Am I retarded or a genius? I'll let Sup Forums decide.
>be me
>21 newly single after 6-year relationship
>become functioning alcoholic to cope
>no friends
>feels bad.jpg
>decide to go to a bar to be less lonely while I drink
>get absolutely wasted
>long island iced tea, AMF, gin and tonic, old fashioned, and a kamikaze
>stumble outside for a smoke
>hear hushed chatter at the bar
>manager is pointing me out to the bartender
>finish smoke and come back in
>manager flags me down
>"Sir do you have a ride home tonight?"
>booze-brain tries to keep it cool
>"Yeahshure I do I got tons of friends who can pick me up."
>"In that case you can leave once your friend shows up, until then I can't let you leave."
>oh fuck
>anxiety and intoxication churn stomach
>instantly vomit all over my shoes
>manager is fucking livid
>"That's it! Call the cops and don't let him go anywhere!"
>catch me if you can.gif
>sprint out of rear exit
>weaving through parking lot trying to remember where my car is
>wander around the lot for a good 10 minutes
>finally find car
>hear a siren in the distance
>shit shit shit shit shit
>i'm not going to fucking jail tonight
>still way too plastered to even attempt driving
>this is my last resort.mp3
>open the trunk
>crawl in
>close it
>go to sleep
>wake up the next morning
>exit trunk and drive home like nothing happened
>mfw crisis averted
