Hey Sup Forums

Hey Sup Forums
I smoke every day and I need to pass a drug test in a week from now to get a job.

Any detox / method you recommend that worked?

General stoner thread

Stop smoking now and drink a ton of water for the next week and maybe you'll get lucky

bring some hair and pee with u from someone who is clean

Get two-day toxin-rid. They offer overnight shipping so thats nice.

Use that as stated in the instructions, whil also taking vitamin b12 and niacin. Take 3-4 of those every 3-4 hours until the day before your test. Drink a gallon of water a day too.

All together, youre spending about 70-80 bucks for a Guarantied clean test. I dab every day, and this is what i do when i gotta get clean quick.

they check the temparature .. it takes 60 days before I get clean ..

OP Ill help you I did this to get into the marines.
>Drink a couple of handles of water everyday. Like the crystal geyser ones from vons or wherever
>Drink one or two of the large cranberry juices also every day
>Buy a cheap $7-$14 drug test from rite aid, maybe even 2
>test yourself next tuesday, you should be clean

Trust me I smoked weed from when I was 13 to 20 almost every day except one time when I went to england with my school. My recuiter helped me do this and I got in.

quit smoking now first off..second off kill yourself you degenerate

What's the job?

also drink a gallon of water right before your test, and make sure to take a multivitamin so your piss still looks yellow and not like clear diluted water

stop being a fuck up op

yup, stop + huge quantities of water with enough salt should be ok

And if its too clear they gonna call you to pass a other one ..so yeah drink a lot of water couple day before but ..

If its a pee test buy synthetic urine. Works like a charm. Used it twice to pass my drug tests.

Like everyone else is saying, heavy heavy amounts of water up to the test. About 3 days before hand start taking creatine or eat alot of steak so your creatinine levels won't be too diluted, u hours before the test take a fuck ton of vitamin b so it's still yellow. Pray they don't check specific gravity of your urine.

do you guys ever have trouble fucking while high?

okay here is what is gonna save yo ass. drink a lot of water the day before the drug test 4 liters at least. the next day drink also lots of water. a hour before test drink 1-2 liters of water. eat through this 2 days vitamin b pills and/or creatin.

This. Drinking water alone doesnt do shit. Toxin-rid, water, niacin, cran juice, and vi-b12. Its all i use when i need to get clean

much water as bottle drink, so is her heavy. go for now, and then pozhalusta

Can you tell me how you did it?

seriously if your pee is not yellow they are gonna laugh in your face and tell you to come back and do it again

No? The fucking is great when youre high. Somrthing is seriously wrong with you

This plus exercise and eat healthy food. THC molecules attach themselves to fat cells in your body, so if you're a fat cunt that eats crap you could test positive for months or years.

Yeah I moaned out
"CALL ME SENPAI" and couldn't stop giggling. It felt amazing but me being a retard was a turn off for her.

Drink a gallon of water.
Kill yourself.
Repeat every 6 hours until the day of the test.

if your pee is yellow you're not hydrating enough.

It's a sedative.

idiot dont work out before the test as it will release more molecules into your piss / higher chance of failing the test

Exactly. This can buy you time.

this is an image board faggots

...

Sub, sub, sub. You're rolling the dice if you try to dilute your urine and the detox shit from head shops is of little to no effect. Get yourself some clean piss from someone you trust, a pack of hand warmers and a 2 oz bottle and have at it. Do some practice run.

I heard people strap it to their thigh and use it in the room they piss in.

dude your fucking retarded...if your pee is clear at a drug test that is an immediate red flag that you have been drinkink a shit load of water to cover up your drug use...trust me i was on probation for 6 months for weed and literally had to piss in a cup while the dude was bent over staring at my dick the whole time...i still would smoke 3-4 days before and then drink a few gallons of water but took creatine and multivitamin to make sure it didnt look like strait water even tho it really was. I passed every time but in retrospect it was still retarded and risky i was a dumb high schooler

Shit there's some type of vitamin or supplement that turns your pee yellow, if someone can find the name OP can take that before the test in case they look at clarity as well.

>Quick Fix
Everyday smoker also, took a test two months ago and passed. Cost me about $25 at my local head shop

Stop smoking
Drink plenty of juice high in antioxidants and/or water
Work out every day to burn fat and up your metabolism (to burn more fat).

THC is fat soluble. Basically burn off as much THC infused fat as you can, and flush out the rest.

