So /btards, I've come here to ask of some advice. Although I know coming here for advice is more of a joke than anything, I know there's probably someone out there in my shoes.
I just had a baby with my girlfriend of two years. Wasn't my plan or decision. I work 80 hours a week, bought a house this past year, renovated it entirely. I work for myself part time, have a good paying blue collar job making 80k a year, new truck. Have always bought everything g I want and need and never had a hand out provided I've done better than my parents thus far at 27 years old. My problem is, my girlfriend does nothing. ZERO. I have been a hustler (not drugs) my entire life. A true entrepreneur. I cook, clean, get groceries, drive everywhere, take care of everything. Our child isn't home yet, she was born prematurely and is fine and coming home soon. I guess what I'm trying to get at, is what do I do? I could really care less if she's fucking around on me but really don't think this is the case. She's an 8/10 but is the least sexual person I have ever been with out of 60+ girls I've fucked, but only 3 I've dated. Anytime I try to address the issues at hand provided I do everything and she doesn't lift a finger, get off the couch or phone, or take any initiative at all. I don't necessarily want to split fearing that child support will ruin my life and plans. This is not your typical "oh you sit at home a day while I slave to pay for everything but in reality she's doing motherly house wife things. She is not. I get home and my duties are sky high. It's not like I can just stop and let the shit pile stack because she literally refuses to lift a finger and would have no issue moving back to mommies and being taken care of. What do? What advice? Anyone in advice similar dilemma?
So /btards, I've come here to ask of some advice...
have you tried talking about this issue with her?
I got my jimmies rustled reading that btw, assuming it's all true
Talking to her about it is like trying to tell a 14yo girl to clean her room if she wants to goto the mall. Get the wise as a I know,I know, I'm not stupid or the famous flip the conversation around to something that bothers her to justify me bringing up a parenting / future issue. Literally like I'm going to be the father of both. Alot of it may be from her not having a father her whole life and her mother babying her and her sisters their whole lives as a single parent.
Shameful bump
Then put your foot down. Sounds like you're in a relationship with no clear and easy way out and you sound like you want to get out. If she ain't willing to listen then get rid of her. Talking and compromising are the cornerstone of marriage and if she ain't willing to that she's not willing to move on in the relationship. Don't waste your time. If you have all this money you claim you do, it will be easy to have full custody of your child so long as you get a good lawyer. You don't need leeches sticking to you your whole life.
You got any pics of that sluts sweet succulent asshole op?
you said you've brought this up with her before, but i think you need to make it more clear. don't press her with an ultimatum -- those only make it worse and put the wrong kind of pressure on her -- but very seriously make her confront the issue. if she doesn't try, play into it. do what she does. give up like her. once it gets bad enough, she'll acknowledge it, and you can let her know that you're only doing the same thing she does. it'll inspire some change. if she does begin to try after a very serious confrontation, reward her after she does what needs to be done. that's important, as positive reinforcement keeps habits brewing in the system for a long time. either way, there are ways to resolve this. i've been in situations similar with my now ex (ESPECIALLY with the sex, we only fucked once over the course of a three-month summer), and talking about it would've resolved everything, but i was too scared to or felt selfish doing so, and it ended up wrecking the entire relationship. directly address it. if she can't take it, fuck it. show her what she does and she'll see her problem.
No but here's tits, as I said, least sexual out of 60+ girls...what was I thinking.
Problem is in my state and many others mom gets the child. Not saying she's a bad person, just a lazy leech who won't change her ways. And I said I make 80k a year blue collar. I don't have all this money, I bust my ass to get ahead...monthly bills are around $4000 before child. Don't want child support of I'm already supporting them.
oh man, she's dragging you into her fuckin' useless life, if she doesn't help you to grow as a person or family (now you two have a kid), kick her out of your life. you are not still married, so you don't have to worry about anything. then, take your kid with you if you wanted, she's not working so it's easy for you.
Quit being whipped and lay down the law?
If you are making money and the house is in your name, you could get the kid and give her visitation.
Thats just being passive aggressive. And most of the time it takes a LONG while of not cleaning, like no clean laundry at all, for people that don't do anything to actually notice what's going on.
This guy gets it. It's my fucking house, I don't leave or need to leave it a mess, and neither does she. Bros, I lay the law down. I'm an all around good guy, hard working patriot. Old soul, old school. Traditional. This chick is just very needy and doesn't clearly think things through before actions/reactions. She is never wrong, and even when she is, somehow I am. Her mother and sisters know the situation. I just want to raise my child better than either of us were and not like stereotypical modern american family/broken home
I know you're thinking you don't have a fighting chance. My brother and I used to live in one of those states where the mother almost always got the child. Lawyer up seriously, not saying you're 100% guarenteed to get custody, but if you press them into getting a lawyer, they might not be able to afford one, or a great one. It would also help if you knew any other faults she had (alcoholism, spending habits, how often she actually watches the kid). Basically she is your enemy if you're wanting to get out of this hell and still have the kid.
Sounds to me like she locked you down with a baby. She accepted you were good enough and made decent monies so she stopped taking her birth control or whatever and decided to get herself pregnant to force you to stay.
Confront her again, a previous user mentioned positive reinforcement and he is correct. Approach her with kindness and keep yourself open to her. Showing rage or spite will make everything worse. Use language like "I feel" and communicate your genuine feelings while being aware of hers.
If there is no improvement I would recommend mentioning a trial separation. If she starts working on herself and improving, drop it, if she doesn't improve or change at all: follow through with it. Don't make it an ultimatum so much as a series of events that lead to it. If things get bad enough, take your income and go out with the guys, go to clubs and bars, hit on other women and go home with some. Live your life as a single man, not one that is cheating or lying, be honest about everything.
If she doesn't go along with you seeing other people, do it anyway and make sure she understands she is not the boss of you. You are a human being with wants and needs and if she won't acknowledge and accept that, then slowly phase her out. Try and maintain a friendship for the benefit of your kid but if she isn't making the changes, the sacrifices and the compromises that come with being in a relationship: then she is JUST your friend bro. Make it clear you want to be friends, never lie or disrespect her: but conversely make it known that you are more than capable of leaving her.
And I understand that, especially when it comes to legalities. My qualm with that is that I'm not trying to create a problem. The problem right now is her and her ways. I haven't done anything to her or the child except provide and then some. We go to court, granted we aren't mutually invested in any way, then in her families eyes I create a problem, which as we all know results in issues when her family has visitation or rights...spoils and manipulation shit talking will commenced in order to brain fuck our child up over which parent she likes more, rather then her stepping up and setting an example of the way a family should interact around the house and in life.
Appreciate it, pretty much my thoughts at this time, been through the first two paragraphs, moving onto three. Thanks bud
Just don't lie to her or try to hide. If anything, make it well known. Tell her you are going to meet someone you met on Tinder. Tell her everything, even if it sends he into rage mode or cry mode: never stop being honest with her or get deceitful. Those things will ruin the relationship with your kid, always be respectful but honest to the mother of your child.
Hope it helps, I know it's tricky to communicate that you are going on a date or something, but she NEEDS to know. You will stay in the right so long as you are completely honest.
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On the Sopranos, Tony went to a bunch of divorce lawyers for advice before he dropped the hammer on his wife. Then when she went to said lawyers, they couldn't work with her because they had already met with her husband. He fucked her over good. Not sure if it works in real life, but maybe?
O.P get her involved in some kind of home based business to keep her active in supporting the home economy, you really dont want someone else raising your kid (daycare).
Sit her down and explain yourself and be firm