ITT fucked up shit you've done in the past that no one knows about

ITT fucked up shit you've done in the past that no one knows about

Used to cum in my roommates (girl) face products and mix it in and fix it the best I could it make it look normal. Would see her in the morning putting my semen on her face

i use to fuck the couch cushions when no one was home and cum between them

You should actually kill yourself

I once went to this old guys apartment I met over craigslist because I thought he was going to take pictures of me fucking some girl.
There was no girl there, but I stayed to do coke even though it was just him and two other dudes jerking each other off while looking at porn.
I was offered water and from there I got really dizzy. I remember him asking me to take off my clothes and he bet that I couldn't get an erection before him.
He took a lot of pictures of me in undress.
I was such an idiot in my early 20s.

dude that sounds like the tooth fairy

If this is true it just makes it 10x as funnier. Even if it was a lie that was funny

I once tried to cook bacon in the microwave. It... melted. it turned into a black goop that hardened after it cooled.

What am I looking at?

someone cooked ramen on a plate, heat related stresses made the plate crack at the first sharp bend, so when they moved it out of the microwave the bottom fell out.

I use to make jack vids for cash in my late teens
i had to be drunk because man reality hits you when youre sober and it like fuuuck am i doing

i was paid by the hour

I basically passed along a very inappropriate sexual note late one night in a fast food store I stopped in to take a crap late at night. Girl was sitting there must have been 14-15. It was fucked up but I was between hospital stays for onset schizophrenic psychosis but nobody had any idea what was wrong with me. It was a lewd note based off one of my delusions and looking back at it now it is probably a felony of some sort.

buy bacon with meat in it

where do i sign up

Now they're married and he does it directly on her face. It's part of that New Orleans voodoo magic, don't trust semen.

This is literally the first time I have told a soul this.

I was hoping it was old moldy food mixed with piss and cum left waiting for a roommate

>Might have given a kid permanent brain damage when I hit him with a wooden bat because he as a toddler ran in front of my swing
>Almost got a girl to kill herself for telling her off because a friend was too nice to tell her he wasn't interested.
>Stole a 20$ magic card from the local card/comic shop when I was younger

I was in a sexual relationship with my sister for years. Neither of us has ever told anyone.

where you from boo

>Had a job interview.
>They didn't want me.
>Employer has to reimburse the applicant the travel costs.
>They first refused but agreed to after I pointed them to the law that says they have to.
>They asked me to send in the railway tickets for reimbursement.
>I knew they probably wouldn't pay.
>So I wiped the tickets around my balls and through my ass crack and also sat with my naked ass on the letter I sent with the tickets.

16.60€: Totally worth it!

Go to hawaii (hilo)
walk around town asking for "gabe"
hes a short older philipino weed dealer
kinda dresses/looks like a bank teller

If youre over 15 im sure he wont bother with you

oh fuck yeah make sure to specify "no contact". i really messed up my brain because of that

and now it's archived on a website that is crawling with law enforcement and federal agencies.

I fucked myself in the ass with a carrot while my parents weren't home but they came back while I was doing it. So I started eating the carrot to make everything look normal.

Stole close to 10k from family

Yea because he's going to be arrested for saying he gave someone a note.

I

I was so psychotic I thought I was Cupid and I could make people fall in love and I thought if I fell asleep I would be eaten by other humans.

When I was 13 sister was 12 and she had bangin friends, would come over because we had the nicest pool in the neighborhood. Bathroom was connected to my room by an old doorway filled in by a thing piece of drywall. Poked a hole in it with a pencil to voyeur tf out of her friends. Sister was talking about her friends coming over, made the hole, she found it instantly in the bathroom while I was away. Never got to use it and her friends didn't come over, she told my parents and they questioned me, got me a therapist and I had to admit "I made the hole to spy on her friends, I didn't even get to use it." They didn't believe me. now it's a family secret. Bonus: In highschool I would go into the girls locker rooms (We had 2) and go through their shit. The rush got me going. Never got caught, the hall monitor bitch saw me once so i said I was getting a drink of water. Wrapped around the other way and she was still there and asked me where I was going. Told her I wasn't thirsty anymore and got the fuck out of there. Never did it again.

sorry to burst your bubble.

YOU GO GIRL

I know my roommate came in some of my food but I'm secretly a closet homosexual and ate it anyways.

Kansas..

The girl tried to off herself after I told her the truth.
The kid had seizures afterward apparently so it led me to believe I may have crippled someone...I was like 6 hitting a baseball pitching machine shitting out little plastic balls and going full hammer on them...Kid waled out in front of me.