The day off the test, only drink a bunch of water shortly before the test (like 4-5 or so hours). Then fill the cup with the middle of your piss stream. Do not use the beginning or end of the stream.

creatin, and I think B6 or B12

How did you smuggle it in and keep it warm?

bthey have security pat you down before the test and then tyrone holds your dick for you while you pee to prevent any tampering...dont even try to bring in a bottle of fake piss

holy shit, what kind of job were you trying get

One not nearly as bad as Tyrone's

mcdonalds

he makes six figures actually

You can't be serious...wear tight fitting boxers and tuck it under your taint, it's the warmest part of your body but there's a 10 degree deficit between internal and external temp ever there that's where the hand warmers come into play, place the hand warmer under the bottle tucked under your taint. Fuck man, we're not discussing quantums here, it's pretty straight forward.

we are discussing quantum piss theory

Technically speaking you aren't incorrect.

This, plus include anytbing with niacin. Gotta burn some fat cells

Ignore everything but this OP:

>stop smoking
>buy cranberry pills
>buy green or white tee
>buy a non fat food with good source of protein (I used tilapia cutlets)
>every single waking moment of the day you can, you should be on a treadmill running
>if you're not eating fish, drinking tea, or taking a cranberry pill you should be running
>run run run, all day errday
>seriously you should be running whenever you can
>take 3 of the cranberry pill 3xs a day everyday up until your drug tests
>I like natures bounty cranberry pills cause they're very small and very high in cranberry concentration

And that's it OP, for the next week you should be dedicating every moment of your life to running, eating fish, drinking green/white tea, swallowing cranberry pills. This method is how I cleaned my piss in a weekend.

Also OP buy 2 drug tests to test yourself before and after.

I just saved your ass, you're welcome :)

Yeah, quit being a fucking retard

Oh yeah, buy some niacin pills too and take those

If he's a fat fuck that's a gamble he's going to lose, fuck even if his metabolism is wildly mediocre he's going to piss hot. I'm telling you, you need to sub or don't and blow any future prospects of employment with whatever company it is your seeking employment with

dude dont listen to the plp on here syaing drink lots of water to get clean cause THC sticks to fat cells and the only way to get it out of ur sytem is to burn it out by working out or just stop all together but, im hear to tell you there is a thing called sure jell. iv been in and out of the system since the late 90's and have passed more drug test then i care to remember by using this method. Ok now abit of info on what t is, sure jell is what is used for making homemade jams and jellys its all natural so you dont need to worry about poping hot as A typical which is a sign to them that ur hiding something. Ok so now how do you get sure jell?..they sale this shit in every and any grocery store or walmart, just look in the preserve section or ask someone who works there. So once again theres no real way to get THC out of your system in a hurry other then time but this is a way to block it for up to 4hrs. now how to use it mix the whole poweder packet with a 32oz Gatorade (well what i mixed it with) cuz its going to tast like shit lol. after you drink it drink a few glasses of water and take vitamin B to add color back to your piss, wait up to 3 1/2 hrs before you piss so it has time to work....hope this helps my dude and good luck

Lol this is complete horse shit and I found out the hard way.

I hope youre really skinny and have a fast metabolism because MJ is fat soluble. Drink at least 1 gallon each day before testing. Work out each day to work up a sweat. Then get into a sauna and swea more. Or shower immediately to get the sweat off kuz it could reabsorb into your skin. Also pick up some fruit pectin powder, its like 2-3$ from the store. Then google fruit pectin pass drug test for directions on how to use it. Its supposed to make your body dispense the THC into your poop so that you can shit out whatever remaining thc you have in your body. Good luck

Ha, you're fucked OP. Use someone else's piss.

Most of the people in this thread are ignorant.

First off, you are not going to pass that test so don't turn up for it. If you do turn up then you are going to fail the test and have a stain on you that will cast a shadow over your whole life.

Just to repeat - YOU WON'T PASS.

Secondly - yellow urine is just a sign you are not hydrated, the darker it is the less hydrated you are it will have no bearing on the test.

Thirdly drinking to much water is dangerous and can kill you.

Fouth, if they take a hair sample you are fucked. So you would need to shave your head as well.

You're correct on most of your points but unless it's a government job or a really high paying job they aren't going to do a hair follicle test

True, I forget not every user is skinny and semi-fit like me.

Yeah OP go ahead and sub

Or take a small container of tap water in there and dilute your test to hell to buy yourself some time.

So if you knew you were getting a job and continued smoking, this is on you.

True, cant argue with that one

its not iv used everytime and passed..may i ask how you used it and failed?

nigger potheads scourge of society in this thread

I used Cello in literally the same methods your suggesting, almost to the T in fact because my father had sworn by it as well, needless to say I failed miserably and it made pissing awkward at best for up to 48 hours later. I understand the underlying theory behind it but I don't thing at 98 degrees it can congeal properly.

Green tea

Wear a skirt and attach a condom with clean piss to your thigh.

Fuck off mate. If you follow any of these detox methods your not for for that job anyway unless it's teaching autistic children to be more autistic.

Fit* fuck now see, I'm autistic just from reading this shit.