Be 19, living in utter filth and near homelessness

>be 19, living in utter filth and near homelessness

>in grande prairie, alberta, murder capital of canada

>one night i'm walking home to my shithole apartment

>hear a distinctive BONG BONG noise in the distance

>get creeped out but walk on

>BONG BONG gets nearer

>approach an intersection near my house

>it's lawrence fucking laglace (previous acquaintaince) BONGING a cigarette butt-stop against the pavement like a sledgehammer

>he sees me

>stops and looks me directly in the eye

>continues BONGING the pavement with his cigarette-hammer

>I tell him to stop

>no smokes

>see robertson screws embedded in the thing

>take it to my apartment

>unscrew it and smoke mad butts all night

>grandeprairiejewelofthenorth.jpg

stories with the homeless invited

Too greasy for ya canada? US?

I know someone out there has messed with greasy people just like me

i feel sad that one of my greasiest moments in life is too sad to greentext on Sup Forums

since there's no intrest in my greasy assed life..

here's some more

>turning 20

>party with co-workers all night

>fingerbang my favorite waitress who allegedly has a boyfriend

>shitsocash.jpg

>pass out at her place (she lives with the rest of my coworkers +coworker/boyfriend)

>wake up and it's still before 2am (liquor stores still open)

>walk back home and grab some 40 oz. malt liquors

>homeless people chillin round the side of the building

>crack open some liquid gold with them

>they start smoking crack but only let me in since i have another 40

>party all night

>they take me to their encampment down the block in a forested area near the park

>tent city, grande prairie, two blocks from my house

>we smoke a shitload of crack with my birthday money

>lawrence laglace's sister says i look like clint eastwood

>unsure if that's a compliment but i dive in

>fingerbang some skookum mooseknuckle

>eventually high wears down and i pass out

>wake up

>clock tied to a tree says i needed to be at work yesterday

>hop to to smitty's

>lean against dishwashing machine for warmth nearly the whole shift

>coworkers play it off that i was a lightweight

>little did they know i was partying with the homeless

Guys my anus hurts really bad

I've been ignoring it for months because it was just an itch but holy shit it hurts so bad now

What can I do to make this stop

I can't go to a doctor because I'm American

you can come shitpost with me and solve all our problems as fellow canadians.

universal heathcare rules

damn what a boner-killer

guess i'm too greasy for anywhere but the deeper web

Bump. Post more op

>718899760

>currently typing up another batch of shit

I once smoked some ciggy butts from those things, I probably have HEP-C now or something.

>still be 19, fresh lungs full of kush

>moved from rainbow lake, alberta to grande prairie

>like moving from the dingleberry of the universe to the absolute event horizon of the shit hole

>yea man let's get jobs and start over

>friends continue being crack dealers

>i find them a $2400 a month house to rent, we dig in

>thefutureunfolds.jpg

>yea dude just hand out these lighters with our numbers on them at the native friendship center

>nootherchoice.jpg

>do this for $15 bucks a day, but i guess no rent is alright

>watch a dude pull a bat out of his pants and beat the shit out of another guy while i enjoy a wendy's ice cream

>fuck this

>starving, parents have disowned me, but hey we can hit the bong and watch madea goes to jail

>take a hit of acid that i saved up for

>go for a ride along with my buddies

>see them dealing crack to homeless people and hookers

>sketchedasfuck.jpg

>it's honestly real bad, you never want to hear a dude say he got fucked by a nearby dude in the ass for the money in his hands, let alone on acid

>call parents to get me the fuck out

>they oblige

>move me to shithole apartment as previously mentioned

>somehow my previous friends find out

>they confront me as im on Sup Forums eating some chili

>they want "back rent" i owed

>gave them my TV and computer

>got parents (who live 6 hrs away) to swap out most important computer components with new, cheap ones and build me a decent pc with the remnants

>in spite of that, still living in 3rd world conditions, shittiest possible internet (was in an apartment/hotel with a home internet subscription)

>so begins my story of fucking around with the homeless

>getting used to the new environment

>meet my neighbor as i'm trying to break into my new place as i locked myself out

>fashioned a jig with a copper wire coathanger and a pain mixing stick to loose the dowel from my bedroom window

>later neighbor finds this hilarious

>actually meet neighbor since he noticed my mail is from rainbow lake, ab

>he's from high level, 138 km away

>cousin of a friend i knew in highschool

>we're cool, turns out pretty quick he's a coke dealer

>he wants to use my apartment as a stash house

>i start letting him but only for his weed, 3 grams a day

>roll up a huge joint and go to muskoseepi park late at night

>start smoking by the skate park section

>weird dude in a hoodie passes by

>a little spooked so i go to the childrens playground

>lying in the tube smoking my spliff, i see the sherriff and some other mounties pull up in the parking lot

