Feels thread: Holiday Special

Feels thread: Holiday Special

How's everyone's winter been so far?

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youtube.com/watch?v=fsO4sVOOSSc
youtube.com/watch?v=ea2WoUtbzuw
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Contributing what little I have.

It could be better.
Spent $600 on friends and fam. Made me feel good.
But I've been trying to find someone, anyone really. Call me a faggot, but I really want to cuddle with someone under warm blankets and be comfy.
Fuck me if it isn't difficult to find that.

...

Nothing gay about that, user. I've found myself wishing desperately for just that same luxury recently. It's good that you're giving to others, though. I myself popped into a beg thread earlier and played santa for a while. Feels good to make people happy, even if nobody will ever know it was you or ever remember.

Well, I finally got my driver's license. I have my eyes on a car, but they're still working on it. I met a girl from here that I was really interested in, but I guess she got tired of me and is now ignoring me and I have no idea why. Granted, it would never have worked due to the distance, but I had a lot of fun with her. A shame it ended. Overall, I'm pretty bummed this winter.

We approach the inevitable image limit one bump at a time.

Nothing hurts worse than being ignored. I myself was just talking to a really sweet girl who just stopped replying out of nowhere. Probably wouldn't mind it so much if it weren't for those god-damned read receipts.

Distance is a killer, though. No luck with people in your area, I take it?

I did the same a couple days ago.
Prolly about $100 to a beg thread.

But the cuddling thing has gotten to a point that I'll consider doing it with a good looking dude.
The lack of physical contact I have is killing me.
2-3 days out of the week I have zero human interaction. I don't even know how I do this working a full time job.
Actually coworker just today says he feel like he hasn't seen me in three week. I didn't know how to respond so I blurted something about lying low.
So now I sit here getting drunk waiting for the touch of another human being, not for the lack of trying.

I know that feel, man. Ever get the sudden urge to just hug someone, but hold yourself back because it wouldn't be socially acceptable to do so at the time?

Fuck, are you me.
I get that like everyday.
There's this coworker and she's so sweet and nice. I just want to hug her like nobodies business.
But she's married and the job I have really frowns upon contact.

No homo
But I wish you could hold me.
Drink some hot coco and watch netflix.

Frowns upon contact? What do you do, work in the CDC or something?

Just kidding, but yeah, I've felt that recently, so the fact that you're feeling it too means there's probably something to it. After all, there's a reason babies need so much human contact. Fucks you up if you're deprived of it.

Here's some feels tunes for you, Sup Forumsro
youtube.com/watch?v=fsO4sVOOSSc

Hey man, that actually sounds pretty great. So long as it's no homo, that is ;)

Sounds like EAP

Both me. I'm drunk as I said.
But I'm army. It's gotten really sjw.

For real though. To be able to put my arms around anyone would be great. I think to prove I'm not alone.

What's EAP? Can't say I recognize that term.

Yikes, I've been told as much, yeah. I hope you find someone, regardless of those dumb rules.

There's no such thing as villains. Just people who gave up on being heroes.

...

That scene genuinely brought me to tears. user, you have fantastic taste.

I remember when I was a kid and Christmas was magical. Santa was real and I couldn't wait for his visit. I would wake up ridiculously early to see the presents under the tree. Then my family and I would spend the morning in our PJs opening presents while the snow fell gently outside of the window.

This year I'm spending Christmas alone.
I don't talk to my parents anymore.
There is no more Christmas magic, no more Santa, no more presents. There isn't even anymore fucking snow

...

Edgar Allan Poe

>Consumed about 3.5 gallons of vodka since the beginning of this month

Quick question, I've got severe depression (clinically diagnosed). Is it possible to be depressed enough to lose the will to fap?

Sharing feels and stories don't help me a bit, so I just drink/smoke until my crazy goes away after a month or three.

>might be bipolar thinking about it
>psychiatrist threw mood stabilizers that made me a lot worse
>sticking to clinical severe depression because nobody can help

I almost wish I were really gay. I've jerked off to gay porn and even sucked a couple dicks to try and convince myself, but I just can't get into it.
No matter how homosexual I act, I still can't kiss a guy or even look him in the face while being intimate.

I just want someone.