I stole a DarkSteel Colossus.

i ate my foot skin
I still do
i rip it off with my teeth
its so scarred and think now from skin regrowing over and over
Its to this very moment a daily ritual for me

Like an hour ago...Went out to get a pack of smokes at the 24 hr shop near me, there was a hobo right outside that asked if i could help him out. I showed him the change in my hand that i got back, like 20 or 30 something cents, and tossed it into the storm drain right next to him and walked away. Kind of fucked up looking back now kek

Not really fucked up but makes me laugh.
>gym class senior year
>tired due to working late the night before.
>go to restrooms.
>2 next to each other for girls and boys.
>no signs to specify
>really gotta ppiss
>fuckit.jpg
>choose one and just walk in
>all stalls
>fuckitsomemoar
>do my business
>walk out and wash my hands
>chick standing at sink next to mine
>looks at me weird
>i say hey
>dry hands
>walk back to gym class

i jerked a guy off after i popped 4 E pills... he did alot more to me and i still have nightmares

...

a ladyfriend I know does that, but she's doing it to satisfy the need to eat human flesh from her cannibal fetish. Cannibalism isn't -quite- my thing.. but I really wish there was a way I could let her eat me, without her having any repercussions from it.

Poured out the entire Lysterine bottle. Tried to fuck it. Dick wouldn't fit. The end.

hey me too, sounds like wichita shit.

>Stole around 300€ of Pokémon cards in starters and boosters from my local supermarket, in the course of a year. Got caught finally. Well, only my parents know about it.
>Did not wash my teeth for ten years. Still have problems finding motivation to do it now. Yet no cavities.
>Used to fake taking a shower, sometimes for five days straight.
>Tried to convince a lesbian friend of mine she wasn't. Only she knows about it.

admit to your crimes on here, tell us about them. it makes you feel good because you don't see our disgust over the internet.

STOP! You've violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit.

...Forfeit. Forfeit, f-f-forfeit. STOP!
STOLEN GOODS...STOLEN GOODS.

I'm friends with a kid that I know has fucked his sister. You can just tell by how they interact and there had always been rumors.

His name is Ben.

...

>I stole a DarkSteel Colossus
u shit

Yes I can see that. Many of my friends and even my mother has noted that me and my sister are closer than normal siblings should be. Even to this day we have no problem being naked around each other.

I hadn't heard of that anime/manga before :o

A girl becomes a monster and eat/fucks her brother. He's cool with it, since he can't die.

Threatened a guy with pictures of his kids, Then dislocated his wrist and pinky finger.

He owed people money. 50 grand or so. Later on he couldn't come up with the cash, so we had a older chapter of the angels come into a bar he was at, pick a fight with him, and snapped his leg like a toothpick. When I came to visit him again in the hospital he found where that money had gone for us.

Nice of him to find that money, good guy. Still send him pictures of his kids, there almost out of high school now.

OH yeah, I tricked a girl into sitting on a sharp pencil once

I fucked my brother Ben. I don't think anyone knows though.

i hope youve zoomed in on her asshole before.

RMS is that you?

Used cushions as cumrags. Had to throw them all out.
Cheated on a girl with her mom, regularly
Cheated on another girl with her brother
Shit in a kettle at a house party and boiled it
Eat the hard skin on my feet, walk for hours so I get lots of hard skin then cut it off wth craft knives and eat it
Pick my nose and eat it
Finger my hole and sniff and taste it
Give guys and girls rimnjob when they're all sweaty
Fucked my ass with food then ate it

Did he drowned?

Edgy

GOLDEN WARRIOR OF JUSTICE

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

lol I know this is b8 but scroll up.

As a teenager I had this one pair of briefs I used to jerk off into routinely, which I kept stashed inside my pillow. They must have been jizzed into at least 200 times over the course of about two years (until I couldn't fit into them anymore), without ever being washed. I'd just wipe off as much jizz as I could with kleenex, stick em back in the pillow, lay my head on it and sleep.

I still jerk off in underwear to this day. Except now I'm old so I can buy condoms to keep the process sanitary.

Ive helped 3 gfs to have sex with a dog

You posh fappin? Classy as fuck my man

every friend or family member that i find attractive, I've always managed to sneak into their bedroom and steal their most sexy and silky panties. I always fap with one of their panties wrapped around my dick. Sometimes, i'll bring them back and leave it somewhere random. Come back and check the spot where I left it and it's almost always gone. I don't know, gets me hard thinking of them wearing the panties that I used to stroke my dick.

I was waiting for a Girlfriend in her Room. She told me that she needs to change clothes. She left the room. I opened her wardrobe took a thong licked it and rubbed it with my Dick. It felt amazing.

not really fucked up. any guy with female family members does the exact same thing

therapy? you were fucking 13. they were lucky there weren't holes in everything.