>usainbolt.gif

>fuck out of there

>somehow not caught

>never been so high in my life

>neighbor says the RCMP has been coming down hard on his buddy

>wants to use my apartment to stash his coke

>we watch blood in blood out and crush a couple Lucky Lagers

>agree

>soon have a decent stash of coke in my house and a weigh scale

>door's always unlocked

>he passes in and out, recording the mass on the kitchen shopping list

>operates a literal mcdonald's drive through for coke in his basement apartment

>people knocking my windows everyday looking for coke

>start doing the coke, replacing what i took with benefibre

>shitsgood.jpg

>soon addicted to this coke

>start selling off my possessions for another hit

>sold off my tv (found an okay one by the dumpster a couple weeks later) for coke

>one night someone knocks at my window

>slightly buzzed, watching south park, so i oblige

>it's a native girl, super drunk lookin for coke, supposedly neighbor is "holding"

>keeps complaining it's cold outside

>I let her in

>we talk a bit and obviously it progresses

>she's even laughing at the unfunny jokes

>start making out with her

>she grabs my dick (first time) and sucks me off

>could cook minute rice before i came

>invited her to bed

>she passed out

>cuddle up for warmth

>she ate 12 eggs for breakfast as i was passed out

>get her number, never call it, named it XXX in my phone since i was so inexperienced

>fast forwards 2 months, and my neighbor invites me over

>"hey user, meet my sister frankie"

>look her directly in the eyes... natives do not fuck around.

>"hi frankie nice to meet ya"

fuck sorry her name was miranda, not frankie

frankie was my neighbor

interesting! my ex went from normal to crackhead and i saw these people

this is seriously my life before moving back home before college

i'd go into more detail but since this thread is so dead i'm typing like a maniac to stop it from 404ing

that's cos the boobs to post ratio is down

i just want to give younger Sup Forumstards advice so they avoid getting sucked into this shit even if their friends are cool

i'm not going to make up boobs for the sake of post. i got what mooseknuckle i got, Sup Forums

Bump for OP

>meeting Ron, notable homeless man

>Saved up some weed from my neighbor's ration

>Cleared out a cigar and and made a bigass cannon of a blunt

>Go outside to smoke it so my filipino landlady doesn't care

>Puffing upon the holy dank

>homeless dude rolls up

>offer the blunt

>we chat a bit, he starts sounding depressed

>you look exactly like my son

>my son fucking hates me for what i've done

>i've done the worst shit you can imagine for that shit (i can imagine)

>look at me i'm just a piece of shit picking butts out of the ashtray

>he cries

>holds me close for a second

>i'm sorry, user, i know you aren't him but fuck do you look it

>finish blunt

>go back inside and crack a molson

Hey op. I'm from the east coast of candad. I have some sketchy stories myself but im on mobile so it might take a minute to type something out.

>crack a 40 of malt liquor

>decide to go for a smoke

>take my liquor with me

>run into 2 homeless dudes outside

>one is ron, but i don't realise it yet

>we share the 40, it's Axe Head. $6.50 a bottle and pure 11% piss.

>exchange stories over cigarettes

>we get hammered since the liquor store is nearby and its just after payday at smitty's

>get a couple more

>one of the 2 homeless dudes starts to get real drunk

>he goes up the stairs near my apartment door and gets up to the second floor balcony

>cries to me saying i look like his son

>"i'm fuckin worthless man i should just ender"

>"fuck off man come on back down we got sigrits and drink"

>"fuck you man i have fuck all left!"

>he pauses, looks around the balcony

>"i'm gonna jump!!"

>never gonna get what came over me but i said;

>"do a flip!!"

>"fuck you man!"

>he came back downstairs and drank some more

>they figured a way into the hallway of my apartment and passed out on the stairwell together

>jobwelldone.png

hey man. i'm op. i'm in spruce grove, alberta, ready to say its taking me too long to type the more interesting part of these stories cause im hammered and my life was too fucked anyways

this isn't a clever greentext with a bear at the end. nor is shit i made up. it's just something that's a part of my fucked life and probably the only thing interesting to come from it/

I enjoy it

Please accept Awoo IRL as a sacrifice to keep thread alive.