To answer your question, absolutely. In fact, one of the principal symptoms of depression is decreased sexual desire. I'm sorry to hear that drugs didn't help. I wish I could offer you any sort of advice, but I can at least offer you my ear, and a firm shoulder. You're not alone, user.

This goes for you too, friend. You'll always have Anonymous.

I've heard all the patronizing stuff, it's all saccharine to me now. I mean I'm sure you mean well but how I perceive any sort of contact is skewed as fuck and I know it is; but it never changes.

Figured, usually halfway though drinking (which was the only way I could fap without sad thoughts) I'll just think, 'fuck it, might as well get more drunk'. Been having a lot more vivid dreams as of this month, my first nightmare in a decade; figure it's episodic memory.

Why don't you talk to your parents?

It's going pretty well, spending Christmas eve at the GFs and then on Christmas day she's coming over, had a ring specially made (stole her favorite ring that was about to break) and had it remade with better materials. Atm it's pretty good, but shit usually explodes after being good for too long

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come off as patronizing. I'm just trying to help, though admittedly I can't really do much most of the time ._.

I, too, have been having more vivid dreams recently, and also have had my first nightmares in several years. For some reason they've gone away over the past two weeks, and I'm not really sure why. Could be less stress, or it could be more sleep. I'm not sure. I hope you are able to figure out whatever it is that fixes it.

You sound like you're good enough to get something good enough. Keep being you.

pls keep posting, i need to feel, make me feel Sup Forums

thus is the nature of living

...

I'm sure you didn't come off like that, I'm just paranoid and I haven't spoken to anyone but my dog/occasionally parents for the last 3 months.

My mind's fucked, that's all I can really say apart from that stupid shit: It's not you, it's me (but it really is me).

Read that alcohol can cause vivid dreams but that's never happened to me before, it was always just falling asleep, waking up to pee, getting a drink of water, and falling asleep again.

...

Also had some sushi today and got a haircut now I'm laying in bed with my cat, so today actually has been pretty good, for once I'm having a good day

I just don't want to live alone anymore.

My life is basically being kicked in the dick every 5 minutes, while "Chum" is playing in the background

checkd pal

You may like my story, you may not. Whatever the case, this all OC. This is my life story.
>be me
>13
>7th grade
>haven't hit puberty yet
>constantly picked on/ beaten up for it
>chads at my school make fun of me for not having hair on my balls yet
>humiliate me publicly by beating me to the floor in the boys locker room, drag me outside and pull my pants down
>basically constantly humiliated in front of girls
>hate myself, want to an hero
>one day after being beaten to shit on the way home from school, I felt a presence help me back up
>heard the sweetest voice i've ever heard ask "are you ok? do you want me to get you some bandages or something?"
>open my one good eye (one was kinda swollen shut I remember)
>just kinda smiled and said yes
>prettiest thing I'd ever seen
>forrest seeing jenny for the first time is a good analogy
>she held my hand and walked with me to her house
>first time someone who wasn't in my family showed me affection or compassion
>I fell for her right then and there
>she took me inside to her living room couch and sat me down
>brought me some ice, band aids and a glass of lemonade
>just kinda laid back while she iced my face
>that was some warm ice
>end up just watching TV together while she tried to get me to open up and talk to her
>eventually broke down
>close to tears, just tell her everything
>tell her I hate myself, I don't know why people are like that to me, never did anything but be nice to them
>she just hugs me
>after a minute she whispered "well I like you, you're nice and I think you're cute"

>adrenaline.gif
>what the fuck
>I was cute
>a girl liked me
>watched TV until 8 or 9
>she fell asleep on my shoulder
>didn't want it to end
>eventually her dad came home from some dinner thing he went to
>wasn’t mad or anything that I was there
>I think he pitied me
>got home at 9:15 or something
>parents were pissed at first, but they saw that I got beat to hell again and let it go
>start going over to her house everyday after school
>become closer as the year goes on
>her family eventually gets to know me and adores me
>almost like part of her family, over there so much
>gets to the point where we are inseparable
>chads begin picking on her too because she's seen with me a lot
>she doesn't seem to care but I feel terrible because of it
>slowly cut off contact because I hate seeing her get picked on
>She catches on and tells me she doesn't care and to stop
>cave in immediately
>sometimes when I had a really bad day I would sneak over to her house at night and cuddle with her
>thought her dad caught me sneaking over one night, turns out his family knew a lot more about what was going on at school than I thought
>her dad kinda knew already, totally fine with it
>tells me I'm always welcome there
>says just ask if I need something
>cuddle her to bed a lot more
>feelsgoodman

...

