>Scorpius emerges triumphant from the water back in the present day. But he looks around and there’s no sign of Albus. Professor Umbridge tells him to get out of the lake—she is now the headmistress of Hogwarts. She says he can’t get away with breaking the rules just because he’s from an important family.
>Umbridge tells Scorpius there is no such student as Albus Potter, there hasn’t been a Potter at Hogwarts since Harry Potter was killed during a failed coup on the school at the Battle of Hogwarts. She tells him to get back to school or he’s going to ruin Voldemort Day.
>A new Hogwarts symbol hangs above the school.
>Every conversation in this alternate reality ends by people crossing their wrists and saying: For Voldemort and valor.
>Every girl at Hogwarts is hoping Scorpius—known as the Scorpion King—will ask them to the Blood Ball. The other kids do his homework.
>Scorpius goes to Severus Snape—who is still alive in this reality—and asks for help. At first Snape denies that he was once an undercover agent working for Dumbledore, until Scorpius shares so many details that could have been known by no one in this reality. He tells him that Harry named his son Albus Severus Potter.
>Hagrid laughed wisely. "Evolution is a fairy tale. You don't really believe that, do you?"
>"Yes, I do!" Aunt Petunia screeched.
>"Well Then prove it"
>Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated, but she couldn't even prove her own religion! It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was!
Obligatory: fanfiction.net/s/6829556/2/ >AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! >Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
>Delphie tells Albus he is going back to the maze task at the Triwizard tournament, where he must stop Cedric winning—and humiliate him thoroughly, to ensure he becomes that angry young man again. She says she wants him to fly out of that maze naked on a broom of purple feathers.
THIS IS THE WORST TIMELINE
Caleb Sanchez
>The adults race to Delphie’s room to try to discover who she is. In the room, concealed by a Parseltongue code, are more details of the prophesy—including the claim that she will bring her father back.
>This can only mean one thing: Voldemort had a daughter!
Who the fuck is delphie
Sebastian Baker
>Albus throws the blanket down on his bed, where it knocks over a bottle of love potion given to him by Ron. How dramatically do you have to throw a blanket onto a bed to knock other shit over?
Jaxon Turner
>Harry promises Albus he’ll be a better dad. He confesses that he’s not such a perfect figure. Says he’s afraid of the dark, small spaces... and pigeons.
wut
Robert Price
How much better would Harry Potter be if the main characters were replaced with Farscape characters?
