Can't sleep. Depression's getting worse even though my troubles finally seem to be turning around. Thoughts of suicide almost daily, but no motivation to end it because I'm holding onto a shred of hope that it might get better.
How often does it actually get better?
i'd say most of the time when you tackle the issue why you're depressed and make that hope become reality. but never when you just wait until the hope fades away.
Straightening my life out. I've screwed up in the past but I'm making it right.
I'd rather take the high-stress life I had than what I have now, it's only gotten worse in the past three months.
why not take a middle road that isn't as stressful? both extremes are awful for your mental and physical health.
I don't know, I cycle. Just depends on how distracted I get. Kind of sad that my "better" is escapism when I unintuitively prefer to be pondering/writing in depressive realism.
This is supposed to be the middle road. Living low-budget while I use my new job to get my finances back under control.
The problem is, going down the road I'm on will fix all those problems. But my mental state continues to decline.
I'm... Bored, I suppose. Not even very interested in my hobbies lately.
what do you mean with low budget? are you only buying stuff that is necessary for living? how much longer until you're financially stable?
High enough I can afford a little extra gas to hang out with coworkers, a bit for hobbies, etc. but not dropping excessive amounts all over.
I'm only about 4 months from stability. I wasn't in TOO deep, never built up too much debt. And I'm working full time.
ive also been contemplating suicide since august. nearly did it on new years eve but i want it to look accidental and i wasnt sure i could pull it off with the plan i set up. i don't want anyone to know how miserable i am even when i go, i just want to be gone.
only suggestion i have is that you need to find a new inexpensive hobby that excites you again. obviously living a financially healthy lifestyle is much less exciting than throwing out money left and right but that is just not feasible over a long amount of time.
>i don't want anyone to know how miserable i am
user, that is the worst thing you can do. depression is extremely hard to get out of on your own. people who care about you want to know when you feel bad because otherwise there is nothing they can do to help you.
i dont want to be helped. i know how contagious the effects of mental illness are. i just want to stop being alive, let my friends and family grieve that and that alone. i want them to think i died happy, albeit unexpected.
Good luck trying to pull that off, man. If anything keep writing to us on b. At least you won't go unheard.
Hey bro, at least you have friends.
I've alienated my entire family basically so they don't give a shit about me. I'm an absolute fucking retard who can't get his shit together. My little brother apparently has the courage to attack me. My life is emasculated and over lol but I'm still kickin...
I know how you feel. I wouldn't say im depressed because I don't do self diagnosis and not really suicidal, but im not happy at the same time, im great at faking it though huehue :D death just seems more appealing than life, it's inevitable anyway. Death is also more exciting, what if there is an afterlife? Maybe a perfect version of this world? I've never believed in that shit but it would be cool to find out, if there isn't, it's still a win.
Nobody really cares trust me. You'll Be another meme for a few days and then forgotten like the rest.
Just like that little girl that hung herself. Now people just make jokes about her. Just do it pussy. Spares us from reading weak shit like this.
Life sucks, then you die. The earlier you come to terms with it the better. We're wired to look for problems thats why people are stressed and depressed no matter how rich or poor, popular or unpopular they are. Meditate, go do some exercise, or read a book. Its just your brain chemistry thats out of wack, go fix that.
I know the feeling... just come to terms with it... unless you're fucked then probably juat die alone
I had bad depression because of a shit job and bad sleep. Got help for the sleep and felt better. Got a better job and feel normal now.
That's not the same for everyone, but some people's depression is a big stew of problems. Start fixing them one by one and slowly get better, but you don't have to do it alone. I didn't want to burden anyone with my 'mental' issues--just be a man and deal with it--but there is no coming back from suicide and you don't have to be miserable every moment of the day. I thought, fuck it. Being a pussy is better than being dead.
I just told my regular doctor that I was feeling depressed and had pain all the time. He got me on some sleep meds, depression meds and pain meds. That got me going well enough to work on other things in my life. Later did about 6 months of EMDR therapy and it helped with subconscious bullshit I was carrying around. It took several years but now I'm off all meds.
Again, everyone's depression is different, but get help. You don't have to live like shit and people do want to help.
Also, don't listen to people who've never been depressed. I told a nurse once I was dealing with depression and she asked, "So, there are times when you are just sad?"
No, bitch. I feel like I have no soul and my life is worth as much as that tissue you just threw away. Sad? I wish I was fucking sad so I could at least feel something!
Real depression isn't a sadness, it is a blackness, a void. But know it is mostly chemical and subconscious, and you can't get out of it by looking at cat posters or thinking positively. Get help from people who know what depression really is.
So long as you're not at the end stages of some terminal degenerative disease, usually.
>waiting for it to get better
>implying it's not your responsibility
Pull yourself together and take charge of your life. Because it won't improve until you do that.