Found out my girlfriend I thought I was going to marry cheated on me 9 months ago

>Found out my girlfriend I thought I was going to marry cheated on me 9 months ago
>Claims she still wants a future together
>Broke up with her an hour ago
Music for this feel.

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twitter.com/AnonBabble

At least you did the smart thing.

I don't know if I should go back to her... I was so happy with her but I know I can't trust her anymore.

I'm just listening to punk right now because I switch between crippling depression and all encompassing anger. Anger feels better.

listen to screamo m8
youtu.be/312Sb-2PovA
youtu.be/KDzt6yI3Dw8

Don't go back to her. You can cheat once, you can cheat again.

xxxtentacion unironically
youtube.com/watch?v=Wmjpp0_6kb0

I got you b. Big punk fan and went through a messy breakup as well.

Best anger albums:
Void/Faith Split LP
Cro-Mags- Age of Quarrel
Black Flag- Damaged
Black Flag- Jealous again

You're right. You can't trust her. You answered your own question.

If you want punk, try The Armed. When you wanna chill, listen to Do Make Say Think. Probably You, You're A History in Rust to start.

Going back to her would be self harm.

youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM

Don't go back OP. If you do, she'll definitely do it again. She'll know you'll forgive her, so what's the risk. Be strong, there are better women for you than her.

It was total bullshit as well... relationship was going really well. She literally just did it because she lacks self control.

youtube.com/watch?v=H3R2q5tIBuQ

Thanks guys... I've never felt as close to actual depression as I do now.

No appetite, can't sleep, mood swings like crazy, no desire to do any of my work even though I'm in Law School and don't have time for this shit.

Appreciate the recs.

think for one second that you're seeking advice from lonely men who have probably never had a relationship, let alone a serious one. if she seems genuinely remorseful, and you all talk it out like fucking adults, there's no reason to believe that you couldn't make it work. however, if you think you're going to live in doubt by staying with her, then you shouldn't

Once a cheater, always a cheater. How fucking stupid are you to suggest he should get back with her if she promises shes sorry? What makes you more credible than anyone else here? You really think you can tout yourself as better because everyone else is apparently lonely virgin weirdos? Fuck off, cunt.

t. cuck

fuck this advice OP, this is the kind of person who is so lonely themselves they'd happily let any woman walk over them just so they can hear someone say 'I love you'

if you cheat on someone, you are proving you don't love them, nor never will. In years, when you look back at this, you'll realise what she's lost and how much you've gained.

also p.s. you don't have to be in a relationship to realise betraying someone's trust and love is just plain wrong. You have to be a misguided and gullible idiot to believe otherwise.

Ne Me Quitte Pas - Jaques Brel

>I've never felt as close to actual depression as I do now.
This is what happens when you think you deserve to have someone all for yourself. That shit doesn't exist. Monogamy is unnatural.

Awful advice.

Cheating is more than a trust issue.

Never, ever get back together with someone who cheated on you.

youtube.com/watch?v=PP7DMH58BUE

Try this song out user.

>Once a cheater, always a cheater
Stupidest thing I've ever heard. One mistake shouldn't define a person for the rest of their life. People do change. Grow up.

I understand that, it's just the level of deceit that I'm having trouble dealing with.

I'm not a snoop and have never been a jealous boyfriend. I've always had no problem with my girlfriends going out by themselves with male friends, never question their intentions, and I try to never be possessive.

I just knew something was up with her though. She just couldn't seem to look me in the eye after a trip she took to France. So to my shame I went through her phone and found texts of her admitting it to her best friend 9 months ago when it happened.

She didn't sound remorseful in the texts... said that she met a "hot" guy in France to her friend. Her friend said "wow you must really love user if you resisted him" and she responded that she kissed him but didn't want to tell me because it would just make me "paranoid" because she "wouldn't normally do it." Her friend agreed, said she did the same on a trip she went on, and it was "just physical" so it didn't matter.

Anyway, I confronted her and she admitted to not just kissing him but sleeping with him. I think she seems remorseful now, I guess, after she's seen the absolute state I've been in this last week she feels like shit. I've seen her cry a few times.

She claims it's the only time it's ever happened, and I believe her. It was her last trip during college, she said, and she got carried away.

