You ever hear the joke about the chicken crossing the road, Ray? Well...

You ever hear the joke about the chicken crossing the road, Ray? Well, let me tell you a different joke: my fucking life. Only I'm the chicken, the chinaman is the road, and I'm not crossing it to get to the other side. Now let's get to the fucking punchline.

>tfw no one replies to your vincepost thread

i'm not clever enough to think of a joke, ray. wish i was. wish this whole damn town would lift its ass from my face for one minute so i could see without shit staining my eyes

does anyone have a compilation of "ray did i ever tell you" scenes

It's like that old saying goes, Ray. I've been hoisted by my own petard. Except nobody knows what that means. Look it up, Ray. I did one time. I still don't know what it means. Turns out I can't fucking read, Ray. Can't get any more hoisted than that if you ask me.

Leddit users cap and post the greats from here

It's a sick fucking world Ray. If the apples don't kill you, the doctor will.

A man walks into a bar, Ray. Except he didn't walk and it wasn't a bar. It was life and I was thrown right into it.

Ray, did you ever hear the story of what came first, the chicken or the egg? Well, it's breakfast time and this city is starving, we need to feed them something and it doesn't matter what comes first.

Where were you when you realised that season 2 was superior?

I like vinceposting but I'm not clever enough to come up with pastas

I gave this city the best years of my life Ray, all it gave back was ulcers. I guess you can saw it grew on me.

Its a doggy dog world Ray, only I'm the apex predator, Man. Except in this sick fantasy the dog is on top, and the rat got the cheese. Casper knew this

It's like I'm in a cat and mouse game. Ray. Except I'm the dog - and this dog's gotta take a shit.

...

These guys are diamond dozens, except they're not diamonds. They're coal. Sometimes you can shine a pig, but you can't put make up on some coal and call it jewellery.

You know what they say, a penny shaved is a penny burned.

he was written like a character in a shit GTA knock off game

this tbqh

When I was a kid Halloween was my favorite holiday. The difference between me and the other kids was that I didn't bullshit when I walked up to someone's door. I didn't even dress up, Ray. I'd just ring the bell and say, "treat." The adults would look down at me and say, "I think you mean trick or treat?" and I'd just stand there with my bag open without saying a word. Eventually they'd drop the candy in and I'd walk away. Now I look around and all I see are people in costumes pretending they're here for my candy, but deep down know they'll trick me the first chance they get. Caspere knew this.

...

Well, I'm a frequent poster ;^)

why dont you have flairs enabled?

I don't know what that means, senpai? I rock 'Fat pussy" on the TD sub

Kek

This is a whole different league, Ray. They're out there playing peewee football on the playground, and I'm Tom fucking Brady. You know what Ray? This is another ball game entirely. They're yelling Yahtzee; I'm hitting the game winner out of the fucking park. Casper knew this.

Oh ok

Ray, I got an aquarium at home filled with gold fish. You know a gold fish can only remember something for three seconds? That's why they're always bumping into the glass. That's me Raymond- the glass. Everyone forgets I'm there.