So for many years I thought I was alright being alone and I liked it that way but apparently not...

So for many years I thought I was alright being alone and I liked it that way but apparently not. I'm now an asshole who can't care for other people enough to have a healthy relationship.. and I'm constantly disappoint them. I keep trying but it's all the same. Is it even possible to change the way you are that much?

never good enough? always afraid that you messed up? Accused of not being loving?

is it like that?

Pretty much, I'm sure there are many people like me here. Nice dubs btw, same as mine

yeah. but the thing is... do you really care about them? I'd say, you probably do. Maybe, it's the type of person you are dating. Maybe, you need someone who accepts you for who you are.

How old?

I love the pic dude

I do care about them, but I'm not good at showing it. It's really all on me.. maybe I find someone who likes me this way but I don't think that will happen soon.

I'm 25.

what kind of uncaring shit do you do. is it really that you are uncaring?

If it doesn't take effort, it isn't worth it. Also screwibg up is how you learn to get better. You still have plenty of time to figure this out.

Best thing to do would be get a hobby and not obsess over relationships when ever you meet someone interested in it.

From their point of view and their words.. I'm cold, I'm egotistical, I'm boring, "I don't know what love is about", and I can't disagree. Even small things like texting them, I find it hard to do after a while. I take them for granted too I suppose. That's why I wonder if I can actually change all these shitty aspects of my persona. I have tried each time but maybe not hard enough?

The way you avoid questions definitely suggests those things.

same boat op

>26

>visibly handicapped
>5"0 manlet

Usually when people see me they're completely shut down from even communicating properly because of my handicap. I know it has everything to do with them and almost nothing to do with me, but its still annoying and it provides another obstacle over the normal obstacle of trying to not make the convo awkward.

I have a job interview tomorrow first one in years so I'm pretty nervous. Its just a shuttle driver for a car dealership shuttling customers around so easy but for some reason i'm unsure about it.

If i'm not hired I might as well just turn back to smoking weed everyday like I used to.

Do you have a lot of self-loathing? What is making you an uncaring asshole to the people you claim to love? Are you afraid of closeness? Do you feel like you know yourself, or are you afraid to look?

>my handicap that isn't being socially awkward and smelling like weed

Do tell

do 4 grams of dried psychedelic mushrooms bro

it'll help you for real; i had my ego destroyed and began to love everything

You'll become a grown up overnight. I can't believe some people get jobs and pursue dreams when there are drugs.

lol, yeah have a fuck load of mushys and bam your cured

If you really want to get back in to the swing of a social life, you have to put the effort in. It will be stupidly hard at first but will get easier. Relationships take work but in time, it will be natural.

oh its just severe scoliosis. It is such that my left shoulder is visibly drooped lower than my right. Most people are just awkwarded out by handicaps, almost afraid of them, so usually don't know what to say or how to react.

The only way around that is to be so boss that your sheer alphaness overcomes it, but I've been in debt so long and jobless on welfare I've lost any confidence or sense of dignity I once had previous. I guess thats why I haven't killed myself, cuz I know it can be overcome, just like yours.

All the self help books and "you're a great person!" self esteem crap is all fucking bullshit. It just takes an act of will, discipline and determination to change yourself for the better. Its not easy, but its possible.

Man that's deep

Well being a shuttle driver is going to remove the physical aspect of your person almost entirely. Maybe this is your chance to really find your personality. Be excited, not worried.

Will you be able to drive with your retard shoulders

I guess, its just a job. I'm mainly getting it as you pointed out because its so non-physical, I'll be going for spine surgeries soon so this job would be nice in that it would allow me to get back to work almost immediately, as you're not supposed to do any heavy lifting for a couple months afterwards.

Why the fuck would I apply to a driving job if I couldn't already drive? Looks like you're the retard here.

>I guess

Man you are already sounding like a blast as my driver. For being so smart you sure are a dunce.