*BOOM BOOM CRASH*

*BOOM BOOM CRASH*

A FUCKING BURGLAR JUST BROKE IN

what do you do?

what the fuck is wrong with his leg

There's not really anything here worth taking
I have some cocoa pebbles but no milk
What's mine is yours just don't leave me

CLICK-CLACK
BOOM
CLICK-CLACK
BOOM
THUD

How lonely are you

sit back and watch my doggoes rip him to pieces.

*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
*BOOM BOOM CRASH*

BUDDYYOURANALLSTARPLAYINGONTHESTREETBRINGNUMBERONEWAITINGTILLIWAKEUPINSIDEKILLMEPLEASEIMTRYINGTOBEEDGYANDGETYOUS

NOT TODAY

i've been waiting for you

>Be crazy ass former marine infantry guy who's been out 8 years, went to college now working boring desk job.
> buys new gun or gun parts every few months
> conceal carry everywhere
> patiently waiting for chance to kill some shit-tard fucker again, and not go to jail for it
> literally say out loud "thank-you jesus"
> with gun as option for how encounter will go down, evaluate opponent, and decide whether to kill him with hands, knife, gun, or combination of all 3 before calling police to report the intruder.

I'm either beating him to death with a bat or I'm gonna die trying.

I've got some cheeseballs and a fork, how bout you guys?

Show him my flaccid penis then punch him in the jaw.

I have a lamp. Or a keyboard.

RELEASE THE HOUNDS

beer bottle, pen, and a USB cable

A wooden baseball bat

Use my fucking gun like an actual American unlike you liberal European pussies.

In my country i can be sue for killing somebody who broke in my house... So i can't do shit.

Pretty sure being sued is better than being killed

> a .40 cal smith and wesson shield for conceal carry is right next to me.
> glock 20, .40 cal in desk across room
> rock river arms ar15 in closet, loaded with 10 magazines, and about 3,000 rounds
> smith and wesson 9mm in kitchen
> pocket knife in pocket
> only problem is cops will look at me like i was maybe a little bit TOO ready :|

how do you load a gun with 10 magazines at once? lol

Rape him rape him rape him
oh my god
...I need a man :D

well if the cops would do their job then you wouldnt have to be ready

fucken A

to clarify, loaded with 1 magazine of 30 rounds, filled to 28 to not overstress the spring while not in frequent use, 10 other similar mags in rifle bag, boxed 3000 rounds*

> (Not loaded with 3000 rounds)*

Die

Not at all because i don't want to spend more years than a fucking pedophile...

Belgium is shitty ass country

Does that thing even function properly

>pic says something within arms reach
>this is a perfect chance to brag about all the guns I have because I'm such a fucking badass

kys

>filled to 28 to not overstress the spring while not in frequent use

you're a special kind of stupid, ain't ya.

see below* 1 mag of 28, 10 mags of 28 next to it. boxes of 500 rounds in storage container for about 3k more*

Maybe my door has a 1 inch deadbolt that is secured to the 2x4 behind the door jam so my door can't be kicked open within seconds ?

Prone with my shotgun. Wait for my door to swing open. Boom.

Stab the cunt.

you keep your mags 30/30? that's special kind of stupid* have fun with your jams if you're not shooting it daily.

>*BOOM BOOM CRASH*

You got mud on yo' face, you big disgrace
Kickin' your can all over the place, singin'


We will we will rock you
We will we will rock you

Ask him why he broke an unlocked door. Go back to napping on the couch while he looks disappointedly around for something worth stealing.

I'm autistic as fuck, so I collect knives/axes but they're all functional except for two. One is a drop-forged replica of a 12th century battle-ax I got as a gift, the other is a long sword I got as a gift.
I have a war-axe on my wall as well.

But in all reality I'd probably just shoot him. Shotgun in the chest and it's done.

>keeping a magazine loaded when not in use

it's tacticool!!!

I'm currently shitting...so I could throw some shit at him.

I have a miniature crowbar next to me at all times, so I'm ready.

un-holster my 1911 and call him a coroner.
laws on my side

Give him a bowl of eggs

Grab my AR from my pocket every american ever.

i only load my mags when i go shooting, you faggot.

you're an inbred fucknugget if you defend your home with a rifle...you're responsible for any damage/death beyond your target.

just get dogs to keep your house safe. it's a scientific fact that niggers don't like dogs.

