think,
Have a smoke
Have a drink
Now I slide
To my fate
Of chutes and ladders
Now I see the key is buried deep within its sheath
Covered by the things you always think about tomorrow
And uncovering the skeletons as you dig beneath
Is the 1st layer of comedy before committing to the sorrow
Chorus
Bridge
It kills me to wish ill will on my enemies but I
Keep all of these fears, the tears of all whom that I loved
And I Know for every deer there is a wolf that lies
And deliverance is a saving grace but I can't see that high above
Chorus
Wrote this while taking a shit at work should I turn this into a song or is it too emo