>life went on like this for a while
>summer came and things got better
>did everything together that summer
>got invited on a road trip with her family to the grand canyon
>a lot of the trip was her sleeping on my chest or me sleeping with my head in her lap in the back of a suburban
>when we got to grand canyon national park we spent 5 hours feeding peanut butter crackers to chipmunks with her brother
>walked around some trail with some BS special significance to see the sunset
>it was special to me for a different reason
>held her hand
>basically just walked around smiling like a tard
>trying to go somewhere with no people
>got to this half ledge thing and sat down
>kinda stared off for a while, very scenic to be honest
>then she leaned over on me and whispered
>"you know user, I love you, really"
>kinda froze for a sec
>I don't know why, looking back on it, but I wasn't sure what to say
>she seemed to get kinda nervous
>"do you love me back, user?"
>looked at her and told her that I loved her since the day she put ice on me when I got beat up
>stared awkwardly at her for a good 60 seconds before I finally worked up the balls to go in for a kiss
>I wasn't very good, but she was
>fucking perfect
>we sat there for a long time after the sun set
>I just held her in my skinny arms
>kissed her a few more times

I certainly know the feeling, user. The holidays tend to do that to you, don't they? If you remember that one Charlie Brown Christmas special, you'll know what I mean. For those who are happy, the holidays are a wonderful time. But for those of us who are lonely, it's just a painful reminder of how horrible it all feels.

That's some vivid imagery right there. Tell me your woes, user. The owl listens.

>we forgot to go back 5 minutes after sunset like we said
>her dad came looking for us but was relieved to see we were just sitting there, not dead or stuck
>kids had their own tents that trip so I got to cuddle her to bed too
>rest of the trip was a haze, don't remember the trip much, but I remember her on the trip
>the rest of the summer was magic to me
>I loved her as much as a 13 (and 14 later) year old could love someone else
>people picked on me less during 8th grade year
>didn't pick on her at all, just tried to steal her away from me
>so many guys liked her, didn't understand why she would want me
>to be fair, I didn't either
>Towards the end of 8th grade year, we figured out that we probably wouldn't be going to the same highschool
>didn't care too much, saw her every day for 5 hours afterschool anyway
>but we promised each other we would be each others homecoming dates and prom dates and everything
>but as highschool went on we naturally drifted apart without realizing
>still close, but couldn't always see each other, busy with school stuff
>she played volleyball and was a cheerleader, which took up lots of time
>eventually, some guy was always around when I came over
>she always insisted it was just a friend, at the time, i'm sure it was
>summer after sophomore year she asks if I'd be ok with her going on a date with some guy
>says it doesn't change anything between us
>IGuessSo.jpg
>obviously, it gets more serious, she eventually becomes his girlfriend
>at this point my balls have dropped, I'm rapidly gaining weight and height
>agressive as fuck, nobody in their right mind dares touch me
>yet I can't say no or even be assertive with her
>just kinda watch as that guy starts to control her more
>he eventually gets her to block normal contact with me
>I came over to her house when he wasn't around to ask her a few things

This was well worth the read wow

>she seemed almost surprised that I was there, like I wasn't supposed to show up
>she tells me it's no big deal and she just wants to date around, that it wont change anything between us
>point out we hardly see each other anymore
>she says it's "because she's busy with school and sports"
>I know it can't be volleyball she's going to on sundays
>tell her the guy she's dating is a bad person controlling
>just makes her mad, she yells at me
>start to break down
>tell her I love her and I don't know what I did wrong but I just want things to go back to the way they were
>she says she'll always love me
>hugs me
>says she's gotta go but we will talk again soon
>I wish that had been true
>we never talked again for a year
>I start becoming very angry, start blasting steroids, constantly eating and working out
>I've become the freak I always wished I was so I wouldn't get picked on, but I don't care just want her back
>Everyone at school is afraid of me now
>I have no friends now because I'm 6'4, 215 lbs at low body fat and rage at almost nothing. total dick for little/no reason
>complete asshole to everyone except little guys that get picked on by chad
>got suspended for fighting 4 or 5 times before I start to calm down a little
>life is still generally the same though
>angry about that fuck who stole her away
>towards the end of the year I start hearing about some girl who got in huge trouble because a bunch of nudes and shit of her were leaked and circulating
>Eventually it was cleared because she didn't consent and was apparently sexually assaulted by the guy who took the nudes or videos or whatever
>that's what got my attention, hoping it wasn't her, but deep down it sounded like the exact thing her asshole "boyfriend" would do
>of course, it was her

