ITT: Films with ludicrous premises

ITT: Films with ludicrous premises

Good thing they came out with the 40 year old virgin. Bless you Steve Carell.

is this even humanly possible?

lmao i doubt it

the very idea, the very thought, the rudimentary sense is mind boggling

...

This movie seemed like a softcore porn with barely any nudity

>A Herbavore
>A

aaaand dropped

>tfw 20 year old kissless virgin

I lost my virginity to a 19 year old virgin

25 here.
Go be a baby somewhere else. I do not pity you at all.

Can you imagine? How do they even come up with this crazy stuff?

>tfw 26
>not a virgin
>haven't have sex since 2008
Premature ejaculation is a bitch

someone please kill me

yeah, when you're 6'3 and look like this it's pretty unthinkable

>tfw 23
>only stuck my dick in one girl
>got soft immediately because nervousness
>she left angry saying I didnt find her attractive
>haven't touched a girl since
She even let me bareback and had the nicest ass I ever dun seen
Really, really screwed that up

Do people who post this even watch this movie? I mean, you know he's also abstaining from masturbation for 40 days ALONG with sex, right?

Have you gone 40 days without masturbating before user?

>inb4 ages 0-wheneveryoufiguredoutwhatyourdickisgoodfor

>a man is sent back in time by his son to fuck his mother before a Californian governor can murder their future selves in the past

>he isnt on nofap

>tfw I find real life women disgusting and am disgusted by the idea of sex
>tfw I still masturbate to porn and hentai

Am I straight or gay or asexual? I don't even know any more. All I know is I have literally no interest in having sex with an actual woman or a relationship with one.

This shit is going to make me fucking kill myself. Fucking normies AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh

You're fucked up.

>movie has people who have sex
>movie has people who enjoy life
>movie has people who do anything in their free time besides jack off and indulge in escapism
>character doesn't have thoughts of suicide
>character thinks life has meaning and/or purpose

So sick of hollywood relying on these absurd tropes

>implying there's anything wrong with that

I have gone 26 years without intentionally cumming so far. I have never jacked off because it is a sin and I won't get into it but I am VERY religious.

I figure if I never start I will never have the urge. Its not that hard people

Nah you're just too damaged by real people to relate to them properly but your brain is wired for you to like them one or another either way

I honestly laughed out loud at that one.

How out of touch are those fuckers?

No.

There's nothing wrong with anything, really.

That's why I eat people.

what the fuck are you even doing on Sup Forums then?

Finally someone else who can relate. I fap all the time but I can't see myself being intimate with another human. What happened to me. Am I fucked?

>all these fucking wizards thinking they are hot shit
watch out guys this user is a paladin

i went to a really shitty secondary school and everyone apart from a handful of lost causes and the closeted gay kids lost their virginity between 11-14.

looking back it was fucking horrible, we were all far too young.

What even is the premise here? Attractive girl can't get a boyfriend and get it on or something? Wacky hijinks insue that cockblock her? What?

Still counts my nigga

I think I am honestly capable of casting spells. It is probably because of my devout religiosity, but if anyone ever draws my ire they seem to die or have terrible things happen to them. I don't intent for this to happen but be warned

god user you're killing me. you just admit you're nervous and go down on her until you can get hard again.

>if you don't jack off you shouldn't be on Sup Forums

Oh sorry, I thought this was a television and film board

Does your dad also work at Nintendo?

I think I jacked off to her nude scene in this 10 years ago. She also did a softcore porn TV series with lots of simulated sex.

No he is a devout priest. My lifestyle is mostly by his choice, he put a camera in the bathroom and my bedroom since I was 13 so I wouldn't jerk off. He said if I ever did anything like that or had a girl in there he would disown me and I'd be out on the street.

I have moved out on my own now but those teachings stuck.

i mean, if you're very religious why are you here? this site is riddled with offensive and sinful content

Damn I can't tell if you're being honest or not. Tearing me up user

I'm in the same boat bros, I'm tired of waiting for jdimsa...

Unbelievable.
I am going 21 years without it and they dare make a movie like this? fuck hollywood i'm gonna shoot that place up

it is my escapism and a look at some darker things that I don't see otherwise I suppose
Its okay, I do it by choice now. My father was just doing what was right in God's eyes, I see that now, though my teenage years were hard sometimes

There's hella Christians on this site dude, they might not all be very good Christians but theres a significant population

>very religious
>browses Sup Forums

Just how stupid can you be? Do you seriously think you're fooling your god?