I dunno... I'm tempted to get back with her because we do make a great team. She claims she loves me more than anyone she's ever met and in the last 9 months our connection has gotten even stronger. But I went through messages she was sending me at the time through facebook and they crippled me, dude. Stuff about how I'm her only one, how she loves me more than anything, while I know now she was cheating.

The worst feel. I feel like Morrisey would understand this feel.

uhhh yeah because I think that 90% of people on this website are sexually-frustrated, emotionally-stunted men who think like that. I'm not anymore credible than anyone else, but "once a cheater always a cheater" is a pretty narrow minded way to think imo. we don't know the intricacies of OP's relationship. we don't know anything about him or his girlfriend. things can be solved by communication if they genuinely care enough about each other.

i've had the same girlfriend for going on 5 years now. never been cheated on, but have dealt with trust issues from past relationships. it often stems from insecurity and lack of communication.

Think of all the other times she probably cheated on you that she didn't tell you about.

Whereas I may agree with you, I had an agreement with my girlfriend to be monogamous.

It isn't the sex that bothers me as much as the betrayal and lack of respect for me. Obviously we've both had sex with people in the past so it's not like the idea of her having sex in general is the problem, it's the breach of trust.

>One mistake shouldn't define a person for the rest of their life.

And one relationship doesn't define a person for the rest of their life either.

Life is too short to fuck around with someone who betrayed you. Move on and find someone who actually respects you.

This is what fucks my shit up. But I did a pretty extensive snooping session to see if there was anything else... there wasn't.

I also saw texts to her friend from when she met me saying how amazing I am, how great our connection is, how quickly she's falling in love with me.

Fuck... it just makes me more depressed thinking about it.

Cheating is a loveless act.

youtube.com/watch?v=BDC_vbm4d5E

this would make you feel better if you stabbed your baby

best thing is to talk it out with her. fight your own battles, be rational but empathetic. none of us can help you decide based on what you've told us.

we're animals man. it's weird to me that we still choose monogamy in the first place. I think betrayal of trust is a serious infringement in a relationship, but we're still animals (that doesn't make it hurt less to be cheated on) relationships are messy and complicated, but they can be beautiful. it's up to you to decide if it's worth it

God I also want to forgive her because I know she has issues with sex.

She was sexually assaulted in the past and only quite a bit after her trip did she feel close enough to me to tell me about it... like she's never brought up the defense that she has a strange relationship with sex (because obviously that would be unfair) but I can't stop factoring it in.

One time she was crying to me about how she feels like her body isn't her own, how she feels violated, and she in passing said through tears "and France was wrong." Obviously I didn't question it because she was crying to me about being sexually assaulted... but that's kind of what tipped me off further about it.

>She was sexually assaulted in the past

yeah so is every girl on tumblr

Thanks, user.

See I view sex that way as well. Like, I dunno, I'm glad she doesn't have any emotional connection to the guy. That would fuck me up much more.

How did you find out?

Snooping through texts...

well man, she betrayed your trust by cheating on you and not telling her, but you also snooped through her shit. that may have been justifiable given that she cheated on you and that's how you found out, and I'm not suggesting that they are equally severe, but upon principle snooping through your significant other's shit is fundamentally a breach of trust.

what a fucking cuck.

Ignore this retard OP.

Yeah I'm not proud of it at all.

Honestly I wasn't going to even bring up that she kissed the guy. I realized it wasn't too bad. I told her I felt guilty I went through her texts and we both need to be honest with each other.

I also came clean about something else I saw that was personal and told her every conversation I read.

But then she came clean about sleeping with him and I dunno, I think the snooping wasn't an issue for her because she actually did do that.

I feel pretty awful right now because I called her some nasty names and she cried.

it's almost too predictable that someone would reply to my advice calling me a cuck because, like i said, they're fucking emotionally-stunted, sexually-frustrated losers, man. they don't know shit about you or your relationship. they're just rallying around you because it gives them a chance to rally against sexuality that they don't even experience. they're consumed with this concept of being a "cuck" when in reality they are ineffectual, feckless fucks who get a rise out of shit like this. I plead you, be an adult and don't let these children sway your feelings and opinions

>I also came clean about something else I saw that was personal

??

You're going to be fine mate, life is full of ups and downs, you can only go up from here

Get fucked cunt.

I've been in a serious long-term relationship for years, getting married next year after we buy a house. You're just a 16 year old loser trying to act 'grown'.