>I was actually pretty calm the whole day at school I heard the news
>but I was gonna fuck that guy up beyond recognition
>I knew he was a huge stoner and druggie in general so I consulted the kid who I bought my roids from
>he was also a stoner and knew all the other stoners
>he knows his friend and him pretty well
>get the kid to get his address from his friend
>it's fucking going on now
>showed up the friday night of that week at his house
>pretty big party going on
>perfect, nobody will call the cops and I can walk in without raising any eyebrows
>he's in his backyard with some other girl
>I'm sure they were about to fuck or something
>swing at him before he even sees me
>KO'd on the second punch
>sit on him and beat his face in
>That night I felt better, but the next day I knew I may have ruined things with her
>I guess she was relieved I gave him a free facelift because of what she told me next time we talked
>3 weeks later she showed up at my house at night bawling her eyes out
>mad at her but of course I can't say no to the only thing i've ever loved
>let her in
>we sit on the couch and she dumps all her feels
>says she's sorry she left me for him
>said that I was right, he was terrible to her
>apparently he hit her a lot and raped her
>constantly cheated
>made the school think she was a complete whore
>she told me she still loved me and just wanted to go back to the old days
>fell asleep on my couch
>I slept upstairs, I was pretty upset to think she fucked me over like that and now wants me back
>I came down the next morning and she was still there
>I figured I should at least communicate with her exactly how I felt, regardless of how things were gonna end up

>sat down and told her we needed to talk
>was honest about everything and told her she really fucked me up when she left me for that guy
>of course she was apologizing profusely the whole time
>She gave me that look, like at the grand canyon
>"user, do you still love me?"
>fucking melted right then and there
>since then I've been talking to her again regularly, she always wants to see me
>i'm kinda torn though
>I still love her
>more than anything
>but she gave her virginity to the other guy
>something about it just doesn't seem right
>something that was flowing freely before is dried up now
>the next night she came through my bedroom window at 1am or something
>Freaked me the fuck out
>Was about to lunge for my shotgun
>but then I heard a sniffle
>knew it was her immediately
>"sorry user, I just needed to come see you"
>she kept telling me she was sorry and she loved me
>crying hysterically the whole time of course
>eventually just told her to calm down, grabbed her and pulled her over to me
>cuddled to sleep
>felt so nice
>she pressed her face into my chest like she used to
>wake up at about 7
>have to wake her up and walk her home so my parents don't come in and freak out for obvious reasons
>She knows how to fucking melt my heart
>Obviously, I still over her. A lot
>I'd gladly sweep her off of her feet and steal her away, but I have just one reservation
>Could she do this again? I know it's not likely but I don't even wanna take a chance
>I won't be able to do this again unless I know she's 100% committed
>decide to drive with her to a mountain ridge that overlooks the city

>just told her I wanted to see her again (even though I had seen her the day before)
>figure I’ll just tell her exactly how I feel and why I’m hesitant to get back with her
>quietly left my house, drove over to pick her up
>got to her house, snuck around back to go to her room
>familiar hand on my shoulder
>her dad stopped me again
>tell me he knows about all of it, appreciates me beating the shit out of that guy
>tells me she’s up all night crying about me most nights
>she’s still a complete wreck from that guy
>he really beat her bad twice towards the end of their relationship
>her dad was trying to track him down but apparently I beat him to it
>tells me she needs me more than anything, and he’s glad i’m still trying after what happened
>ask him why she left me
>he says he has no clue
>go inside, to her room
>just kinda brushed her hair off of her face to wake her up
>she just smiled and got up
>hold her hand and walk out to the car
>I kinda keep the subject on unrelated things on the drive up
>want to save it for when we’re sitting up there
>only thing I really remember about the drive up was almost hitting a massive bull elk
>sit down on a rock wrapped up in a big blanket together
>Feels really good
>you have no idea
>feeling her warmth, cuddled up against me, looking down at the city
>”why do you still love me user?”
>tell her because every little thing she does makes me happy
>ever since that day in middle school I just feel like she’s the greatest part of my life
>ask why she left me for that other guy, and tell her it’s the only thing holding me back
>can’t understand why she would do that
>she says (holding back tears and sniffling, gets really emotional now) that she doesn’t have a real answer

