ITT: times you freaked mom like the jokester

ITT: times you freaked mom like the jokester

>be me
>get home after a long day riding around on the train, staring freakishly at cute girls
>take off my purple joker dinner jacket and throw it humourously onto my bedroom floor
>notice how worn the fabric is
>it's covered in rips and brown stains and still reeks of the time I spilled one of my piss jars on it
>pick up the jacket and inhale deeply
>remember all the funny times I've had wearing the jacket
>put it back on, one last time
>one final joke
>stride hilariously out of my room
>travel up the corridor
>creep into my mother's room to ask her to drive me to the shops so she can buy me another white dinner jacket I can dye purple
>my mother is on the bed, four fingers plunging furiously in and out of her quivering vagina
>she's shocked but too close to cumming to stop
>about to back out but the jacket infuses me with the spirit of the joker
>leap onto the bed and whip out my phimosis encrusted dick
>stab wildly at my mothers engorged labia, ejaculating my dark grey semen all over her hand
>collapse on top of her, whimpering "m-mom's gonna... f-freak"
>take the jacket off my face
>I'm actually lying in a gutter
>covered in shit and garbage
>my mom kicked me out six months ago due to my NEET lifestyle
>pop the collar on my crusty tie dye dinner jacket
>point my fingers to the stars like a gun
>fire the gun and bring my finger to my lips and blow
>"See you, space cowboy..."
>tense my bowels as hard as I can and shit diarrhoea down my legs for warmth as I roll over for the night
>it's going to be a long winter

>last week
>mom makes me tendies
>"I made these from scratch, they're much healthier than those microwave ones you eat all the time"
>when she leaves the room, give them to the dog

Ha ha dumb bitch

D E V I L I S H
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>mom makes me paint my room
>write "ur a bitch" on the wall first
>she never finds out

Ha ha dumb whore now it's there forever just like she's a bitch forever for throwing out my ICP sheets.

This is just too insane!

>mom tells me to get off the computer and go to bed at 11:30
>change the time 15 minutes behind
lol

You went too far man

>stepdad calls me into his den
>tries to tell me some bullshit about how even though he's not my real father he still loves me as though I'm his real son
>roll my eyes
>"So what you're saying is you're in love with me?"

Pffft, what a faggot

>wake up one day and decide to get mischievous
>get one of those plastic spider rings and cut the ring part off
>tape the plastic spider to the wall
>call mom into the bedroom, tell her there's a spider
>she freaks out

>memorial day
>grandpa takes us to the Vietnam War memorial
>"Hey gramps if these guys were so brave how did they get beat by rice farmers?"
>he just sighs and turns away from me

Stupid old fuck no one even cares about Vietnam anyway lol

>mom asks if I'm going to get a job
>"yeah"
>"I'm so happy for you. You know your father and I just get so worried about you, always alone down here and--"
>"--A BLOWjob!"

You better damn believe she freaked.

hey. that's not cool dude.

Dud, not even the Joker would do that. He loved his mom.

mom?

are you freaked right now?


here is mine

> go to the gym
> crop dust all the cardio bunnies
> leave because im too intelligent to lift weights

>at the vape shop
>my droogs (been calling them that since January when we saw Clockwork Orange) Pauly and Cheeto are chilling
>Pauly asks if I want to try this new juice
>it's cherry vanilla
>tastes sweet as hell
>I load up a cartridge of pineapple flavor and tell Cheeto it's cherry vanilla
>he coughs so hard his fedora comes off
>the droogs know I'm unpredictable like that so it's chill
>my mom comes in from the arts and crafts store
>she's pissed off that j was smoking
>tell her I didn't smoke
>says I'm a good son and she'll make extra tendies tonight
>she doesn't know that just because I don't smoke doesn't mean I didn't vape

dumb bitch maybe if u were smarter dad wouldn't have left

>mum tells me that my dyed green hair looks stupid
>plan revenge
>go to the kitchen and empty her black pepper shaker
>fill it with white pepper instead
she hasn't used it yet but she'll freak when she finds out

...

That's fucking nuts man its gonna look just like salt

a person this naturally strategic is going to lead men and change history one day

i am a little afraid of you to be honest

>stride hilariously out of my room

kek

>at school
>learning about world war 2
>teacher puts on holocaust footage
>I start laughing halfway through
>sent to principals office
>sent home
>mom is driving me back
>"Your great grandma lived through the holocaust, I thought you would have some respect for your past."
>"FUCK my past."
>she tries not to cry for the rest of the drive

Women right?

>this fucking thread

Letto
>What a Rascal!

whats the big deal? it didnt even really happen

LIGHTS
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CAMERAS

>mom works at home so i'm never alone and never have free time
>have a curtain over my doorway so she doesn't walk by my room quietly while i'm shitposting and watching porn
>take my adderal and get a massive boner
>masturbate with my door open and my mom working in the room next to mine
>don't wash my hands and make her a drink as she requested when she rang my good boy bell
>she doesn't even catch me

...

