When I was 13, me and a few mates had a really bad addiction to butane gas...

When I was 13, me and a few mates had a really bad addiction to butane gas. We would puff 3-4 full cans a day to ourselves. Butane would allow us to hallucinate for an average of 30 seconds for each puff. At the start, hallucinating together was fucking awesome. We came up with the idea that we were in a "game". This "game" world was so real. We would all see the same things without talking about it. It honestly made me look at life a different way. We puffed has almost everyday for 3 years. I ended up quitting after me and a friend puffed 2 cans of gas in a car with the windows up and I lit a cigarette which set the air on fire burning my friend and I. We were both in hospital for a week and I almost died. Still to this day I think about the things I seen on gas and wondered if I never left the "game" at all. I truly believe that I went insane and I am stuck in a trip.
Image related as an idea of what it looked like.

...

Has anybody else experienced anything like this?

Used to huff alot of butane as a kid, fucked my lungs up quite bad.

I have a similar experience
>I got really high once off weed was at a friends place with him and another friend.
>Smoked so much weed i couldn't function. head and body stoned.
>was playing GTA5 and they were watching seinfeld
>was doing stunt races flawlessly
>got a race what was 6 minutes a lap and there was 7 laps
>some how finished the with no ability to do anything else
>Thought to myself that there were 10 other people in the race doing the exact same thing racing pointlessly.
> 10 people spent 40-45mins playing this race making like 2-20k ingame cash fuck all money
>after that race fell asleep on the couch still really high
>Got a idea in my head that what we did was completely pointless.
>Started to think That everything that anyone does is completely pointless.
>we go to school for 12ish years and learn basically nothing.
>then go to find a job for money to buy pointless things
>started to think that i believe that their isn't a god and we are just organism that were born from some type a spark over million or billions of years
>where just some type of organic machine that spend there life trying to find something more and there isn't anything more
>were just 92 natural elements of nothing doing pointless things
>people spend there whole life trying to make something and getting nothing in return.

But you are exactly right, user. I too realized this but I also realized that if this is true, life is what you make it. If you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose, right? Go out there and do absolutely whatever it takes to pursue happiness.

MAKE SOME BHO FAGGOT

I've done quite a lot of nutrious. It's no fun anymore.

>now I'm trying to find a point only thing i can find is "Art" or "knowledge".
>Started to Learn and research everything.
>If i don't understand something while learning i will try to learn stuff that i didn't know. explaining my knowledge.
> But now I finding that people don't know shit in the grand scheme of things
>they pretend to know stuff even that don't know what you are talking about
>I started to hate people that a naive to everything.
>People that are all self-centred and don't care about anyone else.

I realized this without being high

Classic existential crisis. You should've done some cocaine along with the weed. Always helped me staying focused and motivated.

>puffed 2 cans of gas in a car with the windows up and I lit a cigarette
Obviously butane makes you fucking retarded.

>Still to this day I think about the things I seen on gas and wondered if I never left the "game" at all.
You should kill yourself. You've obviously completely fried your brain and are no longer competent.

Haha that is what i thought what is the side effects of butane in minimal dosages. and OP posted that he was huffing cans. People i met that abused drugs and aerosols have a Emptiness in their mind. some sort of lack of processing and thinking ahead. and OP is huffing this shit.

Not all drugs. mostly aerosols. but the people that experimented with drugs are more open minded to everything but people that abuse drugs need the drugs, pretty much nothing else.

I properly never do cocaine. i have insane focus and motivation. it's just clawing at me that people are pointless and don't care that they slowly wasting there time doing shit what is pointless over and over.

I was soo high. that i had some type of outer body experience. that i realized that i can't love anyone because everything is pointless. everyone is manipulate to do things from people that think they have control of everything. Everyone is consumers that are brain washed to do things from corporation over decades of commercials and advertisments

OP
I have another experiences of lucid dreams
ill post after this

Happiness is just a bunch of chemicals that you brain craves to calm the emptiness that you are and everyone is.

>Be me around 12-13 years old
>find out people can control there dreams by waking there minds while they are asleep.
>Start to try to lucid dream.
>try and find triggers and anything.
>finally found that i fall asleep repeating something like "I AM AWAKE" that it works
>One day while dreaming. Realised that i was dreaming and my mind is inside my mind. (hard to explain)
>I start to explore around my dream
>At first i was locked to where i was dreaming.
>Was at my school had complete control of what i did. My dreams felt like they were on some type of rail. i couldn't effect what was going to happen in my dream.
>I started to explore things. Started to notice things that were exactly the same. like the smallest detail my mind took a image of everything.
>For example "Grass". I would leave my dream and go explore different places that i have seen maybe in the distance and look at something like a blade of grass.
>the next day i would go to school and go find that blade of grass that was in my dream. and find out that it was exactly the same in every smallest detail. like the way light shine through. to how it was shaped and where it was.
>couldn't comprehend the power of what my mind recorded.

here
Oi, I had an insane out of body experience when I was 16 from weed and nutrious and it did about the same to me. I think can understand you. I don't do anything anymore because it is pointless to me. I'm either at my pc or in my bed.