She betrayed your trust OP, that's it. You can't backstep now or she'll walk all over you. That is the real world.

Yeah, I was talking to a friend about this and he said something similar when I said part of me wants to break it off because of "self-respect" which I guess is similar to the cuck charge. I don't want to act out of pride but be level headed.

Just stuff about like her feelings for me. Just other private conversations I saw between her and her friend. Nothing too bad, I really was pretty precise in what i looked at.

Yeah thanks, it's just hard to get over right now.

>everyone is a social stunted virgin but me

Is that why you come here? To feel superior to people? Well you're fucking wrong either way, I've been in a happy relationship for well over three years now.

Putting up with a person cheating on you is incredibly pathetic. That is a line that simply cannot be crossed in a monogamous relationship, and isn't one that is crossed by any single mistake. You're not any more mature than anyone for stooping to the desires of someone who mistreats you, and genuinely suggesting that someone in a relationship where they have been mistreated to that extent is fucking awful advice.

>>Boo hoo, I got sexually assaulted! Boo hoo this means I can't control when I have sex and with whom!!!
Please. I've been raped and I would never cheat on someone. Because I'm not an asshole.

t.cheater

I dunno, user. I get your sentiment.

It's just hard because it's like the person you trusted so much betrayed you, but at the same time when they say they're genuinely remorseful and won't do it again there's part of you that believes them. The hardest thing is the breach of trust. Like I don't believe loads of insignificant stuff she says to me now.

nah homie, i said 90% of the people on this website are like this. i come here to talk about music, not to spew toxic authoritarian ideology

Well she's never said this to me as a defense or anything.

Like she never really accepted it as rape before she told me the story. She said there was once a guy who she said no to who locked the door, kept undressing her, and while she was saying no started having sex with her. Then she said she let it happen because she was scared.

I asked her if she was telling me she was raped, but she sort of denied it was "rape" at first because I think she couldn't come to terms with it? I dunno... it was pretty heartbreaking honestly seeing her process it. It's like she blocked it out.

She clearly doesn't think much of you since she held off 9 months and only admitted to it when you called her out on it. Hell, if she came clean right after it you might be able to work past it, but can you really put any faith in someone who'd abuse your trust like that for close to a year?

There's plenty of genuinely fantastic people out there, so don't waste your time with someone who'd take advantage of you like this.

>having a wife means i can't be emotionally stunted

that's more than half of the married men in america bruv

>tfw you still love her

>not wanting to get cheated on
>authoritarian

Yeah ok.

Ive been on the receiving and giving end of situations like this, people fuck up.

Whatever you do, give yourself a lot of time apart. If she still wants to make it up to you, she will be putting in the effort to get you back, and you'll have time to really think about if its worth it to stay together. DONT go rushing back into it, whatever you do

>incredibly pathetic to forgive the mistake of a person you love and realize they are human and love them anyway

Have you ever truly been in love user?

Shit just get into an open relationship and not have to deal with jealousy, its so much fucking simpler

>authoritarian ideology

Are you serious? I can't tell if you're joking or not.

So did you officially end the relationship or is this the "I have to figure things out right now" phase?

PS when did this happen?

I feel quite bad for you, even though you' e made the right decision.

It must hurt to be lonely again.

This is the fucking biggest reason I broke up with her.

I even said if she just came out and told me then we could have moved past it.

In her defense though, a friend she was with cheated on her boyfriend there. She told me the story when she got back and I said something to the effect of "I mean, I'm pretty open to lots of things, open relationships and what not, but if we're monogamous and you cheat then I'd break up with you on the spot"

I'm kind of not surprised she kept it from me considering I said that. Still doesn't excuse it, you should own up to your actions, but I know the feeling of guilt and fear when you do something like that.

I've never cheated before but I did once sleep with a girl my friend was into. She told me there was no way she was going to see him again after he acted like a total maniac on a date she went on with him (he was mad unstable). Anyway, two weeks later he told me he'd still been seeing her, that he was in love with her, and that she's "the one."

I never told him. He found out one day. Turned up to a party I was at and punched me. Shit was wild.

I told her it's over but hmm I think it's more of what you're saying but tentatively broken up. I kind of did it in a rage.