Started a fire in my local church, i didn't really mean to do it, however i liked playing with fire.
>Enter abandoned place in the church with lots of wooden boards and papers.
>Start playing with matches, would just light up a paper and see it burn
>Suddenly the fire from a small book spreads to a pile of books/old papers
>Desperately try to extinguish it
>In my desperation i just knock the pile to the ground next to MORE FUCKING FLAMABLE SHIT
>I just panic and run home

The church had to be restored later that year because the entire place i was, was completely destroyed. No one got hurt (Thankfuly), and no one ever found out.

Staying with gf for a few months and every other morning she'd go to the store for groceries. I'd sneak into her laundry room and sniff her teen sisters underwear or I'd smell her bed. Then one night her sister came back from a party drunk out her mind and she passed out on her bed so I ate her pussy and ass

I didn't eat it, but I used to have serious OCD for peeling skin off my feet when I was 14-15. It would give me this extremely satisfying tickling sensation that I was addicted to.

Unfortunately, it would seem the tickling sensation was nerve damage occurring, because I developed permanent numb spots on my heels and toes, which are very bothersome.

When I was a teenager around 13 I made out with my cousin she was like 7 and didn't know any better.

i pull my hair out and chomp on the roots... so satisfying

same

Dafuq?

Can't be, this board is full of inane comments.

first two the same, just replace pokemon with yugioh.

>>Did not wash my teeth for ten years. Still have problems finding motivation to do it now. Yet no cavities.
Bullshit

Fuck you guys are such pussies

I could write a whole book about all the fucked up shit I did from age 12 to 18. Somewhere around age 20, looking in the mirror at my pasty white, skin and bones, bowl haircut, sick, sadistic, isolated, demented self living on nothing but candy bars and ice cream, I decided to start working towards repairing my life.

I'm 37 now. Still fucked by normal standards, but infinitely better than I was back then.

...

I used to tell kindergarten children that Im the police and that their parents are dead. Still feel bad about this :-(

>was molested when I was 5, parents made a huge deal about it but I secretly enjoyed it
>brushed using my friend's mom's toothbrush sitting on the toilet while jacking off
>jacked off on an old disabled lady's bath scrubber
>used my best friends sister's panties to sniff and jack off into while he left me at his place (she was japanese)
>stole from work when I worked at Superstore. Used to grab food from the deli and bring it to the break room, idgaf
>jacked off in hundreds of places I shouldn't have

That old guy was Bill Cosby btw...you're welcome.

I've been so awful to my sister in law this year. She's so hot and yet so dumb, I've taken so much underwear from her, plus shoes and clothes, and she hasn't noticed. My absolute favourite thing to do is look at the creepshots I took of her getting changed whilst fapping with her bra

i'm not a fur, but i've jerked off to that image at least two times before

Well? Details? Did you explain what the clitoris was?

This angers me more than it probably should.

>used my best friends sister's panties to sniff and jack off into while he left me at his place
Nice
>(she was japanese)
Gross

Nothing, I have a life Im proud of , have not hurt a soul, trying not to generate bad karma.

Kek

speak for yourself

This is perfectly normal behavior these days,genderless bathrooms,who woulda know right....

I always just close the winrar window when it tells me my trial ran out

bullshit

I ate a bowl of nails for breakfast

I was fucking retarded in second grade so I tried to pee in the school toilet with the lights off to see if my aim was good.

Piss got everywhere and from then on we had to sign in to use the bathroom.

Killed a homeless guy when I was 14
>be Slav
>live in ex soviet pisshole
> walking home from boxing class
>creepy homeless guy at underpass
>always says hello and calls me kitten
>say hello back
>always asks me for money
>no
>gets too close and puts hands on me, brushing my arms, asks about comfort
>no
>gets really aggressive
>start fighting
>grappling
>think I'm gonna get raped and murdered
>manage to flip him and break free
>stumbles and drops knife
>grab it
> stab him with all my weight behind it
>dies
>whole body is limp
>panic
>remove knife
>blood everywhere
>grab the bags from his little cardboard house
>heave him into river by underpass
>run home
>parents asleep
>clothes in washing basket
>vomit in the bathroom all night

>Yes, that was shitty, I have stopped doing this. Did other worse stuff to animals as well. Now Im trying to live without hurting another soul.

I spit on a cheerleeder from the second floor walkway of a building in high school. A few classes were gathered around so I weaved into the crowd

You wish m8

Was this at a birthday party in pa by any chance? Cuz if so i was that toddler