>she was just acting on physical attraction and his chad personality took easy advantage of her dumb teenage self
>not some magic fix-all answer I was hoping for
>but she also told me I did nothing wrong and she was sorry for everything
>made me feel better
>since Sup Forums put it into perspective and I gave it some thought, I realize how childish the whole virginity thing is on my part
>I love her and that's all that matters really
>figure I should just 'make sweet, sweet love to her with my chad body'
-quote from some user in another thread
>not gonna be like that guy, obviously
>wait until she's comfortable again
>started to get windy so I took her home for the night
>fell asleep on the ride back, so I carried her to bed
>she woke up halfway once we got inside
>laid her down on her bed, kissed her on the forehead
>start to walk away, and hear "please stay with me"
>can't resist for a single second
>nothing happened that night, we were both tired, out right away
>wake up next morning
>about 10
>make pancakes in the kitchen, which we used to do a lot after school
>screw around and play fight with all of the ingredients, make a huge mess
>eat and then clean it up
>"you should probably shower, I definitely beat you"
>make some joke about how she cheap shotted me, tell her I have no clean clothes
>"I'm sure I can figure it out, let me show you how to work it and where the shampoo is"
>I was actually too retarded to catch onto that cue
>"I can wash your clothes"
>give her my shirt and shorts

I'm fine with being alone on the holidays, for the most part. I just don't like the obligation of visiting family, thankfully I made a decent excuse this year so I can be by myself and drink until I pass out.

I just mean being single all the time. I'd like to live for someone else for a change. To come home to someone who wants to see me. To have loved and lost sounds a hell of a lot better than never loving at all.

But I'm not an outgoing person and online dating hasn't worked for me.

>she tossed them outside and just stared at my SuperChad physique for a sec
>not gonna lie that made me feel satisfied in a cocky way
>looked up at me and smiled
>I kissed her
>took her shirt off
>primal instincts and excessive testosterone/DHT levels take over
>carried her to her bedroom and tore the rest of her clothes off like an animal
>I did stop for a moment to just look at her bare body
>I was extremely horny and wanted to absolutely go to town on her, but it was balanced by me being afraid of hurting her or being too rough
>ended up making love to her for almost 2 hours
>totally exhausted afterwards, fell asleep with her on top of me in my arms
>woke up a little while later and went out to lunch
>Took her back home and made love to her on the couch in her living room
>watched TV on the couch together until her dad came home
>he was really happy to see us
>I had to go home for a while, but he asked me to come back for dinner
>Ate pot roast with the stupidest grins on out faces, a few other people came by for dinner
>her dad says pretty much out of nowhere "I really appreciate you and like you, user, I hope you become part of my family"
>I felt at home for the first time in a while
>that night she asked me to sleep with her again
>I was totally depleted after that day, so we pretty much just cuddled
>talked about what we want to do in life
>Talked about our dream house, dream job and what the perfect wedding would be like
>tells me every secret she’s ever kept
>says she doesn’t want anything between us
>asks if I have any secrets or stuff I wanna get off my chest but haven’t told anyone
>tell her I used steroids, but make clear it was light cycles at minimum doses
>tell her how badly I wanted to tear into her like a fucking animal, but was afraid I’d hurt her

Basically having the equivalent of an existential crisis. Death scares me, to be quite frank. I can't imagine what it's gonna be like to just stop existing. Never being able to do the things I've always done, never being able to talk to anybody again. I'm already 1/5 of the way to that area, and it scares the shit out of me, and that's assuming I make it to 100. If we assume I'm only making it to 80, then I've lived out 1/4 of my life with nothing to show.

