>greentext thread
>be me
>12
>enter the world of masturbation
>one day
>leave door wide open while mom is away
>start choking the chicken
>see car outside
>ohshit.jpg
>its my moms car
>hear front door open
>about to cum
>mom walks to my room
>bust the biggest nut in full view
>mom stares while i scramble to pull my pants up and shut the door
>dont talk to her for 2 days
>mfw
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That would have been quite a sight. What did you think about while masturbating?
getting nudes
Of girls from your class/school?
yeah
I did too, though I started at 11.
mostly from girls in 9th grade
The developing ones. Did you prefer their tits or ass?
ass, not really a big fan of tits.
Same. Great age group for them.
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How old are you now?
18 turning 19
Bump
Hopefully you've learned to be more careful.
This is a surprisingly civilised Thread, well for Sup Forums its civilised.
When they catch the scent of decency, they will come and change it.
as in not getting caught by my mom?
i have a place now so i can fap whenever
i want.
You're careful that you rent a place to masturbate.
At least there's a lesson you can teach your son one day.
lol
>be me
>100% american made
>missile launcher in one hand, machine gun in the other
>chilling with my fada in his penthouse
>some fucking cop oink swine walks in
>"you're coming with me"
>mfw this stupid fucking faggot doesn't even have a warrant just like I don't have a face
>start kicking his fucking ass
>literally destroy him, but he's a tough bitch
>kick his shit, push him down some stairs
>bigmistake.jpg
>stairs are my fucking weakness
>try to tip toe down them because this stupid nigger cop oink swine pig faggot is taunting me
>put one foot down
>ohjesusno.png
>trip and fall
>end up on my back
>can't turn myself over
>start screaming
>fucker escapes
>later comes back and fucking kills me, then shoots my dad after he got fired
Well, I can contribute.
>be
>13
>2 in the morning
>mom was out at a casino, dad asleep on the couch
>perfect time for a wank
>lay on bed and get to rubbing
>hear thud in the distance
>probably nothing
>just about to nut
>door opens
>mom walks in
>throw blanket over wiener
>she starts chewing me out for being awake
>think I'm more or less home free
>she finally gets to the point
>"are you watching nudie girls on your phone"
>choke back laughter
>look her in the eyes and say yes
>she gets mad and leaves
>hear her wake my dad and tell him I was masturbating
>hear him get confused and then start laughing
>freaked my mother out and laughed about it with my dad the next day
Getting caught isn't always an overly negative thing
Oh hey, I forgot a me. Shit.
>be me
>be the weekend
>be young teen like 15 or 16 i think
>gud fappin
>edged for like an hour
>suddenly a massive thunderstorm forms
>I think to myself, "my parents will probably remark about the thunderstorm and ruin my fap"
>try to finish up before that happens
>my laundry basket is in my closet and when i nut i bust into dirty clothes
>bout to bust
>turn around facing away from the door of my room cause the laundry basket is on the other side
>commence jizz
>DOOR OPENS
>HEY user DO YOU SEE THE LIGHTNING?
>lightning is intermittently lighting up my room like Frankenstein's monster was just zapped to life and is cumming everywhere
>I look back and say "yeah."
>95% sure they knew i was killing millions of babies as they opened the door
this is cringy as hell
a Sup Forumstard attempting to correct a grammatical error. What the fuck is this fucking facebook? No one gives a shit just let it slide.
This has legitimately triggered me to the point of making me reply. Now I have to leave this thread. Fuck you.
I never let my own errors slide. Fuck you.
I guess you should kill yourself because your continued existence is an error in itself
Good idea.
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Where were you hoping this thread would go, OP?
i don't even fucking know anymore
i was hoping to get some more greentext stories
FUCK OFF NIGGER
About masturbation?
>scrolling through Sup Forums this one time
>see a greentext thread
>decide to see what interesting stories had been shared
>OP quickly reminds me he is a fagged
>sage thread
I'm no nigger.