D A S T A R D L Y
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What do you guys think of my new pants?

Don't let mom catch you wearing those!!

ABSOLUTE INSANE

>About to cross the road
>Don't look both ways
I don't give a fuck

Dude that's legitimately dangerous, you could get seriously hurt

>this thread

Has joker posting gone TOO FAR? I'm seriously scared by some of you guys.

>be at church
>everytime the priest says "Jesus" or "the lord" I whisper "fuck you"
I think my mom heard me but I dont care, i'm legit crazy

I think the role is starting to affect Letos sanity. He went too deep.

> priest tells congregation to close their eyes for prayer
> i keep my eyes open

>put mom's name in my phone as DUMB BITCH
>when she rings me up at school to let me know what time she can pick me up I always roll my eyes and tell my jokester clown posse "hold up lol, that DUMB BITCH is calling me" then I'm super rude and sarcastic to her because I'm so euphoric and reject all morality and social norms

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
A

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>Go to bed at my agreed bed time
>wake up and get dressed and ready for school
>brush my teeth
>do my chores

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

wow you went too far on that one

This guy is off the rails everybody avoid replying to him, for your own safety

>mom's friend Jamal is over
>dad's off in his shed (probably cos he hates niggers lol)
>Jamal fistbumps me on his way up to mom's bedroom
>flip him off and whisper "dumb wog" under my breath after he's gone
>run to the bathroom to wash my hand with anti-bacterial wash so I don't get coon cooties

Looks like the Joke...
*dons sunglasses*
...was on him!

>be me
>everyday i put flour on my face and look in the mirror
>abeautifulday.mp3
>cackle manically as a use a knife to eat my cornflakes
>feed the dog...catfood
>at school i lift my bag over my head ten times before going into a room to show my strength.
>you think your crazy, just try messing with me
>years of pent up psychological issues being reinforced by social isolation
>i listen to system of the down really loud to get into character.
>wear shiney loafers and purple dress shirts
>see kid with batman shirt on
> walk up to him
>girl comes close, his gf
>i look at him straight in the shirt,
> he knows the power of a twisted mind
>he keeps walking as a pass him pretending to laugh and talk with gf.
> we both know he came very close to dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight.
>go home, watch dark knight twice before saying my prayers to the green god, who i am a vessel for.

>shit pants.
>walk dinosaur with spaghetti and then eat the spaghetti cos 3 fiddie memes and lol
> end.

>2011
>be 15
>want Tyler the Creator/Odd Future tickets
>don't have job
>ask mom to buy them $25
>she says no because I broke some guy's window with a baseball and mom had to pay it off
>get pissed, kick my door and call her a cunt
>sulk in room listening to tyler's song "kill people burn shit fuck school" and get inspired
>steal antifreeze in garage and pour it in her morning coffee the next day
>she grabs it and puts it on the table
>have a moment of clarity about what the fuck I'm about to do
>just before she drinks it "accidentally" bump into her
>coffee spills everywhere, she's pissed, go clean it up
>she never finds out about it

I'd appreciate it if you were to censor the o in w*g we're not all as madcap as you

>Looks like the Joke...
>*dons sunglasses*
>...was on him!
this isnt even how this meme works

Is this actually true

MOMS GONNA CROAK!

>be 14
>dad tells me to mow the yard
>only mow 95% of the grass

>mum tells me to get a job and pretending to be the joker
>stupid bitch ill show you whos pretending
>asks me to make her a coffee
>proceed to make her coffee but with one important extra ingredient
>whip out my dick and piss into her coffee
>serve it too her
>mmmm user this is great thanks
hee hee hoo hoo

Holy shit dude.

ABSOLUTE MADMAN

>we are supposed to be on our knees
>my bottom is so fat in those narrow benches that it still sits on the bench, it's almost as I'm sitting while we are to be kneeling
>no one notices

S N E A K Y

Holyshit, is there someone that really use these?

>feed the dog... Cat food
Good lord I haven't laughed that hard in a while

>peed in a plastic container
>wrote Apple Piss on a sticker
>put sticker on container
>put container in the fridge at my work place
>made sure only the Apple word was visible to someone looking in the fridge

Mom's gonna freak! She works at the same place I do.

I would love it if Joker actually said "mom's gonna freak" in the movie.

>go near tattooed bearded biker dude
>ask him "When you ride, do you go at your own pace?"
>I run away laughing
>Go At Your
>I called a scary Hell's Angel biker gay
>I'm an absolute madman!

>mom tells me to bring her some tap water
>I bring mineral water instead

>mom ask me what I want for lunch
>I say pizza rolls
>I actually wanted tendies
Looks like mom's been tricked again! HAHAHAHA

>be me
>shit myself

>be a server
>customer ask for a couple of napkins
>i bring 3
Muahahaha

>be britbong jokester
>vote for Britain to leave the EU
>£££ devaluates and government goes into ANARCHY as soon as the results come in

Mum totally freaked.