It's not that big of a deal, holy shit

It's a premise that a dumb 16 year old would come up with

>dude what if you don't masturbate or have sex for 40 days dude brah can you imagine how horrible that would be brah

jesus christ just kill yourself and write a note blaming your douchebag dad. hopefully he will follow you

>mfw 22 year old kissless, shut-in virgin

I'm 23 and actually kinda content. I have a pretty good job, am in therapy and steadily improving my position in life.

Gf is not my goal though. I want to fuck around until I'm 50. I don't care about much other than my own pleasure, so even if I get to stay home and jerk off for the rest of my life, I would not care.

Christposting is pure

>you will never bend her over and show her the cock of satan

JDIMSA

Well yeah thats one of the thing thats kept me from suicide
but still, when it comes down to it I fear itll just happen again if im ever lucky enough to get the chance

>tfw 22 next month and still a virgin

should I just fuck a cougar or something because its getting depressing

It matters less than you think.

Hate to break it to ya, but i know a 22 year old virgin girl and shes hot as hell, and cool as fuck

you still have time, my son

Nah man that's just getting stuck inside your head. I've dealt with shit similar to that too. It sucks, but they were all one time things. You'll be fine man, shouldn't even worry about it.

>he believes a HOLE when she claims virginity

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>tee hee user, blowjobs and anal don't count as losing your virginity!

I didn't know browsing Sup Forums was a sin.
Can you point me the commandment where god condemns Sup Forums?

Sweet, gullible user.

I havnt had sex in 6 months and I'm mastubating 5-6 times a day. I miss pucci.

All of the sinful content on here, you idiot.

>not realizing that virgin-shaming is Marxist propaganda

kek

I think I remember that movie, doesn't he get raped by one of the women who get fed up with him escaping their influence?

PLEASE, delete this

She is telling the truth, I know for a fact. I will be reporting in 5 minutes if this post remains up

Don't be silly, men can't be raped by women.

It's not a sin as long as you don't indulge in that content

>Believing a shameless whore

you fucked up user

men can't be raped

triggered

I don't how I would go about doing it though I don't speak to anybody outside of work and I suffer from assburgers

explain anons

26 years old, just had sex for the first time a couple weeks ago. It wasn't that big of a deal. Ask me anything buddies

FUCK YOURSELF

Are you really saying there are NO 22 year old virgin women in the world? You guys are fucking retarded

Only Americans make leading Hs silent. For no reason.

was it like swimming in milky bags of salty coins like they keep telling me??

Yes they can. By other men.

Reported for posting about reporting another person's post. :^)

>Are you really saying there are NO 22 year old virgin women in the world?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No but jacking off feels better.

kill yourself

How well did you perform?

It was like putting your penis in a very warm wet tight flesh hole

I mean. Nuns exist, but that's about it.

Women are the opposite of men, user. When women reach 30 years old as a virgin, instead of gaining powerful wizard abilities, they die. Women can't produce their own mana, so they die if they can't get any by 30 years. This is why you never see female virgins over 30.

Sure there are, but they're ugly as sin, hambeasts, or in the rare case are actually devout to a faith that idealizes virginity like Christianity.

That or are virgins from threat of violence from their radical Muslim parents.

I know, I am fine, just using the whole kill self meme
honestly i've been single for like 5 years and its been pretty nice having no bitches in my life and getting to know myself more
single life is bretty gud besides those random waves of loneliness that dont come too frequently

holy shit kek

...

I'm 26 and never had a gf.

Okay, I warned you fuckbag
Same to you faggot

Lasted like 15-20 minutes, didn't cum. She finished me with a blowjob though, shit was so cash

gfs are for cucks anyway

I lost my virginity a few weeks ago at age 22.
Honestly a terrible experience. Lasted for over an hour and I couldn't cum. Smell was awful and I didn't like how her vagina looked. I'm just gonna stick to my nippongo scrimshaw pornographia

I definitely feel the same way about being single user

I lost my virginity at 29. Literally few months from from tenure at Hogwarts

Why are you mad?

>tfw gonna be 23 in a few months

I've given up hope senpai

>mfw 21 year old kissless non-virgin
Well, at least my rite of passage is over and done with.

You couldn't cum because you have been choking your dick with a death grip like it owed you money for at least 10 years f a m.