>tell her I was afraid I wasn’t doing a good job
>she laughed and said I was more than plenty and was glad I was gentle
>says she doesn’t care about the roads, just wants me to stay healthy
>fell asleep on me like usual
>I was so blissfully happy that night
>fast forward ~two weeks
>she'd been acting increasingly remorseful for leaving me
>if I ever brought up that I was worried about trusting her or I was scared she would get anxious and nervous for the rest of the day
>constantly trying to prove she was 100% loyal
>one night she literally broke down crying on my chest and told me how sorry she was and that she loves me
>told me that if I want to have another girl then she understands and is fine with that
>I calmed her down, obviously, and told her she's all I need, I just am afraid of losing her because I did once and it hurt
>tell her I'll never leave her and I don't want any other
>seemed to make her feel a lot better
>about two weeks after that incident
>my cousin and her aunt were coming to stay at my house
>cousin flew in night before aunt
>I had to pick her up at the airport
>hadn't seen her in a while, she looked like a woman now
>nothing like her but she was attractive
>got her bags and went to my house
>all I did was help her carry bags in and get settled in
>but I didn't tell her my cousin was staying
>she thought I was mad and wanted a second girl
>ran home before I noticed she was there
>call her because I was expecting her to come over about this time
>no answer
>wtf
>head over to her house
>get to her house, walk in
>her dad isn't home
>call out for her
>no response
>walk into her room

>the light is on in her bathroom, door closed
>I can hear muffled sobbing
>knock on the door frantically
>yell her name
>after a few seconds I hear her faintly say "I'm so sorry user. You deserve her, not me."
>ask her what she's talking about
>just more sobbing
>pretty freaked out
>kick in the door
>she's in the bathtub
>the water is bright red
>flipped the fuck out because I thought she had/was trying to kill herself
>grabbed her out of the tub and ran into the kitchen
>set her on the table, trying to find where all the bleeding was from
>she just had a few shallow cuts on her wrist and thigh
>wrap it in some gauze I found under the sink
>calm down a little and realize she's probably not dying or even close
>ask her why she did this
>ask if her old boyfriend did something to her
>she says she couldn't bear to see me with another girl
>ask her what she's talking about
>don't remember exactly what she said, but at this moment I realized she thought my cousin was a girl I was seeing
>explain that she's my cousin
>explain the situation with the airport
>she believes me after I explain
>carry her to her bedroom
>set her down on the bed
>drain the bathtub
>help her get dressed
>broke down because I was so scared just then
>yelled at her
>told her she can't do this to me, I already lost her once and I can't bare to not have her

>the yell eventually reduces to almost soft enough to be a whisper
>tell her I trust her now and I know she would never leave me again
>don't want another girl
>I'm just terrified she'll love someone else someday
>she reassures me that will never happen
>tell her to forget about that guy and leaving me, it's in the past
>I need her now
>eventually reduces to just some sappy "I love you more, babe" shit that would make most of you cringe
>I realized then that the guy she had been with probably fucked her up mentally too, to a good degree
>our relationship has been a lot more stable since
>no more than a few nights after that, she asks if I'll ever marry her
>hadn't thought about that until then, but the thought of it made me pretty happy
>"Sorry, that's probably really pressuring. I didn't mean it like that"
>tell her to shush, and say of course I'm gonna marry her
>her face lit up
>didn't even make love to her that night
>just kinda laid there and felt each others warmth
>slept really, really well that night for some reason
>next morning she asked where I wanted to get married
>brought up the grand canyon
>told her I didn't want to decide yet, but I wanted to go to the grand canyon with her again
>a road trip, just her and I. Soon, asked if she wanted to start planning the trip now
>she said yes right away, got all excited
>spent that afternoon planning a trip out on google maps
>thinking about what it would be like to marry her one day the whole time
>a little while after that we had the trip planned for the day after my birthday
>going grocery/supply shopping few days later
>kinda early but I just love doing stuff with her
>going to costco is fun when i'm with her
>since the trip is still three weeks away, we decided to go on an adventure in a pickup truck to the mountains that night

It's just the blues, i've been lonely for a long while. I haven't felt love in a long time.

