How to stop seeking people's approval ?

How to stop seeking people's approval ?

I feel like i have the symptoms. I'm very efficient at work and brag about it, i'm also smart and i like when people knows it.

Those behaviors suck i know, i try to think about it, rationalize, i went into my past and i know i was that kind of child whose parents were never satisfied enough.

Today i bragged infront of my coworker of how i was the last hired and yet the one who makes much money, always top at reaching goals and it made him mad. And i understand why.

Pic unrelated.

Stop doing whatever it is you're doing you douche

I feel like i don't notice when i do it. Also how to lose an habit ?

People will start punching you in the face. It'll work itself out

Yeh well i was doing this as a joke. Wasn't meant to hurt anyone. But when i saw my coworker mad it kinda made me question myself and want to stop.

Stop seeking your parents approval fix the root of the problem

You're a narcissist - you need a psychologist or counselor for mental help to change your behaviors and work through your issues.
If you're unwilling to change, regardless of what you say or acknowledge, then there is nothing that can be done to help you. Willingness to change means making that appointment and going to therapy.

How do you do that ?

I have no money for that. I'm willing to change but i can't pay.

The fact that you are aware of it means you can change it. You just need to be hyper conscious of your state of mind. Most of the actual acts of you bragging probably happens more or less subconsciously, which is why you are having troubles stopping.

You need to make a point each day to stop yourself from talking, and to only speak when you have gone over the words in your head first. Seriously. The secret is to stop talking, period, until you have learned to have more tact. Don't say a word out loud unless you have thought out the entire sentence and asked yourself "is this just bragging? Is this validation? I won't say that."

It will be one of the hardest things you have ever done. You will begin to build much stronger relationships with your peers if you are successful, however. No one, NO ONE, likes a bragger. You will end up isolating yourself from your peers if you let it grow.

Realize that you are one of 7 billion people on earth and not a single one of them give a genuine shit about what you can do unless it benefits them in some way. People don't care about what you think so you should care equally as much about what they think.

Then you're unwilling to change.
Have a "nice" life.

Thanks for your answer user. Great advice. Also i feel like i need to stop comparing myself to others and mind my own business. Sometimes i brag because they say that i don't work much and it kinda makes me mad, i dont like when my work is criticized but maybe they do it to balance with all the bragging.

why do your feelings on this topic matter? That is the wrong approach.. think through it, use logic, instead of emotion, feeling about getting approval is just an endless spiral, because it is emotion chasing after emotion.

Logically think.. what do i want to accomplish? and find the means to do it.

Ask them if you can

I had a major personality flaw growing up (severe anger issues, would turn on and off like a switch).

Mom almost took me to therapy for it, I was convinced I had nothing wrong with me and therefore made no effort to change.

It took a long time of soul searching, and eventually I realized on my own that the anger I would feel was without a doubt unnatural. It was unfounded, wrong, and destroying my relationship with my parents.

Once I made that realization, every time I would feel that anger build, I'd have to make a very concerted effort to stop, step back, and ask myself "why? Why is this getting me so mad? It doesn't make sense to get this upset over this". And I had to do that over. And over. And over. Until finally, it became more natural to me to NOT get mad, think about the situation, and let go of the anger. I have become such a better person, in every aspect of my life, since I have done this.

I wrote the other long post too, I just wanted to give you my story

You mean like, pursue an objective ?

yes, that is what i mean, pretty much.

>I'm also smart and I like when people knows it
>knows it
>smart
Pick one nigger

Thanks for sharing user. I'm gonna try that, go to work and remember i should not brag. Also focus more on people maybe.

...

They may be, especially if you do it frequently. Most people try to chip at egos like yours, because like I said, no one likes that. I suspect is that they see the bigger picture, while you are so caught up in yourself and your goals. You may work hard, but how much of the work you do only benefits yourself? You're work may not be as team/Enterprise driven as others, but because of your self centered ways you can't see it. This is just a theory, I don't know you well enough to make that assumption as fact. But it's worth considering. Remember that everyone around you also has hopes dreams and ambitions, but they don't parade them for the world to see. Everyone is the main character in their own stories, in their own lives. You must respect this fact, do not try and make everything in every situation about yourself. Looking good to others is not the goal of life. Loving others and supporting others, while also accomplishing your own goals, is the balance we should all strive for in my opinion

I believe this is a classic case of The Dunning-Kruger Effect. Essentially you are no more than an idiot who thinks he is intelligent.