Like I'm pretty sure neither of us are gonna be fine with the other sleeping with other people for the next couple weeks at least because I'm sure we'll sometimes talk about it.

ya in my opinion i think "once a cheater always a cheater" and the inability to discuss the terms of a relationship with someone you're deeply in love with because you got your fucking pride hurt are fairly in line with someone who subscribes to that ideology, which most people on this website do

t. a fucking cuck.
ope i just got out of something really similar, there's no point in going back, the harm in trust is done, it a scar that wont ever go away and even will make you think you should do it too to make it "even" and thats worst. Its gonna be hard but be strong brother, rely on your friends for support, dont force yourself out. Take your time and live your life cause it goes on my man.

Don't be a cuck

>I'm the only person on Sup Forums fit to give advice
Kill yourself user

Yeah, user. Shit sucks.

Some music is hard to listen to right now.

Honestly though I do pretty well with women, I just loved her so much. When we met I was still in college having a pretty mad sex life. The week we met I literally had a threesome with two girls, and there was also another girl I was sleeping with as well. So including her I was talking to and sleeping with 4 different girls.

Didn't want a relationship at all but she was awesome, liked music, had my sense of humor... fuck.

Probably couldn't be pulling that kind of stuff off out of undergrad though.

Yeah see, if she surrounds herself with people like that, it's no real surprise that she's a scumbag.

Still, you sound like you're a bit of a dick yourself in that you didn't own up to your friend.

So just to be clear, you think that not being ok when your partner in a very clearly expressed monogamous relationship that you both willingly entered into cheats on you, you subscribe to "authoritarian ideology"?

>not to spew toxic authoritarian ideology
You seem really far up your own ass, dude.

just about

>a friend she was with cheated on her boyfriend there. She told me the story

Honestly, pairing this with the fact she magically started telling you about her past rape when she came back from the trip really sounds like she was trying to excuse herself from her actions.

And then when you told her that you were not ok with that shit, she kept it secret. She was literally at the cusp of telling you, tried to deflect blame by playing the victim and then just kept her mouth shut knowing how you felt about it.

Honestly it's just very disrespectful to you and to your principles.

Yeah I really should have.

In my defense though I would have told any other friend. This guy was bipolar. I mean the girl I slept with told him she'd call the cops on him if he ever came near her again before I hooked up with her. She was pretty unstable as well because I don't know why the fuck she ended up dating him.

I don't think it's like that at all, user.

It's hard to convey the timeline and how everything went down, but the sexual assault thing is not just a deflection tactic.

It's not like she came back and immediately said "oh, by the way, I was sexually assaulted in the past."

It came up when I was talking about how fucked up university frats are and how loads of the dudes in them just hate women and treat them like objects rather than people. It hit a nerve and she looked really upset all of a sudden...

>I told her it's over
>Like I'm pretty sure neither of us are gonna be fine with the other sleeping with other people for the next couple weeks

Dude, she's probably at the bar right now getting hammered and making out with some Chad to "forget her sorrows", while her friends are cheering her on.

While you're here on Sup Forums talking about your feelings and trying to find sad music to listen to.

nah but this belief that in every single circumstance, regardless of context, of someone cheating in a monogamous relationship should result in termination of a relationship is in-line with that ideology. i think it's an antiquated way of reacting to something like this

You're delusional user. It's a completely normal belief to hold.

I'm sorry but what fucking circumstances would change your reaction to cheating? Are you suggesting there's some scenario in which it's justified?

Depressingly enough, this is probably true.

You already know that she's promiscuous and by all accounts, not much of a person, which her friends are as well, so just try to forget her.

808s and Heartbreak

youtube.com/watch?v=qVwB5AiubwE

Ryuichi Sakamoto captures the emotion best; a mixture of freedom, sadness, panic, and calm all rushing down like drops of rain from the evening sky.

youtube.com/watch?v=8tKfYwc4zxA

many would say you're delusional as well. doesn't really matter in the end, just trying to get OP to consider all options. I'm drunk and expended about as much energy on this thread as I want to, so I'm gonna go smoke a cig and call it a night. cheers

Infidelity is the single greatest betrayal of trust that you could inflict on a person in a relationship, especially the trust of one who loves you. For someone to cheat, never mention it until confronted about it, and all the while act like nothing was wrong, is shameful. There is no going back from something like that. I love my girlfriend deeply, and if she did something like that to me or I did something like that to her, either would be completely justified in breaking things off without looking back. I hope to God that you're baiting, that bit about "authoritarian" ideals gives me hope that you are. Otherwise, you seriously have to reevaluate what it means to love somebody if you think a person could do that while loving the partner she's cheating on.