My degeneracy in the public eye only consists of wandering around at night or during storms on LSD. Please tell more

I hear ya brother. Here goes nothing.
> be me not longer after high school
> moved into nearby city and start hanging with wrong crowd
> soon enough life is full blown shit storm
> one time was doing Herion at apartment with two friends that I was buying the smack from.
> we are high after shooting up, watching pulp fiction.
> after a while I hear a car pull in the driveway
> Oh shit.jpg it's a cop car
> my friend Jody has been weighing the ounce of Herion he had into smaller bags.
> I yelled at him to hide that shut , he throws scale and dope underneath couch > cop is nearly at front door , we are in living room beside front door.
> notice only screen door is closed. Slam the main door in cops face as soon as he gets there to ensure nothing incriminating is is left out
> cop knocks . I answer
> cop is looking for Dylan. Dylan used to be my roommate but bailed on rent and left the province
> cop is looking for Dylan because him and other junkie are doing break and enters and robbing homes
> Tell copper Dylan not there. Cop threatens to charge me with harboring a fugitive
> I offer to let him inside and show him Dylan old bedroom.
> cop accepts but says he needs to go to cop car first as engine has been left running.
>I remember that there was a old ladies Wallet in the kitchen from the robbery Dylan did.
> take wallet and throw it in Dylans old room
> let copper inside and he finds the wallet belonging to some old lady in the closet of the bedroom where I had thrown it.
> copper says this is what we were looking for and leaves.
> Mfw not charged for possession of Herion
> anyways I'm not a rat . The cops already had enough proof to charge or arrest Dylan.
>besides he fucked off on rent and I was trying to stay out of jail.

>stole from the liquor store near my house

>staff caught on quick, i'm a shitty shoplifter inside the beer cooler

>steal only rockstar vodka and leave

>sharing a smoke outside with the staff, she says i'm basically caught just to avoid the place (real chill girl in retrospective but tied down)

>get shifaced that night, go to nearby hotel to bum smokes

>see korean owner outside practicing his golf swing

>bum cigrits and leave

>hang around the next day, see a guy bolt from the liquor store

>owner comes out and swings his golf club at the guy

>cracks him upside the head, he's out, and liquor's all over hell

>go there that night

>he calls me the "rockstar"

>pull some rockstar vodka to the table

>try to pay on debit.. it's all out

>try to trade sigrits

>he's pissed

>never been there again

nice one dude. keep your stick on the ice.

Haha what a Canadian saying red green. You too buddy. I stay away from crime and junkies for the most part nowadays but life was pretty shitty for a while. Atleast I got some stories from it.

Sounds like you've had a fun life...

My most greasiest life thing

>17
>whole family nutty christians except me
>threaten to kick me out if I turn gay
>threaten to kick me out if I quit my afterschool job I hate
>catch me blowing the cashier guy from a little cafe they like
>don't kick me out
>quit job next week
>fukdapolis.jpg
>kicks me out
>say I will never have a future
>finish school and get mining job
>move out and haven't talked to them since

And that is my greasiest life story. Only ever did weed once, only smoked once and drank a few times. How do you go about getting into all the drugs and shithole places and scummy people?

bump
im enjoying the stories, keep em coming

Not op but I did share a green text story earlier. It's easy to get in with sketchy people. Just hang around drug addicts and drug dealers. Homeless people often have addiction or mental health issues themselves. Anyways if you want to throw your life away just get a bad hard drug habit so you won't have any other choice then to see a drug dealer daily.

Bump for op again

>Flashback

>We decide to take some acid, got it real cheap in grimshaw

>I take 5 tabs thinking it was gonna be weak

>fucked out of my tree, though not as much as strong acid would

>feel my limbs fold upon myselfs, try to cuddle against my drug buddy ray for comfort

>ray is totally fucked

>works at a vac-truck company for $700 a week

>spends $680 a week on drugs

>the rest, they say, is kraft dinner

> we partying watching the 2010 olympics

>its some crazy looking futuristic shit i don't even get it man

>that atco trailer is just bumpin, bernadette is on dem pills again, tits out, taking us for some one on one for more E-money

>most everyone departs

>just, colin, nick, our sitter amy and I

>we're still up playing GTA4 tripping our nuts off

>cold canadian winter so far

>chinook makes it -3 degrees

>absolutely beautiful

>we wake amy

>amy take us to the lake

>lake is an hour out on logging truck road

>we beg and she concedes

>we hop in the 98 avenger, the shitmobile to end all shitmobiles

>total nature walk, the acid makes it seem like a BBC documentary

Ah fun times on acid. I once drove on a few hits of acid to pick up a friend from the bars. Bad idea , depth perception was completely gone but still made it back in one peice.