>put blankets in the back and pillows
>drove up a secluded and scenic mountain road
>laid there and stared at the stars and moon reflecting on a mountain reservoir
>made love beautifully to her there
>eventually fell asleep
>woke up just before sunrise which was cool
>watched it come up over the mountains with her
>told her I'm so glad she came back for me
>promise her I'll marry her one day
>forgot that stuff like that makes her really emotional
>she burst out crying of course
>at least it was a good crying
>held her and told her sorry for upsetting her
>told me she feels loved and is just overcome with emotion
>says she can't wait till we can be married one day
>play with her hair there for a while
>eventually head down the mountain, but wander around woods for a while in the truck
>super cliche, but we carve out names in a heart into a tree
>fast forward 2 weeks
a little backstory first, though
>my parents were fine, obviously they were a little distant and inattentive but they raised me right for the most part.
>we weren't too much of a family though
>my mom was kind of a unpredictable stereotypical liberal
>had these periods of going into a fuck you mode, where she decided she was a "strong independent feminist" and decided to be absent and hang out with these ugly lesbians
>didn't think much of it as a kid, just thought she was a moron for that
>my dad, however, was and is a mormon who has strong religious beliefs and is every bit as stubborn and unwilling to accept other ideas as my mom
>drove them apart over the years
>I can't prove it, but I have a lot of reasons to believe my dad was seeing other women "through the righteous authority of the church" basically a BS loophole that allows you to leave your spouse if they weren't married to you in a mormon church
>long story short, they drifted apart over the years

freeze

>eventually just kinda existed together
>didn't divorce for a mutual understanding of how that would fuck everything up for them and me and my little brother
>at this point, my parents obviously know about me and her
>my mom could not give less of a fuck
>my dad disapproved quite openly
>constantly lectures me about how "the holy spirit won't follow me if I do things the church forbids with her"
>tell him to mind his own business and to fuck off, obviously
>at this point he's pretty much sure I'm fucking her
>gets mad when I come back in the mornings now because he knows she's not just my friend anymore
>eventually escalates like this until he has missionaries and the bishop of his church come over to lecture me
>they were waiting for me on the couch after I came home from getting ice cream with her
>asked me to sit down
>began preaching
>about 30 seconds in, I'm too pissed to sit still
>turn red, veins dilate
>shaking slightly
>"user, are you alr-"
>"stand up so fast I knocked my chair back
>blow up, start yelling at them why I think their entire religion is bullshit and why they need to fuck off
>tell them everything I think is wrong with their "church", including the whole 'you can cheat if your wife isn't mormon and your mistress is'
>tell them they are anything but christians
>tell my dad I found someone I love more than anything and if he can't leave me be, we're gonna have a problem
>stop and look around and think for a second
>they are visibly scared, don't respond
>walk upstairs without another word
>called her
>told her everything that happened
>I decided I'm gonna leave home, maybe for just a little while, but I'm an adult now, may as well just leave for good

I've discussed this myself, with myself, quite a bit. You wonder if it's fair that all your experiences will be for nothing. Wondering if that if you don't exist after you die, did you even exist in the first place.

The way I see it is that if there is an afterlife, then you won't need to worry about it. And if there isn't, you won't need to worry about it. You can focus on the life you have now and try to make it better, to the point where existential dread doesn't come up anymore.

Let me guess:

>Everyone has fun at work except for you because you're the one constantly left picking up everyone else's slack and your boss/manager doesn't give a fuck.

>Your friends and family constantly need favors from you but are never available when you need something from them.

>You just can't lower yourself to the "asshole" level so that women will randomly fuck you. Constantly stuck in the friend zone.

>told her that too
>I have a job with good income for a kid who's barely college age
>pack all of my meaningful/useful possessions
>put my shit in my jeep and drive off
>made me proud to have worked for pretty much everything I had right at that moment
>I was self made
>I was free
>drove to her house
>she was kinda freaked out, waiting out front for me
>took me inside
>I sat down with her, her dad and sister
>they wanted to know what was going on
>told them the story as bluntly as I could
>they ask what I'm gonna do now
>"well, I've got plenty of money, I'll look for a place to have for a few months here until I go off to college or the military"
>her dad told me he was in a similar situation when he was my age
>said an apartment or condo just isn't the same as having "home" to go back to
>goes on to explain why it's good to go home, not just the place you sleep
>"well, you make a good point, I'm gonna find home then"
>no, user, you don't understand what I'm getting at
>"well, what are you trying to say then?"
>you love my daughter, don't you?
>"well of course, more than anything"
>this is home, user.
>at least until next fall, I want you to stay with us
normally, I would be very hesitant to accept because I'm super uncomfortable accepting things from other people, or having others do stuff for me
>but she was there
>these guys felt like my family