Another thing too user (I'm the guy writing these long ass posts)

If you are serious about this, and really want support from your peers, be brutally honest to them. Tell them you have become aware of the fact that you brag often. Tell them you want to change it, to be a better team player, to be able to support others. Ask them to help you, ask them to call you out if you start bragging again. Maybe just do this with some of your closest CO workers.

But doing this will do wonders for your relationships. It takes an incredible amount of maturity to admit you have a deep personality flaw like this. And even more courage to admit it to others. People will respect this, and respect you more for it.

I dunno user, i was tested with an IQ over 130 (french wais iv test) which mean i'm gifted. I mostly tend to think i'm not efficient enough and that's also why i brag i guess, to seek approval on if i'm really that good. Because on my own i can never really believe it. I always see myself as a failure no matter what ive done, i feel like it's never good enough.

What the fuck kind of made up shit is this thread talking about? Must be femanons in here

Thanks for this post user, i agree with everything you say.

I'm always willing to improve myself. I will tell my coworker about this issue. He's a cool guy, has his own issues i know about, never judged him about them so i can expect the same from him.

Stop being a woman. Problem solved.

It is. Men don't act like this.

You've never had to deal with a delusional narcissistic piece of shit before? Consider yourself lucky

You've found the root of your entire problem right here in this post.

You know you are smart (and that's fine to know, I know objectively I am smart too). But intelligence is not wisdom. It is simply a measure of how well you CAN learn, not how much you know. The longer you live, the more you will realize that you know so very little. All of us do, no one has all the answers. Not even the greats, not Einstein, not tesla, not Elon musk, no one knows it all.

But you feel like you constantly fail, that nothing is good enough. Why is that? It's because you have conditioned yourself for outside validation. I bet, if you think about it, that you hate yourself.

But user, I can tell you right now, that you are a good person. I can tell you care about others, I can tell you are ambitious and goal driven, and I can even tell that you work hard.
I don't even know your name, and I can tell that. So why can't you see it about yourself?

That question is rhetorical, I know you probably can't explain it. But I want you to look at yourself real hard. I want you to realize that you have already accomplished many great things. You have a job, you have an education. You have a career, and goals. You have great capabilities for learning. You even have empathy to some degree.

Now you need to learn to love, starting with yourself. Write some small things down to accomplish today, even things like chores. Then look back once you've done them. They are done, right? And you did a good job? Then that's something to be proud of. That's something you and only you have accomplished. You aren't worthless, I can see the worth right now. You have to see it too, before you can truly change.

damn, am i really on Sup Forums right now?

Man.

Liz Vicious ain't what she used to be.

You are, that's why I still like this board. I can see all the dank memes, call some people faggots, and have a fine day. But every now and then someone posts something authentic like this (it could be fake of course but I don't really care) and I feel like the right thing to do is give authentic answers back. We are all people here, b or not, there's a real person on the other end of that keyboard. And I care about people, it's very important to me

That sounds like a good thing. He may open up about his issues. if he does, try to fully support him and do all you can to help him. You want to feel good about yourself? When you commit to helping someone else, and you make a difference in their life... Nothing will bring you more happiness than seeing them grow. It is a happiness that pays itself over time and time again.

Thanks for this user, really means something to me.

I'm glad user, I wish you all the best in overcoming your issues. It will be incredibly difficult, the change has to come from within. Your entire mindset will shift. But you will be so much happier my friend. You can do it :)

How does pissing people off = seeking approval?

Sounds like you are an insecure bitch, who's so unsure of himself that he needs his own approval constantly. Hence the bragging.

>i'm also smart and like when people know it
kek i'm sure youre dumb as fuck

>Today i bragged infront of my coworker of how i was the last hired and yet the one who makes much money

>I have no money for that

I've screened your text as a reminder man. Really made my day.

I'm glad user! Knowing it did made mine :D