Family is getting nosy, need some advice boys

Family is getting nosy, need some advice boys.

>be me a few years ago still living with family
>pretty desperate after long dry spell
>will fuck literally anything at this point
>also got into weird shit during drought
>my blue balls need draining and I want to try this new kinky stuff too
>figure finding some bdsm slut to use for a while will be two birds with one stone
>fucking genius
>find this disgusting fat pig who lives 300 hundred miles away on some site
>it's older than I like, it's fucked most of the people it knows, and it's fat
>200lbs of grotesque used up fuck meat
>dick tells me "that'll do"
>listen to my dick
>spend the next couple of years regularly visiting this slamhog to use and abuse it
>all kinds of stupidly extreme over the top rape, torture, degradation, and mental abuse
>get away with anything because I've got it under my thumb
>it knows it has to do all the filthy and painful shit I tell it to do or I'll get bored and leave, and since it's way past it's prime it won't ever find any better than me
>but it fucking loves that kind of blackmail anyway, dirty old cunt
>and I like having this long distance slamhog to go and kick the shit out of when ever I like
>go to visit it all the time to slash, splash, and dash
>some of the most fun I've ever had has been at the expense of my secret lovable fuckpig
>been visiting regularly for the last few years
>even start catching some feels for it and I don't even mind
>great set up
>recommended

Only problem is my family keep asking about my girlfriend all the time. They want to meet her. Even my beloved pig shaped fleshlight/punchbag started to ask when she's going to meet the family. I'd be fucking ashamed to parade this pork beast around like it was my girlfriend, even though she kind of is now, and I told her the same which shut that shit down right sharp. But what about my family, how do I get them to stop wanting to meet her?

inb4 op fucking an actual pig.

Gonna need to see pics of her to know how bad were talking(can obscure identity)

...

How fat we talking? Post a pic of you guys side by side.

You could keep hiding her but your fam will think you are gay.

I've got old wound pics that even im not interested in looking at and stopped taking a long time ago. Why the fuck would i have side by side selfies with a slamhog?

Thread will die because op is Faggot who doesn't come through.

You are the one who caught feelings.
You are the one who would drive THREE HUNDRED MILES to fuck it.

tits for actual advice

bitch i fly. getting those frequent flier mile boi

Judging by her arm she ain't that fat. Maybe stop being a Faggot who dates women to impress others instead of to get pussy

What the actual fuck am i looking at?

Flying is worse because of the expense involved

Jesus fuck what is that?
Are those herpes or pimples?

Right, like where is her nipple I'm so confused, I'm not edgy enough for this

I have to admit that the fact that you used "it " made me laugh

kinda looks like the ham i ate at christmas, also happy/crappy new year OP. pic somewhat related

>degrades some girl for being fat
>can't get anyone within a 300 mile radius to fuck him

...

yeah, that would be the chivalrous way to go

what happens to a fat tit if you string it up tight enough

works out about the same, worth it for being able to drink on the way anyway

thats what happens to a nipple if you stretch it out hard enough lol

that gross pimply stuff is the stretched out nipple

lol

happy new year m8

I'm too lazy to find another one, what do you want from me

>keeps referring to her as slamhog and pig
>needs to fly 300 miles away go get pussy
>hasn't found an upgrade/replacement in several years
>acts like he's too good for her

I got some bad news for you bud. She's your girlfriend. She's as good as you can do.

Just make it official, so you two can live closer and you can stop spending hundreds of dollars every time you want to tie her up and anally rape her.

>lazy
>travels 300 miles

pick one

This. OP's trying to act all alpha, but he doesn't realize that the best he can do is a fat, disgusting old slag who lives hours away.

That's your value to women, OP.

>Implying that you could do better than a 200lb hambeast.

You realize that with the money you're spending on travelling, you could just fuck escorts who are way hotter, right OP?

yeah youre all right of course, and that's fine, but what i need to know is how do i stop my family and friends wanting to meet her?

traveling is just sitting down, its pretty easy

yeah but i couldnt kick the shit out of them as much as can with the pig. plus its nice to get away on holiday for a while now and then

tell them you've been lying this whole time and you're a huge faggot?