This user gets it

A lot of ar15 and m4 users do this, I know a couple of marines, and army soldiers who do, and most of my friends with ar15. I didn't post this to call you an idiot but to defend his reasoning.

what any person would do you fucking idiot.

How many eggs?

At least a dozen

it's retarded
he's retarded
you're retarded

pic related. Got my wok simmering some hot sesame oil for stir fry tonight. Shit can flash fry beef, and the wok is probably a good 6 lbs of iron. Better wok on home, boy...

Beg for my life, then suck his dick

turn on
u spin me right round an continue spinning my dick around to the tune

thank god. faith in humanity restored +1

...

357 mag, snub nose. He'll be dead, I'll be blind and deaf

sex

Inform him that their is nothing worth taking.
I would then ask him if he's willing to help me rob my neighbors of all their cool and pricey shit that I've taken note of.

Unsheath a nearby live blade machete, not a toy, some 'zombie killer', just a tool. Take off my shirt. Run at the burglar screaming and chopping. Fear alone will win this and if it doesn't he will get a machete burried in him. He may have a gun but like fuck he knows how to use it (if he uses it). Done.

I'm good

>He'll be dead, I'll be blind and deaf
you are the right guy

no, you cockwomble. why would anyone keep loaded ar mags around the house? stupid stupid stupid.

wtf is a /13/?

them palmetto 1911s any good?

Reach for my antique .38 straight from the wild west and LAY THE LAW

Well playing Warband and there's a controller, laptop and iron bru next to me plus the book I'm currently reading, but I'm on my bed so I have a hunting knife behind me so I think I'm good.

Wtf

Wooden katana beside my bed.
Kenjutsu at the mtf

Give him my daughter for I have been Merkeled

stab it.
refuse to sleep at night.
always stay armed.
use sword intimidatingly to do yard work.
pray to the communist chinese government that their low quality steel can pierce more than weeds and grass.

This

>being this autistic

it's a Springfield loaded model, I like it for target and home. Not easily concealable so not my go to carry.

>an entire desk
smash it over his head

This is my fetus

That's what I said too but I then was told I should die

serrated machete and a shotgun

>uhm, excuse mr. Nigger, if you could stop raping my daughter for a moment and give me your bank account number I can start transfering the funds.
>thank you!

basically my answer, but id try make him fuck me first, so i dont go out being a virgin

Draw my 9mm from its holster and hip fire all 16 rounds+the 1 in the chamber already

if that doesnt work, grab one of the shotguns next to me thats loaded and empty 8 shots of 00 buckshot

if that doesnt work, offer to suck a dick

rude

Yep :D

...

Totally yeah

I don't know who you are but you have to eat this

shitpost about it on Sup Forums

I have nothing of relative value.

I own a 42 inch tv and xbox one (he needs a car/truck to get away with it)
shitty 2010 pc.
couple of magic decks at 50$ each?

fuckin tv isn't even 1080P so worth what, 100 bucks?
xbox one 250$
computer maybe 50-100$ at best.
magic decks, 300$?
he'd get maybe 500$ tops?

no cash, barely worth his fuckin time.

I'm on the radio station, tour of the nation, see me on every station...

Grab my 870 pump, with my glock 35 in my waist holster, and give him 3 seconds to get the fuck out before unloading (granted he's posing a legitimate threat where I can legally shoot him)

>barely worth his time

You're not very smart, are you?

>barely worth his fuckin time.
How would he know that without breaking and entering?
How will he deal with the frustration once he sees your shitty lay out?

lava lamp, keyboard, curtain pipe, small wooden table, or a bottle of crystal pepsi

> bash him with a bat / tire iron
> drag him downstairs
> tie him up
> do sick, disturbing things to him
> take pics and post them here for all of you to enjoy
> eventually get tired of him and the annoying sounds he makes while in pain
> finish him off
> chop him up
> take a few more pics for Sup Forums
> spread his pieces out around a remote part of forest
> leave cryptic message on Sup Forums indicating the GPS coordinates of the remains