>my little brother was family too, but he was old enough and big enough to fend for himself now
>still had regular contact with him afterwards too
>I never felt so full of joy, so warm inside all the time
>I used to only feel it when I was with her, but now I loved coming home at the end of the day instead of dreading it
>did things like a family, ate, went out, watched TV and had conversations about anything and everything
>got a lot closer even in that first 8 days before our road trip
>her dad seemed to feel some kind of connection to me
>about two days before the road trip, she was having horrible pains from her period
>take her to the doctor
>sit in the waiting room browsing /k/ for about 2 hours
>nurse comes out
>tells me she is being taken to have screening done
>takes me outside big as room with sign that says “ionizing radiation danger”
>kinda freaked out at this point
>nobody has told me what the fuck is going on
>after another hour she comes out holding back tears
>run up to her
>”baby, what’s wrong? what happened?”
>she’s silent for a moment and then says
>”I need about tree fiddy”
>It was about that time that I realized I had become soul mates with an 8-story-tall crustacean from the paleozoic era
>that god damned loch ness monster had tricked me again

...

This is triggering the fuck out of me.

Everyone please delete this picture and replace it with my fixed version.

No, i'm just left feeling empty/lonely inside, as stupid as that sounds

Same but death isnt probably tht bad.... dont a pussy bro

To user with the owl pics.
I just wanted to say thanks.
Legitimately made me feel better.
Well that or the copious amounts of alcohol.

Shut your fucking mouth you condescending asshole

My apologies, user. Nice catch!

youtube.com/watch?v=ea2WoUtbzuw

I feel the same, user.

No problem, Sup Forumsro. I'm sorry I haven't been responding much, I've been pouring most of my woes into the piano for the last few minutes. Plus I actually read that entire god damned loch ness monster story, ffs.

Anyway, I'm glad I could help. I hope things get better for you, user. Don't forget to drink a fuck ton of water tonight to mitigate the hangover.

...

I can't believe I read the whole goddamn thing.

I love you user.

>Some people wanna travel to the future
>Some people wanna travel to the past
>Some people wanna travel to the past

user, you sonofabitch. I was so fucking captivated.

>fall in love with someone
>she has a boyfriend
>alternating between happiest I have been in 10 years just to finally connect with someone
>and regular forever alone depression but now with her face instead of made up people

At least I get to give her a present. Pretty much the only thing I have been looking forward to for Christmas.

The world's past is different than your personal past.

Personally I'd just listen to him, he needed someone to talk to.

>user likes this post.

cute owls

...

No worries. I'm playing bf1 as well as Sup Forums.
And I don't get hangovers, water not. Useless skill I have.

Just another day for me. Coming up on 3 years now of no celebrating any holidays at all. No thanksgiving or Christmas. Not close to my family anymore and moved so I don't have any close enough friends to celebrate with. I had a on and of gf for almost 2 years before. I actually moved so this year I'm gonna be completely alone. I don't know but this year I actually feel bad.

You dare address the majestic snowy owl with so pedestrian an adjective as "cute"? HERESY!

...

I've been waiting for someone to repost this. That ending is a kick in terms feels

...

Seems pretty useful to me, man. Hey, even if it only takes one hand, it's important to count your blessings.

I might actually think of moving as a good thing. It's an opportunity to start completely fresh. Nobody remembers how you were. Nobody knows the stupid shit you did when you were younger or less mature, nobody judges you based on past actions, and nobody has already decided what they think of you. You get to dictate how you are perceived. I can't think of anything more liberating than that.

It was a compliment

I know, I'm just messing around.

Leaves from the vine...

this is me, I'm the 21

you cunt.

Well to strart it off i got I got a job at a minimum wager job at a shitty gass station which has brought back my addiction to Xanax and adderall to a hole Nother level because I know I'm not lining upp to my real potential. The only time I go out to is to eithhher work sell or take drugs with fake people who clami to be myy friends because of the pills I have. I plan on spending my Christmas alonegettingg so mind fucked on LSD and MDMA then a few bares to end the nigh so I can forget how fuckedd my family and life rly it's.

FUCKING

L E G E N D A R Y

go back to 9fag

...