Why not just take an actual drug instead of suffocating yourself?

>You are not getting high, you are just preventing oxygen to your brain.

It's mild "drug" induced psychosis

That is why Im trying to learn more knowledge of everything.

I starting to Find signs that there is a small group of people that trying to "cull" humanity to small population because the rate were are growing is to experiential for life to be on this planet. the only solution is space travel. but there could be a deterrence stopping us all.

I wouldn't stress too much dude, earth will reach carrying capacity and no longer be able to support human population, a lot of people will die but I doubt the species will go extinct, survivors will rebuild and the cycle will continue. I'm not talking about some apocalypse spec shit either, it'll likely be disease or famine.

We have a short time to live. It may be a pointless, useless existence, but I'd rather live with a smile on my face than cowering in the shadows of doubt, waiting for death to come.

Instead, use your uselessness to beget fearlessness and just do whatever. Go travel to the alps and shit. I don't know. Better than sitting around saying "What's the point?"

Nothing we do as a race will affect the grand scheme of the universe, yet that's okay. We live as an impossibility: free-will that formed from practically nothingness. Enjoy the fact that we shouldn't exist and enjoy the human race's tiny, fleeting glimmer of existence in the infinite void that is eternity.

Go bang a prostitute or some shit.

I'm not worried. Nothing I can do as a single person.

My theory is that eventually, after an unfathomable amount of time the exact circumstances which led to our existence will be recreated and everything will repeat, again and again and again

I have traveled. And it never help feeling emptiness. More filled being empty. Just going for like a hike somewhere with no one else is. Only person in miles no civilization.

Never had the feeling of sex never really understand it I see my self as a/ pan or a sexual. Always thought of keeping a age of rightfullnes. Don't want be classified of someone that Fuck hookers

No not really. Any disassociative episodes I've experienced high on drugs were usually entirely limited to my personal perspective and never lasted more than a few weeks at a time. Although one time I ate a shit ton of mushrooms and came up with what might be my dissertation one day.

what field are you studding or interested into?

I used the old classic, airplane glue until I found
out that you could buy pint cans of Toluene at the hardware store in the paint section.

I am always worried about losing control. like the effect of getting to the point of like black out drunk. the feeling that i don't have the limiting factors of my own doing. maybe even hypnosis.

I don't want to try shroom or anything like that. Im worried that Will do something to effect the rest of my life because i can't limit myself.
I don't want to kill someone or hurt someone. thats why i don't want to do drugs. unless it in a controlled environment,

I have 3 tabs of acid sitting in my draw but don't know what side effect of taking them will leave me in.

I got my undergrad in Political Science. When I inevitably go to back I'm thinking something like International Relations or Sociology, or at least something theory/philosophy heavy that deals with the macro scale.

Do you have a personal or family history of psychotic episodes? To be perfectly honest small to modest doses of psychedelics like mushrooms and acid are not going to fuck your life up unless you were secretly schizo and didn't know it. And even then, its not even the drug fucking your life up, just revealing how fucked you were all along.

If you want to experiment with psychedelics I'd say just have enough shit to do to keep you engaged and entertained and have a trip sitter to hang out with you, ideally someone experienced with psychedelics but a good friend who has your back will suffice.

I'm experienced with psychedelics so ask me whatever.

I've question myself as schizophrenic. but more I come to the conclusion that everything is pointless is drawing me towards becoming a schizophrenic.

Ive tried mdma caps before had a completly calming feel that is about it. about 10+ had the same shit and were pinging off there heads. don't think it did much more the fact of acceptance. maybe

reading more into schizophrenia. i do have split personality to some degree. i act differently around different groups. I put on a type of persona of the way i act around people.

Meh I have a buddy who's the same way, I'll eat the same as him and be feeling real good and he'll just be chill. I think it might be because he's a tiny bit ADHD so stims just don't hit him as hard as the rest of us.

At the end of the day all drugs affect all people differently. Only way to know how a given substance will affect you is to experiment with it, and the best way to do that is in a controlled setting with an experienced or sober friend close at hand.

Although to be honest you sound more depressed and or in the midst of an existential crisis than schizophrenic. There's nothing necessarily delusional about looking at the world and concluding there's no intrinsic point or meaning to it all. I think what you may need, more than drugs, is some good philosophy to help you make sense of things. But also maybe a psychedelic trip could unlock some shit in your brain and help you see the world from a different perspective.

Once again this isn't that out of the ordinary. It is a sociological fact that people act differently based on their surroundings. Things as basic as the accents we use change depending on the groups we happen to be near. Its important to remember that who we are as people depends on our social context. You are not some static, abstracted, unchanging individual walking through life from setting to setting without being affected by it. Our identities are essentially a big conversation between our society, culture and biology. Nothing to worry about at all just something to be cognizant of.

I wouldn't say that Im depress. im not unhappy or down or fatigued what not. depression falls under alot of different things. I pretty much accepting that there is nothing.

only real thing that gets me excited is adrenaline.