>go up to a bunch of black kids
>try to concince them that their race is shitty
>get beat up and put in hospital
>mom STILL dosent know I browse Sup Forums

YOU FUCKING DISGUSTING JEW

>Not using sperm

I didn't know this could get better.

>lel I'll use a 3 hour chart to make the drop look super scary

gg kid

These are all pathetic.

>friend posts #blacklivesmatter
>tell him #alllivesmatter

Hee hee hee ho ho ho

You don't get the joke
That is genuinely fucked up.

>not spitting on them before giving them to the dog

and you call yourself a joker

>at school
>get assigned book report
>I pick Huckleberry Finn because I can say "nigger"
>teacher thinks I just like Mark Twain

Wait'll they get a load of me!

>mom says dinner will be ready soon
>sneak into the kitchen and eat a cookie
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH JUST TRY TO STOP ME

>go to laundromat
>i wash my socks with dark clothes

>at breakfast
>mom asks how I want my eggs
>tell her I want cereal today
>"What kind"
>"serial KILLERS"

WELCOME TO THE MADHOUSE HA HA HA HAAAAA

>kid annoys me
>kill kid
>Leave his body on the front proch of his house so that his parents get arrested
>They get death penalties and his brother goes to juvie for being an accomplice

>mfw

>memorial day weekend, no class on Monday
>when I leave, tell everyone at school "see you next tuesday!"
>see=c
>you=u
>next=n
>tuesday=t
>called people cunts all day
>got away with it

WHO'S REALLY RUNNING THE ASYLUM, THE INMATES OR THE GUARDS HEE HEE HEEEEEE

>the Suicide Squad song isn't by 30 Seconds To Mars feat. Will Smith

What were they thinking?

I'd say "it's not 2005 anymore" but then again it doesn't seem the producers knew that either.

Why'd you paint your face, bro? Why you being the Joker duude??

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan

>mom crying in the kitchen again
>lol dumb bitch
>take the last tendies of the batch
>scream at her to make more as i go back to my room
>come back for more tendies at 3 am
>she is gone, so is the car
>its been 2 days, she is going to pay when she comes back

>Dinner time at the Jokers household
>Brother has brought round his GF so wear my best purple dinner jacket which perfectly goes with my pale skin from hours of indoor jokering
>get called for dinner and skeddadle into the dinner table whilst doing a funny walk
>pull a chair out for my brothers new gf, as shes the first to the table
> She goes to sit down pull the chair back full force causing her to fall
>Bangs her head on the dinner table as she goes down, realise this prank is too funny
>Begin to laugh manically as I skip into the kitchen where the rest of my family of jokers reside, try to tell them the story but my hysterical laughter is too much so can't get my words out
>Family leave to the dining room and I hear a loud shriek from mummy joker as she finds my silly prank, army crawl back into the dining room and roll around laughing
>Dads checking her pulse whilst screaming for an ambulance, guessing he wanted more people to see my prank
>Brother punches me like funny guy he is and I fall in a comical fashion
>Turns out my bros gf split her head open and died from the trauma, all for a hysterical cause
>Posting this from my mental asylum where I plan my next great prank hehe

i'm fucking dying

>there are people who eat oven-baked/microwaved tendies instead of owning a small personal deep fryer

absolutely despicable

>been a big joker fan
>at college
>decide it's time I get my own Harley Quinn
>kidnap cute blonde aussie girl from my class
>use chloroform, so she pass out
>put some make up on her face so she looks like Harley
>smile at myself because the torture to turn her insane is about to start
>start jerking off to her face
>but the tip of my dick on her mouth
>feelsgood.jpg
>laughing like a madman
>hear a noise
>pic related
>it's da bolice
>FUG
>they break in
>arrest me
>meet my nigga Tyrone in prison
>we plan a riot
>when fighting ensues we escape prison
Worth it.

>post #blacklivesmatter
>'not to me' think to myself though
Do you think my friends suspect something?

You know as painfully awkward as that was to watch, those guys were being as nice as they could given the circumstances.

I guess some men really DO just want to watch the world burn.

I expected a twist where she bit off your dick.

that bitch is cute who is she?

>Do you want to know how I've got those scars?

>called someone reddit because I disagreed with them and I was losing an argument
>abandon thread permanently
Now they'll never know I was from rebdit all along. They're going to keep refreshing for those (You)s, but what they don't know is I'm long gone.

Mom cant eat pizza now hahahaha

>be me
>at the mall
>take the down escalator...BACKWARDS

WHAT'S THE MATTER MR. AND MRS. CONFORMITY? SYSTEM SHAKEN UP MUCH?

>everyone upsetti