Be glad OP I can countryboot too
>be me, 12 yo
>be at granma's house for a family dinner, alone and bored playing fifa '99 on good ol' playstation
>find uncle's porn stash instead of resident evil 2 in his room
>commencing fap mode
>too concentrated on boobs, hear a loud nois where family was having dinner but don't care
>hear a scream and what seems freaked out voices
>hear something like "run! Put her on the bed"
>suddendly cum everywhere, feeling was something like eating a fucking delicious piece of chocolate but knowing being allergic to it
>try to clean up sweating like crazy while people are running in slowmotion into the room i was
>mfw they open the door just right after i pulled my pants on
>mfw porn still on bed
>mfw granma collapsed and parents where too freaked out to remember what i was doing
>mfw i have a blanked out fetish now
>mfw no face
>be me, 15 or something
>moved to new house, no internet
>pc just broke
>only way to fap was using my fathers phone that had a shitty internet on it
>at the time i was into some hentai
>took ages to load the pages on the mobile internet
>remember to always change the url on the browser to some other shit and clear browsing history
>discover that by typing some random shit like blank:url the page that showed up would be blank
>do the normal process one day
>ask his phone when he goes to sleep
>load hentai
>fap and clear everything
>it was late in the night
>next day
>dad comes home from work and gives me the most serious look on his face
>"son, have you been seeing porn on my phone?"
>i dont even try to deny it
>he says that he opened the browser and all the site simply loaded
>stay silent
>he lectures me for 5 minutes and leaves
>the porn was of some stepmother having sex with her stepson which i dont think he noticed because i did had a stepmother at the time but it didnt had anything to do
>to this day i dont know how i failed to change the url
didnt actually get caught to this day tough.
What was the lecture about?
its the weekend so why not go leak your teachers snapchat pics? sn�pchatly.c�m
He was pretty religious, so kinda that stuff, "its not moral" "god doesn't approves it", which is funny because later i found several porn sites on my browsing history when i went on vacation with some friends
He also seemed to remember what happened quite well
>be at pool party with family and few friends
>we get together after swimming the whole day
>start saying random stuff
>normal conversation
>suddenly the gf theme comes up
>user wheres thy gf?
>"hahah, i-i would like to know that too!"
>get pretty embarrassed
>people start going away from the small group because dinner was ready
>few people around
>hear my dad say quite loud
>"user prefers 2d girls"
>look around to see if anyone heard that
>no one seemed to notice due to loud music
>thank god
>dont look father in face and just go eat
>he cant remember where he left his wallet but the fact that his son is a loser he can never forget
KEK
I. Can. Relate. So. Fucking. Much
kek
>be me, 15 or something
>been living in the same house my whole life
>no internet because internet doesn't exist
I'll try
>be me
>8 years ago(ish)
>penis recently decided he likes pussy
>would browse nude sites on mum's pc in her room
>would always lock the door
>one day she's watering plants outside
>start to browse lesbian website, pics only
>mum walks in
>get scared cause I thought I locked the door
>fucking scream
>punch monitor in horror
>she sees what i was doing and gives me lecture
>tell her it was a pop up
>mfw she believes it
>mfw I haven't been caught since
I swear I thought I locked the door
reminded me of this
youtube.com
>exsist
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>be 10
>walk in on uncle trying to pull his peen off
>ask if I can watch
>get a stiffy when he pisses white
>get invited to come back anytime mom isn't home
>before internet
>be me, 18
>the other day
>dumbass friends and I at mall
>dumbass friends think it'd be funny to buy a dildo at Spencer's
>two of them walk in holding hands (both guys) and pick out a dildo
>go up to cashier
>still holding hands
>cashier trying to contain his laughter
>"Do you guys want to buy batteries with that"
>"nah we have some at home"
>transaction complete
>now we have a dildo that no one wants
>pic related
more bumps
YOU DID WHAT?!? I'M NOTIFYING THE AUTHORITIES YOU NEED TO BE LOCKED THE FUCK UP YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY MENTAL
rip thread?
you guys are so wacky, completely zany. How do you ever come up with such pranks
dildos don't use batteries
you and your bf bought a vibrator
...
fuck off
>the absolute madmen
I was never caught.
I'm the fucking sneak fap ninja.
Same
thread is dead i guess.
Newfag trying too hard to be funny