Remember how in the USSR and Nazi Germany you could pick whether or not you wanted to be involved, and if you chose that you didn't, you could live outside of the rules of the state? No?

Yeah me neither.

It just wasn't meant to be in the end, OP, but that only means that you haven't found someone that's a REAL perfect match for you. It happens more often than you think, I know it hurts now but I promise you that things get better.

youtube.com/watch?v=jj-0vMrZJbo

So instead of talking it out, you decide to just cut contact completely? Jeez, why are men always so insecure when it comes to relationships? People aren't infallible. Did you even hear her side of the story, man? She was probably in a really rough place and wasn't thinking straight at all, I mean it's happened to me. Just because she cheated on you doesn't mean she doesn't love you, you idiot.

disregard this. he is trying to get you to do something clearly wrong for fun. this poster gets off on the misfortune of others. the happiness you might gain from getting back with this girl is only temporary; she weighed her options and thought cheating on you would be good to do. she didn't really love you. people don't do that to people they love and that user is stunted if he thinks otherwise.

This is probably a really bad place to ask for advice like this, but here are some general guidelines: don't listen to anyone who uses the words cuck, redpill, Chad, or says stuff about all women being sluts.

Don't go back to her you fucking idiot

>Did you even hear her side of the story, man? She was probably in a really rough place and wasn't thinking straight at all

She was on a trip in France and saw some "hot guy" and fucked him.

Like for real, the whole "cheating on your partner while you're on a trip" is such a fucking cliche female thing to do.
It just shows that really she wanted to cheat and used the excuse of being far away to do it.

It's the same thing when a business man cheats on his wife while on a trip. It's cliche, it's typical and it's low.

This, honestly.

>Did you even hear her side of the story, man?
I'm struggling to think of a story/scenario in which cheating is justified.
>She was probably in a really rough place and wasn't thinking straight at all
Neither of these things are valid excuses, and in no normal person's head conclude in fucking someone else.
>I mean it's happened to me
So you're weak willed and make shitty excuses for your violations of someone's trust in you. Congratulations, you're a shitty person who should feel a lot worse than you do about what you did.

Ignore this whore, OP. Just because people aren't infallible doesn't mean you can excuse an adult's conscious decision to betray your trust in one of the worst ways possible. She knew what it would do to you and she did it, anyway.

The fact that she didn't tell you immediately is also telling.

This

This guy gets it. I honestly can't believe some of the mental gymnastics being performed in this thread by people telling OP to give her a chance.

OP here, it was pretty much this.

She literally just did it because she thought he was attractive.

Also 100% agree. The cliche-ness of the cheating also pissed me off. He's also a musician so that pissed me off even more.

Basic white girl shit.

There seems to be a belief held in this thread that cheating is just a single mistake that anyone could easily make, and shouldn't be blamed for. That's just not true.

Cheating isn't a mistake. Cheating is a series of choices the person later claims to regret. In most cases it is one that takes weeks and weeks to make, flirting back and forth. Even in the shortest circumstances rationally imaginable, we are talking about a "mistake" that involves a partner going to some event without their partner, taking interest in another person and openly flirting with them to the point that it is clear sex is on the table which realistically takes at least an hour, going to a place with this new person with the obvious intent of having sex, engaging in foreplay with this person, and then actually having sex with them. That's a long series of very difficult "mistakes" to make. Many of you make it sound like she just slipped and fell on someone else's dick and *haha whoops, but humans are flawed right, can't blame her!*

No, I'm the one who cheated, you baby. Yes, I knew I fucked up and I was forgiven and it has been 3 more years and we couldn't be happier, and you know why? Because my bf isn't a sheltered virgin with an ego so fragile that a fuckup from his partner would cause him to completely destroy an amazing 2 year relationship with someone he loves

You're 100% better off without someone as shitty as that in your life. You did the right thing.

good job homie. cheaters are fucking evil. the worst is that they wont tell you cause you'll 'hate" them so you look like a fucking idiot for months on end. heartless spineless scum.

youtube.com/watch?v=fjV7krmYobI

>an amazing 2 year relationship with someone he loves
With someone who clearly doesn't love him back if she could do something so disgustingly selfish as that.