>we're about halfway there

>roll a joint colin

>the weed is busted up nicely

>he sifts the weed into the papers but i once the joint is rolled it sifts through his hands out either end like sand

>get it together man

>he remarks, "it's like we're goimg somewhere but we never left"

>we razz the shit out of him for what seems like forever

>joint is finally rolled

>spark it

> we pass the cannon around a few times and all of a sudden colin starts bob barkering it

>what the fuck man

>pass that shit

> fuck you guys im driving

>no man amy is driving

>NO MAN I'M driving

>he takes two great heaves on the joint

>i swear (and nick seen it too) i seen this little top hat upon his head

>i'm fuckin drivin

>arguing ensues

>amy gives up

>lets him out on the emptiest road in alberta, absolutely snowblinding

>he drives 15 seconds

>stops and pukes his guts out

>i guess i'm not driving

>we finally get to rainbow lake's lake campground

>its not a lake, it's actually a widening of a tributary of the chinchaga river, fun fact

>still the town's namesake in spite of the bullshit

>we pull up to the docks

>construction equipment left behind to repair the jetty

>sketches us all out

>nick says, "fuck man we better get outta here"

>we all agree

>except amy

>she's pissed

>long rant turned biblical the whole way home

>still on 5 hits of acid

>dont come down till 2 days of coke and weed later

>best day out ever boys
>

Sounds like crazy times bud.

this is OP. I learned this soon myself. All my stories happened over the course of about a year.

I'm too tired to continue, but I will continue this thread someday soon if enough people enjoyed.

I since moved back home, went to college in an oil related field as the market crashed in alberta (power plant operator). Now I work at home depot slinging hacksaws and milwaukee combo kits. it's okay. many attractive women shop there.

My latest fuckedness involves a cougar and I going on an 800 km fuck fest journey before i lost my driver's. i don't drink excessively anymore nor do i do drugs.

i'll copy and paste that from another forum when i find it. i just want to note that I managed to escape all charges because my charter rights were violated and the constables involved mishandled the evidence against me. apparently i can sound perfectly normal at ~.3 BAC

ah ah, dem hungarian punk rock years, getting a bit too drunk and going to the riverside to watch the stars and drink more with mohawked chicks pretty much meant u gon get gangraped
now it's all too theatrical

"Went on a 2 day bender with my ex-gf and then got arrested for DUI with .26 blood alcohol after driving about 800 kilometers.

Her and I were best friends with benefits after breaking up, so every other weekend we'd hang and bang, drink like fishes, slam some coke and terrorize her dad on facetime, along with an unnecessary amount of driving. We would kill upwards of 80 or more beers between the two of us most weekends. We're not very good for each other.

One weekend she had left her purse in my car and asked if I could swing by in the afternoon and drop it off. I had a date that night so I said I'd drop it off on my way. Instead we went for coffee and she started talking about this guy that lead her on for a few weeks only to blow her off. She was pretty upset, since that's usually something out of her bag of tricks. We decided to start crushing a few beers. I called off my date. Then we went to the bar. She went home with some random guy, then called me up less than an hour later asking if I wanted to eat her out, so I . She kicked the guy out because he wasn't too great in bed. I obliged to bang her on and off for a few hours and then passed out at her place.

We woke up the following morning and went to the liquor store for another 24 before breakfast. It also seemed like a great idea to take her for breakfast in another town about 2 hours away. So we drove and fucked our way down the highway,and said fuck breakfast let's just get beer the next town over. So another 24 made its way into my car and down our throats.

A couple of hours later we made it to my hometown. We banged in front of my old place and visited a few places from my childhood. We didn't stay long after that, since she wanted to visit one of my friends who lived 7 hours away. I thought it was a grand idea, haven't seen the guy in years. So we stocked up on some more beer, filled up the gas tank and pressed on.

I made the final highway turnoff towards our desitination, which was another 400 kilometers north. I stopped to take a piss and we got into an argument. I can't remember what it was about but it ended with her in the driver's seat. Her license was suspended ages ago, but she's a pretty talented driver. Like weaving in between cars at 170km/h talented. I wasn't even sure that my little Kia could go that fast until that day.

Unfortunately my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere. We swapped seats. I called my insurance company to swing by with some gas. The cops arrived instead. They took one look at me, wearing a t-shirt and her sweatpants in the middle of the winter inside a car filled with empties and decided my fate. I was only locked up for about 6 hours. I blew .26 at the station so I imagine I was completely shitfaced when the cops arrested me. I had to call my mom to pick me up.

I don't drink anymore."

this is the beginning of the end of the cougar story and hopefully the beginning of more fucked times to come.

nice enough trips and goodnight everyone

You guys are fucked

Goodnight b bro

i'm gonna call that a blessing as i peace out. i feel like i've settled some things by releasing this greasy turd upon the somewhat public

but yeah you're fucked too there lahey what are you doing up at 7am reading about user's bullshit hobo stories

>i guess i'm not driving
fucking lol